|Reviews for Betrayed|
| ProTaggingProperly chapter 5 . 2/10
Nothing dark about Harry at all.
1. Harry will never forsake Magic. The British Wizarding community, yes. Magic as a whole, no. Magic did not betray him. His people did.
2. Lots of magical communities wherein he can alter his appearance and blend in. (e.g. The goblins (Gringotts) could care less of Harry's status and he can work for them in anonymity.)
3. Sirius Black betraying Harry Potter? He is loopy enough, he will side with Harry. As a teen, he disrespects authority. He will always give Harry a benefit of the doubt.
4. Oaths, vows and veritaserum, anyone? Hiw about LEGILIMENCY?!
5. "...you will be sorry." Quote from HP's farewell letter in chapter 1. What a scary childish threat. Not at all fitting from someone who was greatly betrayed and coldly seething about the injustice done to him.
6. Why leave? Revenge is living better than your betrayers where they can see while tormenting them as much as you can. This Harry is more a martyr than canonHarry.
| ProTaggingProperly chapter 1 . 2/10
"...you will be sorry." Whoa. A very scary childish threat. I can't help but snark about it, no matter how much time had passed since this fic was last updated.
| Doug Hiser chapter 23 . 2/5
Its still a crock and you know it. terrible piece of work from an obvious fractured person.
| Bank Eakasit chapter 14 . 1/30
I'm waiting for epic starwar moment... kidding XD
| Cwhit930 chapter 26 . 1/23
Enjoyed the story thanks for the share.
| charliea.wood chapter 26 . 1/6
Love it so much and the ending was brilliant what a perfect way to end the story
| noxenrom chapter 1 . 12/13/2017
I shuddered so hard.,..the cliche is making me feel ill
| The Final Faux chapter 26 . 12/10/2017
I like how oh-so-wise Harry is in his final letter. You're a traitor for abandoning those who've abandoned you? Errr, no. That's, uh, not how being a traitor works. The Wizarding World has been screwing him over since he was born up until he chose to leave it. He was quite justified in doing so.
Also, abolishing the rights of Merlin's Staff. That was dumb. It also makes him a hypocrite. "This much power in the hands of a person is bad, no matter what great and inspiring changes they can bring about with it. And no, I won't even allow it to exist as a failsafe in case the Ministry becomes corrupt. Just gonna abolish it completely. Yolo." Nothing would have changed if he didn't have its power. Admittedly his reputation as Harry Potter would have afforded im significant legal leeway and respect, but not the ability to rewrite the laws, etc.
But seriously, it feels as if society should have improved without him being there and doing it himself. It felt forced, just like his wife's death -which also felt unnecessary-, into being the catalyst needed for him to rejoin the Wizarding World. I'm not saying it was bad, moreso that it shouldn't have been necessary.
Percy Weasley, while not a perfect leader, was still a man of integrity and moral fiber. After seeing Harry personally stop the greatest threat to the Wizarding World, Lord Voldemort, and then choose to LEAVE THE WIZARDING WORLD BECAUSE IT IS SO DISGUSTING should have left him and those under him with a decent motivation to restructure their world to be worthy of him.
Perhaps under the hopes that their unloved savior may one day return to their ungrateful society.
All in all however, I'd still rate this as a very good story.
| Guest chapter 6 . 12/7/2017
I thought Sirius had to vow never to contact Harry again. Even if he did know it was him, surely magic would have known.
| dhamann7878 chapter 26 . 12/2/2017
Very good story, wish that there was more of the restructuring of the wizarding world
| Roff chapter 7 . 11/26/2017
I realize you wrote this story a good while back but I was just now reading it. I wanted to point out what I saw in your story and hope that it helps with future writing.
You have a decent story but Harry's reaction to his daughter and Hogwarts seems out of character to me based on how you've developed him thus far. Since he's a doctor, a specialist even, who went through his schooling quickly, he's obviously smart. I can't see him not planning or at least thinking about his kids and their magic since he already knew they both were magical. He would have to be an idiot to react the way he did with no previous thought given to it. Also, where was his wife when they saw accidental magic with the kids? How is it possible only Harry saw it? They would have discussed it already if she saw it too.
You have not portrayed him as an idiot like so many female writers do, at least not until this point. I realize that you have a plan for the story and you need his daughter attending Hogwarts to further your plot, but there are a thousand ways to get there without turning a smart guy into an idiot all of a sudden.
If you really need Harry to react badly to anything about magic then I believe you should have set that up better so it made more sense for him to react that way. Up to this point it appeared he was very smart, in control, and had completely moved on.
Anyway, that's my two cents if it's even worth that much.
| Guest chapter 1 . 11/23/2017
Okay, 1. I don't think murder is a big enough crime to land you two life sentences in the worst place in the world
2. I really don't believe Sirius would turn his back on Harry so thoroughly even though he believed at that moment Harry betrayed them, wasn't there a flicker of doubt, even just a little one? and
3. This 'Harry the boy who was betrayed' is dramatic af. I love it. Hope he ends up banging international booty maybe move to some tropical island?
| AraelDranoth chapter 3 . 11/3/2017
Why on earth did you switch to 1st POV? Terrible choice there.
| roon0 chapter 14 . 11/2/2017
So Albus knows, will he be up to his usual tricks tthen?
| roon0 chapter 13 . 11/2/2017
It is about time the David side of Harry realised he was in danger of loosing his daughter.