if you make draco powerful then do the same with harry

No doubt they will all have corporeal patronus too even if it's stated over and over that few people ever master the spell.

One of the most hated scenes is the Blood Quill not because it's so gruesome but because it makes no sense. Harry never holds anyone at fault for not helping him. In fact he goes out of his way to absolve them of it. Yet in all your stories you recreate it almost directly from the books. Along with fantasticall ideas that she'd get away with it if he came forward.

Everything you give yo Harry you give to Harry.

Harry gets better at spells.
Neville gets better at spells.
Harry gets a girl.
Neville gets a girl.

If you switched their names they don't have a lot to distinguish them.

I'm unsure what to say. If you read this one then you read pretty much the other story you wrote with the same problems.

Too many couple's. Everytime I have to get dragged into yet another couple I don't care about I want to scream. A story should be sharply focused not a diffuse cloud of random people.

Drama should have both a purpose and an aftermath instead you have things happen and instant forgiveness. I feel that we get explosions with no purpose or continuity. If he's betrayed he needs to be upset, if he's hurt he should be angry. Anything less creates a massive disconnect that flattens the story with boredom.

Descriptions are great things, use them. What do the kids look like? What do they wear? how do they talk? Telling me someone is Wear ng nice jeans and a sweater is like pointless if I don't know the color, fit, and type. You are the eyes of the reader. It's your job to see for me not put that job on me. I have no idea how anyone looks not Daphne, Tracy, or anyone else.

Didn't letter in the first chapter said that she has black hair? :D

I'll sing for your...

I was expecting at least a fight from potter, kill joy

why you make daphne raven hair...i just love Blondie

I've only read the first few paragraphs but seriously wtf? One sentence from a man harry doesn't trust in the slightest is enough to make him doubt someone he loves so much that his world crumbles around him and him to fall to his knees? Then he's reassured by Ron?

Loved this hope you think about carrying it on its so good it should have a full ending

small error in this chapter. first Harry is at Breakfast and looks upset, later he was never seen at breakfast.

Cool story so far
But they all miss, that in chapter 1 she said she has black hair? strange

Great story! On to the sequel!

This, and what has to follow is why I've always considered OoTP to be Harry's worst year, DH notwithstanding.

Maybe Daphne and Tracey can school Harry and Neville how to cope with Umbridge. I can only hope so.

TGM