Reviews for A Fish Out of Water (ASOIAF SI) |
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![]() ![]() ![]() Seems like everyone forgot Sansa exsts |
![]() ![]() I wonder what will happen in the Vale. Littlefinger doesn't have the title necessary to marry Lysa. The moment he reappears officially Stannis will call for his head, and while Lysa obviously won't care it won't help his position. He will probably wait for a opportunity to present itself. |
![]() ![]() I am not sure whether sending Patrek as envoy is good move, but to be fair I wouldn't know who to send instead either. The only people that I would trust to do the job right are simply to valuable to send away. Having said that this particular mission doesn't require a especially competent man, since the chances of an actual alliance are pretty slim. However the chances are very good for Doran to decide to do what he can best: Nothing. I mean why would he? In canon he could have at least destroyed Tywin's legacy. Was is there to destroy here? Tywin is dead. So are his three children and two of his grandchildren with the one remaining in the wind. Clegane and Lorch are either dead or prisoner (I honestly don't remember which) and likely to be executed if the latter case. The Lannister armies are broken, the Westerlands are now weaker than even under Tytos reign. Their only saving grace is nobody is currently interested in the region, through Euron may well decide to attack both the Reach and the Westerlands as things stand. In short there is little to gain in getting involved in this mess. |
![]() ![]() ![]() great story |
![]() ![]() ![]() Fun! Your writing improved significantly between the start of this story and the most recent chapter. Only nitpick here is why Edmure didn’t write Dany a letter. Hoping that specific phrases like ‘mummers dragon’ will make it to her specifically seems like it should have a back up plan. |
![]() ![]() ![]() Enjoyed the Arya scene! I was worried Ed wasn’t going to go talk to her directly - that would have been a disaster when she eventually took matters into her own hands. I like how you had their conversation go. |
![]() ![]() ![]() Arya! I admit it is fun to see how your changes are rippling. |
![]() ![]() ![]() I like the plan here, with Renly. It seems plausible in terms of everyone’s motivations. |
![]() ![]() ![]() Damn! That’ll throw a wrench into the timeline. Sorry to see him dead though. Hopefully the imp will turn up in your other story. |
![]() ![]() ![]() I like the changes you’ve made. I can already see them echoing, between Bronn and Cat having guards. I’m glad you’re aware of some of the issues with the OC and I’m glad he’s self aware. That mitigates some of the frustration. |
![]() ![]() ![]() My biggest problem with this so far is my perception of Edmure being inconsistent. One paragraph he’s unsure if he’s allowed to give orders to his own men. A page later and he’s cheerfully ordering someone to pop off and bring back pyromancers. He’s heavy handed to the point of satire. A child could see through some of his schemes (like keeping the Maester out of his fathers room) and frankly I’m surprised they’re going along with it. He’s cheerfully acting on information from the books that he hasn’t tried to confirm. Far too confident in doing so given that... he’s either a complete idiot who doesn’t realize there’s still a lot he doesn’t know about HOW things work or he’s an idiot who isn’t trying to figure that out properly. I found him to be a very frustrating character to follow, and not in a good way. If you ever edit this my suggestion would be along these lines: Before the story starts Edmure is in an accident. He dies when no one is looking. This is when your OC becomes him. He’s confused and injured and acting oddly - and once he realizes what’s happened he leans into it. The accident addled his mind. He’s forgotten some things. It’s coming back quickly though and of course he’s still fit to be Lord, etc. then start up your plot. That gives you an out in terms of the problems above. People can helpfully explain things and be patient. Edmure still has to pretend though because he can’t let it look like he’s not fit to lead. Anyway I’m getting more into it as I go! |
![]() ![]() ![]() This one isn't bad, but your writing has CLEARLY improved in your newer story with Eyron. Young OC character instead of an established canon adult character is a better choice, imo. But beyond that the writing itself. In this one I want to shake Edmure after the hundredth time he wonders who Ryger might be. I'll probably skim more of this one, since I want to see where it goes, but it's not as readable or engagin (yet) as the new one. So pat yourself on the back - one hell of an improvement, in my opinion. |
![]() ![]() ![]() Stannis hate and swearing to Dany really made me zone out. Who inherits after her? What will happen with 3 loose dragons after she dies? Insanity. |
![]() ![]() Hmmm...maybe the worst part of not taking the Red Keep is that Edmure didn’t get to kill Varys. Will Stannis do so, or did Varys escape? Also, I agree with your assessment that fAegon is Illyrio’s son. I think that’s why D&D has Varys switch his loyalties from Daenerys to Jon so quickly on the show. George Martin likely told them what will happen in his future books, but because they cut out fAegon and Jon Connington, they needed another person for Varys to betray Daenerys for. Very pleased the Dornish will be entering the fray, finally! And I think they will be the most offended by this “Mummer’s Dragon” taking advantage of Elia’s memory and pretending blood relation to them just to gain power. In that case, with Edmure sending an emissary to the Martells, I hope Doran will decide to send someone other than his son Quentyn. A dragon killing Quentyn for being foolish enough to think he’s a dragon rider would probably put an end to the Dornish support for Daenerys...with this accelerated timeline, I’m hoping Doran decides to send Oberyn and his daughters instead. Oberyn could either play up the uncle angle or he could get on Dany’s good side by taking her as a lover, cutting out Daario’s influence. It would be cool if HE or one of his daughters turned out to be a dragon rider for Viserion! One of his daughters, Nymeria, was born from a noblewoman from Volantis so she would have Valyrian blood from both sides. Also, hoping once all is said and done, Sansa publicly refuses to go back North to the brother who abandoned her. That would be a very public rebuke for the “King” of the North! Kind of wondering whether Robb will believe Jon about the White Walkers now that he’s still alive to hear about them or if he’ll laugh it off as grumpkins and snarks and out the North in an even worse position. With Catelyn whispering in his ear about bastards, he’ll probably ignore it...which would lead to Edmure saving the day by bringing in Daenerys and the dragons and dragonglass. That would lead towards the Northern lords further losing faith in their “king” if him leaving his sister, a valuable hostage, to be used against them when they were so close hasn’t already. |
![]() ![]() With Bronn in Riverrun, does this mean Tyrion will die by Lysa's hand, seeing as he will have nobody willing to fight for him during his trial by combat? |