|Reviews for Narcissus in Bloom|
| Helios734 chapter 1 . 5/26
Twists at the end like those always make me blink. Then the gears start turning and what I once thought was a Square turns into a nicely done Circle. A great usage of Foil Characterization throughout the one-shot!
| Appna chapter 1 . 4/20
Fantastic, I incorrectly allowed some seemingly innocuous statements pass by until the end. It was at this point that the entire fic soured in my mind and it became disturbing. It felt like a trap, where I was just as ignorant as the narrator. I just hope this doesn’t say anything about me being narcissistic. Though given how easily this gelled until the end I wouldn’t doubt it.
| An Author's Pen chapter 1 . 3/21
You write this sick pov so well it's entrancing. The justifications layer on so smoothly, the creep from unstated desires to their fulfilment . . . I loved how you've expanded on the ralts sensing people's emotions/true natures lore. The only ralts that stays to be captured by him is one that can grow from twisted emotions.
The last few lines from her perspective were stunning. They also stand in great contrast to the narrator's. He spends the whole fic talking and justifying, never able to see past his own self-justifications. Shiromuku, who spends the whole fic silent, in four lines upends his narrative, and rewrites the story on her own terms.
I also like the choice in title - as if Narcissus's reflection fed off of him, and in the end triumphed.
Your writing is always tight, but in this fic especially all the choices of wording and phrasing feel very deliberate and certain similes "moves like a cloud" "like air moving through a dry red" were very effective.
| For45Why chapter 1 . 3/8
Stop spamming a flame review/Telling people what to do with their own god danm stories.
I can't believe how many reviews your little dumb group keep pulling out. Most people choose to ignore/block you when really there enough prove to get your accounts revoked ten times over. What's worse is you keep thinking yourself "Better then everyone else" and really your not.
Your basically a bunch of story Nazi's who really need to be taken down a peg.
| Discord123 chapter 1 . 3/8
You know your account can be REVORKED if you and your friends keep spamming peoples reviews/linking to your thread right?
Yeah that can happen. So stop it.
| Mai-danishgirl chapter 1 . 3/8
Well this has some wonderful understated horror.
I had a feeling something was wrong when she showed up like she did, considering the clear indication of the trainer's nature, but man, the pay off was more than I had foreseen.
| guest chapter 1 . 3/7
I think its better to call this "Narcissism in Bloom"
After all you are a pretentious douchebag.
| Keleri chapter 1 . 3/7
"He'd named her Shiromuku."
(le googles) "The Pure White Japanese Wedding Kimono"
"gently correct." "pruned away mistakes" "demure gardevoir"
"He's good for her. He's always been so good for her, and this just proves it further."
"All they wanted to talk about was why he refuses to see anyone these days, how wane he looks, wouldn't he consider getting out more?"
OH HO HOOOOOO
Super disturbing, and I love the reversal.
| lstwill56 chapter 1 . 3/7
Let me get this straight. I have meme avatar, I am a Neo-Pagan, I disagree with you and somehow that makes me a Neo-Nazi?
Great that's a huge jump in logic. No seriously you just assumed "He most be a Nazi!" just like that. You asked nothing else.
Yeah that totally not something a asshole would do... Oh wait it is!
For your information I'm a Social Democrat... you know what Social Democracy is?
Shows wht you know.
| MeganSH052 chapter 1 . 3/7
I'm sick and fucking tired of you bullying other people on here asshole. Oh and your boyfriend 's Fire too! Both of you get a life and get off of here forever! No one cares about you and him!
| Rose and Thorns chapter 1 . 3/7
I'm going to go out on a limb here. You know the summary is barely worth it. The story fells kinda generic if underwhelming.
Also the tendency for you and your friends to review other's people work like the way you all do is pretty annoying, if not outright hated by many. In fact you just got three or is it now four reviews on this matter.
You should really stop before people start organizing your removal.
| Fire4Heaven chapter 1 . 3/7
[His acquaintances started to send him odd looks. They'd say it was odd, or that he should train his pokemon equally, or some other gripe, but she was just a helpless little ralts when he got her. They didn't understand what she needed. They didn't understand she didn't need him to let up a bit. She appreciated everything he did.]
Sounds more like you just ripped a piece of your story and not a actual summary.
Your story has nothing but bare substance
Oh and you still haven't learned to stop getting in other people's stories and are now using guest reviewers that are very likely your friends is a desperate attempt to feel reverent.
STOP TELLING OTHERS WHAT TO DO. I can't stress this enough but you and your little group are literally hated because your arrogant assholes.
| Dragon's Blaze chapter 1 . 3/7
So are you still going to keep posting the same annoying reviews telling people what to do like always?
Cause we are sick of it.
| CuteCat213 chapter 1 . 3/7
He raised and perfected his own Yandere stalker. Nice.
The line that stands out most in this is the 'It is in constriction I expand' and it is HAUNTING.
Few little picks, though. You have several tense clashes, and one mistaken word.
(of the moon) have a progressively smaller part of its visible surface illuminated, so that it appears to decrease in size.
I think the word you were looking for was 'wan'.
(of a person's complexion or appearance) pale and giving the impression of illness or exhaustion.
"she was looking wan and bleary-eyed"
| Give it a chance chapter 1 . 3/7
Right, well, that was an interesting chapter. You do have a way with words, but I can't help but feel a tad irked. Even though you probably didn't mean to, it seems that this fic is just pandering to that crowd that seems to enjoy imagining Gardevoir in romantic situations with humans. I can get where that comes from, but come on; it's just really uncomfortable to think about, don't you think? I am curious as to what Shiromuku's true intentions and colors are.
But, another thing that kinda bothered me was how you paintend her as a Ralts. I've seen you leave reviews bugging people about how they don't make people and Pokemon as equals, but here you're just painting her as a defenseless Pokemon who can't do anything for herself, even if it's just her trainer seeing her like that. Sure, most wild Ralts only know growl, but once they get over that, they're super strong, even as just first evolutions.
And that the "master" part only come up when she was a Gardevoir only meant that the guy treated her as somewhat inferior in her upbringing than just constantly coddled and pampered. It's out of respect, yes, but also makes her seem a bit off. Seeing as though Gardevoir can sense human emotions, you would think that she would be comfortable finding a middle ground to talk to her trainer openly and settle the whole master situation. Also, her personality could have been something more than just the pampered princess who falls in love with her master; it's just a bit cliche, no? Even if you make her into somewhat of a yandere or whatever.
And I don't think you really had to stress that she was shiny. A shiny Pokemon can be a thing of envy, yes, but at the same time, I wouldn't think that people would be so quick to judge a trainer just because he has a shiny.
I know I'm nitpicking you apart, but I just don't see the appeal in non-platonic relationships between people and Pokemon. I love Pokemon as much as the next guy, but there's just something off about doing that kind of thing, even if you are going to do a twist on it.
Also, since you're not giving the main character a name, it kinda feels like a weird self-insert story, which isn't everyone's cup of tea. Certainly isn't mine, I can tell you that.
Other than that, I will admit that you do have a way with words. Now I will try to fight you on your little "rules" that you seem to insist here on ff net. Feel free to ignore it, but at least read it through.
I get that you're trying to help young writers better their skills and grammer, but at the same time, you're really putting a cork on their visions. This is FANFICTION, not something claiming to be some literary masterpiece. Things written here are (mostly) written for fun and enjoyment. And some of the little fics that you criticize and break apart appeal to a certain niche that really enjoy them. I get that the dialogue and grammer things can really be annoying sometimes, but if you can read something and understand it, and importantly enjoy it, you shouldn't have that many qualms with their writing. You can give them a little note about the grammer and formatting, but not a whole wall of copy/pasted text that feels empty and rude.
A lot of people get discouraged when they see that someone doesn't like something that they put effort into. That's not to say that there aren't fics that don't put effort into them, but for those that do, just give them some room to breathe. Some like and absorb the tips you give them, but others take it as an attack on them, or feel that they're no good enough because ALL you mention is the bad things you find. There is good in everything, I feel, so would it hurt to at least drop a compliment somewhere along the way, instead of an "I appreciate that you [did something the way I like it, even though it is a topic of debate amongst people of its fanbase]" when you find it? It comes off as rude and pretentious, and I know that you've had people tell you this already, but it can't hurt to hold your tongue sometimes when you see that something has potential, right? That's why I kinda like the phrase "don't like, don't read" when it applies.
On the topic of capitalization, I know that you have your own view on doing it to Pokemon names, and that you have your very own thread for it, but just step back and realize that you're fighting a fruitless battle. It IS a matter of preference since there is not official rule to capitalizing names. I understand what you're saying about proper nouns and all that, but at the same time, this is FANFICTION. Everything on this site is FANon, not true to the actual source materal. It's fine to have your own views, but to shove it down the throats of people who disagree with you and insist that you're correct when there is no truely correct way of doing this is just plain infuriating. You're just asking people to fight with you, and that you just shoot them down so easily and claim victory in a squabble that you instigated is just immature. No one from Nintendo has come out and told fans how to write Pokemon names, so just drop it. You're not wrong, but you're not right, and the same goes for everyone else. You didn't create Pokemon, so stop trying to insist your views are the way to go about things.
And you seriously waste your time with reviewing things that you know you will have issues with. Yes, fics in the Pokemon archive will have its flaws, but think about its fanbase for a second. It's mostly young children and young adults. No one is claiming to be a top tier writer! Stop acting so haughty to a bunch of people over the internet about something that has no real bearing on your real life, for fuck's sake! You and St. Elmo's Fire both have this problem. What do you do with your life that you "take it upon yourself" to correct other people here?
Do you really find enjoyment in doing this? Do you do it because you actually care, because you're bored, or for the lols? I mean, there are a bunch of other fandoms in far more dire need of your "help" than the Pokemon one. Have you checked out things like the Frozen Rise of the Guardians or Total Drama Island archives for a laugh or two? Well, if you did, you would be having a field day, you and St. Elmo's Fire both. Littered with bad grammer, typos, send your own oc, author's note only, and script formated stories, you would be a godsend to places like that. At least Pokemon has some very well written fics.
Your reviews might hit home to some people, but a lot of other people couldn't care less about what you think. You're one person who decides to spend rheir time perusing the Pokemon fanfiction archive to point out issues they find in them. Great, productive, wonderful, good for you. The way you write your reviews, and how many you spit out make you sound like a rude jerk, troll, or flamer to people. Would it really hurt to not be such a crusader for your own stuck up cause that no one really cares about?
People come here for stories (some good, some bad), and you're just sucking any and all life out of here. And you don't even hit some ones that deserve your so called help. I mean, have you seen the gross stories about some immature dude's fart fetish on here, or any other thing like that? Try knocking people who are asking for it, nor people who are actually trying. I mean, do you even check back to fics that you've reviewed, or do you review and dash?
Once more, this is fanfiction. I mean, if you're going to complain about script format and "random" capitalization, then if you had the chance to go back in time, would you walk up to Shakespeare or Edgar Allen Poe and grill them on it? Some scripts do have potential, and even if it's against the rules, be a little kinder with it. Capitalization is for more than proper nouns and the beginning of a sentence; it also denotes importance of a certain phrase, and yes, even Pokemon.
Just let people have what they want here. For those that mean no harm and actually try, I mean, which is a majority. I mean, I'm sure that I'm not the first person to fight you on this. Do you revel in riling people up like this over a video game series? It's not worth it.
I know that I'm hiding under the guise of an anonymous reviewer, but I really had to get this off my chest. There are very few people who do what you do, and many don't appreciate it. I used to check the reviews of fics purposely to find reviews by you, St. Elmo's Fire, Northstar Pokeshipper, and others like that just to laugh at how absurd what you're doing is. But, now, it just makes me feel sick thinking that there are actually people out there who do this kind of stuff recreationally. But, I mean, you can't exactly call yourself a big man when you're hiding behind a username over the internet. I mean, I'm doing it too, and I admit that I'm a coward by doing this, but, I mean, come on!
I hope you're not actually just laughing at this review.
Thanks if you read this through and didn't just delete it immediately.
Also, if you want to hate me, read this assuming that I'm being serious, Farla:
I see you like Undertale and Steven Universe. Makes sense that you're this type of person.