The ‘Hermione Granger is his girlfriend’ part put me off but all in all, this story’s a genius work of art!

Amazingly written, the quips and humor are in top notch and the grammar itself is good as well. Kudos to you!

The story was decent, then for some unknown reason you decided to ruin it by having Hermione as Harry's girlfriend. There was no reason for that as this could have been purely Harry and Daphne.

I thought this was a fun read, and quite enjoyable. I liked your depiction of Daphne as a wild and take no prisoners witch. I thought her taking down 4 people without any help was done quite well. You also did a good job depicting the Slytherins, particularly in a post Voldemort era. So the story in general was quite good.

I had a few misgivings though but perhaps it is too hard to cover in a one shot.
1) I didn't think it was believable they could take down Harry. I mean he has just beaten Voldemort, he is quite good at DADA. It doesn't make sense that 4 Slytherins would be able to take him down, and strip him naked and unconscious. I mean if they could do that, the war would be over and the good guys would have lost. So I didn't think that was great - although obviously JK rowling also dumbed down Harry a lot in the books.
2) I wasn't sure if Sirius just died now, instead of Book 5. You heavily imply that he died a few years after. I thought that was worth giving a bit more color. Did Sirius die in his sleep, after shagging 3 veela unconscious? That would be a funny image.
3) I liked the hint that harry would tie up all four naked. I felt though the transition from that moment to several years after Hogwarts was a bit too abrupt. I would have liked a little bit of back story in between or at least some more detail about what Harry did, how his 7th year ended - you know a little bit more filling in the empty spaces. I guess it is a compliment that I enjoyed your Harry/Hermione/Daphne pairing and wanted to know more about it.

All in all, an excellent effort at a first story. Look forward to reading more from you.

While I, personally don’t care for Hermione, I quite liked it. Suprisingly good English, considering the site this is on. Well done and keep going!