|Reviews for Do Psychic-Type Pokemon Dream of Electric Sheep?|
| MUILucario chapter 5 . 12/14/2019
I love this story please I hope you like my upcoming Pokémon Mystery Dungeon and Dragon Ball Z crossover fanfiction.
| PichuAlt3 chapter 4 . 12/13/2019
About Espurr's inability to sense Pancham's intentions, at first I thought that was because of dark typing, but I remembered that Pancham is purely fighting-type. Is it because of some other reason, or did you just count Pancham as a dark type sort of like how Azurill might as well be water type?
| PichuAlt3 chapter 1 . 12/11/2019
This is off to a great start. Conceptually I love it - I like PMD, I like covering side characters, and Espurr is one of my favorite pokemon.
More importantly, though, your writing is really good. I have a hard time with reading roughly 95% of the fanfictions posted here because I'm easily bothered by writing errors, but this is in the 2%,
I'm looking forward to reading more. Thank you for writing this.
| Neptune chapter 3 . 12/3/2019
Wow! This fic is amazing! The writing is excellent, the story is great, you've earned yourself a fan!
| Team Ion chapter 3 . 12/2/2019
I'm back and back in it! Woo!
Hahahahaha. Ah... I already love the dynamic between Ampharos and the others from the Expedition Society. Of course he lost the map, of course.
Pokemon Plaza... hmm...
Heh. I enjoy that remark from Mawile about wise mon's speaking only when needed and Ampharos immediately trying to think of a witty remark to that, the exact opposite of wisdom. Hahahhaa. Very nice.
Oooh! Ampharos vs the beheeyem! And they tried to petrify him immediately! Well... you can't say they waste any time.
I love that he's a genuinely powerful force though. The Dashing Wanderer indeed.
Jeez he just obliterated some forest! I would run from that myself, I must say.
So humans existed in this world, but not anymore? Very interesting. And no one having seen a human makes sense, since the only 'known' humans have been turned into pokemon.
I wonder what happened...
Hahahahha. Tricky got exactly 50? Or did Espurr sort through them a bit?
Hahaha. He needs to sit down in shock? Weirdo. I love him.
Ooh did they find Ampharos' map?
I can't imagine sleeping on a lapras' back. They'd probably notice, hopefully, if you fell off.
Do Ampharos and Mawile both work with terrible time management? Or just the brutal kind?
Hmm. A nervous kecleon is a very poor sign. What is going over at Pokemon Plaza? I am very worried.
Hmm. Audino and Watchog do NOT get along. I like her, she's sensible and rational and not crazy. Not as crazy at least.
Hahahaha. Oh how I enjoy Ampharos. Espurr wondered why he had the cloak. That is the reason. Isn't it? So he can cast it off in the most dramatic of ways. Be hilarious if at one point it just fell back on his face.
What's he looking for? It isn't...
Oh. It is. How does HE know a human is about? Jirachi? A prophecy? Common sense? It wouldn't surprise me if it was common sense. But how would he know it was this village...?
Interesting again. Tricky stopped wearing the scarf for... some reason. And Espurr forgot to grab the orb that Ampharos planted.
Back to the Air Continent. I am bracing for an entire village turned to stone to be honest. Maybe one terrified occupant left.
Oof. I knew it was coming, but Go-Getters AND A.C.T have been stoned? The Holy has become the Shit.
Was that... one of the void creatures from pokemon hell? Or something... else?
To have brought down the first heroes and even the legendary A.C.T along with an entire town... the stakes, they raise. Now I am VERY worried for Treasure Town and Paradise.
And we get the last bit of the night. I wonder is the molting period for Deerling this painful/annoying? Hissing in a bad mood is not the most pleasant, I must say.
Anyway, this chapter was really fun! Not only do we get to see Espurr and Tricky beginning to bond, which I imagine is Simipour's idea in allowing Espurr to be sent out even with her arm like that, but Ampharos pulling his tricks as WELL as Archen and Mawile's little discovery. Chills... just... chills at the remains of Pokemon Plaza.
| Team Ion chapter 2 . 12/2/2019
Good old faithful Audino. Knew she'd have her fixed up and in care.
Errand Day? Sounds interesting.
Another voice...? My first thoguht is the partner. Since they get into trouble often.
All those questions... yep, definitely the partner! Hahaha. A fennekin eh? I honestly expected an Electric-type just based on the title.
Secret name? Hmm... but Tricky fits them. Reminds me in a good way of Marriland's Mischief.
Healed? Broken bone? But... I'm watching you, Tricky.
You're doing a fantastic job of showing Tricky's cute and... frustrating qualities. Very true to the character, I love it!
Heh, Watchog is a delight.
An 'actual' phone? Hmm.
Heh, Tricky is more clever than they seem. Or is stumbling into the helpful words. Or both. I have a feeling it's both.
Hmm. I have a feeling Tricky is going to get Espurr hurt, based on that needing more rest comment.
Pshahahaha. Espurr never deciding to lock eyes with anyone again got a laugh from me.
Hahaha. Tricky spoke of the devil, so the devil fogged up the joint. I love narrative moments like that. She was quiet, for a brief moment.
Poor Goomy. He's too young to be doing this, poor thing. I do like that it was noted that he doesn't like Deerling babying of him either.
Those furfrou were awful. That was almost a sticky situation. Love Tricky, though. Begone foul beasts! Hahahhaa.
I'm glad the other teachers saw that as a maniacal rant as well. Wow. Watchog is CRAZY.
I like Simipour. He seems like a... well. But he's a lot sharper than he seems, and a perfectly reasonable person too. Punishment, but not excessive.
Someone already disappeared? My first thought is Nuzleaf, but he wasn't a resident until the player turned up I believe... could just be another divergent, however.
And a cute going-to-sleep moment. Tricky is going to be a handful, but I think it'll be good for Espurr.
| Team Ion chapter 1 . 12/2/2019
Finally got around to reading this! Since it is my first review, I'll be more clinical and do this the following way. I'll discuss one critique and two praises for the chapter before moving onto overall thoughts. Future reviews will be far less formal. Okay? Okay.
Critique: Nothing much. Just a few odd word choices and exclamation marks and such that made me pause for a moment. Nothing that affected the enjoyment of the chapter.
Praise One: Now this is where things get fun. This was a really strong first chapter. From Espurr waking up, being disorientated, and finding her own way out, to the sinisterness of the beheeyem. It had tension to it, you don't often see good tension in a first chapter but this had it. The relief when Audino turned up was palpable and made me grin widely. Already, Espurr is quite likeable! Not a bad feat for just the first chapter.
Praise Two: The changes. Already you can see divergences. For the first, obvious, one the human and Espurr from the games seem to have been combined, which is cute. Espurr was always my favourite character from Super, even before the end. Then there is no Nuzleaf, so Espurr had to find her own way with no one but enemies to push her to flee. I wonder if Nuzleaf will be in the village but normal? Hmm... but yes, I think showing changes in story are important in adaptions and you've shown some thought-evoking ones. I really quite enjoy it all.
Overall, this is a strong start. It was nicely paced, didn't meander, was as long as it needed to be. A nice bite of what's to come. I enjoyed that little beginning narration from the voice and the stuff with the dungeons. I wasn't sure what the 'foul smelling' wind was until Audino realised the dungeon was acting up and I realised this must be the wind that ejects you. Or, perhaps, something far worse.
Very nice beginning, I'll be reading on immediately.
| Windskull chapter 3 . 12/1/2019
Right off at the start we have a major divergence from the original story: not just with Espurr as the main, human character, but also in the lack of Nuzleaf. A bold move, and I’m quite curious about. I look forward to seeing how that plays out.
[The lake rushed by not a few feet away from her,]
Lakes typically don't rush. Maybe something about the sound of waves might have worked better, since I've seen lakes use waves
[Slowly coming to. Espurr blinked her eyes open wearily]
(This applies to the opening line of the prologue too) Unless this was intentional, I'd recommend combining these sentences so that you don't have a fragment. But on a related, but different note, I found it intriguing that you opted to open both your prologue and first chapter with the same line. I figure that’s intentional, and it’s a pretty neat way to create a link between when she woke up in danger, and when she woke up in safety.
As of right now, Tricky is exactly what I expected out of the PSMD partner character. Wonder if she’ll have any little twists down the line. Watchog is perhaps even more paranoid than his game counterpart, and I wonder if that will cause trouble for the team down the line.
And it looks like Nuzleaf is just straight-up missing. Looking forward to see how that comes out.
[She took a bite of her apple to drown her annoyance in.]
The wording is a bit weird here. Maybe dropping the word “in” would help with that.
I like the quirks about Pokemon biology like feeling molting or goomys… gooiness.
I have a bad feeling about what they're going to find at Pokemon village… I was right.
I like how you’ve somehow managed to paint Ampharos as both competent and incompetent at the same time.
So, it makes sense that this would be a worldwide problem, but it makes sense that Dark Matter (or whoever might be doing this, should that be twisted too) would go after somewhere like Pokemon Village, where one of the currently known most powerful pokemon teams resides. I wonder how this bodes for Treasure Town…
Alright, so final thoughts so far. I think this is off to a strong start, the pacing flying along at just the right pace, in my opinion. I think you’ve done a good job of making each major character feel distinct and memorable. I really love that you’ve given the society pokemon some extra time to shine as well, and made the danger feel bigger in scope than it does in the game until right near the twist. Looking forward to reading more in the future!
| CitrusChickadee chapter 2 . 11/23/2019
An interesting start so far. I always did wonder where Espurr came from, since she lives alone and all, so it's nice to see a story focused on her. And ha, I can totally see the partner dragging her around like that, too.
| The Light's Refrain chapter 1 . 10/1/2019
(Not that familiar with Mystery Dungeon, but I’ll try to review it at best I can)
A promising start so far. The Espurr is bland but as a literal blank state that’s to be expected at this point. A bit surprised it didn’t try to attack any, but maybe it was too panicked/unfamiliar with its new body. The chase with the three Beheeyem was good with some nice tension, and Espurr actually getting a nasty injury adds to that tension.
It will be interesting to see where things go from here
| Miner7365 chapter 1 . 9/22/2019
So, this is a bit overdue on my part. Meant to get around to this sooner, but I’ve been learning recently that review block is a thing that very well exists. So… apologies on that.
Also, before we properly begin, I want to note that I’d usually wait a few chapters before leaving a review, simply for the reason that it’s hard to properly review something one does not know the real direction of yet. But, in seeing how you’re writing in chunks, and probably would prefer to hear any criticism/comments I have to say now rather than an entire arc later, I’ll ignore my hesitance and stop wasting your time with a preamble to the review you came here to read. Without any further ado, let’s get into this.
So, let’s start off by talking about the concept, and branch out from there. We have a PSMD adaptation featuring Espurr as the protag. (who might or might not be the human, as I can very well see you made sure not to mention specifically what they were in the conversation near the beginning.) That being said, it’s a concept that you have me somewhat fascinated by, as Espurr was always quite the odd one out in the village, living alone in their own home and playing double agent on Nuzleaf and all that other stuff she did.
Honestly, it makes me curious how this story will be set up going, as I’m not sure yet whether the normal hero will make their appearance later or not. Seeing as you have only the Beheeyem around instead of them and Nuzleaf trying to trick the new human, alongside your attempt to convince the reader this is the human… something about this gives me the vibe of the Beeheyem having nothing to do with Espurr’s memory being wiped (alongside the fact that she is psychic herself making that seem unlike), alongside something larger going on with who Espurr was before what first meets the eye.
Perhaps that’s me looking too deep into this though, and the story will have another focus than what I just described. We’ll see, I guess. Now, without further ado, let me delve into something I have a bit more of a problem with… your prose.
Here’s some comments I made on some quotes from your piece. Will have some more general comments after that, but I figured I’d start off with these.
”Slowly coming to. Espurr blinked her eyes open wearily.”
This one is a bit minute and nitpicky, as it seems like you simply forgot a comma in between the third and fourth line. But… seeing as it is the very first impression people get of your story, as it is the first line Espurr has in her POV besides the conversation with the entity near the beginning, I figured I should mention it.
(As an aside, part of me thinks it might have been intentional, but seeing as this is the first line and I mistook it as probably not having any authorial intent until a second re-read, I would heavily recommend waiting until later to have lines like this if it was intentional.)
”Espurr felt the beginnings of another, stronger wind begin to ruffle through her fur.”
I like when things begin twice. They’re absolutely phenomenal things to see. Snark aside, this is a semi-common error I see when an author forgets they put a word denoting something in the beginning and thusly adds it in the end.
“"Shut your eyes!" She yelled to Espurr, hurling the orb at her feet.”
I wasn’t sure whether this was a repeated mistake, as there is only one other example of dialogue syntax being broken, but just incase it isn’t… ? and ! are very much treated like commas in dialogue when the following dialogue tag features a speech verb. Of course, some debate exist as to what constitutes a speech verb in some cases, but I’m fairly sure yell falls under the category of being one.
Now, the comments before aren’t to say I think everything in the prose is bad… far from it, actually. I like how you manage to paint the mental image of the woods in which PSMD begins sans stopping everything and going into a speal about the tree bark for a paragraph and a half. Alongside a decent portion of the lines flowing together and working well. Only real problem I have in that front is the occasional comments Espurr chimes in on the situation, which… kinda break that flow for me, but I’ll leave it up to you whether to decide if that’s just a subjective opinion talking or not.
To carry on further, a part of me wants to talk about the abundance of ! and ? markings outside of dialogue, but first I feel the need to talk about Espurr’s character. In this story, she comes off as rather… flighty, in comparison to basically being the bravest of the town children in PSMD. Her analytic nature… doesn’t seem to be there, and she almost strikes me as an entirely different character.
Perhaps that’s the point though and further development leads her to becoming the Espurr the reader knows semi-well, perhaps after gaining confidence by having her psychic powers (absolute speculation on that one, by the way). And/or I haven’t seen enough of her character yet to make a proper judgment, and the analytic nature of her will show itself in due time. If that’s the case, than the ? and ! markings (which gives the prose a rather reactive and flighty vibe I described prior) works here, but I would recommend toning them down as the story progresses.
That’s about all I have to say, really. This is only a stand-alone chapter, so some of my thoughts might be rather off-base, but… we’ll see if and by how much that turns out to be the case. For now, before I head off, I’ll leave you with something rather interesting that is pure speculation, but I might as well mention here.
Espurr falls asleep on a tree she refers to as a great oak. She has nightmares on this tree, of “a dark void.” And… dark matter also stood on top of a great tree, creating this interesting parallel which makes me curious whether it was intentional or not.
And with that, I’m about done. I’ll be back after you finish and post that first arc, in order to chime in with some more thoughts. And, to reaffirm something I said earlier, feel free to treat anything said in this review with a grain of salt. Having to go off only a single chapter tends to lead to some false conclusions due to simple lack of foresight, so… keep that in mind.
In any case, that’s about all I have to add. See you later, hopefully.
| reppad98 chapter 1 . 9/16/2019
This is a very interesting start! I don't know much about the Mystery Dungeon games, but already this is an exciting start. It was scary to read about Espurr being all alone and not remembering anything, and then suddenly being chased by strange Pokémon. I have to admit, I had no clue what those were, so I'm glad you mentioned that at the end haha.
The few beginning lines were quite ominous, too, and I'm curious what exactly they mean, though I suspect it might be the explanation how this person ended up in the Pokémon world in Espurr's body. And what the Beheeyem have to do with that, too. At least Espurr now seems in good hands, with a nice Audino.
I didn't notice any grammar or spelling mistakes, and the story seems to flow well so far.
Thank you for writing, it was an interesting start, and keep writing! !
| Talyllyn the Iron Warrior chapter 1 . 9/14/2019
Since no one else is leaving a full length review, i’ll throw my hat in the ring.
Just from this one chap— part, you manage to set up an intriguing mystery surrounding our lead character and the strange going-ons surrounding this particular dungeon. It’d be easy to make the Silent Hill connection with the imagery of the Beheeyems but that would be a bit cheap.
With only three spoken lines of dialogue in present tense, you focused instead on crafting the world the story’s setting takes place in and letting the reader imagine the action as written in the text. Creating questions along the way from the beginning section all the way to Espurr meeting Audino.
This first part moves at a decent pace, not too slow but not too quick either with plenty of information to give the reader a vague idea of what’s going on and i haven’t noticed a typo anywhere as i’ve read this.
I await to see more from this. A good starter to a promising story.