First of all i haven't read the orginal version so no comments on that. Next reactions are to muted it was like your ancestor forged this blade jaune was like no reaction it went into next scene lastly ozpin already said he knows Lionel arc in one of the earlier ch and jaune was shocked again about it in 10th ch

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Jeez, how can you nerf the gamer this much, why even write a gamer fic if you want to keep your MC weak.

So, why is he still lying and hiding that he's s still untrined, it was ok in Canon but makes no sense here... Just makes him a cowardly liar.

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And when we needed them the most, they disappeared.

This was a great, fun read. Thanks.

Me gusto mucho el fanfic de verdad odio que la gente se pusiera de mala onda y actuarán como unos bebes porque simplemente no le gustó la obra en lo personal me gustó mucho no tuve la oportunidad de verme la original pero espero poder seguir viendo tus fics por que están muy buenos

Your character interactions are kinda awful. No one has a personality other than being an awkward asshole. Like no one, Ren the most mellow character on the show is a dick even Pyrrha is really strange here.

Beyond that you and everyone go out of their way to explain our stupid and weak and awful jaune is lol. Like he’s now on everyone’s level literally above in some cases. But everyone is an asshole or just super odd.

your character interactions need work because the show did one thing right and had everyone in shock when Ozpin's past was revealed yet here its all hunky dory and everyone is feeling fantastic with Ren being the only one showing any sort of emotion

This is something personally i dont agree with. You make it seem as if Oz should tell everyone everything. But that only makes and attracts more Grimm. Humanity knowing about Salem is a net negative, and also I feel like the only time youve actually used Gamer’s Mind was the Volleyball scene. This chapter especially has seen Juane react the exact opposite. In fact, he’s done that a lot. When it comes to Oz especially you necer write Jaune as thinking through why, always writing instead that he is wrong. At least that’s how im feeling woth all this.

bro Salem kinda weak...the only scary thing about her is her immorality..

If you're showing off Blake's aura blade, why not Ren's Aura Shield defense? Both are advanced techniques over the basic function version.

Nice first chapter. Looks like it'll be an interesting read.

My only quibble is that I'd have had the system introduce itself as his semblance. Say something like "due to extreme stress and a tendency to obsess over games rather than training, the semblance [Gamer] has been activated! Please note, your semblance only affects you personally, at this stage." rather than just being something random out of the blue.

this was such a crappie chapter felt like a massive cop out

I’m looking forward to the next chapter