|Reviews for Little God|
| kintsugii chapter 1 . 7/19/2020
Oh! Mew origins! *buckles up*
This is just for part one for now (came here from the title thread), but I'm definitely circling back soon! *haha this was funny before i realized i was crossposting these and took forever to circle back i'm so sorry
[It was tomorrow in Kanto, and early.]
This is a really neat detail - I think it's really easy to get a mental image of all of the Pokemon world lumped together in a little map, but this is a great way to show how big it actually could be.
[Titan leaned in so close his breath fogged the crummy screen, yapping away. Squirtle trilled back, and then they were off in furious conversation about something-or-other.]
Ahhh! This is great. I like how Oak asks about how Titan is doing and then lets them yammer on to each other; it really gives them so much more agency and also it's cute. Curious to see how you'll tie this in to how people view Mew/company, given that the Mew/Mewtwo story typically ends up being a thesis in how humans end up treating pokemon like garbage.
[dragons that split the region, but they died out thousands and thousands of years ago]
"died out" to me implies that there was a whole species of them, but I think you're just referring to the two?
[items to offer the local pokémon in exchange for permission to stay and reassurance that no one would bother the camp or the dig site or Mom's cameras]
oh! this is a neat idea too; vaguely has some Implications but could be neutral either way. what kind of items would wild pokemon even want from humans?
["Bye, Dad," she said, feeling a bit silly as she turned towards the forest.
"Bye, Sara. Be safe,"]
oh man one of them is definitely screwed, aren't they?
[she found a massive bug that looked like a cross between a crab and a spider, bigger than two of her hands put together]
yessss fill the ecological void implied by pokemon canon by having all the weird creepy insects that are vital to the world functioning correctly
Child narrators are great because you get to skip all the boring facts (science! grad students! archaeological sites!) while still making them pay for all of the consequences (don't split the party, don't go off trail, don't talk to the creepy tree draped in corpses). You do a really good job of establishing her voice here, and she gets to take us on stupid adventures that most adults probably wouldn't do.
I'm actually really curious about this one and where it's going to go! From your other stories that I've read I was expecting something a bit more grim and/or tragic, but for the most part this is sort of just fun slice-of-life? A kid wanders into the woods and sees weird shit and just... wanders out? I read through this chapter waiting for the other shoe to drop, for you to pull the rug out and cleverly subvert expectations that the forest was going to be sunshine and rainbows, but tbh I think this interpretation feels a lot more realistic and a lot more earned. Which is really neat.
Otherwise, everything here feels really natural. The adults feel like adults, Sara feels like a youngish child (idk... eight to eleven? don't take this as a bad sign; I'm pretty sure I can't properly guess child ages when I'm looking at them), the forest feels like a forest. My favorite bits were the details that I highlighted above, but in general your description really clicks for me here.
Lovely stuff! I think this one is a bit shorter/less emotionally taxing than how Salvage feels, so maybe I'll alternate on them haha. I'll try to catch up on the rest share some more holistic feedback later tonight! Thanks for sharing.
| WildBoots chapter 4 . 9/28/2019
[that people would want to stay and search for Mew, too.] Play on words / foreshadowing?
[If he can't battle you, I guess I'll have to do it myself," Sara said, and she felt wild, gripping her knife tight.] I liked this moment.
Not sure how I feel about this ending overall. It felt a little abrupt, but perhaps that’s because I’m not reading your main story.
| WildBoots chapter 3 . 9/28/2019
I love that she’s seeing the consequences of her actions. Mew is weird and creepy and I’m here for it. Very stressed about Titan — loved seeing how vulnerable and disposable he became in his pokéball. Worried about Hunter.
[Hunter doesn't like anybody who's not a potsherd, Sweetie. ] Great line.
[A twinge of pain sparked behind one of Sara's eyebrows. Not good; a sudden headache was how Hunter told you he was annoyed with you and wanted you to leave.] Love this mechanic.
Love the addition of Fossil World.
Some confusion with Mew’s pronouns. You used they, it, and she.
| WildBoots chapter 2 . 9/20/2019
One small error:
[Before Sara could decide the conversation was over, the pokémon filing between the tents on the far side of camp and heading into the jungle.]
Seems to be a wire missing in there.
You’ve done a great job making this world feel tactile and alive. And dangerous. Excited to find out how it ends.
| Nubushi chapter 1 . 5/20/2019
So, it was a little while ago that I read through this story, but I just wanted to drop by and let you know I thought it was very well-done. I loved Sara as a character and thought that the characterization of her (the way she acted when bored, her thoughts about adults, and so on) was really spot-on child characterization, particularly in chapter 1. Also, you did a great job of characterizing the Pokemon, like Titan's interactions with Sara, and the way that communication with them is possible to some extent, but they are still different than humans and do not think in the same way.
| Mal chapter 4 . 4/30/2019
Damn. what a satisfying ending. Mew came in like a total fucking bad ass. I was "looking on" as if in the story myself, amazed at the level of destruction its capable of. Scary.
Loved how she got past the wild pokemon. Clever. I really like how you put her in situations, and then us readers just can't see a way for her to get out of it, and instead of making up some impossible trick for her to come out unscathed, you have her use poke balls. God...damn, such a wonderfully, delightfully simple way around all the atking mons, but effective. Unlike scenes in movies, when the opponents have guns, and somehow they manage to miss hitting the MC letting them save the day. lol your version is sooooo much more satisfying.
Thank you for writing and sharing. This was
a bit different than what I pictured, but so much better and way more sinister than I ever could dream of. ;)
| Mal chapter 3 . 4/25/2019
holy shiiiiiiit. What a chapter. The pokemon atk at the end there was pretty real, pretty frightening, even though I know its just a story. The way that servine held her down freaked me out. lol and when mew took her poke ball I knew she'd get it back, but the malice behind mew's action, scared me. I know she will meet up with mew again, but that would make me hesitate hard about playing with mew ever again. and the fact that this atk comes after playing with mew all day, too much of a coincidence. Possibly I'm attributing too much adult reasoning to the situation...
I did very much enjoy the shape shifting bit, though. I felt like in its own way, it was trying to apologize in its own way. :) Also... at the end there, I totaly expected mew to swoop in and save the day, so nice job on not taking the obvious route. Although, I wouldn't be upset if you did. I just find it cool you took a different path.
I forced myself to read this in two sittings... and I...I am still unpacking it. All the feelings I had throughout this chapter, how intense. I know people fluf up their reviews with pretty words and feelings, but seriously. Duuuuuude. You're writing is awesome, and i totaly know I say that every time I review your work, but I look up to you, your writing affects me. I want to learn from your stories, as I'm an aspiring author.
The way you tell your stories, weave hints and details throughout the chapters, the flow/pacing is just right, its damned impressive.
Okay, now I'm done babbling.
| archivewriter3 chapter 4 . 4/1/2019
That was completely awesome. I kinda knew that Mew would help, but... Dayuum, is she strong.
Also nice ending. I'm pretty sure that Mew would still show Sara who's boss later on, but I'm sure the little legend would love the praise she would get from winning battles.
All in all, this was an amazing piece of work, and I would love to read more from you!
| Keleri chapter 4 . 3/31/2019
Ludicrously good, scary, sad chapter. Thanks again for this side story!
"Some of the people lurking skulking humans had caught on"
some punctuation missing here
"Tents were upended everywhere, tangles of canvas and metal poles. Unconscious pokémon littered the ground, and smoke billowed up through dripping branches. Mew giggled and spun, as delighted as Sara'd ever felt her."
a legendary pokemon's gratitude
"Sara held the ball close to her chest and thought of championships, of cheering crowds."
poor Mew. poor Sara.
| Keleri chapter 3 . 3/31/2019
"Most of the rest were pictures of pansear, who knew about the experiment, striking poses and mugging for the camera trap."
I HAVE LEARNED A NEW WORD. THANK.
Haha I love Hunter, that dangerousness and independence of the (almost) trainerless pokemon. :D
Sara's narration and reactions to Mew are sooooooo spot-on, this is exactly how I would have reacted when I was 10 haha.
Gahhhhhh, you're TERRIFYING me again! I LOVE IT :D
"The not-her's expression, so neutral as to be almost frightening, did not change."
SuMo protagonist confirmed for Mew
| ultima-owner chapter 4 . 3/29/2019
It's concluded wonderfully
| archivewriter3 chapter 3 . 3/14/2019
Mew is basically what would happen if you gave a 6 year old godlike power. It isn't actually MEAN, but it doesn't know or care much about the situation of others. Not to say that Mew doesn't care at all; he did bring back Titan's ball, but possibly not because of it feeling bad or such, but because it wanted its playmate to stop ignoring it and play again.
That part with it turning into her was Hilarious !
| ultima-owner chapter 3 . 3/13/2019
Hunter must have asked the wrong questions when mew shadow balled him.
| Dragonfree chapter 2 . 2/26/2019
Oh, man. You continue to do Sara's little kid POV really well; her boredom and desire to get out and do fun stuff and the horror of getting lost with nothing - while knowing if her parents find her they're /never/ going to let her go on the journey she's always wanted! Oh, my heart.
I wonder how objective her perceptions that the aura that's presumably Mew's is bad and ominous are; it'd certainly be interesting and unusual if that's really what it's like, but for the moment I'm banking on it just being her being scared by the sensation of such a strong psychic aura in general.
The whole altar thing is strange; she's pretty confident it's a Pokémon altar (presumably to Mew?), but it's got all these ropes and windchimes and pots - are there Pokémon that make that sort of thing or have they somehow managed to get all this stuff off humans passing through, and if the latter, why would they be going out of their way to build an altar out of human things? Maybe she's just wrong about it being a Pokémon altar, but I have a hard time picturing this story going towards something involving a human jungle Mew cult.
| mal chapter 2 . 2/23/2019
Really, really enjoying this. You have a beautiful writing stile. The pacing and flow is perfect. I adore the little details you slip in there to make the world feel concrete. I feel as if I am Sara, that's how much your story has drawn me in.
I've missed your writing; so pleased you created this glimps into Sara's world before everything happened. And damn, I love Titan. And Mew, how curious it is. Love how she tried convincing herself of its innocents, and yet there's that darkened undertone... Oooooh.
Thanks for writing and sharing!