|Reviews for Purple Days|
| Guest chapter 1 . 1/19
Drawbar-The hunting Party-Linkin Park
| Eating Upside Down chapter 1 . 7/19/2019
| St Elmo's Fire chapter 1 . 6/18/2019
I know you're crossposting, but titling chapters in the story itself looks kinda weird; the dropdown menu should suffice.
[It had been yesterday, 3 days after]
In prose, numbers less than 13 or so are written out with letters.
[Joffrey had refused to go to the North, shouting something about "Not wanting to even touch the northern savages"]
Is Joffery really that racist? I don't recall anything in this vein from the books, and given he doesn't have a filter I imagine this would slip out at some point. His pettiness seemed far more personal, being a poor loser and getting in dick-waving contests with Robb, etc.
[Robert had been ready to strike the Prince, but a warning glare from Cercei had stopped him, instead throwing his cup of wine angrily to the floor]
This is awkwardly phrased – the last clause needs more of a transition. "At the last moment he turned the motion into throwing his cup of wine…" or something.
[Maybe the prospect of him being King one day was not a good idea after all…]
Huh? Why would Sandor have ever thought it was a good idea? You say he's already seen what a brat he is already. Is this supposed to be sarcastic?
[from prince Joffreys room]
Missing apostrophe, and when titles are appended to names, they're capitalized like them. (They're not capitalized on their own, which is something you have popping up a lot throughout this.)
[Sandor didn't even doubted for a moment his course of action, he was no Knight, no Lord, but he did still take his duty seriously.]
Should be "didn't even doubt…", and the first comma is a comma splice. You need to split this sentence in two or use a different transition.
And eh, does he take his duty seriously? He doesn't seem to hold much sacred, and he's pretty open about his disdain for the concept of knighthood.
[Mustbepoison, thought the hound]
Missing spaces, and "the Hound" should be capitalized.
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello,” She said] or [“Hello” she said] or [“Hello!” She said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
[none of the usual viscous pettiness]
Did you mean "vicious"? Viscous means thick.
I'll stop pointing out these errors, but they're really distracting. You need to read up on proper grammar and get a beta reader to help if you still have trouble.
["Darrin" He muttered distantly as he acknowledged the queens chamber boy, deep in thought at yet another intersection. The Hound quickly reached out and prevented the chamber boy from falling over from the shock and more than a little fear. Usually, when the prince acknowledged your existence it was not a good omen.]
And showing your fear makes it an even worse omen. I think this is pretty over-the-top; anyone who has to put up with Joffery would quickly learn how to play dead. Just look at Sansa.
[He gave the acting 6 out of 10.]
Not really a thing in this time period.
[Its okay Clegane, he was the one who really poisoned Lord Arryn, or so involved in the plot it makes no difference.]
I wonder how he could have learned this, even with the benefit of time loops. Petyr covered his tracks very well; we only find out because someone else blabs.
[He did smile at her and the affection behind his hug had been both simple and real, which had left Cercei slightly disconcerted.]
Would it? Cersei seemed to genuinely love him, and seemed very nonplussed by his heinous behavior.
[It happened when I least expected it, of course.]
Why the sudden shift to first-person? You go back to third-person after, which is even more confusing.
And now we're also in Joffery's perspective? There's a reason the books only shifted between chapters. Shifting POV can be very jarring, and needs a clear indicator to avoid confusion.
I'm not sure if this is the best way to start this. While you definitely show how much Joffery has changed, I feel like it's kind of too far…? I'm left more utterly baffled than curious as to how he reached this point. It's also kind of a spoiler; the main point of these sorts of stories is the character development, so showing us where that ends takes a lot of suspense out of it.
He's also taking this REALLY well, as in, annoyingly well. I've seen a lot of time loop stories, and they almost always involve the protagonist going insane after the number of loops he must have gone through, and that's only reasonable. He's acting like someone on his second or third loop (apologizing to Myrcella, actually bonding with people and forging relationships he knows he's going to lose, etc.).
Ultimately, I'm just… not sure if I'm really into the idea of Joffery getting a happy redemption at all? Making a hated character super cool and confident isn't how you make them sympathetic. It's possible I could roll with this if I saw it develop from the beginning, but starting with it is just making me annoyed that Joffery's getting so many nice things.
And again, you really, really need to fix those grammar errors. It's frankly insulting to your readers that you thought this was acceptable to post. Your readers should not have to decode your story.
| Veronica chapter 1 . 5/16/2019
Very good premise and execution. Hopefully your Muse will return to you and this fic will get finished. I liked this story of yours very much. First time I like Joffrey! His journey sounded interesting and I would like to know more about it whenever you can to retake this tale. Sandor's POV was very funny to read! Thank you for writing this fic. Best wishes for you, wherever you are and whatever you are doing!
| Apocalyptian Scribe chapter 1 . 4/4/2019
Where can I read more of this? This is great!
| Guest chapter 1 . 3/25/2019
Behemoth was insanely energizing, and motivating! You have an amazing way with words!
The second song doesnt work very well for mobile, as youtube doesnt kerp playing when you swicth tabs. Are there any alternative methods that would be possible to use?
| Burn-in-the-sun chapter 1 . 3/25/2019
So good! Would love to read more of his lives. Thanks for posting :)
| random-k chapter 1 . 3/13/2019
It's almost hard to believe that it's at the last loop. In part because there was a lot I was looking forward to seeing. You do a fantastic job with your world building , and build OC's and characters who only get a breif name in cannon very believably. How he grew into caring about them, and we did too. I'm going to miss I when it stops updating, and I've been reading it for a long time, I think I started around the Yi-ti arc in fact.
That, and the mountain loups are some of my favorites, along with the newer loops. I liked answers and the long ago deep ones, for and the gamechanger it set up. Sansa's introduction was well setup, and Bravo's loop was a good follow up. Metalworks had a lot of thought put into it, that encounter with the comet scared me, particularly with the thought that they might not get that chance back. And I thought it it was funny and kind of ironic that after all those times he mentioned he would go off to the summer isles If he knew it was the last loop, that it almost did happen.
Ahh, got sidetracked. I've enjoyed the journey so far, and am a bit sad it's almost over, and excited to see what the end will bring. I don't have an SB account, or AH, but I can comment here. I'm glad I read it there though, I really enjoyed the music.
I think, I remember a point where you asked for music. Maybe it's not needed anymore, but if you like, I might recommend a YouTube artist "Miracle of sound." Song's "perseverance" , "Cruibicle" , and Hengsha". Some Bioshock or Dishonored songs might also fit the upcoming events. I like " how she sees the world" , "The Abyss" , and "entrance to Eden" from the second Bioshock, and "overheating ths core" from the first Bioshock, particularly for a tension buildup. Dishonored I like, like " the Intro: the return" , and the " flooded exploration" tracks.
Hope they help if you need some new music to inspire. Regardless, It was nice to talk about. I look forward to the final loop, have fun writing it!
| Autumn chapter 1 . 3/6/2019
I stumbled across this story on SB and I absolutely love it, it's written really well.
| Immortal ninjaaa chapter 1 . 1/9/2019
its much easier to read the story on this site, especially on phone rather than spacebattle where the rest of the story is.
| Junior VB chapter 1 . 12/24/2018
I want to read more.
| ShinKoaz chapter 1 . 10/31/2018
Why not post the whole story? (you've got like 400k words on spacebattle
| KyliaQuilor chapter 1 . 9/27/2018
I love this. I would love to see more!
| Guest chapter 1 . 9/6/2018
Awesome. Also I do believe some of the details will be subjected to changes.
| Mari Wollsch chapter 1 . 8/31/2018