|Reviews for Unfinished|
| deepinspace chapter 1 . 12/15/2004
Hi Amethyst. Thanks for the hontest comments ) and sorry I can't get back to you direct because you didn't leave your contacts behind.
Yep I admit I'm one less than mediocre writer so I'll be working hard to improve yah )
Thanks for your feedback!
| Amethyst chapter 1 . 12/15/2004
All right, this wasn't too bad, but it wasn't particularly good, either. (Sorry to be so brisk about it, but I flit around here trying to pick up the good writers from the bad ones and salvaging the good writers so that they do not spend their days writing fanfiction, and use their powers of writing more creatively.) First of all, this was much too melodramatic. Yes, they finally find out their love is mutual while the other is dying, but you could have found a way to make it somewhat less melodramatic. The whole idea is cliche. You lack background, as well. Why is Clark's father so angry with Lex this time? What caused him to do this? Why can't he remember? Less dialogue, also. Include some details: What color is the wallpaper in the room? What does Clark's mother's face look like when she is telling them this?
For example: Clark's mother's face was deathly pale. "Clark says something here. whatever you had there was fine." She looked older than he had ever seen her. Clark looked beyond her, to where the trees were rippling in the forceful breeze.
But more detail than that, obviously. Weakly, he brushed away a fallen tear from emerald eyes.
That's a good sentence. Melodramatic, yes, but you chose a melodramatic topic. Detailed, but not detracting from the plot (which is fairly weak).
My advice to you is this: Look around different writing forums online (my personal favorite is , but you aren't quite ready for that. they'd hack you to pieces.). Work on writing things that are not fanfiction. You'd be surprised how much more accomplished you feel after writing a story with characters and a plotline of your own creation, rather than twisting the characters in a television show to do what you want (though that is fairly fun as well.)
Good luck to you.
| acidroses chapter 1 . 7/6/2003
your story rocks! I like lex more now! Oh... he is so cool... _
| AnnabelleOdd chapter 1 . 4/6/2003
Hmm... hmm hmm hmm... While I'm not particularly a slash fan, or a lex/clark fan, I don't mind it either. Very nicely done! I liked how you explained Lex's fascination witht he unknown. I hate assuming Lex is researching Clark for selfish/evil reasons. So what if he ends up an evil villain in the future? (which, i hate that in itself...). You were a little vague on why Jonthan shot Lex... Was it more Wall-of-Weird/"meteor rock" stuff, or did he finally snap, or did Lex to something to warrant it? Oh well, I understand that that's not the main focus anyway... Anyway, good job! I liked it!