|Reviews for Persona: The Shadow Hunters|
| RosyMiranto18 chapter 8 . 9/20
Phew… okay, I have nothing witty to say, so let’s just go into the review now.
1a. Okay, what do you think looks scarier, Dark World or P3’s Dark Hour?
b. Though I am surprised that those Shadows aren’t killing each other instead of minding their own business.
c. And I guess that White Shadow is from the Fool Arcana.
d. Still, that poor woman’s fate is so terrifying, smashed into blood and flesh just like that. *shudders*
2a. Haha, you know, maybe you should make a single alibi story that can be adapted depending to the situation. That might help.
b. Are you sure you’re staying single for the rest of the story? Because I’m sure that wouldn’t happen. Maybe… *glancing at Hideaki*
c. Eesh, I saw some drunken teachers on fiction but Mr. Ikari is so pathetic. Wait, Ikari? Oh… no wonder he is a Cosmic Plaything, hehehehehe… *glancing at ShinjI*
d. If he’s aware, I wonder if he’s really… ‘manipulating’ the bets’ result.
3a. Uh… I don’t know if it’s a good thing or not, but… maybe you should tell Kanji that you’re the one finding her. At least the IT are honest that they are the one finding here, it’s just the place that is a lie.
b. Sachiko, eh? Wait, don’t tell me that she’s named Princess Sachiko… who died within 5 months from various illnesses.
c. Speaking of which, I wonder where Sachiko’s friend is. And somehow, I think Sachiko will join the Hunters and her friend will be a confidant.
d. Essh, I have no surprise if those failures made you gone jaded, Kaede. I’m honest.
4a. Hey cat, do you have a name? :BroughyFlushed:
b. Wait, Hideaki? What are you doing at the shrine? I know Mashirou’s here, but not you.
c. Ooh… Genkei, are you secretly shipping them?
d. To be honest, is there any Youkai that is specific about phone? Since you know, it’s a post-Industrial Revolution thing.
5a. Uh… I thought the color of purple is more about Psy and lightning is yellow, Kaede.
b. Wildcard? I hope it’s not what I think it is.
c. I guess Kaede is still insisted on doing everything by herself.
d. Wait, since when Anabelle has a chain? And what is it for?
e. And now I’m starting to worry that she foresaw a bad future for Hideaki.
Well, I think that’s everything for this chapter. So yeah, Keep Update!
Ikari Satoshi: 碇 訓
Mikami Sachiko: 三上 祐子
Itou Satsuki: 伊藤 幸姫
Kurokami Natsuki: 黒神 菜月
Itou Genkei: 伊藤 源慧
| Sparky the illusionist chapter 1 . 9/14
Haven’t read it just yet, but it’s great to see other people taking there own spin on a Persona story in some vain. I like it when people do this, and as someone who is also writing a similar story taking place after P5, I will support you all the way. The premise has me excited and that’s all I need!
- From Sparky the Illusionist
| RosyMiranto18 chapter 7 . 9/13
*Checking agendas* Hm… it seems that I have quite a lot of things to do today… well, let’s just keep it brief and review already. Though welcome back regardless.
1. Yeah, summoning your Persona in the real world is hard, yet very rewarding thing to do.
2. To be honest, that consequence is worthy enough to be worried about.
3. *facepalm* Mashiro, is there… any roleplaying where you play as yourself?
4. Though I have a bad feeling with Mashiro’s being a bit similar with Kaede, and I’m betting the Shadow will exploits it just like what happened between Kurumi and his sister.
5. Four? Is it 4 at once for this occasion for 4 for his lifetime?
6. To be honest, playing video games sounds better than having a messy relationship, hitting your own head against the table, and being a dick. Much, much better.
7. Oh, didn’t expect to see Futaba here. Ehm, anyway, who are CoolGuy and TarborDude?
8. You know, something tells me that Futaba trolled him a bit by immediately gone instead of healing him first.
9. Thank you for using the name Jiko-Kagami. Oh, in case you’ve been wondering, as in the other reviewers, the name (自己鏡寺) literally means Self-Mirror. It references the location which is near a lake, reflective surfaces which functions as a portal to the Dark World, and also Persona being one’s own reflection in life.
10. Still, I didn’t expect you to piece that much together, or you already know Satsuki before this whole mess started either.
11. Phew, I’m glad we found the girl alive, I’m really glad. Still, I am hoping that this girl has a name, and having a more important role later on, probably as a confidant.
12. Yeah, you have a hypocritical humor, Kaede, so you have no right to say that. Still, I thought you liked bat more, Kurumi.
Well, I guess that’s all for today. So yeah, looking forward to the next chapter and Keep Update!
| RosyMiranto18 chapter 6 . 8/18
Phew, the last day of my Summer Holiday, and I’m greeted with a fic from this fic. I was wondering where have you been for a month, but I guess your business has already answer that. Well, I hope you will doing well and can update this fic soon. Anyway…
1a. You know, Hide, you got a point with Igor looks even more creepier in a morgue room of the Velvet Room. *shudders*
b. You know, Igor commenting about Hide changing one’s fate made him fits the Wheel of Fortune more than the Temperance.
c. *sweardrop* I don’t think the ‘only’ is needed for the Arcanas, Igor, as it’s literally all of them… unless if you’re talking about Hide can only use a Persona per Arcana instead.
2a. Er… what do you mean by doing ‘that’, Kaede? Helping Hide and Kurumi or hunting Shadows?
b. Let me guess, that doll was from the White Shadow you mentioned and it’s the one killing your father, Kaede?
3a. You know, I just realized that Kurumi’s surname has ‘Shiro’ for white while Mashiro’s has ‘Kuro’ for black. It seems that they are foils… or even opposite attract.
b. So… are you Jelly, Kurumi? *smirks* That reminds me, there’s a memetic ad in Indonesia where the memetic line is “Kamu siapa? Kamu seperti Jelly.”, which translates into “Who are you? You looked like a Jelly.”
4a. Yeah, we know it’s the Shadows’ doing, but six people disappearing stimulaneously sounds very bad. I hope the missing people can be saved as soon as this Arc ends.
b. Hm… is that doll actually owned by the one disappeared on the school? I think it’s quite likely.
c. And it seems that Mashiro will be dragged into the Dark World too, by simply following Hide and the others. I was expecting something more critical for him to enter it, but I guess I can’t protest with it.
Well, I guess that’s pretty much for today. So Keep Update!
| ARSLOTHES chapter 5 . 7/29
interesting, but I was hoping he would ride on top of slepnir in order to make up for his disabled legs
| RosyMiranto18 chapter 5 . 7/13
Okay, why don't you reply my review last week? I have something quite important to tell you. *sighs* oh well, i guess i'm going to say it right after i send this one. So, without further ado...
1a. Hm... so, Seiko is Kurumi's twins then...
b. Er... why not both apple and orange? Still, to think that Kurumi would snatch the other juice from her, hahaha...
c. Wait, if Kurumi's mother abandoned her, then how's her father now?
2a. Wut? Fujikawaguchiko? That's 36 kms away from Koufu? I know it's a phone call, but that's a pretty long trip.
b. Still... i wonder if he gains a Persona eventually...
3a. Pfft, that RPG crap feels more true than you thought, Kurumi. Though Kaede, weakness is not always about the opposite of the element they have.
b. Well, that's a hypocritical humor for you. Kurumi said she hates sarcasm, yet she used sarcastic remarks from time to time.
4a. Wait, how did your wheelchair there too, Hideaki? Unless if you sit there on the mirror and the wheelchair is transported as well.
b. Hideaki, please... just tell them about the Velvet Room. The later you tell them, the more hurtful the results when they find out.
5a. So... Seiko commited suicide, right? No wonder Kurumi's so depressed. Seiko is literally the one who keep her from falling down.
b. Angorboda, the one who brings grief. A female Jotunn and... Fenrir's mother? Hm... that brings an strange implication with Kaede. I was thinking that Kurumi's Persona is Hel, but oh well...
c. And figures she uses Ice. Fireshadowing much, Kaede?
6a. Hm... miko, eh? I think i need someone here... but nah, she's in Inaba, there's no way i can just make her move to Takeda Shrine.
b. Oh, no. I think Satsuki will be a Social Link or even joining the Hunters eventually, probably a Priestess... but i think she will be scapegoated as a red herring... well, as for that phone... *cue the X-files theme*
7a. Hm... if your grandfather died because of a Persona-caused mental drain, then what happened to your father? Is he really killed by this 'White Shadow'?
b. Wait, you said your grandfather was involved with this, and the Shadows are nesting in Mount Fuji. If it is, then why they aren't glancing at Inaba at all after all these years? Why's no one targeted there, even after Izanami's defeat? Is any of P4 cast didn't have any potential to wield a Persona, at all?
c. *facepalm* Ehm, should i remind you that Inaba replaces Fuefuki here? It means they cannot exist at the same time... Well, P4 Cameo incoming...
8a. Eesh, i knew Kurumi did that assault because of her sister, but at least it's not because Seiko is dead because of it.
b. Well, i guess i can see her father rarely there. Being a politican especially if he's not in Koufu is a very busy profession. In fact, any politician who is not like Shidou is a good one.
c. Distraction, eh? That's a good one, but... i think you need to get over Seiko's death sooner or later.
d. At first, i was confused why her Arcana is the Tower. However, after what we've seen in this chapter, it all makes sense. As her fall happens... when Seiko literally fell.
9a. Er... considering how limited your mobility is, i recomend you to use a rifle or even a sniper, Hideaki. It's for your own good.
b. A month, eh? I guess we're havinga time skip in the next chapter... unless if Mashito's Arc is coming soon.
c. You know, Kaede. You have a bad taste in naming things *sighs*
d. And don't tell me that Fenrir is the new Morgana, telling Kaede to sleep early everyday.
Well, i guess that's everything for today. Keep Update!
| RosyMiranto18 chapter 4 . 7/6
Wow, i didn't expect this chapter to come out now. I well, time to review, which has to be done before 3PM because of a 6-hour stream i had to watch every saturday night.
1a. I was confused ag Kenji's report before i remembered that the story already passed a day in the last chapter.
b. True... Rintarou, that's the whole point of comitting suicide. Running way from the pain, running away from the guilt, running away from responsibilites... and running away from those you loved and you left behind.
2a. Kaede... i think you're too lazy to name things, since it's not only about the other world, but also your antique shop as well.
b. Still, she has to learn everything for herself. Including skill names which usually are already printed in their mind before using it or explained by herself. Well, i'm sure that she will be able to improve her knowledge alot when the S.O came into the mix of this.
c. Hm... the White Shadow... i am suspicious that it is the cause of the death of your father, and i believe that this particular shadow is still not defeated, right?
3a. Wait, Hideaki, how long did you take to notice there's a Shadow aiming at Kurumi since you left her?! Arrgh! This is why i told you to not leave her... unless if you have no choice to bring a backup first.
b. Yep, i knew it, that Shadow specifically target Kurumi. Yesterday, Hideaki and Kaede intervened and making it doing a tactical retreat.
c. Fujiyama?! That's about 86 kms from Koufu? How is that possible. Also, do you mean it's just the Aokigahara part of the mountain? If not, then i can't believe that a whole mountain is a Shadow Nest. That's huge compared to Tartarus or Mementos.
4a. D-don't tell me that her sister is dead and that's the beginning of all of her authority problem.
b. So the portal is any form of reflective surface, and that includes water, right?
c. Hm... i am guessing that Kurumi wi use blunts like Ryuuji in this Shadow- i mean, Dark World. Is that correct?
d. Speaking of which, Dark World. A name which sounds eeringly similar to the Dark Hour. I wonder if any S.O. members lampshades it. Oops, i was wrong, she uses knife/daggers. But the way she uses Kaede's Katana feels like Junpei, so now i think she will use blunts and knife.
5a. Don't tell me that this Red Shadow is more or less Quetzalcoatl. Since it's a winged serpent.
b. And don't tell me that this lighter is Kurumi's tragic keepsake.
c. Pfft, i didn't know that Kaede hates sarcasm. That's quite funny.
6a. Hm... i know those weird calls came from Shadows; however, that leaves a mystery to me since every Persona games has to have a human Antagonist. And it's still a mystery to us all. Who create those call? That will be the first clue in this mystery.
b. Hm... i think somehow Annabelle is chained to a fate, and that fate is related to her being an Attendant. She might as well wished that Hideaki will not chained to a fate like she was.
c. Revenge? Don't tell me that the girl Kurumi hits with a bat have a hand with what happened to her sister.
d. Oh no... Quetzalcoatl is back, great!
Well, i guess that's the end of my review for now. Keep Update!
| RosyMiranto18 chapter 3 . 7/2
Hey, glad to see this fic continue. Well, time to review!
1. So that's what happened to these victims from their perspective. That's scary.
2. Hm... does Kurumi has some authority issues? But since she was arrested for an assault, that pretty understandable. Still, i suspect that the person she hit is pushing her berserk button alot, which is most likely to be related to her parents.
3a. Let's see, those screams and screetchs are from Shadows calling her. And those Shadows can't be seen by normal humans, ditto for Personas... maybe the tattoos too, Is that correct?
b. Wait, you can talk, Slepnir?! Not that i'm complaining or anything, but... you're a horse.
c. Er... you know Mudo is not too useful, right? Can you use Eiga or any other magic, Fenrir.
d. Is it "...unless they are trying to pick off the students one by one outside... especially Kurumi, right?"
4a. So it turns out that the chocolates that she eats is her attempt to suppress her smoking habits, and cigarettes are her escapism. That's... prettybad.
b. So it means experienced Persona Users can create their own invisible field, and that counting the S.O. SoT, and PT, right Kaede?
c. Does that mean Kaede is reckless in some way? Uh-oh... *cough*Takeda*cough*
d. Yep, definitely Kenji is like Doujima, competent, yet held back by a supernatural barrier.
5a. Wait, what? A Non-Fool Wild Card? Okay, but i doubt Hideaki can control all Arcanas, and it will be more like the P1 and P2 cast instead.
b. As Fate/Reach Out has taught me, the reason why Hideaki is chosen because he himself worry over him abusing the Wild Card.
c. And no... Kurumi is trapped into that 'worldDamn you Kaede, give it a name already), more than a day. That's bad omen.
6a. And we see 'him' being mentioned, but figures, he is so busy.
b. Oh, thank god it's not... yet- WAIT, HIDEAKI, DON'T LEAVER HER, SHE'LL DIE!
Well, i guess that's everything for today. Keep Update!
| ToastedStrudel chapter 1 . 6/22
I'm glad that I've stumbled upon your story. Its concept is interesting so far and there's just something about it that really hooks me in. Having a protagonist in a wheelchair is a very interesting touch and I'd like to see how you write your way around that since Hideaki will most likely have to participate in combat at some point. I like coming across OC Persona fanfics like these, although I do feel a need to put in my two cents (I'm reviewing both the first and second chapter).
First off, the grammar here could use some work. In the beginning, it isn't that bad, but later on, it gets kinda distracting. I'd suggest getting a beta reader or using something like Grammarly to check your grammar. I also make a lot of grammar and spelling mistakes in my own writing simply because I don't pay very close attention as I'm writing so I understand if that may be the issue. If so, I still suggest finding someone to read it over or something like that.
Secondly, the characters aren't bad, I can't even call them less than decent since you've only written two chapters and honestly, you have me interested in them so far. However, I'm kinda getting the, "I'm an outcast so I'm more situationally aware than all my peers type character" vibes from them with the exception of Reiho, Annabelle, and of course the side characters like Igor and the two officers. I feel like a lot of OC Persona fanfic writers have this idea that all they're characters need to be outcasts who know better than all of their peers or something like that ever since Persona 5 (and Persona 2 to a smaller extent), but if you look at it from a Persona 3 and 4 standpoint, it really doesn't have to be that way. For example, Yukari, Mitsuru, Akihiko, Yukiko, Rise, Naoto, and Akechi were all really popular with their peers (at least at/to a certain point) and were hardly outcasts at all and the characters that were never had to scream it in our faces the way Kurumi kinda does. The way it was done with Ann and Ryuji in Persona 5 especially was a good example of allowing the audience to gather that information smoothly. Not saying you can't take the outcast approach to your characters, I'm sure you can make it work well, I'm just trying to give you a little heads up.
Lastly, I'm not the best with examining a plot, however, I must say that I find the premise interesting. It reminds me of a mix of Persona 3's dark hour, Persona 4's murder cases, and Persona 5's mental shutdowns and I'm invested with what you have so far. Hideaki's awakening was handled well. Reiho's explanation was well written and left some things in the dark which is a good way to get your readers invested.
Anyway, sorry for the lengthy review, I'll try to keep it shorter next time, but I had to go over two whole chapters so there's that. Please let me know if I got anything wrong. I'll remember to keep reading and wish you luck with this! Cheers :)
| RosyMiranto18 chapter 2 . 6/21
Hurray! Anyway, Iwatodai-Tatsumi Port Island is based on Kobe while Sumaru is based on Yokohama. I have no idea for Mikage-Chou nor Ayanagi City though even though the latter is confirmed to be on Toyama Prefecture. Actually, i am suggesting for the Takeda major character i mentioned. However, it is better for me to put it on PM to avoid spoilers so keep your seat until then.
Oh, okay, i can wait for Kurumi's hidden depths. It might be on the later chapters.
Oh, okay. I can see why now. It means Hideaki *cough*Kingou*cough* is not a Wild Card, right? Also, i think i'm blank with Celtic so i prefer Norse more...
It seems not only Kurumi is a loner, but also having some major issues with her mother.
Yep, it doesn't heal his leg, sigh... how unfortunate.
Persona Users need to mobile all the time unless if they are support and Hideaki having to sit on wheelchair is going to be a major roadblock. The only way to rectify this is to modifiy the chair or giving Hideaki a long-ranged weapon; bows, crossbows, guns.
Reiho... eh? just who is your father actually, Kaede?
I know it's getting old, but have you heard about either Apathy Syndrome, Hanged Man Killings, or Mental Shutdown and Psychotic Breakdown, Hideaki?
It seems that 'something productive' Kurumi mentioned is a job related to her mother.
WHAT?! How could this be possible, the school is NOT the Suicide forest.
Kenji again, it seems that if he's desperate enough, he will ask Doujimaa or even Yuu for pointers.
Shadows leaking into the real world right on the broad daylight at a school which is still under interrogation. That's a bad news, not only for those inside of it but also to the secret of Shadow Business overall. Even if it doesn't garners the attention of the S.O., the IT from Inaba is very likely to be alerted as they are only several kilometers away. Also, is that Shadow Tsuchigimo?
Well, i guess that's everything for now. I will send what i have about the Takeda OC i mentioned on PM. Keep Update!
| RosyMiranto18 chapter 1 . 5/30
Oh, you're Reaper. I didn't realize that and i thought you are a new author. Still, let's dissect the review now without further ado.
Hm... a protagonist in a wheel chair... it's very interesting. I wonder if his awakening is healing his legs, that would be one hell of a miracle. Though it may be happened in the last parts of the story.
Still, what intrigues me the most is the fact that you choose Koufu as the setting. In case you don't know Inaba is based on Fuefuki, also in Yamanashi Prefecture. In fact, Fuefuki and Koufu are only several kilometers apart. In my headcanon, even Okina is replacing Koufu in the same way as Inaba replacing Fuefuki. Although that opinion might be changed into Koushuu or Yamanashi since Koufu is on the west of Fuefuki while Okina might be on the east of Inaba.
As i said Inaba is very close, it means several P4 cameos and interesections will be likely to happen, it is something i'm looking forward to, especially with this disappearances also having some similarity with P4's murder mystery.
Speaking of Koufu, this city is known for being the homeland of the Takeda Clan of the Sengoku Era. I honestly hoped that there will be a major character in this story with the surname Takeda and the possible connection to the clan itself. Still, the traditional side of this city can be touched upon and i'm wondering how well it connects to the mystery.
Oh, i didn't know that there is the Sucide Forest nearby at 36 kms, though actually Fuefuki/Inaba is closer to that place than Koufu at 31kms. Hm... i wonder how the party are coping with the mysteries around that place.
Repeating the same speech, oh the tradition of Persona's High School Principals.
Hm... i have a feeling that Kurumi is much deeper than that, especially with some implication with parental abandonment issues, which unfortunately making her venting her frustation by uncontrolled violence or even bullying.
Hm... is it a Shadow's mask, Officer Kenji?
Hunt? D-don't tell me that Kaede is a Shadow-infused serial killer. Oh crap. O-or maybe it's he opposite, she's hunting Shadows? I hope it's the latter, please...
Sleipnir of the Temperance Arcana, Loki's son and Odin's steed. I take it that the theme of this story is Norse Mythology, isn't it?
Well, everything in this deserved a fav and follow for me. So... keep update, okay?