|Reviews for Jaune Nicol Arc|
| Alvelvnor chapter 2 . 7/7
The writing is getting better by the chapter, I'm starting to feel more emotion from the characters. But I think it would get better with more dialogue and internal thoughts would really clinch it.
| Alvelvnor chapter 1 . 7/7
Also from earlier I forgot to tell you that I enjoyed that your spelling and grammar mistakes were minimal with the only thing glaring I saw was some of the "I'm" statements are spelled like this"Im" its small but stuck out.
All in all fun story and I can't wait to see more, take care!
| Alvelvnor chapter 1 . 7/7
Good story and interesting premis but, you need to work on your pacing and dialogue and line spacing.
Try breaking down your larger paragraphs by putting in spaces between topics and dialogue, for instance when you say that a character says something its best to actually give them lines even if it's ripped from canon its still better than nothing, because as it is now the Beacon crew and a lot of other characters feel tacked on.
| Guest69 chapter 4 . 7/3
I always wonder what WOULD they have done if they got him home. I mean obviously he’s willing to run away, so what? Will they chain him down in the basement? Either way they can’t force him to do anything. Sure, they can kidnap him, but other than that nothing. If anyone has an answer or theory to this please share it.
| KingWombat chapter 4 . 7/3
More Jaune’s father is an asshole. Glad you addressed it so soon. And glad Jaune beat him. Good chapter, looking forward to the next.
| SpriteBlazer chapter 4 . 7/3
Awesome chapter and I’m ticked to see the story points from the lore. I do have to say the first part needs some editing and when you get a chance to look it over. Too many errors to list. The rest is fine though. I was worried that you stopped writing your fic here and am glad to see an update. Can’t wait to see more adventure and hijinks of Janus/Bolas.
| merendinoemiliano chapter 4 . 7/3
Very interesting chapter and badass fight(tough i already saw in recent fights beetween Jaune and his dad in'How to cook a grimm'), but in first chapter you didn't say Jaune's teacher couldn't unlock his Aura? Better if you change the beginning writing thath he unlocked it with some months of meditation and used a spell for hiding it from his family. I can't wait to see how further his bonds with other charachters will evolve, keep up the good work and se you soon. I still hope the pairing will remain singular, just to be sure, and i'm always here for advices.
| lumely chapter 3 . 6/1
a little too fast but that is just me.
Paragraph and spacing when someone speaks, seperates confusion in the paragraphs and subparagraphs
| KingWombat chapter 3 . 5/28
Nicely handled forever fall chapter. I was wondering when you’d update it. Can’t wait for next update. Curious who saw it though (I mean his team was under a spell but still could be Pyrrha I suppose). Either way I’m looking forward to seeing how the confrontation goes. Hopefully next chapter will be out soon.
| merendinoemiliano chapter 3 . 5/28
Pretty cool and nice chapter, same requestions of work.
| Huh chapter 1 . 4/28
You said Jaune didn't have his Aura unlocked, but later in the chapter, he talks about his semblance and Aura capacity like he's had it for years.
| merendinoemiliano chapter 2 . 4/16
This could be interestin, i'll follow with interest and i hope you will use Arkos or Dragonslayer, just no Harem, please.
| merendinoemiliano chapter 1 . 4/10
This could be interesting, i hope you will use Arkos. Good work.
| TheEldestReborn chapter 1 . 4/5
I LOVE IT! Always was hoping that someone would come up with a concept of a reborn Bolas.
| Lazy Author chapter 1 . 4/4
First off, Planeswalker, like walking the Planes. Plainswalking is being unblockable if defending player controls a Plains. It’s an easy mistake to make. Second, that joke about being called God-Pharaoh seems...forced, let’s say. I get that it’s Jaune and he’s awkward, at least in canon, but there’s a difference between “I ‘totally’ know what Aura is, but tell me anyway” and “I’m following up one amusing phrase with a completely unrelated inside joke and somehow you’ll laugh”.
This probably doesn’t sound constructive at all, sorry. I actually like this, despite how my review sounds, what I pointed out is just little stuff that can be cleaned up.