Reviews for The Unbreakable Vow
dragoon109 chapter 1 . 10/24
I feel that there is a flaw in your reasoning.

That's is mostly Stimming from your choice to give Lily a excuse in her anger of the magic he is using.

There is no such thing. Unles stated otherwise it is an excuse that dosent help with there relation ship.

How do I know? I read the article that jk stated that snape was a hermit in school. That he harmed no one unless they harmed him first.

If you needed something that would make Lily ask something from snape for there friendship thier was something better. His friends.

Next the ward's on the school have the ability to detect magic. So dark magic would be known so he couldn't practise that magic.
JaneDoh0 chapter 6 . 10/24
I am enjoying this take on Lily/Severus, because I totally agree with you. At some point, they stopped listening to each other, so Severus did not understand her real objections to his blood-supremacist "friends" and Lily did not understand the extent of the bullying Severus experienced.

TBH, I am not sure the friendship could be saved once Lily started flirting with James instead of doing her job as a prefect and a friend. Howvere, now that her eyes have been forced open in your tale, both due to her direct experience of bullying and due to her understanding of how much of a problem it was for Severus, I am curious to see where you take it.

I am glad Severus now has an adult ally in Poppy, but I fear that his hopes about disciplinary action are about to be dashed. And I totally agree with you that the way JKR speaks about/wrote the Marauders, it is clear she meant for them to be lovable rogues, but made them unbelievably and irredeemably selfish and cruel (even beyond targeting Severus 4 on 1):
1. They invent a map that lets them spy on everyone in Hogwarts, which is beyond creepy (imagine someone installed a massive 24-hour surveillance system in a school!), but all of the characters react with "wow what impressive magic!" rather than "whoa! that is a frightening violation of privacy!" In the next generation, Harry goes ahead and uses the map to watch people going about their business in book 7, which is also beyond creepy, so I don't think JKR thought this one through...
2. Remus OPENLY admits to Harry that there were many near-misses when the Marauders took his werewolf self out to roam, but yet he never did anything to stop it. No one who finds out seems to care that they endangered everyone at Hogwarts and in Hogsmeade every 28 days, and they still think "oh, poor victim Remus, why is Snape so mean to him?"
3. The Marauders became illegal animagi (which admittedly did come back to haunt Sirius in the end), and everyone was like "how noble to do such hard magic for your friend" rather than actually worrying about the fact that keeping this secret directly led to the return of Voldie (a normal person migth think "the Marauders hid this so what else are they hiding?")
4. No one cares that Remus did not disclose the map and the animagus forms, and also FORGOT his freakin' hand-delivered Wolfsbane while supposedly a responsible teacher at a school, just that he had a hard time keeping a job. So he endangered the whole school in multiple ways, but everyone is sad he got fired. Maybe werewolves would be trusted more if they could (I don't know) be trusted to keep other people safe when provided with the tools to do so free of charge?
5. Everyone thought that the boggart thing with Neville and Severus was soooo hilarious (and gave Remus another shot at Severus). No one remembered that in the previous year, students were petrified by a basilisk. Maybe one of them had a basilisk boggart, and the exercise was a dumb idea? If boggart dementors can manipulate feelings and memories, can boggart basilisks petrify and poison?
6. The Marauders have a magic map that can find Severus when is alone/nowhere near any help, they have an invisibility cloak, and they are 4 vs 1, but yet we as readers are (apparently) supposed to feel that this was a rivalry like Draco-Harry (which was mostly group vs group and usually confined to taunts) or that Severus gave as good as he got, or that Severus became a Death Eater and therefore must have deserved his treatment as a child?
7. In a time of rising blood prejudice, no one in authority thought that rich purebloods (James and Sirius) picking on a poor halfblood (Severus) was a problem? Purebloods picking on "lesser-bloods" is only a problem if the aggressors are Slytherin?
8. JKR goes on and on about intent and magic, but then shows Severus's angry sectumsempra making a small cut on James's face, while Harry's angry sectumsempra slashes Draco to bits and wants us to think that Severus is the one with the problem?

I don't think JKR thought through how the Marauders would look to anyone who really thought about their actions as portrayed in canon. Since Harry loves them, we are supposed to too, regardless of their actions.
RedHood001 chapter 6 . 10/24
I feel as if this is too good to be true. But Severus has had to suffer so much in a long time that I feel like this is that cruel flicker of hope that maybe, MAYBE, people would see it his way.

Just... so heartbreaking in a way.

And that bit with Lily not knowing would certainly explain her behaviour in canon. She acted cruel towards him after the Black Lake incident and I feel as if she never actually knew the full extent of the suffering Severus had to endure.

Also, I feel as if this could also backfire on the Marauders if they decide to just go all out on their prejudice. I would like to point out that James and Sirius, more prominently, always actively act in bias because Severus was a Slytherin and studied Dark Magic. AND he's poor. AND the fact that he EXISTS, according to James' exact words during the Lake incident.

So... let me get this straight, James and Sirius are Purebloods. I don't know about Lupin or Pettigrew. But the main players, James and Sirius, are Purebloods. Severus is a HALF-BLOOD. You can't tell me there won't be a SINGLE person who wouldn't see this as an act of Pureblood supremacy.

Like... I know the Marauders aren't that type of people but from an IGNORANT outside perspective, THAT isn't an impossibility. Not everyone knows about what these characters are like. I feel as if that's what people in real life often forget about when watching/reading something.

We are like the Watchers from the Marvel Universe (comics/movies). We see/read everything... well, almost everything but still. These characters don't.

Also, I cannot see how after knowing this, Lily would end up with James. I mean, this may not be the case but you did say this would have a canonical ending.

I do not mean anything by what I'm about to say. This is just my personal opinion, and you could even say this is a personal view criticism, but I love how this story is progressing (so much, you have no idea) and I hate that it's gonna end canonically.

I hate knowing that while this isn't going like canon, as you said it is twisted canon, it WILL have a canon ending.

I hate that I have to read Lily dying. I hate that Severus has to suffer the pain of her death. While I know that this will have Severitus, Lily still dies.

UNLESS I AM MISTAKEN! One of the disadvantages of communicating through writing is that sometimes it isn't clear on what is being said. So when you said twisted canon and having a canonical ending, I immediately go... 'oh Lily is still dying and Severus still has to experience that pain.'

Unless somehow you're not doing that, but I'm not getting my hopes up. I'm just a bit of a pessimist. Well... a bit isn't exactly true, but you get my point.

Please don't mistake my words, I actually really love this story. I just hate to see certain characters suffer. As do all readers, I would imagine.

I don't mean to be depressing but BOY am I struggling to read this. That doesn't even make sense TO ME since I actually always feel happy seeing your updates. But I am dreading THAT (Godric's Hollow) moment. You get me?

Again, this problem is definitely personal. It means you are doing brilliantly. You are making me feel for the characters. You've succeded in getting me, and others I believe, invested on your story. This is your brilliant work. You are AMAZING!

I don't care what any of 'those' people say about fanfiction. Some of the writing on this category ALONE tops some of the books being published today. It is writing. GLORIOUS! WRITING! HAHAH!

You're a wonderful writer and I hope you have a wonderful day. I really do. Thank you for writing this amazing story, I look forward to your next update.

P. S. Big fan, heheh. _
Puskas chapter 6 . 10/24
Very strong chapter! I loved Lily’s kiss! Poor Severus!
Palmakerekes chapter 6 . 10/24
Severus has to win this time, against Potter and Sirius! I can’t wait the next chapter!
Lupinfarkas chapter 6 . 10/24
Fantastic story! Fantastic chapter!
LRAEwrites chapter 6 . 10/24
It’s great to have Pomfrey involved and helping Severus and I agree it was good for Lily to open her eyes to the bullying and cruelty her friend was enduring. Great chapter. Hope that Dumbledore doesn’t try to brush things off during the hearing. I doubt Pomfrey will let him.
vani12 chapter 6 . 10/24
I loved your update. I'm overjoyed that Lily finally sees the Marauders for the cruel, abusive bullies they are. And I'm glad that Madame Pomfrey arranged this disciplinary hearing. Something needed to be done against them. I only hope that Dumbledore won't somehow have a chance to save his Gryffindor Golden Boys. Severus' and Lily's friendship is indeed sacred. I hope that Madame Pomfrey's wise words will help them to heal their friendship and start afresh with their romance. I can't wait to see how the disciplinary hearing turns out.
Boudahmim chapter 6 . 10/24
Thank you for this! I'm glad Lily is finally getting the picture, though I'm pissed that someone had to explain to her the dynamics of what constitutes assault, especially when she witnessed it herself. How is it that people know the word 'bullying' yet are never able to see when it's happening right before their very eyes?

The protection of Lupin here is also something I'm angry with them about, Dumbledore especially. I like how you describe the effects of Dumbledore's spell on Severus. Silencing him with threat was already an abuse of authority on Dumbledore's part, but the secrecy spell is downright aweful. Attempted murder and the victim is not allowed to defend himself!

(also Lupin was given a chance to be there and allowing the Marauders regularly take him on school grounds where students could be in danger should have been something he'd said no to. Even if he never participated in the bullying and was played by Sirius, it was still his responsibility to put his foot down about having to stay in the shack, and he clearly abused Dumbledore's trust!)

I'm glad about the hearing but knowing Dumbledore I bet it won't really go in Sev's favour, will it? :'(

Thanks for this rollercoaster fic. See you next chapter
Macskamici chapter 5 . 10/21
GREAT STORY! PLEASE WRITE MORE!
Cukika chapter 5 . 10/21
Very sad chapter! I hope Lily will visit Severus!
RedHood001 chapter 1 . 10/21
Wait, so I'm bit confused. So you say this will have a canonical ending. That means Lily still dies? And she still marry James?

Or am I getting it wrong.

By the way, love how you're the handling the plot. The prologue is already very interesting.
Bamafan101 chapter 5 . 10/21
The Marauders were scumbags. In the books,in the movies and in fanfiction. Why anyone likes them is beyond me. Great story by the way.
Matyaska chapter 5 . 10/20
Very good new chapter!
Puskas chapter 5 . 10/20
Very strong chapter! Please Lily, go to Severus...!
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