|Reviews for Dan and Jack the robbers|
| finaldragon13 chapter 1 . 1/28/2010
ok, this is interesting...
A) arn't you supost to start a new paragraph after each new speaker in dialog
B) this could really use some fleshing out "They steal the kuruma" leaves a lot to the imagination...
C) this was great for humor, these 2 fools are such idiots.
| Dan chapter 1 . 6/23/2003
| Dug Hammond chapter 1 . 5/11/2003
No offense to any of the reviewers, but i like how simple the story is. It's funny as hell and true to the game (after all, there never was much depth to stealing cars and robbing banks).
| Majin Inferno chapter 1 . 5/2/2003
Very funny plz write a sequel but just one thing try to make it a little longer. lol still laughin and dan and jack
| highcaliberrageous chapter 1 . 4/30/2003
Thanx for the review. I wondered if that story would sit there lagging.I wish writing for real was always this simple like how you're doing you know? (sorry it's just that I write too much and get lost on fucking tangents too much. They can ruin a story faster than you can say damn) Kinda writing this under pressure since I've got some final exams to take care of, but the shit's got sum potential you know. We should review each other shit often you know. and for dan and Jack you reaally should make something like put them under presure. Make their wanted levels raise up, or take the craziest high speed chase you ever played in the games, and put it into the story. There's really lots of possiblities. Well good luck and keep in touch. I'll tell if I come up with anything new stuff, and we can write up a frenzy cool?
| F-15 Eaglestrike chapter 1 . 4/28/2003
pretty good start. keep writing. you might want to make the chapters a little longer
| Maverick Point chapter 1 . 4/25/2003
Hey! Thanks for the shout-out, man. Just warms the heart and all. Anyway. I read your little thing-a-mah-jig here and I have some suggestions for you from an author to an author, if you don't mind. Although you have the basis of the game Grand Theft Auto down, I suggest you add more detail to the writing. Like, who is Dan, who is Jack, and why are they randomly robbing a laundromat? What's going on around them, what's the day like? You know what I mean? You don't have to get into nitpicky stupid stuff, but it's something to consider. Also, if you utilize dialogue in this way: "This car is great for robbing places," said Dan. It would make the story more story like. If you want to write about a robbery, try descrbing what happened during the hiest. Did they use guns? How'd they get away successfully? The story has a plot, but it's not written. This is more of 2 demensional outline. But at least you know what you're doing in the sense of the game and making characters for it. Now all you have to add the bulk. I admire your attempt, and I'm positive that you will become a writer of great accomplishments. Keep on trucking. Good job.