|Reviews for Mackie'|
| G chapter 1 . 9/8
| Jc chapter 1 . 3/17
Yes I would like to read the rest of this story. And do not make it a short one.
| Ender Mahe chapter 1 . 2/8
Hey, and welcome! I like your story, but I think it could really improve with just a few tweaks to it. This is my opinion, so take it for what it's worth.
I like the concept of someone trying to get a broken down mech working again and then taking it into battle, but it takes a surprisingly long time to develop. Normally stories, especially short stories, try to set the context very quickly. Here, you have a guy working on a dash board. Not especially gripping. Only later do we find out that he's a MechWarrior. And he actually bought this 'Mech with his life savings. And oh yeah, there's a massive riot going on.
Just reordering this could really strengthen it - start us off with the riot happening in the background so we have a sense of urgency to the scene. Then not only is his life at risk, but he's invested everything he has into this 'Mech he's never piloted, going into battle in a chaotic free-for-all where it could all disappear in a moment. This justifies the wild exhilaration he feels, where there's no thought for tomorrow, it's all right now.
It's a great start, keep it up, and best of luck to you!
| AeonStorm28 chapter 1 . 2/5
Keep it up, your character seems pretty amoral.