|Reviews for Heartlines|
| amerothu chapter 3 . 12/29/2019
I just realized that I totally forgot about this story for a while. Then today my sister was watching FT and I was reminded of its existence and I'm not gonna lie, I screamed a little when I saw that you posted an update, even though it's already been a few months since then.
I enjoyed the chapter a lot. You painted a pretty vivid image of what your OCs look and act like without dribbling into purple prose, so kudos for that. It's pretty hard to introduce four characters at once, but you did well. Jellal's POV was interesting, and by far the most on-point and well-written imo. You really portrayed the essence of the character's internal conflict in this chapter.
As for Gray, I loved that small bit of banter between him and Porlyusica. It was something I didn't know I needed, but it warmed my heart a bit. And the rest of the gang, their portrayal was pretty in-character too. I like how the members are reluctant to accept Laxus as the new master, I think it's fitting and justified for them to feel that way, based on all the problematic stuff the dude had done back in early canon.
Sooo what's the deal with Gray and Juvia? I feel like a conflict between them is ahead. I can't wait to see how you'll handle their relationship. I feel like you have a really good overall grasp of who these characters really are, and I'm sure you will do an amazing job with Gruvia as well.
Oh, I saw a few typos while reading so you might wanna proofread this once more, but no pressure. Just keep up the good work and I hope you aren't abandoning this story because I plan to stick with you till the end.
| KayaandAria chapter 1 . 12/5/2019
your writing is very good!
| Rook2020 chapter 3 . 8/21/2019
So just for you, well maybe about 50-55% for you, I finally got around to opening an account. I’ve only been reading on this site since the early 2000s. But at least now I can look forward to update announcements in my email. It’s like getting letters in the mailbox instead of bills and junk mail, so nice. Alas, the loggin ID ‘Rook’ was already taken, so... anyway, welcome back. It was a long time coming, but the long length makes up for it. You are doing a great deal of world building, and the details you give go a long way towards making it real for the audience. I found it very easy to imagine the OCs by your descriptions. I’d decided that Rune resembles FMA’s Riza Hawkeye, from the hair color to the markings on her back, so that’s how I’m picturing her as now. Lysandra now looks like Yoruichi in my head.
As for the plot so far, or as you prefer, the intro. Can’t believe you’ve weaves together over 25,000 words and haven’t actually got to the overall plot yet. Actually, I’d say you’ve got a plot slowly growing, but you’ve yet to introduce the central conflict. Doesn’t bother me one bit. I love epically long, well-written, character-driven stories. In just the first three chapters, you’ve met that criteria
Let’s start with Jellal. I have a poor habit of sticking to one favorite character per series, in this case that being Gray. Which is in part a shame because Jellal is such an angst-ridden, fascinating character in his own right. So when he’s written well, I notice, and can sit back and appreciate him more. You’ve done a great job expressing all the conflicting emotions and turmoil in his story. So many different decisions and repercussions have molded him into who he is now, and he can’t begin to escape who he is or was. Now we have Lysandra being his newest thorn, and I can’t wait to see how that plays out
On Fairy Tail’s side, the homecoming must have been so depressing and bittersweet. The team must have been simply devastated and haunted the whole journey back, what with the overall failure of the mission, and specially hauling Gray’s half-dead body back to the guild. What a cherry to top the whole pile of craptastic disaapointment that must have been. Because when all is said and done, family comes before any mission. The rally of friends around their fallen comrade was very in character and special to see, even if not so obviously stated. The after effects of seeing such heinous murder right in front of his face (again) is very real and expected for his background. We’ve already seen in the series that he’s prone to PTSD and flashbacks, so great job there. Maybe there will be a small secondary plot where he has to deal with this later on. Maybe with the help of this new friend? Who knows? She’s a soldier, so I’m sure she can recognize the signs.
As before, I love this story. I wish I didn’t have to keep re-reading the previous chapters, what with the long absences, but life happens. I certainly don’t want to say anything to cause you to put this story on hold, so take care of your priorities and live life. I can always take notes for now on. The wait is worth it, but please be kind and let us not wait too long. If this story’s been stewing and brewing in your head for as long as you’ve said, I can’t wait to enjoy every morsel
| Rook chapter 2 . 4/25/2019
Man, one day I’m gonna have to get an account so I can fav some stories, because I had no idea this story was updated until earlier in the week. So obviously I forgot what happened. On the bright side, I got to read the first chapter again, which was quite enjoyable the second time around. Any story worth reading is worth reading twice. And with all this setup, this story is looking like it’s gonna be one of those long epic ones I’m so fond of.
So Rune. I don’t know why I picture her like this, but in my head she looks like Rey from the Star Wars series, though I’m not such a big fan that I devote a great deal of time or money on the fandom. I think I just like the idea of Rune having Rey’s accent, which makes me picture her face when Rune speaks. Though depending on how she’s conveyed later on, I may make her look and sound like Uroichi from Bleach, as that’s usually the face I give tough and intelligent female OCs.
As for this chapter, great setup. A lot of mystery and intrigue going around. I’m absolutely curious about this branding on these people’s backs and the history behind their servitudes. There’s also the backstory concerning Pergrande that’s caught my interest. I’m sure it wouldn’t have been mentioned if it didn’t play such an important role in the plot. I can’t wait to see what you do with that. Your author’s note made a big deal about Gray’s origins, which’ suggests to me that this story will have a big focus on him, so that’s a huge plus for me, being my favorite character and all. I even like your OCs, including the ones just mentioned so far. Rune especially has a lot of depth and character. She’s interesting and so far not at all painful to read as some OCs tend to be. Though you have to be careful not to lead her into the doomed “Mary Sue” characterization, as some of her back story is leaning towards. As a veteran, I’ve met people who were so hardcore, they could go through schooling and promotions fairly quickly. So even though it’s not entirely unbelievable that she could be offered so many promotions and finish an advanced degree in two years, the talent behind those advancements have to be believable yet not overly done. I know you don’t care for dues ex machina tropes, so I think you’ll do your OCs justice. I just hate to see a great character being spoiled by being “too perfect,” you know? As for her powers, I imagine it has something to do with her chosen field of study, but other than that, I can’t even fathom. Though I’m looking forward to seeing what it has to do with her past regrets. Can’t wait to get back to the guild and see how Team Natsu is fairing. Great chapter, great story all around so far
| amerothu chapter 1 . 4/7/2019
Holy cow that first chapter!
There is so much detail in this. Even though you wrote it from Gray’s POV, I could feel how well you understand these characters, just by the small details you included within their mannerisms and speech patterns. I can see that the last update was in December but I really hope you’re planning on continuing this. I am excited to read more!
| underlings chapter 2 . 2/16/2019
Ahhh wow, this is great! Your writing is so immersive. I'm excited to learn more about Rune and see your take on some of the final arc/epilogue's plot points! It's too bad that Alvarez while it had (imo) some really HIGH high points it also had more than a few of the lowest moments in the series too lmao. I appreciate the time skip - seeing all these characters older makes things a lot more interesting, personally.
| Guest chapter 2 . 12/26/2018
This is so good! Hope you update soon! :3
| SpookyxSoda chapter 1 . 12/12/2018
Woah there. This was a blast which I didn’t expect at all. (Well, I kind of did because the summary was really catchy as well but having seen that this is an OC story, I had my cautions.) But damn this was good. Very unusual. I didn’t read your A/N first and I didn’t even realize you weren’t a native speaker until I saw that another review pointed it out.
I have to say that I really like how you treated the concept of magic in this. The characters tend to get way too OP in the anime and it was refreshing to see Gray worried about someone carrying firearms.
The fight scenes vere incredibly vivid and well-written and I love all the details you threw in to make the world of FT more realistic. (Gray using “moth to a Lacrima” instead of “moth to flame” at the beginning was a nice touch.)
Wonderful job. I can’t wait to see what happens next and can’t wait to meet your original character(s?) as well.
| Jem chapter 1 . 12/2/2018
This had me at the very first sentence. Whatever you’re doing, Author, it’s great and don’t stop. I’m curious as to how this story will turn out, I feel like this might become one of the best OC stories out there.
Keep up the good work!
| Rook chapter 1 . 12/1/2018
Wow! Just wow! This is so fresh and new, so different from a lot of the recent stories in this fandom. I don’t know why you were so worried about the grammar. Your use of the language is superior to most native speakers. There’s so much detail throughout, and you’ve written the characters so well, you could be Hiro Mashima himself. I’m not even exaggerating. This is a very good, very well written story, and I cannot wait to see where you’ll take it. It’s an enjoyable read, and you’ve done a great job drawing me into the plot. This is the most exciting story I’ve seen here in a while. Great job all around!
| Ararius chapter 1 . 11/30/2018
Very good! Hope you update soon!
| Guest chapter 1 . 11/29/2018
This is so good! Fingers crossed for an update soon! xx