|Reviews for Branching Paths|
| Sappuis chapter 26 . 12/8/2020
Good writing. Good characterization. Good everything, basically; I love your writing style and poise. Where we hit a bit of a doozy - for me, at least, you can decide whether you want to digest this grain-of-salt-advice yourself - is the fighting scenes. I'm also going to be going into mucho detail here because you have written a story where the fight scenes are the pearl in the grail i.e. there are a lot of them and they have a pretty central focus.
Warning: I'll get a little harsh here, but that's because yours has reached a sufficient enough standard for me to yell about this.
Now onto the actual critique: it's tedious. Very, very tedious to read and follow. I love your fight scene choreography, don't get me wrong, but you don't have an 'ebb and flow' to how you write them. You don't have build-up and chances for what happened to sink in, or at least if you added them, they aren't doing their job. Like when Zenitsu loses his fingers; there was no build-up to that at all, no 'subtle' signs of something foreboding (enough to stick out to me, at least) that something bad was about to happen. It just happened, and I was kinda blankly staring at the screen and thinking, 'Okay..?'. The only reason I felt a little of anything at all was since the characters were carrying their weight in gold and the internal monologue in proceeding chapters was excellent.
But it lost a lot of its impact because the fight scene itself also has a vital role. There is no tension in these fight scenes besides pure character fondness, and that's a shaky seat to fly by on. And you get tension through the ebb and flow of the fight, like little mini-climaxes. In the part proceeding the crescendo, you need little bits of tension, of a sense of wrongness. And the other part you need, the most important part I'd venture, is letting that climax settle. Little mini example because it's hard to explain: "He paused, heart thumping in his throat, blood raging in his ears as a sense of wrongness perverted his being. He looked down. There was something... gray? He stared at it. Just... stared at it for a few, precious seconds. A sheet of metal (a sword, his mind distantly noted; that was what it was called) had-... had-... It was in his chest, and it was so, so red. A little bit, almost like the red maple syrup he had been so fond of as a child, dribbled down. And then the pain hit. A scream tore itself from his lips; white, hot, blinding pain engulfing him in a pit of boiling magma as his insides burned, yet felt so cold, ice-cold... Dead cold. *climax end, now onto story* A sudden sense of urgency engulfed his thoughts..."
Can't make this too long, lol, but you get the point. Now, you don't have to make it exactly like this because they're hardened warriors and everything (although I doubt anyone can take a sword in the chest and not cry; we die inside from paper cuts between our fingertips).
Other than that, there's a lot of everything (can probably be fixed with proper mini climaxes), the reading feels like I'm scanning through a martial arts instructional manual (once again, can be fixed with aforementioned strategy and a little bit of editing away extra technical know-how), and that's about it.
This is getting really long *sweats*.
If you have anything you want me to elaborate on, I'd be happy to do it in a dm, btw.
I'll go now. The story is very good, peace out, love ya, bye~
| Shiroudan chapter 1 . 12/7/2020
Hi there! Really loving your story so far so I felt the least I could do was write review as long as your story! I really appreciate how long and in depth your fight scenes are! Honestly I think the way you write your fights may be the best way I have seen on all of this website, especially since they are becoming noticeably better as the story progresses! Damn, I am running out of things to say... Oh! Another great part of your story is how your plot comletely changes from the main plot! I have read to many fanfics where th plot is left unchangd and the only difference being the characters power which has usually multiplied to the point that the story is just boring... Anyways, great job writing this and am looking forwards eagerly to the next chapter!
| InsaneMakaioshin chapter 26 . 11/20/2020
1. Why don't you ship Aoi X Inosuke & Zenitsu X Nezuko, like in canon?
2. Will there eventually be 1 pillar of every Breath style?
3. Will Enmu return?
4. Will each of the 5 main styles have 2 derivatives, like Wind has Beast & Mist, each with 1 derivative of its own, like Water to Serpent & Flower, then Flower into Insect? That's 20 styles in total! 13 original styles!
5. Will people of Mixed styles appear, like Mitsuri using both Love & its derivative style, Obanai adding the Serpents derived style to his arsenal, or Kanao combining Flower with its derivative style, Insect?
6. Could Zenitsu create both the 2nd derivative of thunder and its derivative to boost himself & inspire Tengen to create a derivative of Sound?
7. Could Gyomei have apprentices of the 2 Stone derivatives & encourage them to create a derivative of those styles to get stronger?
8. Could Kyoujuro use both Flame, its other derivative & that styles derivative?
9. Inosuke creating a Beast derivative & Muichiro creating a Mist derivative?
| Chronixcx chapter 25 . 11/19/2020
Rokuro's giving me some Kimimaro vibes
| Chronixcx chapter 24 . 11/19/2020
I feel like Zenitsu was too OOC in this chapter, but I like the change, and at the same time I don't. Just will have to get used to it I guess.
| lizyeh2000 chapter 26 . 11/5/2020
Thanks for updating!
| MumboJumbo3600 chapter 26 . 10/27/2020
Fantastic, detailed fight as always. I like how you implement normal swordsman fighting into it, and Tanjiro doesn’t use nonstop Breathing Techniques the entire fight. The little banter between the duo’s choice of name for “Forescent” was a funny little reprieve from the fighting.
I’m glad we saw Tanjiro get the L here. While he did beat Kamanue, one simply cannot instakill the faction’s strongest Lower Moon. It has gotten me curious though how the other Lower Moons will take part in the hunt for Tanjiro, especially if he trains hard enough to take down Rokuro. Guess I’ll have to wait and see. Looking forward to the Hashira Meeting, and I hope you keep up the good work on this fic.
| OvErActiVe-InSoMniAc chapter 8 . 10/20/2020
Correction: It's thewould do this,might have done that" you use in the fights. 'would' implies that the event may or may not happen, while in a fight the said event is already happening. This is one flaw in your otherwise good writing style, please try to correct this.
| OvErActiVe-InSoMniAc chapter 6 . 10/20/2020
Not gonna lie buddy, your fight scenes are really bland. Hope they improve in the future...
| Gyomei chapter 26 . 9/26/2020
Guh. I can't belive it took me this long to get back on my fanfiction account. Your fanfic is frankly amazing, and definitely the best I've seen for KNY. The plot is original, but it's really fleshed out, as opposed to some other fics out there. Also, your fic actually follows proper grammar conventions, disregarding one or two errors. Regarding this chapter, the banter with forescent was pretty funny. Rokuro actually reminded me of a toned down Akaza, being a warrior at the core and all. Akaza probably looks down on Rokuro though, especially since Rokuro uses the spear as a weapon. I actually like that this was a loss for Tanjiro, because nobody likes a character who wins everything. Keep it up! :)
| Cieszesi Niezmiernie chapter 26 . 9/19/2020
Well so Tanjiro wasn't able to win. Well I am kinda glad cuz it would be boring if he would move too fast forward. He needs to find another way to get stronger if he wants to defeat upper moons. I am more wondering about why Muichirou picked him up for pillar meeting.
| EtherealBiscuits chapter 26 . 9/19/2020
Great work dear author! Started reading this yesterday and I enjoyed reading the story I caught up to chapter 26 (I was planning to read bit by bit so I wouldn't run out of chapters lol). Sorry this isn't a real review. Just wanted to tell ya I love your story hehe.
Am excited for the next update!
| HamburgerLife chapter 26 . 9/18/2020
Oh hey, you're alive
The chapter is pretty well written considering the fact that you have trouble with it. I like how you made Tanjiro lose becuse it really gives us a reality check.
Tanjiro pog thru the pain
| YoungTaoist chapter 26 . 9/17/2020
Great update! The fight was detailed as usual, though the paragraphs were pretty long so my eyes sometimes lost track of where I was reading(don't worry about that too much, content is awesome). I am excited to read what the Pillars meeting is about, though please take your time to put out more good content. A faithful follower, I hope you and your family stay healthy during these times. Have a great day! (P.S. I know I've said this before, but your use of would is not really grammatically correct, at least in my opinion. Would should be used for intended actions that were thwarted, not ones carried out. Otherwise, that's my only other nitpick. Feel free to ignore me.) :)
| clone59yahoo.com chapter 26 . 9/15/2020
Awesome job writing the fight scene! Also, I can't wait to read the pillar meeting that's going to be freaking awesome chapter.