Reviews for In which Hikigaya meets Yukinoshita in elementary
Gilgamesh King of Mongrels chapter 1 . 4/7/2018
This is a one-shot?! Oh no. I need more, Author-san brace us with your superior writing skills and write a continuation to this.
The Quotable Patella chapter 1 . 4/7/2018
This story would have been really well done, if you have changed it to third person POV.

Because, his monologues were way too advanced for a normal elementary schooler, even if Hachiman isn't normal. It feels too unnatural. Hachiman, during elementary school period was still a hopeful naive kid, even though he has been bullied that much. He became jaded, cynical person during middle school. So, whils he might have helped Yukinoshita, he'd not have made himself a martyr over it.

Infact, the thought processes of Hikigaya/Hayama/Yukinoshita were like that of late middle/early high schoolers.

In pokemon fics, even if Ash is dark, smart or badass, no one bothers that much, because that's pokemon! All we want is well described, sensible battles.

But Oregairu is an entirely different story. Realism is VERY important, unless you go complete AU like introducing supernatural elements.

Consider 'little prince' novella for example, it is always described in the POV of (adult) pilot, but not prince.

To write like a child, you've to think like a child, which is admittedly very difficult. That's why third person pov will be very convenient here.

I've to disagree with anon on Hayama though. Canon Hayama is more bitter, cunning, manipulative and cruel than Hachiman or we imagine. His actions during school festival and double date with Orimoto hints us about his actual self.

Despite all these, this one shot was really a pleasant read, a fresh breath to this fandom. I hope you continue this story.
netheraether chapter 1 . 4/7/2018
This is the type of stuff that makes me wanna not write, mostly because I don't feel like I can ever top this.

Also because I get more time to read things like this. But hey, good job. I really love this. some because Hayama gets shit in this. But mostly because I feel like this is what it would be like if they did meet in elementary school, and it would be like him to "save" Yukino, especially since it's hinted(from memory) that Hachiman's change was around the time Yukino went through that.

Once again, well done. And a sequel. PLEASE
RalphZiggy chapter 1 . 4/7/2018
Very sweet, thank you! I think it might be like that... Just imagine start of Sobu High together, two years from now! Sequel would be amazing...
Anon chapter 1 . 4/7/2018
One critique I do have for this is that the monologues are far, far too advanced for a, what, nine year old? One of the main problems of the Oregairu fandom is the assumption that 8man is some cold, dark genius, which he isn't. He's a troubled teenager with no friends and a martyr complex, and eight years ago he would not have been as eloquent as you portray him.
(Yukinoshita and Hayama might be, having grown up in a rich household, but even this is a stretch)
8man would have been, as implied in canon, still innocent if a bit lonely, since his transformation into cynicism and martyrdom happened in middle school, and he would not have acted like this in canon. Another story about this shows him as kind and innocent towards Yukinoshita, which I think is much closer to how he would have been.
Another assumption the Oregairu fandom often makes is that 8man is a reliable narrator and his views on people are all true - they're not. Hayama is not the devil spawn and may even be a better person than 8man.
Nevertheless, your writing is good and I wouldn't deter you from continuing this. Sorry about this wall of text, but I come across these fallacies a lot.
Fanfic Critic chapter 1 . 4/7/2018
This is good. That smile of hers when she said "Chiba" makes me suspect that she will also move there as well. This fanfic was good. But how about making it a two-shot?
Guest chapter 1 . 4/7/2018
Interesting concept. Really looking forward on how you continue this story.
Guest chapter 1 . 4/7/2018
This is really REALLY GOOD. PLS CONTINUE THIS
name chapter 1 . 4/6/2018
I hope u make sequel of this story sir
Ficreviewer chapter 1 . 4/6/2018
I demand a sequel to this. This is too good to be a one shot, the way you portray Hachiman was very interesting and your writing style is very unique and intriguing, you might as well make a light novel. So about Yukino's character here, I have no more words other than I'm amazed and how accurate you portray her.
Overall this is what all I can say. Please make a sequel to this story it's pretty amazing to see this story grow into a fine piece of literature or story.
The Mighty Zingy chapter 1 . 4/7/2018
To be honest I was slightly disappointed when I read this was a one-shot. I for one definitely want a sequel to this, even if its another one-shot.
GigaProminence chapter 1 . 4/6/2018
I really really enjoyed reading this. It was well written and it feels like it could actually be canon lol. I'd love to see this continued but it's ultimately your choice
Molomar chapter 1 . 4/6/2018
This was such a great story! I’d honestly love to see some sort of sequel of them meeting in highschool or something along those lines!
TheRaiderKing chapter 1 . 4/6/2018
This was truly excellent and am hoping you consider making this more than a oneshot, I really want to know how their high school life would turn out in this AU you've created. You have some serious talent in making everyone feel in character and 'alive', even if it isn't a sequel to this (thought that would be amazing) please continue writing your prose is marvelous. Thank you for the oneshot hope there's more to come.
Cris266 chapter 1 . 4/6/2018
Bonito capítulo entretenido 11/10 ...Podrias hacer una secuela con una yukino Yandere que no permitiría que nadie se acerque a su hachiman porque fue su primer amigo y quiere ahora ser algo más
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