|Reviews for The Beast Within|
| Anon Truthteller chapter 18 . 4/12
Where to start... I guess I'll have to ask, are you writing a Ranma fanfic? Or a fanfic that just borrows some OOC versions of the characters from the Ranma story?
If the later, then there is no problem I guess? If the former, then you mighty want to continue reading my critique.
When writing a Ranma story you have to ask yourself. What is a Ranma1/2 ? The characters? the stories? the music? Yes sure all of these things bring about a whole, but in the end, what makes it Ranma1/2 is his curse. If Ranma isnt' cursed to turn female Ranma... then it simply isn't Ranma. No amount of hijinx, martial arts or insertion of of other characters can make it a Ranma story. As such, if you wanted to write a a Ranma1/2 story and removed his curse, then you failed at writing a story about Ranma1/2.
You can place Ranma in any number of crossovers and make him a demon, a god or a Gundam pilot. But he needs his curse. His curse is what defines him and makes him Ranma.
However as I read on, I note that his father isn't Genma... it is some other dude. So this isn't actually Ranma, it is Fakema.
So my complaint about how he doesn't act like Ranma at all is moot... since he isn't Ranma.
So... you write a story about he Ranma-verse and decide to not have a Ranma? Ryouga isn't Ranma, and neither is this Matthew dude. Matthew was never Ranma.
Now some tidbits about Akane and Nabiki.
1. Akane, no matter how hard she trains would never ever be able to amount to anything special as far as martial arts go. Only time she has had any chance is when she uses cheats such as the super Soba or the Kung-fu suit that did all the fighting for her. Shampoo in your story is even better than the one in canon since she has been trained to at least be trusted enough to get the amaragukin. So Akane being able to counter even a single attack and especially on a log is ridiculous. Don't get me wrong, you can have a capable Akane, but if you do... then it isn't really Akane anymore.
2. I get it. This is a RanmaNabiki ship fanfic. But if you like those as a pair, why change them into other characters? As I pointed out, you Ranma isn't Ranma. But in truth, you Nabiki doesn't act like Nabiki either. This whole fanon "mercenary girl" stuff is just silly. You know why people refer to her as mercenary girl or the ice queen? Is it because there was any mention of this in the manga or anime? Nope. It is because when lazy writers started writing Ranma fanfics, they needed more colorful description when writing about characters so they tabbed that shit on. It is as dumb as Kasumi being an angel. Kasumi isn't angelic, it is true that even the manga flanderized her later... but Kasumi is just an airhead. She isn't overly nice, it is just that she is and idiot. Same with Nabiki. She isn't overly smart, she is a "precious greedy type-girl". She is lazy and doesn't want to work which is why we see her often lazing around eating potato chips. Seriously.
In the end two suggestions -
Remove the underscore lining of the text in chapter 2. That chapter becomes almost unreadable.
and finally, if you do want to salvage this story and at least make it somewhat more of a Ranma fanfic. Insert a female Ranma. I'll send you private pm with more detailed info that you can read at your leisure.
| ElvisF231 chapter 12 . 3/30
I read 12 chapters of you story... Amazing!
| Black Ace 0 chapter 18 . 10/28/2016
Please update this story soon.
I would like to know what happens next.
| Ultimate-Zelda-fan chapter 7 . 4/11/2016
Just to let you know, her full name is Sir Integra Fairbrook Wingates Hellsing, or Sir Integra Hellsing for short.
| Ultimate-Zelda-fan chapter 5 . 4/11/2016
Actually, Alucard is younger that Dmitri by at least 200 years. It's estimated that by the end of the manga, Alucard was around 600 years old.
| tamagat chapter 1 . 1/31/2016
| Kitten Arina chapter 18 . 1/29/2016
I don't believe that this will ever be continued after sitting for more then five years.
| Kitten Arina chapter 15 . 1/29/2016
I lost a lot of respect for you and this story I did not choose to read a multitude of shows and games crossed over into this one story.
| Kitten Arina chapter 11 . 1/29/2016
I still say you are crazy by not giving Ranma a curse let alone his original curse. But the story has been interesting none the less.
| Kitten Arina chapter 9 . 1/29/2016
I understand what it is that you are doing but I am not a fan of all that back and forth that you were doing.
| Kitten Arina chapter 7 . 1/29/2016
I still say that the story would have been better if Ranma kept his curse and being able to change into a girl.
| Kitten Arina chapter 4 . 1/29/2016
I would enjoy this better if Ranma/Matthew had retain the curse and was able to become a girl.
| Kitten Arina chapter 2 . 1/29/2016
Interesting but the whole story and the notes being underlined is annoying.
| Red Death chapter 18 . 7/3/2015
Been a fan of your work since Dual Destinies. I hope you pick this one up again someday. I was liking how it was going. Hope to see more from you someday!
| Nic909olas chapter 18 . 2/18/2015
Is this abandoned? If not how is five years of writers block hell treating you?