bon chapitre

to JD27: the MC in here is not chaotic evil or something else his just someone who only think with his dik nothing more nothing less, all his braincell is used on how to bed women and pleasure himself, this is pretty much just a pornvel with a little bit of plot.

Go to read this story on Ao3, it's on chapter 92 there.

Good chapter. I'm looking forward to the next one.

You know that meme about how people *think* they’re playing chaotic evil, but in reality are playing chaotic stupid? That’s how I would describe the way Harry is written. The structure of the story and the POV *want* to present a damaged but internally-justified revenge story/dark turn for Harry, but instead he comes across as an immature and stupid edgelord.

His emotions and internal monologue are too one-note, to the point where they are boring and cartoonish. This is exactly the kind of non-character non-arc that the tv show Archer parodied during its “rampage” bits. There are a lot of chapters I haven’t read, so maybe it does come up how self-sabotaging and self-destructive Harry is being, but judging from the other reviews, I doubt it.

The issue isn’t that Harry is being “dark” or “evil”. The issue is that Harry’s manipulations are one-note and aimless, and his targets are just plain nonsensical.

Maybe a greater structural issue was starting at Hogwarts. Thinking about it, it’s obvious that a Harry in a dark timeline must have developed *some* skills of manipulation just to be able to survive the Dursleys. But rather than an insightful and intelligent inner monologue showing how he uses empathy to read and manipulate people, it’s just bland descriptions of anger.

Put another way, if you’re writing a chaotic evil character, we can assume that they’ve more-or-less behaved the same throughout their backstory. These things don’t change overnight. So, they need to walk a line where they aren’t so chaotic stupid that they would have realistically been imprisoned or executed prior to the story.

With that background, this Harry and this world just can’t coexist as the do at the start of chapter 1. Harry *can* get there, but that buildup is missing. And without proper buildup and characterization, he comes across more as immature, stupid, and maybe even a little like he’s throwing a tantrum rather than being a manipulative genius who has taken a dark turn.

Unfortunately the framing, POV, and inner thoughts are really make-or-break for this kind of story. In my opinion, this is more break than make.

Far too many mistakes in grammar with a strange opening. Made it halfway before putting the story down.

Good story. Though a little heavy on the sex scenes, and light on Harry's vengeance. After all the males where just as, or even more dismissive and tormenting then any of the girls. Though I guess a male Harry really can't go after the boys, even if he uses magic to turn himself into an appropriately sexy female without the story being tagged as 'slash'.

Great story

Thanks for the chapter

bon chapitre

the author really should slow down on 18 content and move on the story, the content became just a porn with almost no plot,

Amelia is either gonna walk in on them or there's an observation room no one knows about it

Good chapter. I'm looking forward to the next one.

This story took a nosedive in quality a long time ago. The 1k chapters do not help, it just pads the chapter count and slows the story to a snails pace.

The previous two chapters need more of a... I guess a lead up to Harry's actions. It relies too much on the reader being familiar with the more or less basic HP story line up to this point. This just makes Harry seem like someone anyone would be a fool trust... unless of course this is the effect you desire.