|Reviews for To Change Fate|
| Louga chapter 1 . 7/19
Reddit reporting for duty! Ewmiselle here.
I love how it started: moments when characters just experience the world around them, feel rather than think, have always been my favourite.
Show-don't-tell seems to be your forte: just one phone call and I get the relations between Diana and her family, especially the father (even though
you wrote the least about him!). And that death scene! So well done!
And then birth! Okay, gotta follow this one. So intriguing!
| hellobuddy43745 chapter 10 . 7/18
fgrhrthrt it's good so far! it's me, emotionalrace2970 from reddit :0
| papaprep chapter 10 . 7/17
| Petrox chapter 10 . 7/16
I wonder how Biwako alive would change the third second time of government from being disastrous from all points and bending over Danzo.
I hate the deus ex machina that Obito did there. From chunin in less than a year goes to kill a platoon of Anbu and hold Minato in a fight. But i guess the same could be said to the main cast in shippuden going from Chunin to God slaying.
| Mystic Moon Flower chapter 10 . 7/16
Huh, Kushina gave birth in the Uchiha compound so that must mean the kyuubi was unleashed there so the death toll in the Uchiha clan must be high. I wonder how would the people view that? Also Biwako survived. After all it only became more bad for the Uchiha because it was suspected that an Uchiha unleashed and controlled the kyuubi, their death toll was not that large compared to the others leading to others strengthening that belief and there was no survivors in the know to defend the Uchiha. Biwako died in the OG. The Uchiha police must now have been seen to be actively fighting the kyuubi (cause the fox is in their clan compound) and evacuating citizens. So there has to be no persecution on their part in negligence of duty. Hmmmmmm... (One of the reasons the Uchiha was isolated because people said they didn't saw the police fight the kyuubi when in truth they were busy tending to the civvies)
| LuciiChaan chapter 10 . 7/16
No amiga, por favor no lo dejes acá. Ese final no me va a dejar de perseguir
Qué pasó con Mikoto? Con Kushina? Cómo va a resultar todo para los Uchiha?
Y te entiendo, yo tengo muchas historias escritas y otras en mi mente que no logro expresar en papel. Realmente admito que te animes y traigas una historia aquí. Está atrapante y la idea del fanfic no solo es, bueno, dejar salir tu lado creativo, sino que te equivoques, aprendas y mejores.
Espero el siguiente pronto, por mi paz mental.
| Darkerby chapter 10 . 7/16
thank you for the chapter
| Ceies chapter 1 . 7/13
Wow, I didn't expect to follow a Baby through the process of getting born. It was actually describes quite believable if a little frightening. No wonder she's so panicked. I liked her thought-process throughout the event. You did well replacing her lacking sense of sight with other impressions.
I also feel really bad for her. She just got a job! Somehow I also always feel my heart clench when I read about bad father-child relationship. So that hurt a little though i didn't miss that in her panic she called out for her Dad as well.
So now reborn as an Uchiha with some Part 1 Naruto knowledge already, that might be helpful.
| papaprep chapter 9 . 6/23
can't wait 4 part 2!
| Tavina chapter 8 . 6/10
So, after seeing this fic self-rec’d on reddit a bunch of times in recent days, and considering that it’s short and I didn’t have too many other things to be doing tonight, I thought I might as well read it since Uchiha SI-OC are generally fun anyway.
I generally give any new fic a few chapters to work itself out and see if it’s the sort of thing that I’ll keep checking back on, and unfortunately, this is not one that will be making that list. Post reading up to this point (I’ve gotten to chapter eight which is all of the posted chapters so far) I will not be reading further, and here are some of the reasons why:
To be quite honest, I thought the premise of giving the SI-OC a name was pretty interesting and cool since we don’t generally get that out of a lot of these fics. I wish it had more substance and impact on her current life as an Uchiha, but like, points for giving her a name and for the OC seeming to have her own life before getting unceremoniously dumped into the world of Naruto.
There’s a bunch of stuff in this fic that could be lumped here generally, but I’ll focus on like, the non-egregiously bad parts of this fic, which is that the fic could really do with someone who knows how to stick to one person’s POV per scene. We generally call what happens in this fic “headhopping.” It greatly confuses readers and we are taught how to not do this in a beginner fiction writing class, which is very easy to locate at your local university. For example, from Chapter Two: Bringer of Life: “The moment Humiya opened her dull eyes, her body felt weighed down and limp.” I am assuming we are meant to understand that Humiya is the point of view character here, but since I have indeed, met no people, much less babies who are capable of viewing their own eyes especially without the aid of a mirror, I am actually pretty sure this is just the author trying to tell the reader things directly which violates the rule of “show, don’t tell.” The concept of Humiya feeling down is already clear from “her body felt weighed down and limp” without her judging her own eyes as an infant who can’t see them. Later on in that same scene, we get this line: “Mikoto simply nodded in reply, blinking unshed tears as she turned back to watch Humiya's chest move up and down with each breath.” which, again, feels like we are having an out of body experience trying to describe what other people see when looking at the MC instead of viewing the world through the MC’s eyes, *as well as* seemingly? Hopping into Mikoto’s point of view? In any case, sentences like this are extremely jarring and tend to give the scene the consistency and flow of badly burnt oatmeal which is not exactly a stunning endorsement of the author’s technical abilities.
There are lots more grammar issues present in this fic, but I think I’m too tired to describe them all in as much detail as I did the above so here’s a list of some of them: improper subject-verb agreement, improper use of punctuation and commas, improper paragraph spacing with regards to dialogue, run on sentences, sentence fragments used presumably (?) for effect, and lots and lots of telling the readers what’s going on instead of showing them.
There’s a very easy fix for all of these issues however! It’s called locating a beta reader and *taking their grammatical corrections and advice* (and maybe also taking more English classes and cracking open a grammar review book).
Where do I even begin with this category.
I suppose we can begin with the alcohol abuse during pregnancy that’s about to give the as of yet unbirthed Sasuke fetal alcohol syndrome, which was not warned for in the author’s notes and does not seem to be particularly on the author’s mind as I’ve seen this fic self described as “fluffy” and “family feels” multiple times.
Spoiler alert: your father threatening to beat the innocence out of his under age five children (you and your brother), your mother abusing alcohol and being drunk all the time while still taking care of you, a toddler, and your mother’s grandmother calling your mother “a failure” is not in any way, shape, or form, “fluffy” or “family feels” unless the feels are ones of incoherent rage at the dysfunction of this family.
Or maybe we should’ve begun with the racist and fetishicistic view this story takes towards Japanese people and their religion and culture. For instance, in author’s note of chapter seven, the author tells us this stunning fact:
“Secondly, I decided after a lot of thought to change Amaterasu's name to Naka and altered her appearance. It is weird to be worshiping Amaterasu in the Naka shrine unless Naka was an underling of Amaterasu. I decided not to do that and to have only established deities in this fic.
Regarding her appearance, I found that she looked too much like Kaguya, so I changed it so that she only has two eyes which are both missing. Naka is blind.”
For one thing, if one knows anything about Japanese Shrines to Actually Real Shinto Gods, they are actually not often named after the gods themselves.
For example: The Grand Ise Shrine, also known as Ise Jingu is one of the largest and most famous shrines to the sun goddess, Amaterasu, is made of two main shrines, the Naiku Shrine, and the Geku Shrine, which, fun fact, are *all* shrines to worship Amaterasu in without being named after her at all.
Also, the Uchiha are primarily correlated with the actual religion of Shintoism and I find *changing the name and appearance of their most important god* for the sake of storyline aesthetics to be weird, dismissive, racist and fetishistic to the religion and culture of Japan.
This story also features anti-Asian racism, the most prominent example of which comes to mind when the author is describing certain characters' eyes as “squinted so tightly that it gave the appearance that her eyes were constantly closed.” which, especially for East Asians and people of East Asian descent, is a classic dogwhistle for racist remarks of all sorts as such images have been written and depicted in anti-asian writing, art, and sentiment since prior to the Chinese Exclusion Act of 1882.
For these particular criticisms there are some long, difficult, and arduous ways to fix them! But never fear, you can probably still succeed in 1) doing research and learning how to be culturally sensitive towards cultures and people you clearly don’t know much about especially if they’re aspects that will wind up featuring prominently in your fictional writing and 2) unlearning your own racial biases and internalized racism towards East Asians which you might be able to do by actually learning instead of just writing racist stereotypes into your fic.
I initially wasn’t going to say anything about this, but I did see on reddit that you hold to the idea that since you “posted the fic online and reviews are open” that constructive criticism that is blunt, clear, and detailed is always welcome and thoughts on how to improve the fic ought to be shared exactly as the reader thought them while reading.
So there you have it: tl;dr: this fic seemed to have an interesting starting premise but is mired in a heap of technical issues, lack of research into and respect for Japanese Culture and anti-Asian racism and if you’re reading the reviews to see if you should read this I would honestly and kindly suggest perhaps you not.
| Guest chapter 8 . 5/2
very snazzy! a bit of angst but that is to be expected. nothing overbearing I think. And the premise is very cool! I love the Uchiha dynamic and itachi fluff. Makes me feel wobbly on tha inside.
| Guest chapter 1 . 4/30
First chapter is really derivative, but interesting you've given her an name for her previous life.
| Sommernacht chapter 5 . 4/29
Aww, little Itachi is so cute. And Fugaku is really ... creepy. Beating the innocence out of his children and then crying, seems disconcerting.
I really like reading the story so far, it has really nice flow. Looking forward to finding out what happens next :) Take care!
| Sommernacht chapter 4 . 4/28
Hehe, Humiya fearing Itachi. "This is the one who will kill me"
Classic thoughts when meeting your new brother the first time.
| Sommernacht chapter 2 . 4/27
Hehe, I chuckled at the inner dialog. "Nah! I read too many reincarnation novels."