|Reviews for Let's Live a Normal Life!|
| RoboCheatsyTM chapter 2 . 10/20/2019
This is getting really interesting! I really appreciate the elaboration on Rin and Len's backstory! I'm a complete sucker for backstories and exposition so this chapter was very enjoyable! I really love Rin's characterization in this chapter! She's such an adorable little bean and should be protected at all costs!
Can't wait to see what's next!
| Fantastical Chaos chapter 2 . 9/30/2019
I have a question. Do you like Miraculous Ladybug? It's a pretty good cartoon. I mean, I can name things about it I don't like just as easily as I can name the things I do like. But love it, hate it, feel indifferent towards it, or never hear of it, there's no denying it gets one thing right every time. It teases its audience.
We're teased with the lore and the story and the romance. Especially the romance! You want the heroes to get together already, but the writers keep teasing us to the point it's an artform in its own right. It's infuriating! BUT I LOVE IT. Even when I know the episode is not going to end with the Ladybug and Cat Noir discovering the other's secret identity, I still catch myself thinking, "Maybe? Maybe someone will find out? They can't keep this up forever, can they?" They can and they will but I still hope against hope. Despite my problems and feeling as if I have to "get through" some episodes (namely most of season one), I keep watching because I'm teased enough to want more with the belief the payoff will be worth it (and with how good the writers are at fan service, I'm confident that will be the case).
The point I'm trying to make is this: Keep your readers wanting more. This chapter isn't just an info dump, but you're also giving away all your answers before the readers even know what questions to ask. Now that we know everything, there's no mystery. Sure, there's still the "they could get caught" situation, but that alone isn't enticing when there's no mystery to work with. It's fine to end the first chapter revealing that Rin's a clone, but now the secrets to how that came to be is no longer a secret. You want readers to have questions, because if they have all the answers, they won't keep reading. Not likely, anyway.
On the positive, the writing is noticeable better with this chapters! A few errors here and there, but nothing that jumped out and hit me in the face. Great work! :)
Sorry if this review is a bit of a downer. There really isn't much to say except you told us too much. But I'm still curious to see there this goes.
| Fantastical Chaos chapter 1 . 9/26/2019
Hmm, you certainly have an interesting premise here. I don't think I've ever come across a story where one of the Kagamines was a clone. Points for creativity!
However, your writing is childish and your grammar is not the best. I'm not saying that to bring you down but to point out there's a lot of room for improvement. For example, "As the 4 headed down" and "her and Kaito are 3rd years" both have obvious mistakes. Unless you're working with big numbers, you need to spell them out. So it should be "As the four headed down" and "she and Kaito are third years" (that last one had a she vs. her errors as well).
Also, Miku's introducing the whole class, although for the purpose of a joke, came across as info dumpy. It was boring to read, and nobody's going to remember all that anyway. Certainly there's some other way you can have Rin tell a joke that makes her more likable to her classmates.
There's a lot of room for improvement, but I think you have potential! I recommend reading some writing tips online (I like the Grammarly blog for the nitty gritty) and watching a writing video on YouTube or two. Everyone sucks at writing before they get good, so don't be discouraged. It takes a lot of practice, but I believe you can do it!
Looking forward to the next chapter!
| RoboCheatsyTM chapter 1 . 9/19/2019
This story has a really interesting premise so far! I love the idea of Rin being Len's clone and trying to learn how to function like a normal person. The interactions were very well done and charming.
As for grammar since you mentioned that, it's not too shabby. If you're looking to improve, I recommend checking out Purdue Owl for grammar tips.
Can't wait for the next update! :D