|Reviews for same BS different verse|
| TheCatThatCameBack chapter 1 . 7/21
Wtf did I just read?
| Professor chapter 1 . 6/7
Ok dude, repect to your writing but...you are trying to do way too much in too little time right now.
A mass crossover is not a bad idea in and of itself, but the way you have executed it is incredibly messy.
From a narrative standpoint, what do these crossovers add to the story? Why are the ME races following you? What does Fallout and everything else do for you? What does it look like from your character's perspective? Why is the Normandy now 18 KM and how the hell is it keeping together?
The crossovers and setting as you have laid out are undeniably messy, haphazard and from a narrative standpoint bad. We are being told a lot of stuff but we are not being sufficently shown enough to grab out attention or weave a story.
That is not to say it is unsalvageable; multicrossovers like this can work.
For example; instead of jumping right to the SW aspect and such, maybe spend a few chapters not knowing that Q is involved and just have the character react to everything that is happening before Q makes his appearance (maybe tease his appearance every so often). Instead of the Normandy, why not have the Citadel instead to hold everyone; give the character the main command codes to the Keepers and/or Geth (or Catalyst if you want to go with him) and that would give the ME races a reason to follow him. Give him Element Zero production technology (which from a lore and scientific standpoint is completely possible) and combine that with the command over the Keepers and/or such he basically can run the show though not without resistance or reluctance from the ME races which could be a running plot element. Have the place be set up over the Fallout Solar System and use the Zetan Motherships to eventually explore the wider Star Wars Galaxy. Expand on these points, such as the ME races devoting resources to rebuilding Earth and the local humans while coming into contact with Fallout Technology and the implications of which, and the crossover can work; and this is only one possible route. The settings alone that you have laid out have any number of combinations.
All I am saying is, this fic is messy and quite frankly a bad fic but not nessisary a bad idea. I suggest finding an author to give you some points, devote time to writing smaller works to get your skills more refined, research how other authors fanfiction or otherwise write and/or structure their stories; any combination of these would be conductive to improving your writing capabilities and would allow you to write some very great fics.
The idea can work, the writing right now does not.
Thank you for reading, hope you are in an ok place in life.
Good luck in your writing.
| dekuton chapter 1 . 6/9
lotta redundancies. lotta grammar mistakes. lotta spelling mistakes. needs alot of work
| scorpin17 chapter 2 . 6/7
love it thanks for the chapter
| Blaze1992 chapter 2 . 6/7
Huh wasn't expecting for you to have him stop the merc from taking the baby.
| scorpin17 chapter 1 . 5/22
| TheLichEmperor chapter 1 . 5/22
A few grammar and spell problems utger than that this could be quiet entertaining.
| Blaze1992 chapter 1 . 5/22
"Holy music playing"
It has arrived my fellow ME fans for the first time the crew has also be inserted with the SI, and so far it is glorious. Bask in the epicenes of this fic and if you don't like it leave don't bother leaving flames for they will be ignored.
Everything's really good but umm 3 things here.
1st Would've liked to see he getting a few hits in when they attacked him for the Mako.
2nd Why did the SW girls know about him "relaxing" with him but none of the ME ones? Unless those ones decided to keep silent?
3rd I would've liked to see the reunions and peoples reactions to not only being alive but also being cured of their defects.
| davycrockett100 chapter 1 . 5/22
awesome job love it so far kiu
| Carlthompson chapter 1 . 5/22
ok whats going on
| The reaper of death445 chapter 1 . 5/22
There are some spelling errors but overall it is a good start to a new story.