Reviews for HV-S02: Quests for the Golden Fleece |
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![]() ![]() pretentious start, garbage. |
![]() ![]() ![]() Good example of a ridiculous use of repetition would be the section that starts with “Pan!pan!….” Etc. could have easily described the labored breathing, noise escaping the throat, steamy etc etc etc etc theres a thousand ways this could have been presented to a reader. Not as a useless placeholder of a paragraph. |
![]() ![]() ![]() Also forgot to put in my other review but its ridiculous that you force us to read your “mailbag” especially for those of us who use text to speech. Having to manual skip oast them with the reading program every single chapter breaks any sense of immersion possible |
![]() ![]() ![]() The story is good. Your execution of things could be better. For example, youre repetitions in this fiction go from impactful to outright stupidly annoying nearly every time. The acene of Hecate beating the father, way way too many iterations of the sound of him being oummeled when you should have more fluidly used descriptions and flavor to showcase the continued violence. Or Madeas internal thoughts while trying Pain Breaker. She does a panicked mantra like repeat, remove unnecessary details… etc etc that is openly repeated several times more than would ever be necessary. You could have at max had it repeat three times and yet again used descriptors and flavor to tell us or show us that the mantra continues “the fevered words flew from her lips like a dying mans final prayers, seemingly unending but no less full of a plea for salvation and strength.” Its lazy writing and at this point more than halfway through your fiction it now seems like you are blatantly doing it to raise the word count. I will praise you that this is 1000% better than the prequel thay hundreds of readers could not even finish. This story kicks ass on so many levels. Just do some editing and read your work out loud. Itll help fix almost anything. |
![]() ![]() ![]() Alright I'm officially confused, I started reading this while spacing out so I'm unable to make sense of some things. Is this Shirou Emiya being transported to the Age of Gods? If so why does he speak like his memories of Shirou Emiya belong to a different person? |
![]() ![]() ![]() Way to go shirou! |
![]() ![]() ![]() Well shįt |
![]() ![]() ![]() Shirou’s gonna be married and Artemis allowed it? |
![]() ![]() ![]() I have to ask. Whatever happened to the actual Jason. The asshole Jason. |
![]() ![]() ![]() Oh yeah…shirou and Medusa did the deed in heaven’s feel route. Next I can only wonder who the A-rank adventurer that has intimate moments with him. |
![]() ![]() ![]() He’s killing Perseus? Sad for him and his mother.A great start to the story. |
![]() ![]() ![]() Lmao at atalanta's reactions to things with chiron |
![]() ![]() ![]() Wow, can't wait to see Medusa and Atalanta interact, along with Medea! |
![]() ![]() I feel REEEEAALLLY bad for Chiron right now. |
![]() ![]() ![]() lol I like how Chiron calls Alaya EMIYA's/Shirou Emiya's/whatever the frick I should refer to him now as, his 'superior' like if Alaya was just his boss at an office job or something. |