Hi Cole! Thanks for sharing your story with the world!

Warning: I'm about to leave a detailed review, so if you're a potential reader don't go on because spoilers! Go READ IT instead, because it was really good!

I really enjoyed it. It was one of those stories that made me forget I was reading at times because I was so immersed in it!

The premise was fabulous. After playing ORAS, I felt pretty underwhelmed by the villains who had a lot of potential, and I loved seeing them portrayed in a completely new light here. Archie's motives were a LOT more understandable this time which added a depth to his character that was so lacking in the games. It's strange to think that in the games they essentially were from parallel universes, but seeing them cross over and interact worked really well. Especially given how well matched they were.

I really appreciated the lengths you went to when maintaining consistency in the characters, right down to the pokemon they had. When Maxie contemplated waking up Groudon to fight against Kyogre- damn, that was meta.

But you also made it clear that these guys were different to the ones we knew by using formal version of their names, changing people's attitudes towards them, and adding a certain grittiness to the story. Giving Archie that Chatot was such a nice touch too because it was comedic but also signaled that he's traveled a lot and changed since Maxie had seen him last.

I'm also deeply mystified by the ocean and adventures on the sea, so I really enjoyed this! The crew was very alive for me too. The weatherman and his Castform were particularly endearing to me. Awh, but I also loved that eager beaver Tabitha! The fact that he named his pokemon Bess was so cute and said a lot about his character as a humble, hardworking, and caring guy. All of his appearances were very well executed.

My only real complaint was the death of Drake. I'm about to give a constructive critique and a recommendation for improvement, but just remember that it's YOUR story! You'll never please everyone, so don't go changing stuff for a randomer on the internet like me if YOU'RE happy with YOUR work and think I'm wrong. That's perfectly ok with me. I'm no Master Wordsmith, just an avid reader and aspiring writer.

So, regarding Drake, as a reader, I was really rooting for him and inspired up by his enthusiasm and (stupid) bravery when facing Kyogre. It was like watching him get fired up for a tennis match against the current champion for the gold medal in the Olympics. Like, I'm on the edge of my seat getting ready for a great match- the champion does their renowned legendary serve-

and Drake just gets smacked in the face and taken out on a stretcher.

It was really anti-climactic. Maybe as a writer you were trying to highlight the hopelessness of the battle against Kyogre, but it didn't feel like the battle was hopeless. It felt like Drake was just a sucky fighter. Currently, Maxie's reaction is something like, "he died a hero. If we live, I'll make sure he's remembered." But it didn't feel heroic either. It felt brazen and clumsy.

But if Maxie freaks out a bit more and is like, "OH CRAP THAT WAS OUR BEST MAN AND HE WENT DOWN LIKE IT WAS NOTHING" then the hopelessness of the battle would've hit home more for me if that was the effect you were going for.

Alternatively, you could maybe add in Drake shooting lasers at Kyogre, realizing they're doing nothing, getting panicked and sloppy in his flying, and then getting struck down. This could build tension for your reader, because I'd be watching him fail at this impossible battle and feel actually disillusioned and defeated when he dies. Instead of just being like, "Whelp that sucked," when he's instantly swatted out of the sky.

This approach would also show me that he's actually an amazing fighter and that Kyogre is just REALLY strong which would also highlight the hopelessness of the battle more.

Anyhoo, like I said, this is just my own opinion and definitely isn't gospel!

Overall, I really loved your story. Keep writing, and thanks for the amazing read!

Cheers,
AK