Reviews for Harry Potter, Self-Insert
Tenchi chapter 1 . 2/2/2019
Nice start but others have done so to also. It like this they update so many chapters after you get into it and let you are let down so one hope it not be same case with you. I leave it up to you on that. I like to see what happen in this like how he deal with things becoming harry potter. Hope keep chapters coming.
ProblemPixie chapter 6 . 2/3/2019
They way you have the first line written is a little odd. "Don't call him a freak and give that back!" reads as if Hermione is telling the bullies "Don't call Harry a freak and then give the book back". You would want to divide it into two sentences, or go with "Give that back, and DON'T call him a freak!" or something similar.

'Aunt' doesn't need to be capitalized, nor does 'godfather', 'magic', or 'wizarding world'(I know I say this a lot, sorry! I read each chapter once and then read it a second time and write the review as I go along!)

I've been noticing that there's a few places where you should have a comma, but use a period instead. Right after discussing Kreacher and the locket, in the next section, you have 'Apparently. the years of Dementor exposure [...]'. What you need is 'Apparently, the years of [...]".

'Dementor' does not need to be capitalized. 'Diary' does not need to be capitalized. 'Ring' and 'dragon' do get the drift.

Now, I have to bring up something in regards to another reviewer. I'm sure you know the one I'm referring to, crude and screaming and unhelpful. He mentioned that you're 'grooming' Hermione. I don't know if he's just spoiling for a fight, a jerk, or has bad reading comprehension, but I have to argue what he said; I don't see any hint that you're 'grooming' Hermione at all. There's been no inappropriate talk, no sexual tension, no signs that you somehow want to manupilate an 8 year old girl into marriage. I don't know WHERE Neko got that sickening idea.

The one concern I do have that Neko and I agree on is that things seem to be going suspiciously easy for you. Now, I know this was in regards to a reddit thread from awhile back, and also that you may just be doing this for fun, and that the whole POINT of the story is a 'fix-it' - but you won't find a lot of feedback if you/Harry always get your way with little effort and no drama, struggles, or weaknesses. People don't generally like to read a lot of godlike OP powerwank stories, and that's something that can accidentally happen all too easily in self-insert stories. cautious, is all.

Also in regards to Neko's flames (which they are, as they're essentially whining and threatening to quit reading, then he keeps on reading anyway..) don't get discouraged if what he's said upsets you. I don't see him offering any real advice or writing anything of his own.

Since this is your last chapter so far, I'll probably end up making this my longest review so far. I hope you don't mind my long reviews or think that I'm too nitpicky or anything; just trying to help, as you posted on reddit about the fic.

My advice to you is to get a beta reader to doublecheck for the things I've mentioned (improper capitalizations, incorrect names, punctuation, etc), because that's something that's REALLY EASY to miss as an author. You get used to seeing your own writing on the page, and YOU know what you meant to write, so your mind tends to edit out the errors without you seeing. Someone else proofreading can fix this.

As well, make sure you have some plot, drama, struggles, etc, to avoid becoming a trope-y powerwank. You earlier mentioned Harry in HPMoR was a jerk and too know-it-all-y, but your Harry is in danger of heading that way IF things continue on as is and he faces no challege that he can't beat. Yes, you're an 18-year-old in an 8-year-old's body and things are easy now - that's fine - but they can't always be.

18 (technically 21 by the time you get to Hogwarts) or not, you WERE a muggle and never actually studied magic, so first year shouldn't be that easy for you. You may find that you're complete shit at Charms, for example, and barely manage to pass. You may realize that, book knowledge or not, you get SUPER lost in Hogwarts all of the time. You may accidentally offend Ron and not end up instant friends, or you may do something wrong in the bathroom that leads to a student getting really hurt by the troll (I assume Hermione won't be this student, as you're now her friend and Ron's comment shouldn't lead to her crying in the loo).

Also keep in mind, the more you instantly change the plot, the less you can rely on your future knowledge. Butterfly Effect, you know. One little thing you change can really screw things up for you later down the line.

I'll leave it here for now, and best luck on the rest of the story!
ProblemPixie chapter 5 . 2/3/2019
Hah, called it! I'm happy to see Hermione show up.

I don't know why I was surprised to see you have Hermione skip 2 grades - it's never mentioned in canon, but I can certainly see it being something she'd have done!

Just throwing out there again - don't need to capitalize 'magic'. :) Same with when you mentioned accidental magic - no caps needed.

'Freak' doesn't need to be capitalized as you have it; it would be 'He called me a freak' OR 'He called me 'Freak'.'

'Aunt' and 'uncle' don't need caps here, either.

'Godfather's' doesn't need to be capitalized there.

Oof, ouch - I was afraid Tyler would take offense..

('Muggle' does not need to be capitalized.)

Well, I bet Tyler is going to regret this!
ProblemPixie chapter 4 . 2/3/2019
I like the title on this one, it gave me a good chuckle!

It's odd that Sirius would allow Harry/you to be alone with Kreacher, someone he doesn't trust and actively despises.

You mention 'apparition' in this chapter - an apparition is a ghost or ghost-like image of a person, or type of hallucination. In this case, you WANT to capitalize it - Apparition. Aparate. Disaparate.

In that same sentence, you mention "I and Kreacher were in an empty room"; this is incorrect. It should be 'Kreacher and I'.

'Fiendfyre' ought to be capitalized.

Is that a hint at Hermione I see? Nice!
ProblemPixie chapter 3 . 2/3/2019
I hope I'm not coming across as too nitpicky, as I'm trying to help out..!

'Aunt' does not need to be capitalized where Remus says it, as it isn't at the start of a sentence and is not used to refer to her AS Aunt Petunia, but rather just 'your aunt'. Similarly, 'tutor' and 'magic' shouldn't be capitalized there.

Imo, the 'Dumb Eldor' thing is a bit grating - an adult should have more self control, and the child people consider you at the moment would have more respect.

A small thing stood out to me - Remus should not have been able to send a Compulsion Charm (which SHOULD be capitalized, as it's a proper name), or in fact do any magic there at all. When Dobby got Vernon's guests with that cake in canon, Harry was blamed. When Harry blew up Marge in PoA, the Ministry know about it. In book 5, when Harry used the Patronus Charm, MoM detected it. Because Privet Drive/Little Whinging is a muggle area, and Harry is the only known magical person to reside there, he would be instantly blamed for Remus' magic and someone (likely Hogwarts staff at the behest of the Ministry/Mafalda Hopkirk) would send someone over to see why such a young child was doing not only magic, but an actual, purposeful Compulsion Charm. This is particularly an issue as you have Remus doing this charm repeatedly.

'Holly' and 'phoenix' do not need to be capitalized in regards to Harry's/your wand.

'Pouring' over books.

'Physics' and 'chemistry' do not need to be capitalized, nor do 'theory' or 'magic' unless you're referring to a book CALLED 'Theory of Magic'.

'Prison' should not be capitalized.

I like the scene between you and Remus discussing your/Harry's father and their friendship!

In the letter to Mad-Eye, 'professionals' does not need to be capitalized. Also, I can't be sure if this was purposeful yet or not (disregard my statement if you did it as a plot point) but the letter to Mad-Eye certainly seems to implicate the Weasley's and makes it sound as if they were hiding Wormtail on purpose.

In the next scene, between you and Remus - you've forgotten to capitalize the 'what' in 'What did happen?".

When Sirius asks about your life with the Dursley's, 'aunt' and 'uncle' do not need to be capitalized.

Things are moving fast! I'm glad Sirius is free, but it seems like everything is just speeding on by.
ProblemPixie chapter 2 . 2/3/2019
I think it would help to have more in-depth looks at you life at the Dursleys and WHY they do what they do. You kind of just drop 'Vernon physically abuses me' in there and then move past it like it was nothing. What did you do that was so bad as to get physically punished? Despite how awful the Dursleys were to Harry in canon, they rarely if ever get physical with him.

You could toss in a mention like 'things aren't how I thought they would be, they're not exactly like the books at all. Vernon is much crueller to me than he ever was to Harry in the books', or something.

As well, the way you/Harry just sort of...throws off the emotional repercussions of physical abuse doesn't seem right. Assuming you're a fairly normal person who's been reborn into another world and family (and you seemed to express mild dismay at never seeing YOUR family again in the previous chapter), it leads the reader to assume that you were never abused in this manner, and therefor should probably be much more shaken and distressed by Vernon's treatment of you.

I like that you brought up the difficulties of functioning well when suddenly dropped into a much smaller body - a lot of people skim over how WEIRD this would be for anyone to have to deal with.

When referencing Snape, 'spy' does not need to be capitalized. Similarly, 'boy' would not be capitalized later when Mrs. Figg uses it when speaking to you. As well, she's Mrs., not Ms.

'Magic' does not need to be capitalized in any of the instances you've done so in.

It's also slightly off that a woman of Mrs. Figgs' age and intelligence would get into a screaming match with a 'little boy' and call him 'stupid' - that's incredibly out of character for what we know of her.
ProblemPixie chapter 1 . 2/3/2019
It's kind of short and scattered. It's also highly improbable that anyone, especially someone who hasn't read the books in awhile, would wake up in a small area with forehead pain and INSTANTLY go to "welp, I've died and been reincarnated into the Harry Potter universe'. It would make much more sense to be confused, and not realize until Dudley or Petunia woke you up - or even until seeing yourself in a reflective surface.

Mentioning HPMoR doesn't sit easily with me; it's a very divisive fic, and whether you love it or hate it, it seems weird to bring up other author's fics in your own, at least directly. A reference along the lines of "I shouldn't overdo the science thing, though - I don't want to end up facing a supersmart Quirrel and Voldemort Team, I've seen how that one ends."

After all, how would you like it if someone wrote a story and it contained a line like "I wouldn't do the stupid things done by Harry in 'Harry Potter, Self-Insert', or something? (Not saying, specifically, that you have or would - just giving an example).

On the upside, your spelling, grammar, and punctuation seem pretty solid. That's all I can say thus far as it's just a set-up chapter.
Mimeomia chapter 6 . 2/3/2019

Mimeomia chapter 3 . 2/3/2019
yeah... this is were I quit.
There's no plot, at all. This will probably go on as a fix it fic, and you won't go into ANY detail about HOW things were done, maybe you'll put something like ; I wrote a letter with future info plus magic and done.

I like SI's 'cause it's interesting to read what the MC will DO and HOW he's going to do it. I don't want to read about the MC's thoughts, or his original life or whatever.

I don't like that your MC instead of DOING something himself or waiting until a moment he won't BREAK CANON , he just goes and TALK to someone and puff, EVERYTHING'S DONE FOR HIM, THE WORLD TWISTING ITSELF TO SERVE THE MC.
Mimeomia chapter 2 . 2/3/2019
Don't make your MC talk adult-ish and then go and fuck up dumbles name, it's weird and he'll probly hear that name 100 times and if he's still getting it wrong, well, he'll just seem stupid at that point.
Mimeomia chapter 1 . 2/3/2019
yessh, at least use a flippin mirror to realize u r HP.
a guy1013 chapter 6 . 2/3/2019
Just keep updating
a guy1013 chapter 5 . 2/3/2019
Nice just keep updating
LachesisMoirai chapter 1 . 2/3/2019
Brilliant job, I love the Fandom references!
329 | « Prev Page 1 .. 12 19 20 21 22