Reviews for Blonde Ashikabi
Beastyd22 chapter 12 . 8/22/2019
Awesome chapter man keep it up man and keep up the awesomeness thanks man.
ShadowRealmComics chapter 12 . 8/21/2019
Hmmmm, look forward to the next chapter. However, before you do the time skip, can you please have some intereacations of Naruto with the Uzumaki family. Like have them realize that Naruto was from the legend of their family or something. If not, then no sweat for this is your story. Keep up with the good work.
Shadow Joestar chapter 12 . 8/21/2019
KO awesome chapter, Naruto sure went on a big rampage to the MBI to show them what happens when you mess with his lovers and they suffered the consequences!
Gregary Fritsch chapter 5 . 8/9/2019
Sexy Justu:Reverse Harem Justu. lmaorog
Autismguy593 chapter 11 . 8/3/2019
Ok, I would hope it would be a happy ending, I mean beat the stuffing out of Minaka, and every other MBI guy.
ShadowRealmComics chapter 11 . 7/31/2019
Hmm, nice chapter and keep it up. I cannot wait to see what happens next.
shinobinoyami16 chapter 11 . 7/30/2019
Love the story but a minor thing that could help is that it seems a little shallow I mean you winged Miya the un-wingable sekirei in chapter 2 and that was after he winged many more. I’m not flaming but it just seems your characters are one dimensional in this particular story.
Saber4040 chapter 11 . 7/30/2019
Is that a Jojo's reference I just saw?!
Anti-weeaboo Faction chapter 11 . 7/30/2019
SEKAI ICHII! AYY LMAO
joshuafoster36 chapter 10 . 7/25/2019
continue zis book I love it
Dustfan chapter 1 . 7/25/2019
Kinda surprised that no one has mentioned this but there's no one in the Sekirei universe with a bust as big as Tsunade's unless it's mentioned in a later chapter and I'm just jumping the gun, she's bigger than everyone in the Sekirei universe.
FLAME chapter 10 . 6/25/2019
...what have I encountered? I read the reviews and saw a lot of it is good...but so far...what I'm reading is...just hard.
READ TIL THE END
The plot is like my fucking earphones, leave it alone in an enclosed space and it gets jumbled up. From what I'm seeing, the grammar is absolutely shocking. Don't get me wrong, its not horrible like drinking sewer water, no, it is horrible like drinking toilet water.
Drinking sewer waterGROSS and you get sick
Drinking toilet waterStill gross but not as gross as sewer water AND you won't get sick...probably...
Which means, that some, or worst, majority of your grammar is causing me to want to wash my eyes with bleach mixed with perfume just to add insult to injury.
This is like other people skipping parts of a movie or an anime just to get to the scenes they want. And YOU are one of them.
The positive reviews you're getting? Those are just some bored/horny people who want to read Naruto banging alien women. They don't want to read the plot, they want to read your story, your writing because YOU fast forward to a lot of stuff and immediately, there is a lemon.
And that is just bad.
A story should start slow to get good. A story that starts fast RARELY gets good.
And sadly, this isn't one of them.
I mean its decent enough to get a boner or two. But not good enough for the long run.
And look at how fast the harem is growing! It is unbelievably stupid.
I know that Sekirei doesn't joke around when getting a big harem fast. But this is just ridiculous! I mean it took TWO seasons for Minato to get Kazehana and Homura to his flock and complete his harem, while YOU are building it like a kid building a tiny wooden house in Minecraft.
The plot is, like I said, all jumbled up because you do things fast.
...
Its hard, but you should take this to heart.
My suggestions?
1. Slow down and set up a good plot, a person who skips things are JUST LAZY.
2. If you don't like the plot, then tweak with it a lil bit. Be creative. Add Sasuke or Sakura, HECK! Add Jiraiya if you want! Just make sure you have a good explanation ready.
3. Fix your grammar, you have written TEN stories, so there are probably some people who have mentioned your grammar.
This is FLAME, burning you and lighting the way ,signing out
FixGrammar chapter 1 . 5/29/2019
come on, how hard is to know that "your" / "you're"
darkstel chapter 2 . 5/22/2019
You should not eliminate Yomi now this story lost the last interesting feature to build a complete harem. The biggest disadvantage of this story is too fast course of events and little time devoted to any events. Seriously, it feels like you're watching a fast-forward movie. Not promising, you need to develop the plot in more detail.
REX3810 chapter 8 . 5/18/2019
wow the lemon was very good friend.
I hope to see more later.
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