Reviews for Pokemon: The Alola Adventure
ZadArchie chapter 8 . 3/31
So, I’m just going in order of the posts on that WA thread to help counteract the spammer. So, yay, another review for you!

I actually like that you gave Hau a normal reaction to Gladion’s bullying. Don’t get me wrong, I like Hau’s personality, even if it is dopey, but my one complaint about him is that there are some rare situations in which he doesn’t react in a way very human, more two-dimensional really. So, this was a refreshing change.

Again, my one complaint is that things move way too fast in this story. I would have liked to see more with the Sandalit. I mean, Collin is gathering pokemon for his team. I’d kind of like to know more about the personalities of his pokemon team. They are characters too, which some writers forget.

As always, a courtesy review to another person plagued by the spammer is encouraged to help pay it forward.

Best,
Zad
ZadArchie chapter 7 . 3/3
So, I’m just going in order of the posts on that WA thread to help counteract the spammer. So, yay, another review for you!

I like that Collin has very realistic, teenage reactions to things. He’s not the stoic, happy, and go-with-the-flow type that the game makes him out to be. And I understand why the game does that. They want the player to project into the character. But, you give him some very natural reactions and that helps make him a believable character.

However, things are starting to get very, very dialogue heavy. It’s almost like you’re using the game dialogue and nothing more. I mean, Alola is a visually stunning world with all kinds of new locations. Yes, players already know what it looks like, but that doesn’t mean you still can’t capture the wonder and awe of those beautiful landscapes by showing Collin’s reaction to them. I just feel that things can be a little less stale with more stuff in between all the talking. Just reading conversations back and forth can get pretty tedious after a while.

As always, a courtesy review to another person plagued by the spammer is encouraged to help pay it forward.

Best,
Zad
ZadArchie chapter 6 . 3/2
So, I’m just going in order of the posts on that WA thread to help counteract the spammer. So, yay, another review for you!

Hm, do you think we could maybe get a better introduction of Olivia and Mallow? I mean, yes, fans know who they are and what they look like. But, what sort of tone do they set as characters? Mallow’s kind of motherly and kind. Olivia’s kind of bold and blunt. I’d like to see some of that translated into that first meeting. Like how do they carry themselves to show that personality? What about they tone they use to speak? What mannerisms can help convey that? I think that’s kind of what I’m looking for in game novelization stories like these. I want to see the characters transcend the page (or code, or whatever).

I do like the idea that you gave an actual reason for Dexio and Sina being there. I mean, it’s cool in the games that these other characters from the past pop up, but it’s kind of forced in the games, you know? It’s like, here they are, and that’s it. So, I’m glad you were able to add just a little more flavor text to that idea.

As always, a courtesy review to another person plagued by the spammer is encouraged to help pay it forward.

Best,
Zad
ZadArchie chapter 5 . 3/2
So, I’m just going in order of the posts on that WA thread to help counteract the spammer. So, yay, another review for you!

So, to answer your question in the author’s notes on this one. I think the battles are a little too short. However, I’m also going to add that the big mistake that I see in fics that use extensive battles is too much back and forth between moves. So, when I say it’s short, I kind of want to be able to see the action of the move being played out as well as the pokemon’s reaction to that. Remember, pokemon are as much characters as your human characters are. They have distinct personalities. So, are they going to take a hit, be really close to fainting, but insist on still fighting because they’re just that determined? Are they scared because they’re not that confident in their abilities? That’s what I think can help you beef up those battle scenes to another level.

As always, a courtesy review to another person plagued by the spammer is encouraged to help pay it forward.

Best,
Zad
ZadArchie chapter 4 . 3/2
So, I’m just going in order of the posts on that WA thread to help counteract the spammer. So, yay, another review for you!

Yeah, I picked up a Crabrawler on my playthrough of Sun. Turned out to be a pretty useless team member. You’d think with such a good typing as ice and fighting, I would have been set. But, the darn thing never really could survive more than one or two hits, so it was really hard to level up. Definitely wouldn’t add it to my team a second time.

I do feel like things are starting to move a little fast, as if all that’s really happening is going through the motions of the game. That’s great that you want to keep to the plot, but I don’t know if you’re using that structure to its full potential. I mean, one of the things that’s clearly missing from the games is the characters thoughts and feelings, especially the MCs. They’re essentially a blank slate. So, I’m wondering if there’s a way to fill that slate by including some of how Collin is thinking rather than just doing, doing, doing. You know?

As always, a courtesy review to another person plagued by the spammer is encouraged to help pay it forward.

Best,
Zad
ZadArchie chapter 3 . 2/23
So, I’m just going in order of the posts on that WA thread to help counteract the spammer. So, yay, another review for you!

Overall, I’m really satisfied with this story. It has all the feel of the games, but with a few added bonuses of further character development. Still, I do feel like things are moving pretty fast, and I’m just wondering if there’s a way to kind of look deeper into Collin’s character? You’ve done so well bringing out all the more developed qualities of the canon characters. I think the MC needs a little of the same treatment. We got a taste of it with his fear of Rotom, but maybe there’s a way to look more deeply into his own thoughts as well as his actions. Just a thought.

As always, a courtesy review to another person plagued by the spammer is encouraged to help pay it forward.

Best,
Zad
ZadArchie chapter 2 . 10/26/2018
So, I’m just going in order of the posts on that WA thread to help counteract the spammer. So, yay, another review for you!

There are a few moments in this chapter, where I catch a tiny slip up into present tense when the rest of the story is in past. Just keep an eye out for that kind of thing to stay consistent. Switching between tenses is something I find particularly jarring.

Hm, I guess I didn’t realize that Piplup didn’t have any moves yet. I mean, that makes sense, since it just hatched from an egg…sort of. But, I like that this fact kind of adds to Collin’s relationship with his pokemon. Though, in retrospect, I kind of wish this could have been a recurring theme for some of the earlier chapters, leading to a bigger success when Piplup does manage to learn its (his?) first move. Might have been a neat and iconic moment for the story, but that’s just wishful thinking on my part.

I don’t know if I’m just now noticing this, or if it was something that’s only occurring here. I notice a slight issue with punctuating dialogue. In most cases, when you have a line of dialogue followed by “he said,” you usually end that with a comma and then the period goes at the end of the “he said” part. Sometimes these rules can get tricky, and I’ve had some problems with them too. A reviewer I like from a while back recommended this website to me. I’ll send it to you in a PM, since I think I’m not supposed to link you to other sites in reviews. But, it’s helped me a ton.

You know, for as much hate as Hau gets, I actually kind of liked his character in the games. I liked his can-do spirit and positive attitude. He’s what every trainer should aspire to be. I like that you decided to keep that quality about him and not make him a total idiot like other authors who do that just to show how much they hate him. I think there are useful qualities in every character, and so long as an author enhances what’s there to make it better, well, that’s a plus in my book. So, I’m looking forward to seeing what you can do to add to his character and continue showcasing his qualities as a character.

As always, a courtesy review to another person plagued by the spammer is encouraged to help pay it forward.

Best,
Zad
ZadArchie chapter 1 . 10/24/2018
I believe you, like a great many others have been hit with the wave of spam from a very angry, disturbed, and quite frankly, sad person. I am sorry this has happened to you because all authors deserve respect for their work. I have decided that instead of complaining about it like others have, I wish to do some good in spite of it. So, for the time being, I am putting out good, real, constructive reviews to anyone who has posted in the WA thread on this matter. Enjoy!

Actually, this is the first time I’ll get to read something for all these reviews I’m giving that’s on my follow list. See, my follow list is over 200 stories long, so I know I won’t get to them all in a timely manner. This means that I’ll get to yours far earlier than I probably would have normally. Yay!

I like that you’re starting somewhere new, though I see that your plan is to kind of work backwards and still have his original journey start in Kanto. Still, I like that you decided to do this story first. I’m getting kind of tired of everyone starting in Kanto, and this is a good change-up.

I really like the changes you decided to make to the family dynamic with his mother being gone. However, I have to ask, is that going to be the plan for the whole series, or is this just a recent event tied to the Alola story, meaning that her death would occur in the previous (yet to come) Kalos story? Eh, I don’t have to know. A writer doesn’t have to reveal all their tricks, but I was just curious.

I also like that Collin feels like a typical MC trainer. I mean, I hate it when authors purposefully avoid having that OC/MC win a championship just because they’re afraid of the character looking too OP, but at the same time, you still kept a fair balance by saying that he’s only ever won one championship. I can live with that.

However, this story does feel a little dialogue-heavy in spots. I mean, he just moved to a new region. What are the things he sees first? What are his first impressions? What changes does he notice from the other regions (climate, temperature, plant life, etc.)? These are things I would be curious to know as the reader, and I think could help you flesh out this idea even further.

Why does Collin follow Lillie? I feel like that just happened without any explanation. What’s his motivation (to use a cliché saying)?

Ooh, Rowlet is a fun choice. It was my second-choice compared to Litten. I mean, yeah, I wasn’t satisfied with what Incineroar looked like, but I was happy with the other two, and I’m a sucker for dark types. Still, Rowlet was a beautiful design, and I look forward to this one as Collin’s starter. Can’t wait to read more!

I hope this review has made the past couple of months just a smidge better. I only ask in return that you perhaps find someone else who has been struck by the spammer and review them to brighten their day. These reviews are absolutely free of charge (no exchanges or anything like that, please), but I hope you take my suggestion into consideration. I think maybe together, we can all make this mess into a good thing.

Best,
Zad
DarthLeo chapter 37 . 9/12/2018
Not bad! My only complaint is some misspellings in some of the earlier chapters! Can't wait to see you write more!
DarthLeo chapter 3 . 9/12/2018
I noticed a few misspellings here and there, but this is good so far.
DarthLeo chapter 1 . 9/12/2018
The first chapter seems a bit rushed, but it's seems pretty good.
Moonlight Butterfree chapter 37 . 8/21/2018
Been a hell of a ride, man. Looking forward to the next one!
Mallory S. Nocturne chapter 36 . 8/20/2018
Wait, it's over already?... Aww...
Oh well, what am I going to do about it? See ya at the last chapter, I guess...
Mallory S. Nocturne chapter 33 . 8/17/2018
Does Buzzwole even pose? His flexes ain't got nothing against Jojo... It's nice to see Guzma wanting to spend time with his family...
Mallory S. Nocturne chapter 31 . 8/9/2018
Yo, finished this story in one sitting and I gotta tell you, this really made me want to play Pokemon Sun and Ultra Sun... Shame that I ain't got the money for it... Anyway, take all the time you need... We're all here when the next one'll come out, so get some rest... And see ya oater!
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