|Reviews for Loyalty|
| Kurosaki Yukia chapter 3 . 11/23/2019
A very nice simple story!
| Anonymousme chapter 3 . 11/11/2019
I hope that these two do indeed show up in other stories of yours. If I may, my opinion of writing Narnia fanfiction is that the best stories have a main storyline, with other various lesser ones and bits of still others thrown in. For example, in Kidnapped, the main thing is Lucy's side of being kidnapped and everything coming with it. The secondary storylines are Ren's struggle within herself and the other Pevensies following Lucy's trail. A third is Rena's journey (I really hope Chapter 9 follows her as she tracks the rescue party at some point) both to the Pevensies and to her and her siblings growing up at last. Very well done. But I think it might be a good idea to throw in occasional little things here and there-bits of gossip about whatever, memories of various things, humorous happenings (maybe even a few pranks), etc. Not that you aren't already an awesome writer, I just think those little extras would be really nice. And also-maybe Leo and Por can be mentioned in Kidnapped, possibly as part of the rescue party for Lucy? (And maybe a female leopard or two that they work with to get a ball rolling for gossip later?) Just ideas. I'm glad that you have been kind enough to take my Maugrim/Fenris thoughts into consideration, and rather hope that you use them, admittedly. Keep writing and update Kidnapped soon!
| WillowDryad chapter 3 . 11/10/2019
Just wonderful. Very exciting. Very touching. True to the original and yet fresh and original itself. I'd love to see more of these Leopard brothers. They're very well done.
| SouthwestExpat chapter 3 . 11/10/2019
Por and Leo show incredible faithsimple, childlike trust throughout this story. First, the long wait for Aslan to come. Then the arrival of three children, not fourlearning one was a traitor.
But they accepted Aslan could make this traitor into a king. They obeyed him and went to the Witch herself, knowing it could mean their deaths (no promise to the contrary). And they went to battle, not knowing where Aslan had gone, standing guard over their future king.
And because their faith and trust were in the right object, it did not fail. Aslan returned, killed the Witch, and crowned his Kings and Queens at Cair Paravel. Not even death could stop him.
And chiming in on the used bookstore discussion, aren't those wonderful! Apart from price, there's something about a book someone else has used and loved. Almost, it has its own memories but can more...
| SouthwestExpat chapter 2 . 11/10/2019
"This does not feel like victory"...and after a hundred years of occupation, they know what fear is.
It's over... well, not exactly. There was still a night of horror and the battle the next day
But with Aslan's promise, it was good as over. And that roar showed it. He could make the Witch fleehe did not go to the Stone Table by force (unless you count the force of his boundless love). Even as in Gethsemane, Jesus knocked his enemies to the ground with a single word...
| Anonymousme chapter 2 . 11/9/2019
Great story here. I want to see the third chapter. Update soon!
P. S. Nice trick with the Leopards' names! Also, if I may suggest it, maybe you use these two in a future Golden Age story? It would make sense for them to choose to serve as pages in the Cair or part of the army or spies or reserve troops or something after the war. Keep writing!
| WillowDryad chapter 2 . 11/9/2019
This is SO beautifully done. I love the silent communication betweeen the Leopards and seeing the story through their eyes.
"This does not feel like victory" is the perfect line for this point in the story. Great foreshadowing. I can't wait to read more.
I'm so glad I won the prize! And now I have chocolate, too. Woot!
| SouthwestExpat chapter 1 . 11/9/2019
I'm remembering in the book Aslan sent two leopards to see that the Witch left her wand behind, and that Lucy was worried for them...
Twins who communicate telepathicallyyup, initially a nightmare for their poor mum! But then it made them better fighters, and better able to do what they could while Narnia waited for Aslan...
I liked the part about not running the whole wayof course they wanted to see Aslan more that anything, but not in a disheveled, messy fashion (there are times when it doesn't matter, you do need to run to him as fast as you possibly can...but this wasn't one of those emergency times but one of the ceremonial ones...). I'm thinking of Simon Peter and the miraculous catch of fish at the end of the Gospel of Johnwhen he knew it was Jesus, he couldn't wait for the boat to come in, but he did stop and put on his garment (even though it would hinder swimming), so that he would be presentable before the Lord.
I think I can guess the scenes of the next two partsthe children arriving at the Stone Table, and then the Witch coming for Edmund... can't wait to see what you do with it!
| WillowDryad chapter 1 . 11/9/2019
I'm already liking these Leopards. Eager for more. :D
| PadrePedro chapter 1 . 11/9/2019
What a nice beginning to a story - and a hint of what will be the end of mine - when I finally see Him face to face in His country, all my questions will quiescent!