|Reviews for A Manufactured Reality|
| Enigma2187 chapter 39 . 11/25/2018
Oh hey! You updated again. Nice to see that you're back. Now there is substantial amount of improvements on this chapter. There is alot more dialogue being thrown around that helps better understand what the people are thinking. The tension on trying to escape custody got my heart pumping lol. But damn it Michael you missed your shot! And since when Natsuki know how climb vents lmao. Good chapter man, I hope everything is fine on your end. Take care.
| Enigma2187 chapter 38 . 11/19/2018
READY! SHOT OUT!
Hey, sorry for the immense delays, I was focusing on writing my fic and doing personal assignments. I finally got the time to write a review for you. That is if you are still out there. In any case, I am still dropping this for you.
Hmm, I gotta say a little more work on the scenery would pain a better image on what is going on in the background. But it works well, since you are trying to move to the plot.
And yeah there is a bad feeling everywhere smh, and guess what? A FUCKING SILENT ALARM GOD DAMNNNNNNNNNNNNNN
Lets yeet over 38!
Just a little thing I wanna say, the names are getting more and more distorted as they move closer. Nice touch I should add lol.
AND OOF THAT BOI IS GONE I KNEW HE COULDNT HANDLE THE ILLNESS SMH LOOK AT HIM BLEEDING OUT LMAOO
Hmm, I know you are having a hard time finishing up I would really like to at least finish your fic off. Lots of authors have stopped writing almost a half year ago, and never gave the courtesy to finish their work. I encourage you that you the same. Don't let procrastination or unmotivation get to you. I am counting on your next chapter. Good work and good hunting, dude.
| thatoneguy chapter 38 . 11/3/2018
harry potter here, im going to find it because OH NO MY NIPPLES are right ITS COMING MUUEHHHHHH ME HARDER
| Enigma2187 chapter 34 . 10/22/2018
Alright, let's get started!
To start off, I gotta say you really have improved from the very beginning, the text is a lot more spaced out and easier to read. Spacing also makes some actions a lot more dramatized, which a good thing to see.
God damn this dude is on some freaky shit lmao. This is why we don't take drugs kid. And to relieve this drug rush is to think of Monikammm.
The feelings they have for each other was cute, even though it was pretty short. Kind of sad that he is on the edge of death tho. Again, the scenery and spacing you have used in this chapter help bring the desolate yet nostalgic warm feeling you are trying to bring out. Nice work. FUCKING MONIKAMMM.
Chapter 35! Let's go!
Right off the bat, without much info we can tell that this is indeed MONIKAMMM. I should take notes on how to detail a sort of... "wistful frustration", if you get what I mean. Can't have one-dimensional emotions at all, nope, no way. I definitely going to need nail that later. Great work on that.
Aw, the reunion between the two is so sweet! Too bad someone had to cry... Ah what I am saying? A happy moment turned dark, almost immediately.
Maybe you should detail a little more on how happy they felt when they are reunited, or possibly add a little dialogue between the two to tell the audience how much they missed each other. But then again, this is coming from a guy that writes too much dialogue lol.
Wait no ah shit it can't end like that! I need more! Luckily there's the next chapter haha!
Chapter 36 lets getti!
Holy shit, this guy is missing her really badly. Everything about this girl is sparking some Monikammmm neutrons or something, lol. And when he goes into the bathroom, he is fucking right. That dude is GONE like his sanity? GONE.
Alright, we leave the bathroom. Now I am little confused on who exactly is speaking. Is it back to back? Cause right now I am thinking that Nutty here is saying dude to Robbo here. Personally, I think that is a bit out of character to say. Personally, I think it would go: "You had a panic attack, so I decided to you get pancakes. You're welcome, idiot." Or something like that.
AYO HE IS INFECTED GET HIS ASS, THIS DUDE IS COUGHING UP BLOOD
Oh, that was an interesting cliffhanger. It ended with a fucking FUCKING MONIKAMMM.
Alright, so here's my criticism. A little more dialogue would be nice and alongside some dialogue improvements. Your way of conveying the irrational thoughts and scenery is great and I can only hope to attain that.
Anyway, I awaited your next chapter. Keep it goin.
| Enigma2187 chapter 35 . 10/19/2018
Sorry for not reviewing, for the time being, I was busy with real life. Expect a review on the chapters I have missed!
| elementalheroshadow chapter 35 . 10/17/2018
i feel like i should be giving more reviews, but it seems so redundant to just keep saying "i like it, here's some typos i noticed, here's a question that isn't going to be answered" lol. i'm in no way saying you HAVE to interact with people who leave reviews, you more than likely have other stuff to do/are a busy guy unlike me. just would be nice to discuss somethings is all. keep up the good work regardless.
| Enigma2187 chapter 33 . 10/12/2018
Huh. That was an unexpected turn of events, and the release of the climax is getting close. I like how's it going so far, the bloodbath is pretty detailed. Though the protag is like mf John Wick lmao. That's good because it makes it more tense and more action packed. One more thing, the soft reset looks very similar to how I used it back in my older fic. I don't know if it's a coincidence or not, but it don't matter since I'm just putting it out there lol. Give em hell Jordan, keep it up.
| elementalheroshadow chapter 32 . 10/11/2018
getting the negative out of the way: several misspellings, wrong "pray" (the one you used is "prey," a hunted animal. sorry my reviews keep being like this, i'm trying to be more helpful with my comments than i used to be and being a proofreader is part of that for me)
and agreed, things are getting exciting. looking forward to the next one :)
| Enigma2187 chapter 32 . 10/11/2018
OH HECK THEY ARE GONNA GET GUNNED DOWN. Your way of building suspense is nice. And I'm getting angery that you have cut the chapter off at the best part. Also, I have noticed that you have spaced out your fic alot more, I like that since it makes it easier and clearer to read. (At least for me.) It provides a bit more of a cinetmatic experience if you get what I mean. I'm waiting till tomorrow for your next chapter where they fucking die. Or not, and you know, plot armor. hehe. See you then.
| AU Administration chapter 9 . 10/10/2018
Ok, so far, here’s what I got. I’m a little confused, so, maybe I got it wrong. IDK.
His friend told him to play the game and he agreed.
He played the game, went through all Monika’s dialogue in Act 3 5 times, and saw the hyperlink in the P.S.
He followed the coordinates to the location and found her, shutting off the machine, and escaping from the gunfire that followed. She’s having flashbacks to how she was plugged in in the first place, because apparently her mom told her to go, and her dad died, and she has some sort of ‘special powers.’
Now she’s sleeping with him.
Did I get it all? Because, I think I’m way far off. I am, aren’t I?
| Enigma2187 chapter 30 . 10/9/2018
Well god damn! Alright never thought that people who have been working in such secretive projects will lose their humanity! To be fair though, that is realistic in shady organization that expect the utmost dedication, as you have detailed so much in your fic. And Jesus this dude has a good layer of plot are or to survive that whole ordeal and carry Sayori out. Also that biker scene was oh... Don't get me wrong I have been watching lots of horror lately and it made me think of something gruesome. Eugh. Anyway, as usual keep up the good work. It's nice to see you have recovered.
| elementalheroshadow chapter 30 . 10/9/2018
i was about to get on myself for apparently forgetting the word "different" in my last review, but a little ways into this chapter i saw you forget a couple words here and there, so i'm likely fine lol. liked the new chapter, keep it up.
question though: did you ever explain the letters randomly being swapped with numbers? or is that just because of what i assume is multiple layers of reality and the fic itself glitching?
| elementalheroshadow chapter 29 . 10/8/2018
just found this fic as a result of, on a whim, looking for another ddlc fic to follow, and i was instantly hooked. it's got some problems (like really strange misspellings. actual ones, not the british thing of putting 'u's in random words lol) and weird moments to be sure but i sat down and spent the last few hours reading the whole of it because i love it and can't wait to see where things go. this and "world beyond the screen" are two fics i desperately want turned into mods with full art and character designs. keep it up!
and i'd also love your advice on my fic too if you get some time, it's setting up some weirder stuff, but in a very way. we can talk through pm too, i have more detailed thoughts on your story and don't feel like leaving a 5 page review lol.
| sonic chapter 28 . 10/3/2018
I liked the chapter!
| no chapter 14 . 10/3/2018
ok i give up telling you to give up