|Reviews for Calling the Storm|
| Metal Overload chapter 1 . 11/8/2006
Very Impressive... Extremely well written. Details are excellent. You nailed what would have been Ayanes reaction... I will add this story to my favorites list. So that I may one day return and read this brilliant fanfiction once again.
BTW. One known as Iggy Essence of Angst sent me the link to this story. I'm glad I clicked.
| Iggy - Essence of Angst chapter 1 . 11/8/2006
I believe you did this a considerable while ago. I passed by it a few times, thinking it was Hayate-centric only.
However, I was desperate for something new to read just a few days ago, and I thought, 'What the heck, it can't hurt to see what the fic is about'.
This piece is beautiful.
There are two things I should tell you, though. The first is that when Hayate is speaking to Ayane, his words should either be in italics (since it seems you did not want this story to be based on open dialogue, but rather just telling it by character narrative), because when you say:
[Pushing the pain aside he placed the weapon in front of her before rising again.] This is third person narrative.
[This belongs to you now.] But now you're implying that he is saying them to her - by using dialogue. That turns it into first person narrative.
Eg. "This belongs to you now" - first person
This belongs to you now, he told her. - third person, narrative dialogue
He told her it now belonged to her. -third person, third-person narrative dialogue.
If you were writing the fic in first-person narrative it wouldn't matter. But it does.
Another thing is... please remember to use commas when they're needed!
[She had not moved from her place only brought the weapon closer to her, her head bowed low touching against it in part, her shoulders beginning to start the slightest of motion the softest of sounds escaping her as they trembled..]
[her shoulders beginning to start the slightest of motion] is all one idea. [the softest of sounds escaping her as they trembled] is another idea. You've crammed both into one long sentence, which is not good. That's when the comma likes to come in handy, to properly separate ideas without having the disconnect the sentence into fragments.
Aside from those two things, though, I really enjoyed it. I could really feel the emotions of the characters as I read down the page, and I could feel Ayane's pain when she began to quietly cry. (Of course, I love angst, so naturally I love stuff like this)
But overall, I really enjoyed reading it. Beautiful style of writing, and I like how you chose to write the narrative from Hayate's perspective. That made a lot of things rather interesting.
Very good job on this, Tiger-san.
| Akino Arai chapter 1 . 9/9/2004
| littlematchgirl chapter 1 . 8/13/2004
to be honest, i really dig it, but i think that Ayane would have kicked hayate's ass, the third tournament was really meant for Ayane, she even ignored Kasumi, she was really after Genra... i don't think it was right of Hayate to take that away from her, but still, it was a very nice peice... i think it could have very well gone that way...
| kochan1 chapter 1 . 8/25/2003
The squeaky wheel gets oiled (wink).
I love the start desc to this fic, told you that before and I'm telling you again...love it ** There's all too often the brushing of something (usually hair) against something else (cheek) that marks your fic in the first few paragraphs. *grin*
I would have italicized the thoughts/dialogue just to separate it from the main text. Also to emphasise it. Also - a little more of it would have been nice - but you know me: I'm a dialogue freak.
The exchange between Hayate and Ayane didn't seem as heated as I remember it in the game (There was brotherly concern in Hayate as he yelled at her), but you still got the point across good (smile).
The bit after where they see each other as nothing more than opponents is great. I was a little curious as to how he could see her face as he nailed her from behind though (Doesn't that sound sus **).
There's the hair brushing at the cheek again *grin*
The scene with Genra is short, but memorable. The fights aren't the focus of the fic but you certainly make them tense and such that they serve as emotional landmarks.
I felt Hayate went a little soft with Ayane post Genra-battle though, esp as seeing how he was a lot less sympathetic in the game, but nevertheless you turned into something beautiful.
Last 2 paragraphs are great. Normally, I'd say they were too long, but like the start desc, this finished it real good. WOuldn't change em **
Fantastic 1st effort on showing Hayate's POV, though I never expected any less of you. Of course...there's more coming no? Till then.
Hai, Domo Arigatou Gozaimasu.
| Shikai10 chapter 1 . 7/11/2003
Hey, once again an excellent one shot. You've got a nack for conveying peoples angst. Are you okay?
I mean,to say your not feeling down are you because it almost seems like you may be Hayate or Ayane. But don't let that go to your head. Don't try flipping off of trees or anything. All though Calling the storm was good, I believe Tears in the Wind was better. Perhaps you used most of your pent up angst in that one. Psych. just kidding keep up the good work.
| Dark Samarian chapter 1 . 6/3/2003
Ur fic is really interesting. There is so many people who writes about Hayate, Ayanes, and those two ninjas. But they forget some good characters like Leon, Helena, Bayman, Gen Fu, and Brad Wong. Keep up with the good work. Leon is the best fighter in DOA.
| Aeirzanku chapter 1 . 5/30/2003
TigerEyes! you rule! you are the best writer on her in my opinion adn i think you should wright a real book and send me a copy of it! D
| Shadow chapter 1 . 5/20/2003
Interesting to see another fic of the end of DOA3 what happens becasue it is not determine who kills him until the next DOA (DOAXVB dose not count)the emotion that is raging inside her becaue of what happened to her Father who is killed by Hayate the second person that she feels taht understand her.
The aftershock of the action that happened is what interested me most because you had captured every detail of what happened after such a dramtic event causing another emotiontail scar on her a scar that will ,like the others, may never heal.
| Gouki chapter 1 . 5/18/2003
wow that was very beautifull!
It must be really hard for Ayane because Hayate was one of the people she admired most and HE exterminated her father.
I really think you captured that emotion in this fic and also the emotional pain of Hayate for doing that to her.
I look forward to your next fic!
| Hikari Kuu chapter 1 . 5/17/2003
I was waiting for you to start another story! This one is really good and has good desciption. When you stopped reviewing my story I was wondering what had happened. I cant wait for your next story about Hayate. Make it long and juicy. Bye and again this story was reall good.
| Forevermore chapter 1 . 5/17/2003
This is great. I'm really impressed. You write really well. This is just as good, as the one you wrote about Ayane. Hayate was described excellently. But there was only one thing missing; How he felt after finding out who he was. But everthing was so good, that this wasn't that important. I hope to read your next DOA fic soon *hint,hint*
By the way, thanks for reading and reviewing my story!
| Lil Ayane Fuku A.K.A Vid sis haha chapter 1 . 5/17/2003
aw sis that was a sad story poor ayane but it was still very good the detail of the surroundings and the feelings from both hayate and ayane form their actions was greatly described _
love your writing sis keep up the good work
| Nemu chapter 1 . 5/17/2003
Ohayou neesan! *hug*
I hope I'm the first reviewer *grin*
Anyway, I really like since I was in a Hayate mood this morning anyway. (A what? What the hell is that...) Well you know what I mean.
I really like how you described the feelings, I believe you're very good at that. I like the little hint in this story - that maybe he does love Ayane as much as Kasumi although he never shows it, ne? _
This one is really one of your best, oneechan! *glomp*
Can't wait for your German fic either. _
I should write more myself, hm?
Well, see ya later, hope to see more from you soon!