|Reviews for Harry Potter and the Servants of the Grail|
| Kongking94 chapter 7 . 9/21
Yeesh The Wyvern sections need some serious work. They are murder on the eyes
| Midgardsormr Jr chapter 7 . 9/21
Yeesh! Overkill much Shirou? Also best teacher Scathatch is doing her job. Nice!
Now If I may borrow from one of Doomsday's Hero previous reviews.
You should take a look at Harry Potter and the Eclipse Princess of Black Blood. Specifically the world building and making the Deathly Hallows Nobel Phantasms and having the powers of their myths and HP Cannon. Now I have one question.
Will Harry and the Golden Trio gain mage craft and will they become Average Ones?
Also if Harry goes down the events of the books and obtains all his cannon powers and if the HP and Nasuverse are merged I can see him being a Servant by skill and fame in the future which would freak out the Magus Associations and the Clock Tower, while giving Wizards a metaphorical pat on the back to brag about to themselves. Harry can be a Saber due to wielding The Sword of Godric Gryffindor on numerous circumstances, and Harry can be a Rider with his Broom Skills, Riding Thestral's, A Dragon and riding Buckbeak. And finally Harry can be an Assassin due to his Cloak of Invisibility, and obviously a Caster.
Can I make one suggestion? It is for Harry gaining Magecraft.
Harry's Magic's: I would love it if Harry learned how to use the Runes on the same level of The Hound of Ulster as a Caster class Servant.
Now in both the Type Moon and Harry Potter worlds their are Runes and with Harry personally Runes have played a massive role in his life so it could be possible if properly implemented. Also it would be awesome that when Harry is training his butt off and finding possible spell combinations with his Wizardry, Formal Craft, the Jewel Craft styles of Rin and Luvia, Tracing, and Rune Craft. As well as, Gandr, Seidr, Celtic and Druidic Magic befitting the mythos of Merlin as an Old Celtic and Druidic religious figure, the times the Vikings sacked the British Isles and Harry's British Heritage and how Merlin shaped the Wizarding World and helped form Camelot and was a student of Hogwarts in HP cannon.
Now you may not know this Magecraft revolves around manipulating concepts and ones potency and development is determined at birth as a student of Magecraft style and powers are determined by the elements they can use and their earliest memories AKA their Origin. So for Harry's Origin it should be Sacrifice as it would fit cannon Harry and his parents sacrifice to save him and what Harry is willing to do to save Wizarding Britain. Also Harry has to an Average One as Wizards due not have any limits on that path of magic but his best elements are Air, Fire, Aether and Light and gets the opportunity to learn under Merlin himself as gains most of his powers and abilities, becoming a truly powerful force of nature and him being seen as the second coming of Merlin.
Now to balance it out, for Wizards it is just a suggestion to follow their Origin and not the end all be all like it is for Magi. Also if Ron and Hermione gain Mage Craft powers they must also become Average Ones as well to keep things fair.
Here is an updated version for Voldemort and his new powers. Voldemort has to keep all his cannon powers from all the books but also has to transform himself into a true nightmare. So I expanded on that idea. Voldemort has to incorporate the powers of a HP and Type Moon Vampire, a Bogart, and a Dementor, along with learning Dark Magic's such as Voldemort learning Necromancy, Norse Magic, Celtic Magic, Dark Greco/Roman Magic, all these spells from the Age of the Gods. The various powers of the Giants from the Gigantomachy of Greek Legend and the spells of the Titan's like in God of War 2 and Voldemort gains the powers of the Dark Creatures that he pit's against Harry in cannon to bump himself up the food chain and become the monster the Wizarding World sees him as and a legitimate threat to Servants.
Voldemort should have the venom of the Basilisk as his blood and in his teeth which can kill most people in a single bite, the killing gaze of the eyes of the Basilisk which he can turn on and off, drain the blood, souls, and all emotion and happiness of his victims like a Dementor and Vampire to power himself up and recover from injuries, and to restore his magic. Voldemort also now has the brute strength and magic resistance of a HP Troll and HP Giant. Voldemort can also take the form of what his opponent fears most like a Boggart and draws strength from fear, and like a snake he can shed off his old body to restore himself at his best but only with intense concentration so it is useless in a fight.
Voldemort now also has a healing factor and can also regenerate his body without outside help such as limbs, bones, and vital organs but it takes time and if you include Voldemort's Horcruxes he will not be able to die unless those are destroyed. Voldemort when he get's the Elder Wand should also learn to use dark matter, and gain ESP and Telepathy and learn dark voodoo(see Doctor Facilie from Disney's version of The Princess and the Frog) Voldemort must become more of a humanoid abomination who is the symbolic devil to Harry's savior just to be a better foil and the nightmare of the Wizarding World!
Voldemort must become a Monster that gives Servants and Hardened Magi a reason to pause before facing him, and be the kind of creature who needs to go as his existence is a violation of the natural order and whose legacy after his fall will inspire other dark forces to reach greater power and seek out his remains to become even more powerful and they gain Voldemort's powers added to their own if you decide to go into sequels. Also seeing as both the Type Moon and the Harry Potter series have an afterlife, you can implement where ever Voldemort's soul in case you need to bring him back as a Anti Hero/Heroic Spirit with the Throne of Heroes making his mark on the Magi and Wizarding communities as a true Dark Lord and the Harry Potter series have an afterlife, with the Harry Potter world having Heaven, Hell, Limbo, as well as the Greek Elysium Fields in Harry Potter
Now for the cherry on top of this nightmare of a cake. Voldemort should take the skill's of Zouken and is somehow given Magic Circuits and have the powers of a Type Moon and HP Vampire but finds away to cure himself of the undead affliction of both series Vampires but keeps all the powers just to give the middle finger to Magi and the Dead Apostles as well like Dust of Osiris from Melty Blood by becoming something more than a Dead Apostle and simple Wizard or Magus.
| Orochi323 chapter 7 . 9/21
I think I stained my eyes when you got to the actual Task. Everything up to that was good though
| Doomsday Hero chapter 7 . 9/21
Okay, the point where we get to the Wyvern Fights is nearly unreadable, you need proper spacing!
| Kaiser Dragon chapter 7 . 9/21
Oh crap. Shirou is not messing around! Yeesh! Also I do have to ask, why did Scatty(my nickname for Scathach) choose to pop in? I know Waver decided to help out Harry but why her specifically?
| Thunder Dragon chapter 7 . 9/21
Why did no one tell me this was updated!? Okay rant over. Time to work.
The last parts of this chapter were our heroes face the wyverns had their sentences packed to the point it hurts my eyes and their are several misspellings. I can still read it and it is good action. Other than that I have no criticisms
| Ice 88 chapter 7 . 9/20
OVERKILL, lol I loved the chapter even if it was short, in the future pacing would help a bit, and just a little more detail, vant wait for the next chapter good job here, keep it up!
| AmethystPone chapter 7 . 9/17
"Trace On!" - That is Shirou's focus chant. Not Trance On.
As for Calabolg...That damn thing is a Mini Nuke, that is way overkill for these "Dragon". It would vaporize the dragon like in this chapter, AND it would also vaporize everyone in the vicinity of the "stadium/arena", especially as a Broken Phantasm.
Kanshou and Bakuya are C rank Noble Phantasm with Bonus against enemies with the trait of beast. It increases Shirou's Physical parameters to some degree, and increase his magical resistance to C rank. They are enough already. to deal with the so-called Dragon (Nasuverse's dragons tend to be almost literal Forces of Nature that press down on the area around them with Mana they generate just by existing. These Dragons aren't anywhere near that).
(Even F rank NPs are better than any normal mystic codes and mundane objects in some shape or form if not entirely. That is the nature of Noble Phantasm. Only a few mystic codes being comparable to NP, and they are the ridiculously unique things like the Jewel Sword of Zelretch, or made by Powerful Beings, or empowered through near a decade like the gems that Rin used to take Berserker's lives and Rin's medallion that revived Shirou)
As for needing Rin's Mana...How many years was this after the war? His Magical Circuits should be healed somewhat by now for him to be able to Traces NPs and broken them several times without the need to use Rin's.
In front of so many people, while normal Research-Magi has a tendency to boast their magical feats, Shirou and Rin (And combat-oriented magi) would be less likely to pull out the higher-end shenanigans when the more mundane things would be enough.
In direct combat, No wizard could ever hope to defeat a Magus specialized in combat.
Against Researcher types, they would have more chance, but even then, all magi learn self-defense to a decent level, enough to deal with thugs without resorting to magecraft, or to hold their own against other less combat-oriented Magi, plus all the little tricks and HAXs that those researchers have.
On a side note: Excalibur's Light represents Mankind's Light. Their hope, their dreams, their prayers, their will, their wishes for miracles, for Salvation, for Glory, for Victory, for Greatness, for Goodness, for Love...They are NOT JUST "Lazer Beams of Light" that can blow away a city at full power if not focused, and I hope when that is pulled out, those aspects can be represented in someway. Because that Light is a beautiful thing, not just a "Imma FIRING MA LAZOR" meme.
| Guest chapter 6 . 9/16
I’m waiting :( when is next chapter
| Guest chapter 6 . 9/12
待ってました！もといI was looking forward for your story!
| Rankin de Merthyr chapter 3 . 9/12
This story seems fun but I can't get into it.
Putting aside the grammatical errors and, well, no offense, amateurish writing, the story doesn't take any established rules of either universe so the xover seems like mishmash combination of the two universes. I mean, why would Gaia specifically target Magi's magecraft and not Wizards magic? The author states that he would clarify this later, but to me it just sounds like an excuse.
Furthermore, Wavers plan is to "act like a normal student" but it would be obvious to anyone that they're not, especially with them having openly summoned Servants. Do you seriously expect Voldemort, who has gone and raised his own set of Servants, would find it incredibly odd that the Magi summoned their own? Heck, if he's half as smart as he was made to be and has knowledge of the Moonlit World, then he should know the Throne of Heroes, and The World would not take kindly to him summoning Servants without the use of an artifact like the Holy Grail. Also, isn't he disembodied at this point? How could he possibly summon Servants?
Sorry I got into a rant there at the end, but yeah.
If I had to say what the biggest mistake the author has done is "skipping to the fun part". He has not made any world building at all and simply forced two Fandoms together for his own version instead of elegantly combining the two to make it seem coherent.
| Rankin de Merthyr chapter 3 . 9/12
- Dumbledore didn't gently asked Harry if he placed his name in.
Your basing this on the movies then? You should point that out, as HP fans are rather finicky about that.
| Rankin de Merthyr chapter 2 . 9/12
Actually, Dumbledore was one of the few people who cared very little for Voldemorts name and was the one that said people should fear his name.
| Rankin de Merthyr chapter 1 . 9/12
Never mind my comment about grammar seeming okay. There are a bunch of them now.
| Rankin de Merthyr chapter 1 . 9/12
Needs a Beta. Periods and commas are missing and then when miss Smith got introduced, we suddenly find out she loves books and music. I mean, introduce your characters, sure, but this is just blatantly 'telling and not showing.'
Grammar... Seems okay? I'm blind to small erroneous grammar mistakes since my mind automatically corrects them before I can even properly picture the scene for a smooth immersion.