|Reviews for Khans and Conquerors|
| A fan chapter 8 . 10/5
Hey, I just wanted to check in on this story. I really like it, it's a really creative concept. I hope that you are able to find the motivation to finish it one day
| The 3rd Wheel chapter 8 . 2/13
Can't wait for the next chapter!
| ez-burning chapter 1 . 11/4/2020
I know it's unlikely, but would love to see the continuation of this story :)
| Just call me ZS chapter 8 . 10/15/2020
I do really love your attention to detail on each of the species. Mostly their biology, which I love how you've described so thoroughly. They don't just feel like aliens with the habits and mannerisms of humans, they feel like separate and different races, without going overboard on exposition. So sad this piece seems to have fallen ill. But I enjoyed reading what was available.
| Awsometime chapter 1 . 11/12/2019
I never even stopped to consider what life may be like in the raider clans, but this fanfic gives them so much life! The irony that the awoken clan finds other civilizations to be “uncivilized” is funny, and the less serious, more ‘eccentric’ characterization of the Khan is quite unique and unexpected. The descriptions and word choice is generally spot-on and easy to read. I’m excited to see what you do with this story going forward!
All this being said, I must offer some constructive criticism, as I, personally can’t stand when someone just says “wow that was so great I love it!” Praise feels good, but it doesn’t support improvement, which is why I have a word of advice for this first chapter in-particular:
Sometimes, things are repeated needlessly. It’s not a rampant problem by any means, but it still provides unnecessary information to the reader. For example, when Cari is walking down the path into the center of the chamber. First, she’s described to be following the path, then a fantastic paragraph of description follows. However, after this, she’s then said to be walking down the central path again. This would make some sense if you took the time to add more descriptors. Like “she walked down the [COLOR] path.” Or “she walked down the glowing path.” That’s another thing as well. “She walked” implies she just started walking, but we know by now that she has been walking for awhile. Finally the third repetition finally describes some aspects of the path, but this could have been combined with the starting sentence and eliminated this third mentioning entirely. Such as, “the path she traversed went up a trio...”
There are a couple other examples, but this review is already so long, so I’ll leave it at that. Keep in mind, this may seem like a nitpick, but that’s a good thing! There are so many good things with this story that any large critiques are nonexistent.
Keep up the good work,
| Wuffels chapter 8 . 9/25/2019
Chapter 9 when?
I really enjoy this story.
In fact I enjoy it so much that I consider using bits and parts in a homebrew tabletop roleplay :)
| Missing Middle chapter 8 . 2/27/2019
The plants have some really impressive moves, going invisible and using chemical warfare.
And Modrig does seem like he needs some therapy.
| Heroic Spectre chapter 8 . 2/25/2019
"Not the 'Great' Khan?" Yeah, when you're getting shot at you might skip a few formalities, too.
Another great chapter! Modrig gets his first taste of combat, and Cari gets a prisoner to interrogate. I especially liked the bodyguard's frustration with Modrig's civilian mistakes, like looking right at the flashbang and panicking in the escape pod. It shows the difference between him and a battle-hardened veteran.
I wonder how this interrogation will go.
| Missing Middle chapter 7 . 12/19/2018
This is getting exciting!
Nice details on the Stranglevinians' appearance and the telekinesis training. Cari clearly has got all the right contacts. She comes across as a skilled manipulator/tactician. I enjoyed the dialogues with Fronds of Honeydew and the Nurturer. Some of the lines cracked me up ("We try to recommend our patented relaxation aids, but he never accepts.")
Hope the next chapter comes soon.
| LegendOfPerseus chapter 7 . 12/16/2018
Boarding time! Whoop whoop!
Anyway, love how it’s going so far, the fact that there are friendly stranglevines surprised me, albeit I should’ve expected it, you can’t judge an entire civilization just on their race, there are always deviants.
Also, have the Imari lives in biodomes and whatnot for majority of their lives? Or ships? Their surprise at being on a planet surprised me.
| Heroic Spectre chapter 7 . 12/15/2018
"Please don't kill me!" - Stranglevine Leader. Ha, misnomers are always funny.
Yep, that's how you end a chapter.
| Missing Middle chapter 6 . 11/8/2018
Oh so the Imari didn’t actually blast the Stranglevinians? And Modrig was worrying about their families for nothing?
Cari seems to be picking up Psionics really fast. Wonder what she will do with it?
I really like the Stranglevines part, especially their names and personalities. I didn’t expect them to be so cheery, humorous and intelligent. Do they look like giant plants? I’m curious about their Bark weapon.
| LegendOfPerseus chapter 6 . 11/4/2018
Sweet! New chapter came out really well, albeit, I do have a question, what exactly do the Stranglevines look like? Because the current picture in my head is a glowing Venus flytrap on a four legged walker which looks similar to the bottom of an egg, either way, sweet chapter, I only wish they came out more frequently...
| Heroic Spectre chapter 6 . 11/4/2018
Hmm, still not sure how to feel about Cari. What she said isn't wrong, but it's important to avoid violence whenever possible.
Also, I like the sass on the Stranglevines.
| XCOMPhantom chapter 5 . 10/24/2018
Where is the Human Fanatic Xenophobic Militarist to save the day ?