|Reviews for Out of the Abyss|
| Lumen del Mari chapter 10 . 11/2/2021
Here I go again after saying I wasn’t going to review every chapter and bombard you with reviews but I thought of something else after I posted the last one. I was too busy being concerned over what happened to Sarith, haha.
I enjoyed the Buppido fight. I think you did a good job of explaining his kills and the undead that fight alongside him. However, I feel like his betrayal of the party lacked the reeling gut-punch it had the potential to have—especially given Jhelnae’s emotional reaction—because we didn’t see much of Buppido before hand. It’s assumed he traveled with the party but I don’t recall him interacting too much with the main PCs in previous chapters.
Maybe it’s just me, but I like dramatics :P
Otherwise, I’m still trucking along, slowly but surely catching up to your new chapters!
| Lumen del Mari chapter 11 . 11/2/2021
Your myconids do talk! I had wondered, since Stool never did. I do like your concept, in that the spores become more potent and words form as the myconid grows. Or I suppose it could be a gift of the Lady that gives them speech. That makes sense.
Oh no, poor Sarith. I had been wondering for a while how his storyline would go. I could hope that the party saves him but….
| Daxxers chapter 50 . 10/30/2021
The entire chapter carries a sense of foreboding. I can easily imagine the party casting glances over their shoulders and clustering around Kuhl.
| GerryWright chapter 50 . 10/30/2021
A new chapter! Yay! I liked it. BTW, there is no need to apologize to the readers for your writing. I enjoy it and I expect others do , as well.
| Lumen del Mari chapter 9 . 10/21/2021
Since these have been short chapters, I’ve gotten through a few today, haha. And here I said I wasn’t going to review every chapter I read. I just keep finding little things to point out. Good things!
I enjoyed this one very much! I know you feared it would be an information dump, but I thought Errde’s description of the gray dwarf history was very compelling. I learned some new stuff, haha. We never delved into the illithid’s control over them or the experiments they performed in our game—by the campaign guide I know that’s going to sound silly but when I get to the Gracklestugh arc in my story it’ll make sense.
Also the first entire half of the chapter had me rolling. Literally all of it. Derendil’s dreams, the males teasing Kuhl, Stool’s version of events! But my favorite part…
“But your dream-story, Derendil, is unfit to be told around a war-hearth. It should have more violence and more deaths. And she should paint herself in the war paint of her clan at the end rather than taking a dagger to herself.”
“By my count about six died in his dream.”
“It needs more death. Much more.”
| Lumen del Mari chapter 8 . 10/21/2021
What you’ve done with introducing the succubus so early on is very interesting. It will help the characters put the pieces together a little faster I think, as well as give them a powerful ally in the city. Or she could stab them in the back and deliver them to Graz’zt. We shall see! Either way, I am intrigued. The party is lucky Jhelnae knows so much about demons! And now she has her pact blade…
| Lumen del Mari chapter 7 . 10/21/2021
I really enjoyed Kuhl and Eldeth’s interaction here. Good character development for her as an NPC. Derendil’s comments crack me up too.
My only criticism thus far, and it’s mostly a personal opinion, is how quickly a group of strangers have established allegiance/trust. Though bound by common purpose—survival—I’d still think more of the characters would show natural fight-or-flight tendencies/self preservation. Even if it was an instinctual thing and then their conscience gets the better of them. I really hadn’t thought about it until I saw what you did with Sarith’s character in this chapter—him standing off to the side, torn as to whether to follow the party and ultimately deciding to for his own good. I then thought, maybe more of these characters could’ve been shown having similar conflicting thoughts at the beginning of the story. This was also the first time we’ve seen the main PCs truly bicker amongst themselves, in the past it’s just been everyone else ganging up on Sarith and Ront. I actually really enjoyed the conflict in this chapter. It gave a sense of realism. They’re tired, they’ve been on the run, and they’ve seen some pretty terrible things. It’s natural for tensions to run high.
On that same line of thought, I wonder if Aleina shouldn’t have been so quick to accept Jhelnae’s story about becoming a warlock to Lolth’s avatar? (I know this happened chapters ago, but like the other stuff above, it’s just now coming to me.) Accident or no, it is *Lolth*. Given, I don’t know how much time they actually spent in the prison before escaping. It could’ve been weeks, so that sense of trust could’ve been built up before the story even began.
Just some thoughts I had and truly, that is the only constructive criticism I can offer. I’ve very much enjoyed reading your tale and shall continue on.
| Lumen del Mari chapter 6 . 10/19/2021
And now we have made it to Gracklestugh. I know Sloobludop was a quick stop, so I’m wondering how long the adventurers will remain here.
Our party spent literally 20 sessions, 6 months of game time, in Gracklestugh. It felt like a lifetime. I’m not looking forward to making that into concise chapters.
Good introduction with the Lair. I’m starting to see more into Sarith and Ront’s characters. Still curious to see what you do with Derendil and Eldeth. Glad they didn’t kill the giant. I shall keep reading to learn more!
| Lumen del Mari chapter 4 . 10/17/2021
I’d thought we’d lost another character at the shore, but I’m assuming now you meant Jimjar or one of the twins since everyone else is present and accounted for. I am wondering still how long they all last, given none were lost this chapter aside from Shuushar, willingly. I feared for Stool. I know I haven’t mentioned them in my story yet, other things seemed more important, but we were very attached to the sprout in our game. I think you did a good job overall with Sloobludop, quick a visit it might have been.
Also wanted to note, you do an excellent job at writing clear and concise fight scenes while still keeping them entertaining. I’m nervous for when I eventually get to that point…
Jhelnae is the triangle, I should’ve known!
There were a couple minor grammatical errors I saw in this chapter, most notably Derendil’s name at one point. Otherwise it was just punctuation. Like I said, minor.
| Lumen del Mari chapter 3 . 10/17/2021
Ah! I was correct in Jhelnae being a warlock! Her story is already so fascinating to me. I’m curious to see where it leads…House Mizzrym. No wonder Ilvara hated her so.
My comment about all of the party surviving no longer holds truth. Poor Jimjar. I’m biased, since I know the campaign, on who did it. And the fact that the drow found them so quickly and brutally! I see now my party was lucky in the rolls of our dice, haha.
And I thought you said your story wasn’t dark?
The only thing that confused me is that I had thought in the first chapter you mentioned Kuhl being a bard, now he’s a paladin. Multiclass? Or did I just misread
| Lumen del Mari chapter 2 . 10/17/2021
I had wondered if all of the prisoners would make it through the escape! They certainly are a large party and I definitely understand how difficult it is to write that.
Aleina using Disguise Self to look like Ilvara was such a clever idea! I’m curious as to Jhelnae’s class…warlock perhaps? I was wondering if her “beam of force” was eldritch blast. And Sky is definitely the rogue I think. It is also interesting to me that the party all had moonstone items.
Your version of Sarith just absolutely kills me (in a good way, it makes me giggle) because their personalities are 100% opposite sides of the spectrum.
I think that’s all for now. I’ll see if I can get through another chapter tonight. Finally taking a breather after writing nonstop for almost two days. ;)
| Lumen del Mari chapter 1 . 10/15/2021
I know I said it would be a while before I thought I’d have time to read your version of OOTA, but you’ve been so kind in giving me feedback on mine that I wanted to return the favor! Probably won’t get to review every chapter since you’re already so far along, but I will try when I note things of interest.
You are correct in that we have different ways of depicting the drow, your tone for them is already much lighter—as you had mentioned—but I think you did an excellent job of making Ilvara intimidating, not to mention arrogant, as she should be.
The story of Kuhl’s grandparents reminds me of the meetings of Luthien and Beren, and Aragorn and Arwen :)
A lot of dialogue in the first chapter. Interesting party make up so far. We’ve got a half-elf (I assume) bard, aasimar sorcerer, a half-drow (rogue?), and a tabaxi who gives massages :D along with the usual NPCs. It’s fascinating to me to see someone else’s idea of the NPCs personalities. I can already tell that our Sarith’s are going to be vastly different haha. As I read further, I’m anxious to see your depictions of Asha and Jorlan.
| Makareth chapter 49 . 10/11/2021
Interesting. I love the imagery of the unicorns, and the entry to the Fetwild! Really pretty!
The heightened senses bit was a little weird, but not terrible.
Getting closer to Derendil's home!
| Daxxers chapter 49 . 10/2/2021
This was a good chapter. The feywild transit works well (something similar is done by Jim Butcher in his Dresden series). Loved Surash's take on the unicorn-maiden legend and Fargas putting his foot in his mouth.
| Makareth chapter 48 . 9/27/2021
Very interesting! I like the conversation about out drinking the satyrs. XD
Oooh yes. I feel your pain. I'm on the third, maybe fourth, rewrite of chapter nine for my fic. Not even counting the attempts at fixing clunky scenes...