Reviews for Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Quenched Torch
LilithofAsphalt chapter 14 . 1/21/2020
This chapter didn't seem to have any point...

Yeah, that's my only comment here. It didn't have much point, beyond establishing that there are people in the Guild that know about Beck's condition, other than Rye and the Guildmaster.
Ralmon chapter 14 . 1/22/2020
This a nice story. I really enjoyed it.

I like the pacing and how snappy it is. I do wish it would slow down once in a while to let me soak in the mood. Still, since most of the scenes so far are action oriented, the snappy helps in making the story feel energetic. Others would have gone overboard and tell a single battle in one long chapter or several chapters. Most of these battles are just minor. They don't need that much detail and attention. That would only make the battle drag on and be boring.

The story is still kinda typical PMD tale but there are added twists that are enjoyable and make it worth reading. I specially like the setting and the addition in it. It is like discovering a whole new PMD world. The little details like with wartortle's life and the statue makes the setting feel real. That it has a living culture and history.

There are some major faults though. The writing could use some more descriptions and characterizations. A little detail would help sell the story.

The characters are also kinda meh. Team Apex kinda feel extraneous. The story after all still follow the typical PMD narrative (protagonist and partner meet then they join a guild) and there was no need for a third party like Team Apex for those things to happen, so, there is just no strong need for them to be here. You really need to think more about why Team Apex is here in terms of the overall narrative. Are they supposed to be just background/side characters? Or do they have more important roles to fill?

The protagonist, Beck, suffers from a typical PMD fanfict problem: he is really bland. You, and most writers, take cue from the games when it comes to your protagonist, and it shows. Beck is a video game protagonist. Same is true with the partner, Rye. He is written like a video game character. You can see this when they are choosing jobs. Beck is the one doing the choosing when Rye has more experience and training (and he lived in this world). The RPG game mechanics forced the interaction because it is the players (hence the protagonist) who should be making the choice. This is necessary in a game but this restriction disappear when you write fiction.

The drama added also kinda feel tacked on. Pike and his issue with ferals and Rye and his history with Dill. I've seen things like this before and they often drags the story down than add anything. It is like, a character hating the protagonist or a character having past trauma should be here because other stories did it too. But in those stories, these are well integrated into the narrative. Here, they are just there for the sake of drama. You could take them out and the story would not change one bit.

Still, the story really enjoyable overall. I have fun reading it.
Liam Taylor chapter 13 . 1/20/2020
This is an awesome story, I love how it was written and I was completely sucked into it. I couldn’t stop reading until I finished it. Thanks for the awesome work, keep it up!
LilithofAsphalt chapter 13 . 1/17/2020
So if I can throw out my observation, Rye didn't really seem to actively do anything to learn Mega drain. The fight itself also seemed rather choppy and quick without anything really needed, 'nor any real reason for the Murkrow character to actively hoard the scarf, if they're not feral, unless they plan on making an appearance as a recurring villain. Just something to watch out for. Decent side characters can help make the world the protagonists inhabit more interesting, not that they should be the focus.

That being said, I think I'd like to make a suggestion if you'd like something to examine for your writing. A major influence for my interest with this type of thing was a PMD story called 'Broken Ideals.' While its tone is a little darker than I think you want to go for from a readers' perspective, I think its pacing could help you a bit, among other things.

You're still doing a great job for a first-time writer. Don't stop.
LizMcShmiz chapter 1 . 1/16/2020
There's no amount of words I can put together in the english language to explain how amazing this is. Keep it up!
Kurama The Platinum Zoroark chapter 13 . 1/16/2020
I've always wondered, why do retrieval quests even exist? Why did the pokemon who posted the request even go in the dungeon in the first place? I think, 50% of them were just dumbasses, 25% of them had to go through the dungeon to get to there destination, 20% of them got lost, and 5% of them got mugged.
LilithofAsphalt chapter 12 . 1/13/2020
It's good to see that your writing style is improving as you do more work. This chapter is noticeably more grammatically consistent than it was when the story began. I would like to make a suggestion to help further improve your direction.

I recommend increasing your wordcount. Doing this will cause chapters to take longer to post, however I can guarantee that each individual chapter will feel more substantial doing this. That being said, it's important not to break your pacing, something you seem to have improved with slightly. I've found that a 3,000 minimum wordcount per chapter is good for my usual standard, however everyone is different and this is not a requirement for or even mark of quality.

Best of luck.
Kurama The Platinum Zoroark chapter 11 . 1/11/2020
Drama~! Welp, had to have the tragic side story kick in at some point. What? Every good story needs to have at least something bad happen to a main character! It's good character development, after all. Great chapter, eagerly looking forward to more!
LilithofAsphalt chapter 11 . 1/11/2020
Aaaaand you blew it. Sorry to say it, but breaking perspective at any point in the story can be confusing. It's important to ask yourself whose perspective the story is being told from.

That being said, your rapid upload schedule suggests that you've already written much of this, or at least write in bulk. This is interesting. What this means is that it's a good way to keep tour readers' attention without losing interest or burning yourself out. Well done.

Still interested in spite of your shifting perspective issue. Keep going.
LilithofAsphalt chapter 1 . 1/8/2020
In short, you're doing things right do far, even if your pacing is off. Keep it up!
Guest chapter 9 . 1/8/2020
So I'm gonna break my 'lurker' rule to say a few things I like and a few things I don't, starting with the ones I don't.

If you'd like me to abbreviate to make this easier, I think what you're writing here is a good start to someone who hasn't been seen here prior, but if I might make a few suggestions, Beck seems a bit quick to refer to Rye as a friend in his head and the entire story's pacing doesn't seem to have any buildup. Otherwise it's a decent, albeit short distraction.

First, I get that Beck's a bit of a fish out of water - or otter in this case - but the main thing that bothers me is Beck's quick accepting Rye as a friend on first sight. It's not required for Rye to immediately be considered a friend to be trustworthy. The rapid friendship these two immediately have instead of letting it gradually develop is honestly my biggest problem with this story. I feel if you waited a few more chapters and had them go through their next dungeon together it'd work better.

Second, was the token Team Skull necessary? I get that it's tradition, but at the end of the day their attempts to annoy protagonist characters just resemble afternoon cartoon antagonists... although I suppose the anime WAS an afternoon cartoon in some areas, so maybe that works. I dunno. It just comes off as a bit pointless... come to think of it a lot of character interactions outside of Team Reach seem off.

Third, there doesn't seem to be much point to the guildmaster being shiny. Just a note there.

Now for things I DO like; First and foremost I find the idea of Beck having to relearn speech an interesting one. Even if he isn't actually feral, the idea of having the protagonist be challenged in how they interact with the world around them. This is something that many attempts at PMD stories, even in the actual games fail to do, so 1 on that.

Which brings me to second, another thing several stories on the internet and not just PMD fanfictions but stories in general fail to do is actually try to have the protagonist try to rationalize their decisions in their own head. While your attempts to do this could be better, the fact that you're doing it at all and having Beck come to his own decisions is a good thing. Stick with it! Try using these moments to make him more relatable to the reader.

Third, you've satisfied the first cardinal rule of a fanfiction. Stick to the source material. While you've filled in gaps and even created some new ones to fill in out of things few people have acknowledged, you have not broken the source material, simply by sticking to whatever rules left by the franchise.
Kurama The Platinum Zoroark chapter 9 . 1/7/2020
Man, I fing love this story. Please continue making this masterpiece, you absolutely fing brilliant artist!
SunMoon6798 chapter 1 . 1/1/2020
Hey, welcome. So look a warning given you are writing a Pokemon story. Farla, St Elmo's Fire, Talarc, Spencer841, AshxSelene Writer, and a few others are known bullies on this site who review only to destroy stories and promote drama.

They will push their believes down your throat, demand you redo your story to fit their wants and no, they are the super minority and hated by the fandom. They also tend to post pms publicly so responding to them is ill advised.

They start off with a disclaimer about honestly thinking it would help. It doesn't they want you to be screwed over as they complain about trival nonsense that got their panties in a twist.

They think Pokemon is slavery. That you should capitalize the way they want, fyi Pokemon names are not species names (but actual names according to game freak) and that's been officially recongized in modern English. So yes it's correct to capitalize Pikachu for instance. Oh, and they give out false dialogue formatting (It's "Hello," She said dialogue is a seperate sentence). Spend time putting out a text block of non issues that are not going to help you. Don't get me started on Arceus.

What's worse is they all try to pass it off as them being critics in their reviews. Any review with it in the begining should be ignored if you get it.

Oh and if they say that they are being bullied. Know that they are lying as they been doing it too this fandom for years now and are just pissed that a group are working to stop it. The admins told them to knock it off.

If that's not enough on my profile is proof its utter nonsense. oh and if there is a guest reviewer titled "Take Down Hybrid" know that is's actually Handle Criticism Maturely the biggest of all of Farla's supporters and an utter troll who only doing this shit because Hybrid gave her criticism. The girls gone off the deep end and into complete insanity.

Best to remove it.

Speaking of them they had twice agreed to stop but don't. Even after being told to stop by the admins, their friends, and even random strangers. Right now they are somehow convinced that Hybrid, a woman, is a man.

If they claim they have proof don't. Its all utter nonsense land they been told by the admins to take it down.

As for the users you need to block and how, you block by heading to heading too the toolbar were you posted a story. Click on account and you should see the option to block users. Then add their id numbers..

64005

5373533

4416847

1357526

6889405
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