Reviews for Chasing the Gods
OldSchoolJohto chapter 3 . 9/1
Very curious to see how this will develop. Again, I love the sense that they're in real, bodily danger that just having pokemon won't save them from. This chapter was very Indiana Jones.
OldSchoolJohto chapter 2 . 9/1
“pulled out the sparkles in her foliage”
*plumage

“Except she didn’t know where her daughter…”
This sentence doesn’t flow well. Could it be instead “Except she didn’t know where her daughter was – no, not her daughter, just a child who’d come from her and who she hadn’t wanted to give up, a child she’d only ever seen once”?

Weird that her mentor doesn’t have a name. Seems like they were close enough that she’d refer to him by name.

I like her style and the real threats from the weather and pokemon. Interested to see how it develops.
St Elmo's Fire chapter 3 . 3/16
Oh, this is back! Awesome!

I feel like the grunt is a bit too incompetent - a professional criminal seems like they should be a bit more competent, and it can be tedious in stories to saddle a competent character with an idiot they have to deal with - but I can trust you're going somewhere with it.

I like that the grunt pointed out the strangeness of why Sasha cares about the kid, as that's a question I was asking too. It'll be interesting to see that develop.

I like the description of the temple, and curious to see what's up with the egg! You again do a great job of showing Sahsa's competence in how she's able to disbelieve the mind control.
Warhammer4life chapter 2 . 1/12
St's praise is utter nonsense he barely knows what's actually going on.
St Elmo's Fire chapter 2 . 12/19/2018
[Taz was the only shiny Pokemon that Sasha had ever kept- the first one she'd ever met, even, and the inspiration for her whole career. Meeting her just after running away with a baby Eevee had been a stroke of luck so intense it had changed the course of Sasha's life.]

Oh, actual story relevance for a shiny! That's excellent.

[The only other time she'd heard of someone actively capturing Legendary Pokemon, instead of just trying to harness their power or befriend them for personal gain, was when a Pokemon collector had tried to capture Moltres and had thrown off weather patterns in the Kanto-Johto area.]

This is a really good way of showing what power level we're dealing with here – it's nicely meta that it comes after Sasha wanting to figure that out herself. The Kanto birds are often a gray area that fluctuate in fandom – they're the most likely legendaries to get the "ordinary beasts" interpretation, and even when they're classed as gods, their exact powers vary from author to author. Telling us they're strong enough to affect the weather is an excellent detail.

[There had been rumors of Team Galactic capturing Azelf or Mesprit or Uxie, once, but Sasha had never confirmed them.]

I also like this nod to game canon; that, too, is an important detail, since if game canon matches up perfectly with this story's history, that gives us clear limits on how the legendaries behave. By acknowledging the possibility but not giving details, things are kept open, which I like.

I love that we get to see Sasha in action! Competence is always lovely to see. I like how well-reasoned her tactics are, and all the resources she's using, especially the autonomy she grants Kirby.

[Her mentor had trained her for a year, until just after she'd turned fifteen. He had given Sasha her new name, claiming she was his niece, and had provided her with fake IDs, fake trainer passports, and everything else she could have possibly needed. After his death had passed his contacts and clients on to her, it had only been natural that she continue his business. Now, in certain circles, she was known as one of the best in her trade- and as the successor of the best.]

Again, nice details, and well-integrated into the narrative. It's always a question how a young character can get fake IDs, and this is a good answer that leaves future plot threads open.

[Sasha got the feeling that some of the ice shards that had been left in her back were melting away with the heat: the sharpness in her back was receding, bit by bit, and leaving a raw, wounded-flesh pain behind it.]

I like this detail.

This chapter felt a bit short compared to the previous one, but it works as a breather, showing Sasha in her element and how she's coping with this change. I'm excited to continue.
Blades of Chance chapter 2 . 12/18/2018
Elmo's dropped your story not a surprise.
Uninspired Heap chapter 1 . 12/14/2018
W00t. More reviews.
Because why not; I came across this story in passing, but didn’t notice it was yours until I got the email ’

Anyways, on with the show, I’d say.

To start with, love the premise. Hooks you on pretty quick, even if the opening is something I’ve seen done to death in movies. Doesn’t make it bad, just thought you could have opened perhaps at the church, and used that as a foothold for religious undertones that may drive your character.

[ Her white parka had been … to help her out in the snow. ]

That entire segment seemed unnecessary to me, and really took me out of things. Just my personal opinion, but it seems to add nothing for the amount of space it takes up.

[ The blizzard whited out the landscape. Still, slowly, a tall building came into view; Kirby stopped and scratched at the door, glancing back to Sasha with a worried expression, and Sasha stumbled over some stairs that had been hidden by a snowdrift. ]

This was rather confusing. To start with, you established the blizzard in the opening paragraph, so mentioning it again seems strange. I also get tripped up in spatial geometry around this part, because a building coming into view signifies distance, and yet the distance between Sasha and her glaceon seems small enough to allow a trade in expressions. Seems nitpicky, but it was yet another thing that pulled me out of the story.

[ That was rare- Sasha … to worship of the divine. ]

Something else that’s rare is knowledge of any of the dropped names. This isn’t a criticism as much as it is me expressing my intrigue.

[ "Taz," she said out loud, after listening to the harsh winds outside got boring. "You want me to keep reading that book to you? I think I've still got it on my tablet." ]

This is a funny scene to visualise, especially because Pidgeot is considered a matured pokemon.

[ "The door's unlocked!" she called out in Sinnohan. ]

Linguistics are both interesting and dangerous, mainly because it’s easy to create plot holes with them in a Pokemon story. Be mindful to stay consistent with established stuff.

[ Five hundred million Pokedollars. That would be enough to provide her Pokemon with everything they'd ever needed. To have everything that she'd ever needed. That was nearly inconceivable nowadays, for her. ]

Very good take on humanising her. I see goodie-two-shoes trainers far too often, so this is a breath of fresh air.

[ "My mistake. I suppose I should say Miss Nakada. Tell me, how old were you when you gave birth to your daughter?" ]

Holy shit.
I can’t tell you what a bomb drop this is. Actually found myself gasping, so gratz on making me feel, well, anything while reading a fanfiction. Makes it even more of a shame that you took till now to drop it.

[ "My mistake. I suppose I should say Miss Nakada. Tell me, how old were you when you gave birth to your daughter?" ]
Holy shit.
I can’t tell you what a bomb drop this is. Actually found myself gasping, so gratz on making me feel, well, anything while reading a fanfiction. Makes it even more of a shame that you took till now to drop it.

(1/2)
Blades of Chance chapter 1 . 12/9/2018
[This is a quite reasonable depiction of Arceus worship, but I do feel like casting Giratina as a purely negative figure is still a bit too Christian.]

Arceus is a mix of all the world's major religions including Christianity.

[Extra space here, and I love this. Different belief systems contrasting is great.]

No extra space and it's been stated in canon that all Pokemon are part of the same system.

[THANK YOU SO MUCH YOU ARE THE BEST]
Arceus is refered to as male by the fachise creators at several points.

[And capture ethics, too! I'm liking Sasha more and more.]

All trainers in stories do this St is giving out pointless praise.

[, would it? If it's equivalent to yen as it seems to be in the games, that's only about one million dollars.]

Actually, the money system differs in universe.

[Should that be "massive"?]

No.

[Oh, that is a wonderful detail. I love terrifyingly competent villains.]

That is every single one of them!

[This is incredible. Your prose is gripping and intense, and Sasha is an instantly engaging protagonist. ]

Ok reality check... This story is literally a commonly made one, it's terribly written, and St is letting his hate boner for Acreus consume him.

Basically, this story been done... to death.
St Elmo's Fire chapter 1 . 12/8/2018
[There were rows of pews leading up to a podium on the other side of the building- a church, that much was obvious- and stained glass windows on the sides, showing a progression of events. The first one was shades of dark blue and green, surrounding a luminous pale egg in the center; the second showed that egg hatching, with a white figure climbing out of it; the third showed the white figure in all its glory, golden rings surrounding its torso like a halo. The other three showed other Pokemon: a pink and white Pokemon with a pearl on its shoulder, a four-legged blue Pokemon, and a trio of floating fairy-like Pokemon. That was rare- Sasha didn't usually see worship of Azelf, Mesprit and Uxie combined with worship of Arceus and the so-called Creation Trio. Giratina's absence from the stained glass artwork, however, was completely expected. The Distortion World didn't lend itself well to worship of the divine.]

Hm. This is a quite reasonable depiction of Arceus worship, but I do feel like casting Giratina as a purely negative figure is still a bit too Christian. Arceus has a strongly Hindu and Chinese aesthetic, religions that tend to avoid such antagonism. The idea that some sects might shun certain gods is sound, but I doubt it would be a universal thing.

[Sasha touched the multicolored charm around her neck- three little stones carved into feathers, one quartz, one amber, and one citrine- for the familiar comfort and curled closer into herself . Her Legendaries were much less merciful, when their territories were disturbed. Historical records of the Orange Islands put proof to that.]

Extra space here, and I love this. Different belief systems contrasting is great.

["A nice place to shelter, isn't this? In the bosom of Arceus himself."

"Itself," Sasha corrected]

THANK YOU SO MUCH YOU ARE THE BEST

["And what exactly would you have me doing? If you're just collecting shinies for a collection, or some type of showroom, I won't be involved. They'll have to be well-treated after I acquire them."]

And capture ethics, too! I'm liking Sasha more and more.

["We'd be paying you almost one hundred million Pokedollars," he said, and Kirby jumped, staring in shock. Sasha wavered. One hundred million Pokedollars. That would be enough to provide her Pokemon with everything they'd ever needed. To have everything that she'd ever needed. That was nearly inconceivable nowadays.]

Hm, would it? If it's equivalent to yen as it seems to be in the games, that's only about one million dollars.

[Sasha flinched back from its massie form]

Should that be "massive"?

[Sasha watched them as they went, and caught a glimpse of an enormous green and white figure before the doors slammed shut. An Abomasnow. The blizzard hadn't been natural after all.]

Oh, that is a wonderful detail. I love terrifyingly competent villains.

This is incredible. Your prose is gripping and intense, and Sasha is an instantly engaging protagonist. I love that you're starting with not only an established trainer but a specialist, I love that you're engaging with the mythos, I love that you're engaging with how the *characters* engage with the mythos, I love the trainers' relationships with their pokemon. I'm really interested to see where this goes.
Warhammer4life chapter 1 . 12/6/2018
A warning seeing how your starting a new Pokemon story. Be warned of St Elmo's Fire, AshxSelene Writer, and Farla are the Pokemon fanfiction bullies. There is literally not a single story on this site that doesn't have his nonsense review. He claim everyone who opposes him are nothing but one user who stalks having nearly the whole fandom against him.

He the one stalking the Pokemon fandom by going to its category and only targeting the new writers effectively destroying them from writing in a degraded attempt to destroy the fandom.

Please block him for yourselves. He's untrustworthy. Watch he's going to post some nonsense about "sock-puppets" as he's that predictable and is well known lair.

Hell, he's even going to say this bullcrap [KingPyle is a sockpuppet of lstwill56, who was banned on my sister's forum for using racial slurs and is now spamming the category as revenge.] or the even more crazy nonsense {Sockpuppet of Hybrid of Fate}

Which is funny as Istwill got removed for being a Neo-pagan while he is friends with an actual fascist.

Oh and if he goes on about this [ see you've been visited by KingPyle. My condolences. Authors have continually told her to stop doing this but she just won't leave people alone.]

Trust me I won't have to put those two unless he didn't put them in his reviews because he can't take no for an answer.

Plus, I have written a story and shown him that I'm not but he chooses not too.

He's been told to leave people alone and even made up the sockpuppet nonsense in a desperate attempt to discredit those that tried to stop him. Which is rather petty of him but hey he's a pathological liar.

His review will start off with a nonsense of him giving out constructive criticism when really its all flames. Then maybe he'll move on to you summary, or talk about the nonsense of Pokemon nanes, dailogue or some other nonsense. Best to block him before it happens alright