Reviews for Hidden Affections |
---|
![]() ![]() Me alegra mucho ver que esta historia es actual y que tendrá su continuación creo que se le puede sacar mucho jugo ;-) |
![]() ![]() Lástima que sea tan corta :-( |
![]() ![]() That’s definitely a very story you’re made ! :) Good job pal ! ;) Cthulhu rex a.k.a. Nyarloth. P.S. : I think Ron have definitely win the heart of Bonnie but he also somewhat won the attraction and the respect of Shego and mostly the sickly jealousy of Kim. :D |
![]() ![]() ![]() I really enjoyed this chapter, good work! |
![]() ![]() ![]() Great story here. Nice job with all the characters, and yeah, now that he's forced to be the hero, Ron will take his training much more seriously. Keep the good writing. |
![]() ![]() ![]() Kim says what is Bonnie doing with her RON? Earth to Kim your with Josh Monkey oops I’m mean Mankey |
![]() ![]() ![]() Amazing story so far. Ron and Bonnie is one of my favorite pairings. I hope you write more of this in the future. Keep up the great work. |
![]() ![]() ![]() First, please accept everything I say as a constructive critique, because I do enjoy your work here. First, you've chosen one of the hardest pairings to write, mostly because of their canon relationship. For some odd reason, I like Ron/Bon stories-maybe because there's so few of them. But, like I said, it is a tough pairing to write. With a pairing like this, pacing is key-the slower at the beginning, the better. That's probably the hardest thing to do because on the one hand, you want to make the pairing believable, but on the other, you want to get them together so the temptation to rush it is huge. I can also understand your not wanting to make this a 100,000 word epic. So...how do you slow down the pacing a little and give us a glimpse into what made Bonnie ready to jettison everything she's been indoctrinated in and embraced since she was little to embrace Ron? Remember, she's having to overcome peer and family pressure, attitudes ingrained over a lifetime, and she's going to have to stand up against all of that AND a VERY possessive Kim. She's making herself vulnerable in a very real way-probably for the first time in her life-that's a scary thing. One way of showing this evolution and slowing the pace down a bit would be through the use of flashback scenes-just an idea to spitball for you-Bonnie's going to take some time to recover from that concussion. Plenty of time for her and Ron to talk; Ron and Felix to talk; her to talk with Tara maybe; and so on. This will give you a chance to fill in the blank spaces and let us see how Bonnie came to this life changing decision and will also really give you a chance to stretch your creative muscles. The other trap to watch out for is "Witchy Kim" (editing for language sake). That's a trap very easy to fall into because you're looking for an antagonist, but subtlety is often far more effective than a punch to the gut. The notion of Kim and Ron living in a rather insular world is a good one. Kim does not have a female friend in canon prior to Monique and she shows up at about the mid point of season one. Ron doesn't have a male friend to confide in until Felix and he's not there until season FOUR! That's not normal, nor is it healthy. As the story is an AU, this allows you to bring in Felix earlier, which I think is a good move as Ron NEEDS a male friend to bounce stuff off of just as Kim needs a female friend-the big difference here is that Felix will deliver the tough love by telling Ron when he's being an idiot while Monique is essentially a Yes girl for Kim. Anyway, back to the point, one thing that does come through is that in canon Kim is far more possessive in their relationship than Ron. Kim deliberately holds back telling Ron about Tara's interest in him and gives at best half-hearted support in his quest for Zita while expecting him to support fully her crushes on Mankey and later Eric. More nuanced exploration of this relationship would add to the story I think as it provides a big obstacle for Bonnie to overcome-she's got to burst that bubble-not an easy task. Finally, I'm confused where you are chronologically as far as story is concerned. I'm assuming we're past sophomore year, but are they juniors? In which case I'm assuming you're going to take an AU shift on "A Sitch in Time" and "So the Drama"-maybe those two events never occurred? Are they seniors? In which case you've got some intriguing story paths you can take. A little clarification on chronology would help though. I hope you'e not thinking I'm being too harsh here-I don't intend to be. I think you've a lot of potential here and I'm interested in seeing where you go. Best of luck! |
![]() ![]() ![]() I read the other chapters, and I have to say that this story has UNTOLD potential to be one of the best and rare-to-find Kim Possible fanfics that focus on Bonnie and Ron! Way past cool! Ron hit rock bottom, but thanks to Bonnie, he is starting to slowly but gradually come back on his feet. After opening up his heart and everything else to her, Stoppable is now free from all of his pent-up loneliness. And its now Bonnie who is now starting to fill him up in a way that he really much likes and holds dear. You really went deep with the characters here in their own unique way, and also showing that Rockwaller is truly a girl that is much more than just shallow as shown in the cannon series. My friend, you are going strong with this and I want to see more! Keep it up! |
![]() ![]() ![]() Hmmm, looks like Kim's possessiveness about Ron has taken a hit...Happens when you treat him like you do, only 'need him' when it suits you, etc. Then, when a girl, regardless of your history with her, becomes romantically involved with Ron, mission or no, you claim him as your own? Yeah, Ron may not defend himself about this, but he will defend Bonnie...And Bonnie's not going to stand for the crap-storm Kim's going to try to throw on him or Bonnie... Can't have your Mankey-romance and Ron-standby-until-it-suits-you...any more, Kim... And Bonnie seems to have accepted Ron in ways Kim never wanted too, either... Can't wait for the inevitable blowup... CB73 |
![]() ![]() ![]() Nice story. I never really thought Ron's parents were that bad, but regardless I enjoyed this. |
![]() ![]() ![]() pretty good. |
![]() ![]() ![]() cool |
![]() ![]() ![]() Well, this is good, not great, but good. Good enough to follow at least. I'm not a fan of Bonnie always having liked Ron but not showing it. It doesn't feel realistic enough for me to get into the idea. Most of the time at least. On that note, adding pressure from her sisters or family in general usually gives the concept a bit more strength. Particularly, I prefer Bonnie starting as the Bitch we all know her to be and then slowly changing her mind. But oh, well. I don't particularly care for Kim-bashing, I just hope it doesn't spread to other characters, like Monique. I'm also interested in what you'll do. Will you have Bonnie do some little changes here and there and have Ron get a decent standing in the food chain while also pushing him towards being a more badass character? It would be neat. But I'll see, I guess. See you next time. |
![]() ![]() ![]() Much clearing of the air between them, of observed and what wasn't known to one, of the other... Bonnie's going to find there's a big void in Ron's life that she's more than up to helping fill. And if Kim has already decided to cast Ron off, he's going to surprise her big time, when Bonnie helps him see who he is, should be and will become... CB73 |