dude... You just killed Cedric for what? to be as canon as possible? what fuck? this whole fanfic was going awesome until, for the whole fucking know why, kill Cedric... Really stupid of you part, in my opnion...

Reading half way through this four part series, years after it’s been written, but I’m starting to notice a pattern I want to point out.

It’s almost like you’re afraid to commit to anything that pulls the main characters a part for any noticeable length of time. So when those moments do happen, they’re almost always immediately resolved. Which makes them a bit pointless to even introduce.

You just finally dropped the two big secrets Daphne and Harry were keeping from each other, and you let one fall the way the characters feared it would. Astoria is a bloody mess. Harry found out his training was making Astoria’s health worsen due to a blood curse he didn’t know about. Daphne, in a state of panic, reacted emotionally and lashed out to hurt him.

That’s some compelling drama. Unfortunately, we immediately time skip to being told Harry and Daphne have both been acting different. And we’re told all sorts of tension was supposedly happening between Astoria, Harry and Daphne.

But just as we’re told this has been happening for a while, what we are shown is the immediate resolution of that tension. Where’s the suspense? Where’s the pay off? They might as well have just sat Harry down, told him about the curse and he, in turn, share the prophecy and move on.

Huge build up, that only comes down to four conversations (Daphne to Harry in the Hospital, Astoria to her head of house, Astoria repeating the same conversation to Harry, and Harry to Daphne) all in the span of a few paragraphs. Show don’t tell. Let things be messy on the page.

Obliviate is a fifth year charm

You dont need a flashback between every chapter. Especially when it is just stating inconsequential facts

A good follow up to the first book, continuing the strong characterisation, including some new characters and different enough from canon yet still largely sticking to the framework. Thanks for sharing.

I eagerly read my way through the first book. And I am proud to say I found my first true critique that wasn't a grammatical error or typo. Too many flashbacks to scenes we really didn't need to see lol.

I am enjoying your writing even without the smut Dam Good story.

ohhh shit did they get it out?

Your writing is so well done ty. I cant stop reading.

Just dont let her marry Draco he doesnt deserve her

How come all of a sudden none of them know it’s horcruxes? Dumbledore told Harry he was one in book 1… daphne also read about them.

I could do better than Harry. What is wrong with you?

No I hate Michael but I love your story.

Very well done. In all my reading I have not seen an exchange between these two like this before. Again, very well done. Also, I do like the story itself as well as the first one. Sasha

Remember, almost all those who write mean reviews do not put themselves out there by writing stories on their own, mostly because they don't have the drive or the talent or both. I have never seen a mean
review from any of the better-known writers because they know what it takes in time and effort to be good at writing a story. You are doing good and are getting better. Write for yourself, take good advice but stick to your plan. Sasha