Reviews for Yoru - Gamer Between Dimensions
ChimamireNoBara22 chapter 31 . 1/25/2022
This story was so interesting! It really pulled me in and held me in suspense. There were several twists that I wasn't expecting. I would have loved if you wrote a sequel, but I understand why you aren't planning on it. I look forward to reading more of your works in the future!
timberwolfst chapter 2 . 1/21/2022
I'm a little confused on one issue: if Kakashi was a chunin by age 5, why was he there for a test to become Gennin? Was he demoted?
Omnireceptacle chapter 1 . 1/19/2022
And his names is... Michael Yorudan
deoxeyses chapter 33 . 1/17/2022
Spin chapter 2 . 1/15/2022
That was bound to happen when he acted like an idiot and showed off.
HappyDog23006007341647 chapter 3 . 12/23/2021
Hey author dude, u probably won’t see this but if u ever find yourself looking back though your chapters and the comments (cuz you want to know where u went wrong and not make the same ‘mistakes’ for future stories) then this is to give u my opinion/constructive criticism.

Your story started out fine for chapters 1 and 2 but in 3, when he met team made him very ‘showy’. As in, he showed off his skills/intelligence for team 7, when there was no need to. He did the same to Danzo. I’m aware he didn’t know exactly who he was dealing with, but he just started talking his thoughts, like nobody asked. It was unnatural. It you were kidnapped, you are the vulnerable prey, so proper behavior would be to ‘make yourself smaller’ so to speak, or at the very least don’t make yourself stick out. Which is the exact opposite of what he did. That scene was unnecessary, he was explaining his thoughts to this sus dark creepy stranger like he was in an interview or something. The words he spoke should have just been his thought processes and kept to himself. Also, you made it seem like he wanted to keep his abilities to himself at some points, then at other points you make him ‘Peacock’ when people of interest come into play, so that’s what I meant by ‘showy’.

He was talking to Danzo and Koto-whatever (you switched the name halfway through to kinoe—who is actually Tenzo/Yamato) like he was hot stuff, and intelligent prodigy was coming off in unfitting ways (not saying he can’t be one, just that YOU painted a different character, calm, quiet, smart; not the type to ‘just tell you what he can do then show it off’.) if you even think more about it, Shinobi shouldn’t be so eager to share information—one of the MOST VALUABLE things in this world, alongside power. ESPECIALLY about themselves, ESPECIALLY about their abilities, they can share with allies and all, but that would require a bond/relationship/trust between the 2 ninja (teammates, classmates, lovers,friends). A Shinobi’s abilities/techniques/skills are their weapons, telling them to others—you don’t even know—is basically explaining to others how you work which they can then strategize to get around it and defeat (kill) you. They keep that info to and put it on your file, which anyone who has clearance/rank can then ALSO learn what exactly you can do and they can plan a take down on you.

I know this sounds like overkill for just sharing tree walking and alluding to a high intelligence, but it’s the principle of this matter, and why I’m taking the time to explain this: You don’t share information, ever. Never in THIS world. Keep your skills and abilities to yourself until you find a ‘precious person’ to train with (which you explain some things so they can help you overcome your limits, and you—them. Like sparring partners or a Sensei) or you unwillingly share info when you fight enemies (they learn your moves and if they live, will relay that back to their village and they will kick their wounds and come back more prepared SPECIFICALLY for your abilities, a bad thing, which is y u kill them so they don’t live to tell tales or share info).

So, you trampled all over some subtle rules of this world and ticked off some diehard Naruto Fans (though anyone who gives ‘criticism’ with the intent to hurt, insult, or be destructive...yeah, no...don’t take that to heart. They were just annoyed you did that and they didn’t know how to be mature to express their displeasure. Instead, they choose to act like edgy 12 year olds, lol. Kids shouldn’t be reading fan work if they aren’t up to some disappointments now and then, that’s just a part of life. They need to screw off, no one told them to read this, so don’t take them to heart). Having your character ‘spill the beans’ so to speak sets the precedent that he will continue to be ‘showy’ and do all the cringe things I mentioned a few paragraphs above. A big No-No for this scenario.

I get that you probably intended for him to originally go the Root route (by that would mean leveling up faster) but you made it seem like he didn’t want to be tied down and he wanted to be strong so no one can control him...then he goes to Root, a place for strength, yes—BUT, it’s also control oriented with the tongue seal an all (there are probably other sus seals too) and it’s going to be hard getting away from all that (always in the shadows taking orders doesn’t sound like what he was going for). And you probably intend to have Koto be a significant bond for him/precious person (I’m not sure yet, I’m just on the 3rd chapter) but I just think the way you’re going about it doesn’t fit or doesn’t make the best sense. Like, he goes to Root to get stronger? Fine. Just figure out a realistic and entertaining way for him to get in (them watching him works) but that whole...word vomit he did with Danzig felt like he was trying (or more like You were trying) to impress us/him? It was cringe and could be better.

Also, your depiction of ROOT was a bit lighter than I was expecting. He actually had a choice?! Koto-whatsherface basically dragged him into this cult/mafia/organization, at the very least she deceived him, and he was just really friendly with her, it doesn’t make since. He doesn’t have to be butt-hurt over something that already happened and he has no control over, (gamers Mind) but he could at the very least use his ‘high intelligence’ to not ‘trust’ her (or at the very least, divulge information to her like he did at the orphanage and the 2nd time; like they were old buddies with a bond) again, be weary of deceitful people.

Anyways, I think he should have just kept to himself (info wise). Do his training as planned and lie to suspicious high leveled teachers (I seriously think he should have came to the conclusion of her being at least a ninja since her level was higher than Kakashi’s. And it’s sus for her to be there of all places. I seriously think if he could come to those conclusions about Danzo wanting him on the spot, he definitely should have at least found her out. Maybe he could figure out her purpose as well...see what I mean? He definitely should have been able to figure her out if he could do all that in fetid Danzo, it’s like he’s only smart when you can show him off to others, when it’s convenient). I rambled, but here is the gist of what would have been fine:

He keeps to himself (info and skills), lies to suspicions caretakers (it’s not like he HAS to tell the truth, he’s a ‘4 year old’, she’s not gonna hold a lunar to his neck and demand he tell where he’s going only for her to learn he’s only ditching. She could have just followed him without asking, she DID, so what was the point of him telling her his business?) no matter how BS it sounds, so he does his training (gets watched by Root and they report back, you could even have a POV change scene where they are watching the unknowing OC and their thoughts, I always love those), tries to act normal (but of course, this being a ninja village Root and all your interestested parties that you wanted to get involved eventually CAN find out. He can be sneaky, but he’s still an amateur. If he draws any attention, they can find these details—watch him secretly—our themselves, he doesn’t have to willfully SHOW and TELL them, let the ninja be ninja and look themselves, it’s so much more interesting seeing the other since find clues the MC tried to keep hidden)—rambled again, sorry—he tries to act normal and he could even be caught in the ‘act’ of training (tree climbing), he could have been so into his task that he didn’t notice Team 7 come in and the switch POV’s to capture all reactions. Then Praises and tips (From Minato) could be given or even warnings (about how 4 year olds shouldn’t be practicing chakra alone without proper guidance and how u need a teacher blah blah, which the MC can then brush off with comebacks (the comebacks to Obito were fine btw) take stock of who they are and thus WHERE in the timeline he is, then leave to plan. Same thing accomplished, but in this scenario he wasn’t showing off he just got caught at a bad time (btw, he must have been in their training field which shouldn’t have happened. There has to be some ‘barrier’ so 4 year old civilians can’t just wonder into training fields where loose weapons could be left forgotten. Itd be better if he was just in a park and they were having a team bonding exercise—picnic—for them to more realistically cross paths). Do you see the difference? He didn’t volunteer information to strangers here, just was just unwillingly caught and the same thing is accomplished: you get your scene when Team 7 sees the new up and coming prodigy but here, it’s painted like them stumbled across him, rather than he offer it up. There. And if you still wanted the ROOT route, he could have still gotten kidnapped after, just no word vomit. Keep his observations to himself and just ask questions (he can even play the kid persona up to see exactly what they want and if he wants to play ball). He doesn’t need to sound like he’s trying to hard, he just needs to be quiet and observe (the character personality you painted him to be). Oh, and make the bond (or whatever this is turning into) between him and koto needs to be more believable (mentioned above about how he’s being awfully friendly/trustful of a person who deceived him) needs to be built back up, then they can be all buddy buddy I guess (bathe together).

Okay, I hope you took a lot from this and know why many readers were upset: You broke some invisible rules, make a cool starting character cringe and set a precedent that this is how it’s going to be for the rest of the story: Him being smart only when it’s showing off and only when it’s convenient to the plot; telling/showing his skills (giving information about himself to people); and (Making it seem like, cuz once again I’m only in chapter 3) going back on his initial goals of not letting anyone control him (but he’s in a big control center rn) and thus he ‘seems’ like a filp flop of a character...

...I said SEEMS, as in that’s what I got from 3 chapters. I know he needs ROOT for the realistic power grind (though he could just join the academy early since Kakashi could and it war tine so theyd b open to it and there ARE things for him to learn. If he doesn’t remember the story then he wouldn’t know what the academy teaches and if it would be a good fit or not, he had no standing to write it off like that. He should have been eager to get in the academy so how does he know what they teach if he can’t remember the story? I think that’s a plot hole), but there are other ways to get power and stay independent: the academy, a team/or a master-apprenticeship.

I really liked the little I’ve ready so far and REALLY only intend to help you understand why your readers didn’t like a certain part (which is why I spent an hour typing this monster), I want you to get better, so if you ever want to come back and edit or if you ever plan to do a rewrite, you can avoid your past pot holes. Really hope you took this for the right meanings (again, I’m not trying to be mean, I actually looking forward to 30 more chapters of content—just a little hesitant bc of the precedent you set...)

At the very least, please accept my Thank You for having the courage to write in the first place. It takes a lot of courage to put yourself out like this and to know you’re gonna be judged (by a few imbeciles as well). So Thank You for writing for fun and for providing me with some entertainment for the coming days (it’s Christmas in 2 days, so I need good stories to keep me jolly!).

Bout to go to the bathroom then read on!

Till next time!

moozga chapter 1 . 12/5/2021
Great story! Can 't wait to read more!
aShinyRock chapter 6 . 12/3/2021
Is he Joseph Joestar in Disguise?
BJJPanda chapter 33 . 11/21/2021
So... the update comibg any time soon?
GhostlyDrew chapter 15 . 11/19/2021
Someone recently ranted about how dumb my villains act and about how Yoru always fights people stronger than him and only wins because I make his opponents idiots...I get the feeling that they won't like this chapter. Let me know if that's what you guys feel cause this is the first time someone's said something like that about my antagonists lol -end quote

Cause a powerful and experienced Jonnin would take fighting a kid much less experienced and younger than him seriously
Some people don't think things through huh?
GhostlyDrew chapter 5 . 11/18/2021
"Also, no Yoru will never tell anyone about his Gamer abilities. I'll never understand stories that go down that route, but I believe that is the epitome of stupidity. Seriously, who in their right mind would actually tell other people about such a broken ability? Don't even get my started on how ridiculous a party system is. That crap is so irritating"
Same thought: "Why would Superman tell anyone about how his powers work? Yet he still has normal friends who know about his secret identity."
To keep a secret that big about yourself from the people you care about hurt. And it's human to want to confide in someone else about the burden of keeping that secret.
Ergo they usually only tell their most trusted allies, or have an affection/reputation threshold to reach before it's safe to tell them.

But yeah the party system is kinda whack and broken stupid sometimes.
Ricee chapter 33 . 11/17/2021
oh I didn't see this last chapter before, that's pretty disappointing that yoru's story ends here. I didn't see this other work you mentioned writing and you mentioned getting covid so the only assumption to make is that you died. rest in piece
Ricee chapter 31 . 11/17/2021
weird how AOT is not recommended, he could have probably solo'd that world when he was 8
Ricee chapter 29 . 11/17/2021
I'm re-reading this but apparently I didn't catch that the MCU was the next world, that will certainly be fun. hopefully it isn't just vaguely marvel and is the MCU. like obviously there won't be any fantastic 4 but people like stuffing all Marvel things into one world for some reason
Ricee chapter 9 . 11/17/2021
feel like with even 5% of his CC he could break the seal, sure Minato made it but they were designed to be removed anyway
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