|Reviews for Pokélibrium|
| GenX567 chapter 1 . 4/3/2019
[currently reviewing in the Pokémon category to try and give people useful constructive criticism instead of flames or vague praise]
Talarc is actually a troll who targets Pokemon writers to give out bad advice and flames.
[You shouldn't capitalise words like 'pokémon', 'pikachu', or 'charizard' since species names aren't capitalised in English, just as we don't capitalise 'animal', 'mouse' or 'dragon'.]
Pokemon names are not species names. Pokemon are not animals. Game Freak has stated both fact a several times.
[This is a great way to show the friendship between Ash and Brock. It really captures the dynamic between them and the narration really gets into Ash's thought process. ]
Not really no.
['re doing a fantastic job at capturing Ash's personality through this narration. ]
You are actually failing.
[great example of integrating description into the story without it disrupting the narrative. Great work! ]
You know he is mocking you right?
[I really enjoyed this. Your description is on point and the narration both flows beautifully and really captures Ash's personality.]
Ok I'll be honest because Talarc is lying. This is a bland, by the book common placed story. There are no twists that are not cliche in this.
| Lilly The Omega Wolf chapter 6 . 2/15/2019
It was an enjoyable read and ash and misty were kinda cute together
| acpeters chapter 6 . 1/4/2019
This was awesome. Great read!
| Nami chapter 3 . 12/27/2018
Yes, so Ash finally realized! Thank you, annoying chick-flick!
| PokeshipHeart chapter 6 . 12/4/2018
Diary of the densest kid alive by Brock the rock?
| mal chapter 3 . 12/1/2018
Loving this sooooo much!
| FenreldStormblade chapter 6 . 11/18/2018
lol nice story. I could totally see this happening
| Talarc chapter 1 . 11/10/2018
Hello there. I'm currently reviewing in the Pokémon category to try and give people useful constructive criticism instead of flames or vague praise. I usually try to point out things that can help with future stories, so they can be useful even if you don't want to edit your current story. If I point out any grammatical errors, please understand that I'm not being judgemental. I honestly believe that corrections greatly improve the quality of a story. It's okay to disagree with anything I say and please don't think that I'm making demands of you.
[Hey, maybe it's a new type of Pokémon!]
You shouldn't capitalise words like 'pokémon', 'pikachu', or 'charizard' since species names aren't capitalised in English, just as we don't capitalise 'animal', 'mouse' or 'dragon'. You only capitalise them if you're referring to a pokémon's name (e.g. Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu). This is because you only capitalise proper nouns, which are the names of things, individuals and places. It's capitalised in the games because video game writing is different to prose writing and a game needs to draw the player's attention to key items (which is why they used to be all caps before Gen V). Since pokémon are a natural part of the world, it doesn't make sense to capitalise them in a prose story.
[after eight years of friendship, I've come to accept that there's just no escaping my older friend's annoying 'pep talks'. It's then that I notice Brock's suddenly stopped talking my ear off and is giving me a look as if he wants me to say something.
Before I can open my mouth, however, he lets out a sigh and crosses his arms. "You weren't listening to anything I just said, were you?"]
This is a great way to show the friendship between Ash and Brock. It really captures the dynamic between them and the narration really gets into Ash's thought process.
[Just what did he mean by that? Do I look tired or something? Oh, it could be the cheeseburgers we had for lunch; man, I sure can put those things away. Come to think of it, a nap sounds pretty good about n-]
As is this. You're doing a fantastic job at capturing Ash's personality through this narration.
["And we lost you for about ten minutes because you started running towards a girl with bright orange hair?"]
This made me chuckle! It was a great way to segue to the real issue that Brock wants to talk about.
[Eyes still fixated on the Chansey-patterned carpet of the Pokémon centre, I hear a rustle of fabric as a large hand clamps down gently on my left shoulder.]
This is a great example of integrating description into the story without it disrupting the narrative. Great work!
["Why are we suddenly talking about Misty? I thought you were trying to feed me some crap about 'Numel's laws of inebriation'?"]
This is great - the reader can follow the train of logic, but can also see how Ash is failing to grasp it!
[I pause for a second, then slowly feel my eyes creeping down to my side as I pull my hand out of my jacket pocket, fingers lightly wrapped around the object in question. The pink edges of the beautifully embroidered cloth feel smooth and silky, and, unfolding it, my lips curl upwards when I notice the striking yellow sun pattern in the centre. I trace my eyes along the little fabric square, observing every stitch and seam from corner to corner. To my dismay, I also take note of how dirty it has become from sitting around in my backpack for so long; I guess I've always been scared to clean it in case it fell apart.]
I really love the description here. It really helps show how much the handkerchief means to Ash.
["If that's how he fusses over her handkerchief, I can only imagine what he's been doing to that lure…"]
So, I really enjoyed this. Your description is on point and the narration both flows beautifully and really captures Ash's personality. The twists and turns of the conversation between him and Brock showed just how close they are and how easy it is for Brock to read his friend's thoughts. You managed to strike a careful balance between making things obvious for the audience while it's believable that Ash is still in the dark.
| Nami chapter 2 . 11/8/2018
Dawn saying it's probably best if Ash figures it out himself after she's just spelled it out for him is funny XD
| Nami chapter 1 . 11/8/2018
Laws of "ineptitude" LMAO. Idk why Brock thought bringing Physics into this was a good idea lol
WHAT is Ash doing with the lure? I've a feeling I don't want to know XD
| An Author's Pen chapter 2 . 11/7/2018
Aw, the banter with Misty was cute and very nostalgic. I like how you've mostly preserved their dynamic, while making their older ages convincing. Dawn also felt nicely in-character.
I think making the phone-call a flashback worked well. It lets Ash's decision to see Misty build throughout the chapter, and allows Ash some room for introspection.
| An Author's Pen chapter 1 . 11/7/2018
Great opening! It's so rare to see someone actually nail Ash's hyper, immature character voice. Brock's characterization is spot on too, from the old sibling patience, to the elaborate metaphors. I found myself chuckling as I read, especially at that last line.
| SweetAngel91 chapter 6 . 11/7/2018
Loved it, I missed this couple and the original series. Thank you !