|Reviews for The Girl in the Broken Mirror|
| aspin1 chapter 9 . 10/15
Really liking this story and hoping you'll continue it! I had a bit of a laugh at "Ron ejaculated loudly". In particular, I'm enjoying this version of Dumbledore; his mannerisms and the way he talks feels very on-point and it a great character. The only part I didn't really like was the chapter from Padfoot's perspective. Will be favoriting/following and looking forward to updates!
| Jon-Riptide chapter 3 . 10/7
I think you have Iris figured out, but on Sirius and Dumbledore you have good moments and others that are more OCC. They do have some charm to them though. Specially cuban cigar Dumbledore.
I think it's best you didn't show SIrius and Dumbledore's fight against this Other thingy... in that way I get to keep the images of a rather funny duel.
| Jon-Riptide chapter 2 . 10/7
Crazy Lily at it again with her dramatic expositions haha
So Lily is certainly a different character here. She lost something by not really being a muggleborn and instead inheriting this ancestral bloodline, but I guess it works better for this story.
The chapter is clearly and transition one and it fulfils its mission in a good way. The pacing is actually top notch in this one. It feels intriguing at all times.
I do feel like we lost some of the original characterization here. At moments it felt more like Jean Reno and his sidekick of the week going through mysterious murder mysteries. Albus was still him to some part, but he lost other layers of him. I felt like he was frowning the entire chapter. He also went over the top reading Mundungs mind for something as mundane as the exact time he left Iris alone, then Sirius convinces to tag alone making puppy dog eyes.
The Dursleys scenes was good. A neat horror mystery vibe.
Nitpicks. It didn't make sense for ALbus to allow Sirius to tag along so easily. Where are the cops? They couldn't have left after a couple of hours... there's a head with worms lying around. Where is the MInistry? Didn't they send a letter? They should have noticed the nearby head and the iron bars because of the spells Iris made. Actually she did so many of them and she is a fugitive, a Ministry official would totally be at the Dursleys.
Aside from that. Good chap. See you in chap3.
| Jon-Riptide chapter 1 . 10/7
Man, this Lily is all for the drama.
Characterization is good. This Iris has a lot of Harry obviously, though she has something different, seems more observant and at least has a greater taste for books than Harry did. She also seems to hit more common ground with her, unlike Harry who did that with Ron. You got me intrigued the moment I read "Dudley", I was wondering if you would be going for femDudley, as that would make it easier to replicate the Harry-Dudley relationship. I had my doubts, but you did manage to pull it out. I guess the swearing did compensate a lot for the lack of physical bullying. I think you reflected the spirit of that relationship. Wonder if we're going to see some of the Dursleys reactions to BIg D hitting the bucket.
Canon treatment is good as well. At least in this chap you are sticking to many of the parts that help us picture Iris state of mind (Cedric, Ministry, parents...) while introducing others. There this "undiscovered thingy" Lily has that seems to build upon canon instead of contradict, that help us feel where we are, even if we don't know where things are going. Kudos in putting your twist on things in a new exciting direction. This "dark arts... pentagrams thing" can be badly done, but so far seems like it is blending nicely.
Curious about what you kept and what you did 180 in the parents relation. It's obvious Lily is taking more central figure here than James, but seems like you kept the physical description. I must say I was expecting a doe instead of a stag.
This anti-dementor seems neat. Interesting, almost out of a horror movie. Dementor is already something out of an horror movie, but you took our safety net there and flipped it upside down. Wonder if this is going to be a big enemy or just a background one once they find a way to control it (like an anti-patronus). I also hope some sort of explanation for with the fuck can this thing travel so fast is given. Also why it went so slow or had problems going through automatic doors when it could move so fast later on.
Nitpick time... hope she didn't really got to Hogwarts just like that... though I can live with it. "Going north from Surrey" seems like a vague way of finding Hogwarts.
Finally, your prose and style. You totally have a talent for both horror and action. First scene was very horror, and broom race was very actionny. More nitpick, maybe some breathing space to break could have been done better. Your prose is good and getting Iris thoughts is nice, but it didn't felt like there were "hours" between escaping and the end of the chap. Maybe a bit of calm and false sense of security might have helped. Escaping, letting her change clothes in solid ground... lower speed at some point because she thought she "left it behind"... something like that.
Overall, top notch. Will be reading that chap 2.
| osterreicher97 chapter 9 . 10/6
Interesting... that last part was frightening in the extreme though. But it fits the darker tone of this AU of the HP world.
| automaton14 chapter 1 . 9/21
oh my god this is fantastic I've got chills
| Padfootette chapter 8 . 9/2
Great chapter loved it please update soon
| osterreicher97 chapter 8 . 8/25
Lol, Umbitch being Umbitch.
| TomRiddlesTwin chapter 7 . 7/4
| TomRiddlesTwin chapter 4 . 7/4
Padfoots mind is adorable
| StellaStarMagic chapter 7 . 7/1
A very interesting and unique approach. I am interested to see where you will take this! Kudos so far!
| osterreicher97 chapter 7 . 6/29
Sooo... this Eligos apparently saw Iris' desperation filled summoning attempt as an opportunity to lay a claim on her.
Come to think of it though... even without being an Evans, Iris should technically have some sort of connection to Others paternally due to the Peverells since the Peverell story always seemed sketchy to say the least in regards to the creation story of their most famous artifacts, the Deathly Hallows.
| osterreicher97 chapter 6 . 6/15
Ah yes, this hearing was certainly a gem considering how badly Dumbledore trumped the Ministry this time. Good to see this updated once more and look forward to the next.
| osterreicher97 chapter 5 . 6/10
Hmmm... so it seems Dumbledore will leave it to Iris to explain the deeper background of things such as the Evans family being the ones responsible for the 'curse' that has been passed to Iris.
| weirdhead chapter 5 . 6/9
Ron has the potential, but he was lazy due to his brothers already overshadowing him. He had nothing to do new. And he is the one who is least loved in the family, even his parents acknowledge Harry and Hermione before him. And most of the fandom do Ron bashings.