Reviews for Third Genesis
SolemnSaturn chapter 6 . 6/12/2012
The story are going well in my opinion.

i'll keep reading.
SolemnSaturn chapter 1 . 6/12/2012
To bad for me, just when i find a fic to read i see the word Discontinued, well wherever, i'll read all that you write until now ok?

I'll do my best to send a review of every chapter, but if you don't see any review, this mean that i have note usefull to write ou coment so don't worry.

Thanks for read and sorry if a do any mistakes with the grammar.
angelfury chapter 32 . 6/7/2012
This was a good chapter but id really like a fluff chapter soon
Suzume CA chapter 45 . 12/30/2011
So, fancy meeting you here! I think that with all the various Rules of the Internet (rule 34, rule 36, and so on), we need to invent one specifically for you: if it exists, and has female characters, Shane has written yuri for it.

I do enjoy what you've done here, but if I may, I'd like to take a moment to offer some suggestions for the rewrite, should it ever come to pass. I'm more than confident that you know (and love) the setting enough to do it justice, and I have faith in your ability to tell a story, so I'm going to zero in on some persnickety things from what now amounts to being a first draft.

Given the length of time between the posting of the first and last chapters, I can say that I have no idea how frequently you updated this piece, though if I know you, it was probably one of several stories you were working on concurrently. There's a curious thing that happens with a serialized story, though, once it becomes a larger block to be read in one or a few sittings (as it is now). Specifically, it appears that with every chapter, you felt the need to re-familiarize yourself and the readers with every character. I am hard-pressed to find a chapter where each of them was not introduced by describing their hair color, their plug suits, their eyes, or their clothing. However, since the chapters are, on the whole, on the short side, there were times when it felt like I was being reminded every five minutes about Rei's blue hair. I guess what I'm saying is that you probably don't need to sneak in quite so many Introductory Physical Descriptors, or at the very least I doubt it would be necessary in every chapter.

Speaking of Rei, the personality transplant was maybe a tad jarring (but hell, the fact that you wrote in this setting at all without tons of crushing angst was a tad jarring after watching the series and movie, so I guess it fits), though as a writer I think I understand what you were going for. I just wish you'd taken it a little further, and given more details about the relationship between this Rei and her past selves, and why she has phantom memories from those other Reis, and possibly even why she doesn't seem so emotionally blunted this time around. I liked your New Rei, but I wish I'd gotten to learn more about her.

As for the rest of the cast... dang, the menfolk were not very well represented, were they? When Hyuga finally showed up, I was relieved to see that he had survived. The Professor gets a single off-camera mention in spite of his previous importance, Gendo is vilified (not without reason) at every turn, and Aoba is missing, but with someone else sharing his surname filling in as a butch lady martial arts instructor. Oh, and all the women are gay, or at least bi. (Except Hikari. Thank goodness for the token straight couple!) And even Shinji is a woman... sort of...

And while on the one hand, I get it, you're writing a yuri (Rule XX, above), it was very strange to see Evangelion more or less morph into Strawberry Panic in terms of the character demographics. Funny thing - I "paged ahead" at one point to see if we were ever going to get Shinji back, and I saw a bit in passing about Misato dating Aoba, and thought "Aha, at least one of them is still straight." Oops.

I guess what I'm saying is that it's one thing to write a near-complete lack of straight people in the context of a Strawberry Panic, or a Koihime Musou, or a Maria-sama, but it felt strangely pasted-on to have almost everyone in the cast turn up as either lesbian or missing. Genre shifts are cool, make no mistake: from what I can see, Eva has several "official" translations into completely different sub-genre. Eva as wall-to-wall yuri just took some getting used to, I guess.

Which brings me to Shinji. I never expected I'd say this, but dang, poor Shinji. No apparent resolution, and the story ends with his possessed body committing suicide? I think even Mark D would say "Man, that's harsh." (Okay, maybe not.) Maybe there was going to be something in the missing chapters toward the end describing the attempt to get him back, and should you proceed with the re-write, I hope this is done, just for closure if nothing else. If he's riding through space in the Eva, happily mind-melded with the other Rei, that would be good to know. If he's fully dead, that would be a bummer, but good to know. (Rei seemed to think otherwise, though.) If he never came out of the goo and decided to remain part of the remaining collective (did any collective remain in your story?), then that would be good to know as well. (But again, Rei seemed to know otherwise - maybe she had some psychic connection to the mental remains of her other self?) Say what you want about how broken he was as a character, but I think Shinji deserves that, at least.

I could mention some mechanical things, like use of apostrophes for plural nouns and the occasional dangling modifier (hate it when they dangle!), but since this is, for all intents and purposes, a rough draft, I'll resist going all grammar police on you.

Anyway, the above are simply suggestions, and please do not think that I did not enjoy the story! I wouldn't have gone through 45 chapters of it if I didn't, Facebook friends or not. ;p This was a fine effort, and a story with heart and sweetness and many moments of "D'awwwww!" I hope you can understand how effing strange it was for me to have moments of "D'awwwww!" in the context of Evangelion, but it was a nice change of pace all the same. I hope you come back to this someday, I really do.

d chapter 45 . 7/22/2010
why the fuck did you made asuak a lesbian butch
The Wandering Soul of 1014 chapter 45 . 6/24/2010
-I was actually hoping to see Shinji return, but this is not the worst cutthroat ending I've seen. In the rewrite, though. you better bring him back!

Happy writing, and update soon!
BigKwell chapter 45 . 6/22/2010
I'm SO looking forward to the re-write!
Rabe Addler chapter 44 . 6/7/2010
Please kill off/flip his Gender or otherwise deal with Shinji as NGE is very much his story and just writing him out of it without given him a proper send off is something only someone as "uniquely" "gifted" Joe would do.

I think you can do much better then that at this point.

I mean Asuka and Rei as a couple work well and I do enjoy reading about them, but even when I see the happy couple go about being their cute selves in the back of my mind I always feel like everyone and their female dog got a shot at a future with a loving partner except Shinji. It just seems so unfair.
LunarMiko07 chapter 1 . 5/28/2010
Wow I almost didn't notice that you added a chapter zero. Cool insight to how it all started.
bubble.duckie chapter 42 . 12/7/2009
Imagine my surprise when I discovered that you've updated this wonderful fic. I just love the story lines and the plot. I'm so sure that a lot of your readers will love what you have done this time. Kudos to a great fanfic writer.
HolyDragoon chapter 42 . 12/3/2009
Love it. Shinji is screwed. Either Yui's plan works, or a certain boy will be the resident soul of the Purple Berserker in the fight against the rouge Evas. .. wait, that doesn't sound that bad... as long as there's no need for a pilot.
Violet Shadows chapter 1 . 9/19/2009
Ok, first of all, the Sailor Senshi? Yeah, they came out of freaking no where, but screw it right - I've seen worse led ins. What really gets me is this whole illusions from Adam thing, if he had the ability to brainwash most of the planet into thinking a large sum of their cities and population were gone, why the hell couldn't he do it to select individuals to get him out, 'Briefcase? Sorry, this is just my dirty laundry.'

But all that aside, it's still readable, the dioulouge isn't bad and while the narrative is a little sparse for my taste it isn't necessarily a bad one: just brief. You could have introduced Ritsuko's gunshot wound a little earlier, because that had me going ?_? for a second, but it works out.

Masato's promotion was a nice twist and entirely appropriate in retrospect, and while I'm suprised that such a large sum of the population survived third impact (especially since it was strongly implied Misato (and most everyone else) was dead), I can work with it.

The only thing that stands out sharply in context would probably be Ritsuko's charges being composed soley of the attempted murder of a superior officer: first because there was a whole lot of other shit that could have been added like crimes against humanity, treason, and conspiracy to commit genicide, but also the fact that Gendo was trying to essentially fuck the planet; in my opinion her assault would certainly have been an issue that was quitely and tactitly ignored in favor of either other charges, or in a quite behind the scenes deal. Both would have been keeping to the tone of the source material and I think played better in your introduction.
Cyberchao X chapter 41 . 7/28/2009
Ah, yes, Tang. Probably would've been forgotten by history completely if it weren't for NGE. Great work, shane.
dazzimo1988 chapter 2 . 7/2/2009
there is something about this story that i don't know is actually interesting the idea for once a fic that really looks interesting i'm looking forward to the rest
Popkov chapter 40 . 11/2/2008
I gotta say i loved it. but... arent you a little over the top with all the... err... girl-on-girl action? .

Although a boyish Asuka with an eypatch that is kinda hawt

*shakes his head*

hope you update soon :)
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