|Reviews for A Perfect Union|
| darthnell chapter 2 . 5/17/2021
B Y E her dog omg.. Sapphira is so precious ;-; Sapphira, aka the second coming of Sappho.. we stan ;-; ..Ok the "returned to drugs" a H baby.. ;-; Yeah, winning Sucks.. Also her being afraid to let Anais stay the night oh nooo.. Yeah like I can see where she'd be coming from, but. Oof, that sucks ;-; Like of course they tell you winning is great and something to be desired, but they oh-so-conveniently leave out all the trauma that the victors have to face at the end of the day. It's such a neat thing to explore though (I'm def looking forward to more of your Sapphira fic too - the first part was so good ;-; ).. Victors are fun little creachers hjh. I'm curious to see how Sapphira will be as a mentor too, she seems so genuine with it but also it's such a hard task ;-; Anyways, GOOD FOR U GIRL HJFDF
| darthnell chapter 1 . 5/17/2021
Hi I'm hear to swear in our new President Snow: Fuck Snow lives hjhjfhd.. Ok for real, I'm so excited to Read finally :D I absolutely adore seeing Sapphira in this like she highkey upstaged Snow's ceremony and I simply stan her for that hjdfhd he ain't even mad.. What an icon ;-; Sapphira wins One (1) evil white man tear hjfdh. And of course he's got his cronies in the positions of power, I'd expect nothing less.. Also that's cool that you have him being the second president too ! Man, Ravenstill must've just been shit at it if after one go the districts were just like "lmao fuck you man bye" and rebelled hjhjgf. ..I guess we can say the same about good ol' Cory in the House here too jfdh. Ok, anyways IM EXCITED ;-;
| Discord SYOT Verses chapter 1 . 12/26/2020
hello ms. queerfoot i am here as your secret santa to review your fic. you totally dont know who i am, not at all. its not as if you ever saw the assignments list. (maybe my lack of grammatical conventions will convince you its not me)
Oops. Hi. Anyway, I’m gonna actually start talking about the story now. I didn’t stop to leave me thoughts after every chapter since that kinda removes the fun out of binging? I will say my first impression of the tributes was that crazy backstories still exist… and that there’s a lot of sex. :flushed:
I said the first part because I’ve had mostly normal kids in my stories this year, and it somehow led me to think that most kids were normal now. Clearly, I get the normal ones because I ask for them lol. From Al to Saf to Kingston to… well, /Moira/, most of all, there are definitely a ton of weird/tragic backstories. You’ve done a great job keeping all their backstories distinct since having a lot of weird backstories can sometimes lead to them blending together.
Oh, and the sex. Eros… Bell… now Edison (bc effin’ Pascal)… Ares… Sperry… Marcel… Alabastor-ish… I’m sure you know me well enough to know what I was like reading through all of them. And the significant other backstories? Teresa, Alarico, and Dephra?
Ah ha! This entire time, I couldn’t help but feel like something was… missing? not that /you/ missed something; just that something was very different from before. But I finally figured out why! There isn’t a single overwhelmingly wholesome kid in this cast. There’s usually one or two kids in every story that makes me uwu, and there isn’t one in here. Not that it’s bad or wrong or anything; it’s just an observation. It definitely contributes to this cool mish-mashed vibe of “yes, things are spicy and fun” and “people are terrible and disgusting,” which I don’t think I’ve seen before.
Some standouts have been…
Lana: She’s absolutely bonkers and I hate her but she’s so entertaining. I almost can’t genuinely hate her because I have a hard time taking her seriously—but I also know that she. is. deadly. ugh.
Clancy: Oh, Clancy… Clancy… Clancy… how could anyone /not/ remember you? I didn’t find him too endearing at the beginning since my analytical brain almost finds his ideas annoying? But the more I read, the more I like him, and he’s definitely near the top of my undefined chart.
Alarico: I mean, he does speak Spanish, which makes it hard for me to forget him, but he overall just has nice bro vibes. Idk what to say because there isn’t anything concrete that jumps out at me? Just those vibes.
Linea: I Do. Not. Like. This. Girl. Which is rather unfortunate. But I don’t like her. Her POVs always rub me the wrong way with how… mean and proud she is? And her vibes feel almost creepy.
Teresa: Idk why I just remember this girl. Hi.
Anyways, I’m writing this after reading all the pre-Games in one big binge, and I wanted to stop and give bloodbath predictions. I already know the victor, so I know that Liana won’t die next chapter. I know Saf’s placement, so she’ll definitely make it out. I get the feeling that all the Careers are safe for now, and I feel like Clancy and Ares have more to their story. Marcel and Teresa seem to be a solid alliance that authors tend to not break so early on…
So, 90% certain deaths?
Dephra and Pith come to mind first. Dephra hasn’t really been involved in anything, and while Pith /could/ go somewhere with his crush on Alarico, that last tiny bit in the Launch chapter makes him feel like his arc is over.
I’m pretty sure Palmer is bloodbathing. He’s been lazy this entire time and he hasn’t shown much development thus far—and I doubt it’s gonna happen for him.
Etta hasn’t been involved in much either.
Deaths I think could happen but I won’t bet on it, not by a long shot:
One of the Babysitting group is probably gonna die. I thought Piper dying might be a shake-up, but she seems to have something happening with Saf and I know Saf dies later, which leaves Al and Morgan.
Camber /could/ be a bloodbath, since the entire “adoption” bit seems tangential to Clancy and Ares’ thing.
Sperry hasn’t been involved in much and she’s suffering from withdrawal, but her character seems stronger than some of the other loners and I’m not sure she’ll go so early.
I feel like one of the Fraternity guys could go early as well. I’ll say Challis for now since he doesn’t stick out as much in my head, but the three could all survive too.
But that’s it for predictions. I’ll be right back after the bloodbath.
OKAY I AM HERE. That bloodbath was WOW. Especially that bit with Alabastor and Piper and Lana? Just WOW. you really did say 10 death bloodbath and I respect that since most bloodbaths these days are pretty puny. Looking at my predictions… All four of my “sure” ones went out. I was pretty close with my Babysitting predictions, though I only expected one and I got two. That Saf/Piper alliance is definitely happening now. I was right about Camber too, and my thoughts on Sperry were in the right direction. Same for Challis… I guess I didn’t expect Alarico, though I had my suspicions.
*pats self on the back* All in all, I was pretty accurate! The only surprise was Bell. I seriously didn’t see that one coming. And I only hate Lana even more now. Time to go binge the Games!
Ok I’m on Day 2 but I had to pop in and say RIP Edison plus I’m not looking forward to Teresa’s… miscarriage scene? Idk for sure, but based on former conversations…. uh oh.
Just finished Day 3, and I’m glad Kingston’s having some development. All four of the Careers, trying to take out Lana. I feel like she’ll kill one of them… or more. Liana’s dissection materials scare me. And I love how “HA! Nerds” became “Lol they stupid.”
Day 5 done. And what the heck. What. Ack! Sperry got a kill… and this is just… ahhhhhhhh… AND CLANCY’S DEATH? AND ARES? AHHHHHH
Just finished the Feast and had to say that Lana Lotus needs to do a little bye-bye.
YES Lana has done a little bye-bye.
oKAY I have finished the story and I have thoughts. Well no I don’t have thoughts I have vibes and feels that don’t translate well to words. I like the arc you went with Liana—how there’s that trauma and humanity in her… yet she’s still a horrible, cold human being. It would’ve been a little too much for her to suddenly become a soft, vulnerable girl who didn’t /really/ know what she was doing. And that means I still don’t like her. Just ugh. She makes me angry. But that doesn’t invalidate my opinion that she worked well as the Victor of this story, even if I still truly dislike her. The build-up and lead-up to her victory felt… appropriate, which is definitely a good thing.
Now… constructive criticism… I tend to veer a little heavy with the criticism… I’m not trying to stand from a “I’m so awesome” perspective; I’m terrified to think of what I’d have issues with if I went back to reread my own stories. These are just some observations that I noticed while reading.
I’d say that this story has a bit of a predictability issue. For example, it was pretty obvious who a lot of the bloodbaths were going to be. On one hand, this isn’t the worst problem to have, since you don’t set up false expectations and so it isn’t disappointing when things happen, but it could be more interesting if it were less clear who was going to die soon.
From a writing perspective, this story has some “telling” when “showing” might’ve been more effective, especially when dealing with emotions. There were some parts where it felt like more info was given than needed, which hurt the flow of the scene. This also ties into how some scenes could’ve been more effective if the pacing were a bit nicer. Like how you take a long time brilliantly leading up to a death, but then the death happens so fast and it feels like the chapter “rushed over” the death, if that makes sense? It would be nice to have a bit more “weight” at the death parts to anchor them.
Last thing: I really wished that some things didn’t happen off-screen, like with Kingston’s death and what happened at the very end between Liana and Eros. There were also some things (like what Sperry did on Day 1) that happened off-screen and had to be “told,” which, while not necessarily bad, could’ve been better for flow if they had just happened on-screen.
This was an enjoyable read! You did an excellent job managing reader expectations and delivering with the pay-offs, which made the read feel super satisfying. Once I started reading the Games, I really couldn’t stop, as evidenced by my minimal comments, and I had to just keep going and going until I got to the end.
lol idk im out of words so ill end this here with a merry christmas! hope you enjoyed the review!
| Mykindleisawesome chapter 46 . 9/29/2020
there's... such a big part of me that doesn't want to write this review because then i also have to accept that apu is over. and i'm a nostalgic sentimental bitch. i know i read this last night but until my doc of apu reviews has been updated for the last time... it isn't real. disgusting why am i getting sad again what the fuck is this. ummm stan victor liana that's all i have to say about that before i get carried away. the quote kinda slaps but also makes me sad again.
Liana - hmm i guess i'll divide this into two sections? liana part 1 and part 2... yeah bitches she's that powerful. stan liana or die by my blade. just kidding you don't have to i'll just be sad. stan apu and dt or die by my blade. there we go now i can start. Hi Victor Liana! I also think things can be fixed by a nap! They usually can't... unless they're a headache but even then sometimes I wake up with a worse one. "Her reflection grew more and more familiar to her even though she hated the person in it" hey so... you couldn't give me a break? Not even a little one? Where's my 3 hour nap to forget that she hates herself? What the fuck... I like how she points out her newfound hatred and bitterness and she can't even find something else to aim it at so it's just... herself. I hate it. That being said, I love her internal thoughts that pop out during conversations. They fucking HURT. They just... defy what everyone else is saying and wow I just hate it so much. "If anyone was going to love Liana at this point it was going to be the Capitol" you're right but OUCH. There's a lot that the districts can overlook but not dissecting someone. So that's probably a big factor in how Liana ends up as a gamemaker. They're able to overlook stuff like that. And she's a genius. And... she just wants to LEAVE. But going home won't be too much better. She just is not vibing with all this attention. (rip to bell in the bloodbath and ig everyone else but who even were they (jk also rip to dephra)) Oh! And now she knows she took apart Brent! For Edison! ... but also her beating herself up over not dissecting Edison and wishing she made that decision again is still ouch. Edison just talking to her about his cats is so pure to me. So now she will adopt some! I also love how she connects *now* that Eros is the one that helped her on the boat and he was the last one she took out. She's just... separated herself from the person in the arena so much that it's left her lost and confused as she tries to put herself back together again. OH OOF i thought sapphira handing over her crown was cute at first but i didn't catch the fact that she was GLARING at liana... girl she just tryna win here stuff happens you killed ammo in his sleep which is also not very cash money of you. And now Liana just wants to forget... fair enough. (rip to eros (and also fila) but you went out in a cool way dude)
Liana part 2 - yeah bitch we back for more of you! The fact that Liana brought all of Edison's cats with her is cracking me up and I'm pretty sure that's the only thing that will make me laugh this chapter. Because yikes district 10! HI MINERVA I'M GLAD YOU GOT OUT OF THE TRASH! another bright moment! i'm glad the smallest and cutest cat is okay. she was edison's favorite too right? I'm actually very sad that her cats keep looking for Edison because that's so sweet? but also... he's not coming back... "She wanted to create instead of destroy" awww i'm so proud! So cute! "which is what led to the small army of robotic mice for the cats to play with" what the fuck liana... that's so fucking cute. what the fuck. you're so weird. i literally love it. It makes sense that she doesn't talk to her parents since I think I made it so she didn't have the best relationship with them anyway, but Ceci and Si? That's so sad... "Everybody that was more worthy than she was" ughhh it hurts. (also... fake new liana ig the only other actually worthy one was sperry but even she sat on her ass for a few too many days) I thought she was gonna reach out to them but it makes more sense that one of THEM came up to HER and she's just like... i don't know... i'm sorry... and that's nothing to them. Nothing will bring her back. Nothing will undo what has already happened. The fact that Liana has overheard a bit more of the conversation is so heartbreaking too. The parents broke up? the kids are all a lil messed up now? And the sister yelling that she hated Liana? MY HEART. And she'd rather be locked up than out being celebrated... this shit HURTS linds what the fuck. I really like that Olive was nice to her though. I've always enjoyed seeing victors being nice to each other because they're the only ones that understand each other. I hope Liana can be lucky too :)
Snow - fuck this man. Yay to Liana for the pink birds! I really like how you've put Liana INTO the world like this. Idk it feels different from Clemensia and Lysistrata. I wonder what plans she had for the end... too bad Haymitch cheated. He used his surroundings though I can't really blame him. But Snow can! Rip to Lucien who is just trying to LIVE. fuck off snow i bet you're a bad dad. The Games is your real child. I find it interesting that Lysistrata and Clemensia don't see what's wrong with Haymitch's um... strategy. Fuck Snow for calling Sapphira a tired hag though. Bitchass. Dirty toenail. Broken paperclip. I'm actually very intrigued to see how these games go because Snow is NOT pleased with Clemensia and Lysistrata and next year... well, I just think there'll be quite a bit more subplot stuff. Fuck Snow be nice to your son. I looove how this sets up the dt prologue though. Snow is CLEARLY not happy and we see a bit of his mindset as the 50th games wrap up. Makes sense that he's pissed considering this is supposed to be a QUELL. Except also he's a piece of shit and should get run over by an army of robotic mice.
ughhh i also can't believe apu is over. i'm... really sad as i wrap up this review. it feels bittersweet. also i'm gonna cry i got a shoutout? i am so soft what the heck. i'm really glad i met you too. can't believe i'm being soft on main buuut i love you! it's been so amazing to be here and meet you and thanks for everything. i already miss apu but i know dt is gonna be a whole new adventure with new kids to kill! also subplot! i'm really psyched to go into dt, i know it's going to be amazing. i don't really have the words to wrap up this review, so i'll just say thank you for everything and i'm excited to move onto dt.
| Annabeth-TheTributeThatLived chapter 46 . 9/29/2020
Final Review Part 2/2: Other Stuff
Plot: I’ll touch a little more about this later on, but I think that it was very clear as soon as the tributes all started interacting with each other that the Victor was either going to be Liana or Sperry. If this was a story about Liana, I would say that the plot was done phenomenally, but because this was a story about 24 potential Victors, I’ll call the plot very good. I’ll talk more about this later on, but because the Victor was always Liana, it made for a good and believable ending to the story where Liana wins. There’s nothing worse than when a SYOT ends and you just cannot believe that the author went with THAT choice for their Victor, because there was no lead up for it. But with Liana, she was always someone that I imagined winning, so the ending didn’t throw me off at all in the way that it would have if someone like Eros had won.
Subplot: I was really excited when this story began with Coryo’s inauguration and the whole Lucien Grayson thing and the marriage going on, so I have to say I’m a little bit disappointed that that didn’t really end up going anywhere. I know you and I know your brain, so I’m certain that this will play a major part in Domestic Tranquility, especially considering the Lucien mention in the prologue. I think I was just a bit disappointed particularly because the title was “A Perfect Union.” I just would have loved to have seen more of this supposedly perfect marriage. I also would have liked to see a bit more of Clemensia and Lysistrata as Gamemakers. I feel like before the subplot kind of dropped off, we saw a lot of them as lovers but not a whole lot of them in their jobs and their contribution to the actual plot of the story. I totally understand why you dropped off on the subplot since the actual plot with the tributes was so interesting and engaging, I just would have liked to have seen more of that since it was such a big deal at the beginning.
Intros: These intros were done incredibly, and it helped inspire how I’m doing mine. I really love when authors just give each tribute either a normal day in their life or a significant day rather than just their morning routine for the Reaping. It did a really great job of showing who the tributes are as individuals not concerning the Games.
Pre-Games: I really love all of the creative liberties you took here, like the party scene and the free day in the Capitol. Both of these were really great ways to get some insight into what the Capitol citizens think not just of the Hunger Games, but of the concept of tributes as real two things that stuck out to me most about this was Marcel and Teresa at the amusement park and Dephra going to a restaurant, because these were both such believable choices. If I grew up in extreme poverty and dystopia and suddenly had one day to live out all of the items on my bucket list, I’m sure the two big items on my list would be eating good food and having fun. As for the training chapters, I think these were also done very well. I think that for the most part, the alliances developed relatively naturally, and you did a good job of not oversaturating anyone. Some of the highlights for me here were Etta learning things by reading about them (I really wish we could have seen her apply some of this practical knowledge in the arena), and Camber acting as a moderator between Ares and Clancy. I also really enjoyed how you structured and wrote the private sessions, though I do have some beef with some of the training scores (cough, Bell, cough).
Setting: This arena was so gorgeous I can’t breathe. I think including a clear map on your blog page really helped me in understanding where everyone was, especially in relation to the other tributes. I kept looking at the volcano before the finale like “das suspicious… Dat’s weird.” I just love that you went all out with the setting, not only with the physical landscape and buildings, but with the togas and the mutts. Clemensia and Lysistrata really outsold.
Character Arcs: I talked about each character individually, but as a whole I think your arcs have gotten much better. While the bloodbath was not a surprise for the most part, you definitely succeeded in giving most characters some depth before you offed them. I will say though that quite a few of the tributes ended up as one of two things. The first is just background for Lana, which honestly describes each of the Careers. The Career pack definitely felt like the Lana show and everyone else was just sort of along for the ride. The second group would be generalizations. Ares and Clancy were enemies to lovers, Saf and Piper were gay (Piper was a mom first), and Morgan and Etta were kids. While the arcs were definitely much better than they were in “We The People,” I still think that only a few characters really got the developed arcs that they deserved, and it was Moira, Liana, Lana, Teresa, and, weirdly, Alabastor. In “Domestic Tranquility,” I would really recommend taking a step back from your preconceived notions of what you expect the tributes to be, and having them do something a little different, but not out of character.
Dialogue: Your dialogue, as always, was beautiful and realistic. I think your dialogue (and lack thereof with some people) was very effective in characterizing each tribute, particularly Lana, Clancy, Sperry, Pith, and Etta.
Epilogue: I have to say I am in love with what you did with Liana after her victory. You turned her into a whole entire person with emotions and empathy and it was so interesting to see. I loved the stop in District 10, not just because Piper was mine, but because it just did such a good job enhancing Liana’s pain and guilt, even six months after the fact. I think it really makes sense that Piper’s parents got divorced, since she was kind of the bridge leading from her mother and Elodie to her father and Shane. I LOVED Liana as Head of Muttations, and from the way Snow reacted to Haymitch winning, I definitely could see her being the Head Gamemaker for “Domestic Tranquility.” This epilogue really left me hoping that Liana, Clemensia, Lysistrata, and Lucien are all big players in the next story. Maybe the last three could publish a tell-all book about Coryo after they’ve been fired and disowned.
Things to watch out for: There’s a couple of things here, so I’m going to divide them up into their own little subcategories so it’s easier for me to manage.
-Predictability: As I said before, it was always going to be Liana. I’m not saying it’s necessarily a bad thing; in fact, it was good that your Victor was built up and believable. But when you combine that with you saying that you regretted making Sapphira’s victory so clear, it just leads me to reiterate that this was very obvious. I can’t speak for anyone else, but for me, the biggest side effect of this was that since I knew that my character didn’t stand a chance… I don’t want to say that I wasn’t interested in the story, because that’s not true. I was interested and invested and I read everything and it was written beautifully. I think what I’m trying to say was that there was no suspense for me. Every chapter that I read, instead of thinking “I wonder what’s going to happen next,” it just became “I wonder how this will lead to Liana’s victory.” And then when she got down to the final two with Eros and they were at the top of the volcano, it was just very clear that she was the winner. With this scene, you really played the end of the story, and I just wish that it would have been more suspenseful. If it had come down to Liana and Marcel rather than Liana and Eros, I might have rethought things and considered Marcel. But now that that tangent is over, I’d say that the best way that you could avoid this in the future is to dedicate more potential Victors. Moira, Sperry, Marcel, and Teresa all could have been believable choices if they were just fleshed out a bit more. I’d also honestly recommend not deciding for sure on a Victor until much later. Liana was the only one you ever really wrote as a Victor, and because of that, she was really the only one we ever saw as a Victor.
-Lack of a physical struggle: I’m going to preface this one by saying that Teresa’s miscarriage scene was written beautifully, and it was such a big part of her character arc, even after she died. But aside from this, we again didn’t get to see any of the tributes really struggle physically against the elements of the arena. I know that this was something I brought up with “We The People,” but I really want to bring it up again because it’s worth noting. The Hunger Games isn’t just a camping trip. In both of Katniss’s Games, we saw her start to dehydrate almost immediately because clean water wasn’t readily available, and it was expensive for sponsors to send. In the 74th Games, the girl from District 8 risked lighting a fire because she was so cold, and it ended in her death. We didn’t get any of this struggle in this story. In your future stories, I would really love to see more physical struggle with the tributes regarding starvation, dehydration, lack of shelter/warmth, etc., even if it doesn’t result in their death.
-Stasis and stupidity: One of the biggest things that we all agreed was an issue in “We The People” was the extremely short POV sections where tributes did absolutely nothing. While you did a wonderful job of fleshing out these POVs and making them longer and more detailed, we were still left with the root of the problem: the tributes were doing nothing. I think the biggest example of this was unfortunately Piper and Saffron. Their entire time together was essentially spent cuddling, kissing, and eating coconuts until Saf died at the feast. There was the one time that they were attacked by sirens which was really interesting to see, but it seemed like that scene was over right as it was beginning. A bunch of other tributes were doing this as well, like Sperry, Marcel and Teresa, and Ares and Clancy, but I think that Piper and Saf was the clearest example of this. I think that this stasis could be remedied by giving the characters more struggle. If they haven’t done anything all day, maybe instead of just getting lost in thought or walking around picking berries, they could be shown starving or thirsty. My last complaint that really goes along with this was that the tributes who actually did consistently have stuff going on (the Careers) just made consistently poor and stupid decisions, and it honestly got a little infuriating to read. I know you mentioned that Fila, Eros, and Moira’s forms all said that they made bad decisions, but some of the things that they did were just maddening. Talking about killing Lana was Kingston right there I can understand. But why on Earth would they think that sending Eros away would somehow aid them in killing Lana? Why did Fila agree to fight Lana one on one? There’s no way Lana would have been able to kill both her and Moira (and there really would have been no way she could have taken all three of them if Eros hadn’t left). And why did Moira just let Lana tie her up? Why didn’t she fight back? Why didn’t she pull some shady shit and help Fila. It feels like all of these poor choices on the tributes’ behalves were made just so that Lana would stay alive for longer, which didn’t really sit well with me. I just really hope that your tributes in “Domestic Tranquility” are more sensible.
Misc.: The first thing that I just think is funny (not “haha” funny, just kinda ironic I guess) was that you told people not to submit any sex workers to “Domestic Tranquility” because you were sick of them, but then sex workers made up of your finale. That’s not a dig or anything, it’s just something I noticed. I also loved that literally nobody mentioned Lucien’s name. I totally get why Livia and Coryo wouldn’t want to, but I just kept waiting for Lysistrata or Clemensia or even Morgan or Etta to make some comment about it. This one is random, but you had a tendency to say “the District 3 girl” or whatever in reference to a character. I’m sure you did this because s/he or their name can seem repetitive, but I think this kind of had the opposite effect you were going for. When our brains see a pronoun or a name, it kind of skips over it and keeps reading. But when it sees a describer like “the District 1 boy” or “the redhead” or “the shorter girl,” it needs to take a moment to think, and it momentarily removes the reader from the story. Just stick with names and pronouns. I promise it’s a lot less repetitive than you think it is while writing.
Final thoughts: This story was leaps and bounds better than “We The People,” and I’m really looking forward to “Domestic Tranquility.” There’s still a few things that you should look out for, but there’s always going to be something and I hope you know that I’m incredibly proud of you.
| Annabeth-TheTributeThatLived chapter 45 . 9/29/2020
Final Review Part 1/2: Characters
What’s up what’s up what’s up I am finally coming at you with my Final Thoughts on Lindsay [Middle Name Redacted] [Last Name Redacted]’s “A Perfect Union”! I will be following our dear Ripple’s review format almost exactly because I am not original and I thrive with structure and outlines, but I will be filling this with all of my own thoughts and opinions and Extremely Hot Takes. Let’s-a-go!
Fila: Fila was someone who was very interesting to me at the beginning and gradually started to drop off as she made bad choices. The biggest thing I was excited for with this character was seeing how she would live her life once she was out of her parents’ controlling grasp, and I have to say that I was disappointed in her. Maybe her parents only controlled her because she was an absolute dumbass. Maybe she made bad choices because she never learned how to make good choices because they were always made for her. 7/10
Eros: Eros did not deserve to be the last Career standing. He made only bad decisions and abandoned his friends like a whole ass coward instead of staying to help them take down the strongest competitor in the Games. From the time he left the Careers to the time he killed Marcel, he did absolutely jack shit. Aside from that, I did like his backstory even if it was lacking originality a bit. 5/10
Moira: Most of the characters in this story got worse and worse for me as the story went on, but Moira was not one of them. Every chapter with Moira in it made me like her even more. I really loved seeing a Career who was so obviously human, and I think that her gradual decline into depression was one of the most compelling parts of this story. Her death scene was one of the most emotional deaths in all of the Games, not to mention it proved to be a fantastic turning point for Lana. I wasn’t expecting to like her so much, but Moira really did end the story as one of my favorites. 9/10
Bell: I think Bell was the one of two characters in this story that ended up being reduced to a meme. It’s good that it was only two, but it would have been great if they had been a bit more fleshed out. I feel like Bell was someone who had no nuance; all I knew about him was that he was a stripper, was very confident in his body, and seemed to be horny all the time. He made for an interesting addition to Lana’s arc, but I think he lacked his own depth. 2/10
Liana: Alright, Victor Liana. This is the last part of this review that I’m writing so I’m going to try not to repeat myself with things that you’ll read about her later on. One thing that I really appreciated about Liana was that she NEVER needed allies. I feel like in most SYOTS, all the tributes kind of get lumped into alliances willy nilly, and I loved that you recognized that Liana would be fine by herself. I also really liked that she took notes on all of the tributes and kept tabs on them. That was super interesting to me because I feel like most of the time, the tributes don’t really care about each other besides their allies and the big threats. She was just the only tribute in this story that had any amount of brain cells, and I applaud her for being intelligent and resourceful in the Games. The scene where she killed Piper made me very uncomfy, but I can tell that it was written that way, and it was a really good catalyst for where her character arc would end up going. My only complaint about Liana is just that it was always pretty obvious that she would be the one to win it. 9/10
Edison: I know you’ve said that his purpose was to be disliked so that he could be killed first, but there was never a point that I hated Edison. I thought that the story of his cats was super endearing, and I loved that they all ended up going to Liana (yet another moment of human emotion from Victor Liana). I also thought that his whole storyline with Pascal was very well crafted, and a great way to get rid of a shitty mentor. I also appreciate the foreshadowing that District 3 would need a new mentor and that would have to be Liana. 6/10
Lana: Lana was just such a beautifully well-rounded character and I loved every second of her. She was a great over the top villain without being a meme or unbelievable. I really appreciated the slow reveal of her backstory and why she was the way that she was. She is just the epitome of trauma explaining a character without excusing their actions. I maintain that her death scene is hands down the best writing you’ve ever done, and maybe the best writing I’ve seen on this site. If Sapphira hadn’t won “We The People,” I would have loved to have seen Lana bag this as the antagonist win. Could you imagine her beef with Mags if they were both Victors? 10/10
Kingston: Kingston was the single most underrated character in this story for me. I totally understand why he was chosen to be the one that fell victim to Lana, since he was vulnerable because of his sister’s death and he was already from District 4, but it still hurt me a bit to see him reduced to pretty much just Lana’s Slave for the majority of the story. I kept waiting for this huge scene that built up to Kingston killing (or at least trying to kill) Lana, and that didn’t happen. That’s not to say that her death wasn’t beautiful and poetic because it absolutely was. I just think firstly that it would have been really cool to see one of Lana’s followers really turn on her, but also to just see more character from Kingston. I also think that Kingston got a lot of unnecessary hate for no reason, and that made me sad. 8/10
Ares and Clancy: I’m going to write these two together as a unit because that’s clearly how they were created and written. It was no secret that Ares was one of the only characters in this story that I just straight up did not like. She was just mean and nasty for absolutely no reason before she decided one day that she was actually in love with Clancy. As for Clancy, I liked him. I’ve never seen a tribute quite like him, and his outlandish conspiracy theories always made me laugh, especially when he would name things that definitely happened and act like those were the crazy theories that couldn’t possibly be true. I didn’t ever really see him as Victor material, but I was definitely surprised and disappointed when he died before Ares. I also don’t think that the romance here worked. I don’t know if it was your idea or their submitters’ but it just really didn’t feel natural to me. I was definitely on board with them hooking up before the Games started, but an actual romance between the two of them just felt very out of left field, and I think it weakened the characters. I don’t know, I just think I’m literally the only person in the world that isn’t crazy about the enemies-to-lovers trope. I think Clancy would have been way better off without Ares, even if she didn’t kill him. I think he could have been a really strong solo player. Ares: 3/10. Clancy: 7/10.
Sperry: Sperry was one of the characters that I liked consistently throughout the story. My biggest beef with her was that I really hate when people assume that citizens in District 6 have access to morphling. I know that the two Victors we saw from District 6 did, but I always assumed that that was because they were Victors, not because they were from District 6. That aside, you know I love an outer District volunteer that has a good reason, and Sperry was exactly that. I think it was really beautiful that regardless of whether or not she won, she would still be better off than she was back in District 6. I also like to think that Sperry volunteering started something with other girls in her brothel doing the same thing to escape until the District found out what was going on. 8/10
Camber: I don’t really remember much about Camber, and that makes me feel bad. I remember thinking he was a bit out of place with Ares and Clancy, but that he acted as a good moderator when they were fighting. If only he had survived past the bloodbath. I also just remember being confused by his identity in general. Obviously I can’t really speak on behalf of the trans community, but it confused me that he resented being called “young man” or whatever by his mom (? I don’t remember) in his intro, but was totally fine with he/him pronouns. 5/10?
Marcel: Marcel is someone that I think lost just about all of her fire once she got into the arena. In her intro paragraph, she was spunky and manipulative and persuasive, but in the arena she was just a friend to Teresa. When the alliance between these two girls was formed I was really here for it, but I definitely agree with Will that by the end of it, they just did nothing but bring each other down. They both had such big personalities, and somehow, putting the two of them together made them both a little bit boring. That said, once Teresa died, Marcel started to kind of go back to her old self again, and it was really nice to see how determined she was to avenge her friend. And she succeeded! If not Liana, I think I would have been pretty pleased with Marcel as the Victor as long as she had actually done stuff in the arena. 8/10
Palmer: I don’t remember too much about Palmer, but I remember feeling bad when his mentor was clearly favoring and prioritizing Marcel over him. He was a little bland, and I think killing him in the bloodbath was the right choice, but I didn’t hate him. 5/10
Teresa: I loved Teresa, and I think her arc was stunning. I already talked about how I didn’t love the alliance between her and Marcel, but as a standalone character she was just beautiful. I loved the concept of a misandrist housewife (Terry Cloth MrClean), and the nuances behind what’s surface level, what’s in her head, and what’s behind closed doors. I wish we had seen more about her wanting to design clothing though. That was mentioned in her intro chapter and it was one of the things that intrigued me most about her, and then it was never brought up again. The miscarriage scene was so haunting and uncomfortable to read, and it really was a great end to her character. While I agree that it was incredibly stupid of Marcel to let Teresa fight Sperry on her own, I think it says a lot about Teresa’s character that she was willing to do that. I also really enjoyed that her arc didn’t end with her death, and that it continued in Marcel looking for revenge and Sperry trying to justify her choices. Really beautifully done. 10/10
Challis: Honestly, Challis is the only tribute that I could not tell you a damn thing about. His name is Challis, he’s from District 8, he died in the bloodbath. I believe he was 15? Sorry bud. 3/10.
Saffron: Saffron was someone I was pretty neutral on throughout the story, even after she allied with Piper. Her intro rubbed me the wrong way a bit because District 9 and District 10 are absolutely not within walking distance of each other. Then Rey appeared on the train as an Avox, which I thought was neat, but I think I would have liked if that had been brought up again. It was kind of a one-off thing that I would have loved to really see more of. As for the arena, I’m still trying to figure out how to feel about her and Piper. Maybe they would have been more successful as friends than as lovers. But someone as quiet and sheltered as Saf was pretty much doomed from the beginning. 6/10
Alarico: I was a bit surprised that Alarico died in the bloodbath. I think he could have been a pretty strong outer District dark horse. Although, it did make sense that Lana would need a semi-strong outer District kid to blame Bell’s death on, so I get it. I would have been pleased if he had survived the bloodbath and Ares died instead of him. 6/10
Piper: I just want to get it out of the way first, but I was honestly not super pleased with Piper’s portrayal here. I didn’t want to “correct” you or anything because I kept waiting for it, and I didn’t want to backseat drive your story. Towards the end, it started to look like we were going to get the Piper that I submitted to you, but then she was killed. The Piper I was waiting for had control issues, liked to scream and swear in times of any strong emotion, and spit on the ground because it was the antithesis of “ladylike.” The Piper that we got was… gay. And liked horses and kids. I was really disheartened when I would look at the reviews and see that people didn’t like her but honestly, if she wasn’t my tribute I don’t think I would have liked her either. I came to the realization a few days ago that the treatment Piper got reminded me a lot of the treatment Luca got. With all that said though, I did love that the role that Piper ended up playing since she couldn’t have been the winner. I was straight up appalled when Liana dissected her, but I love that in the end, that’s what humanized Liana and made her start to feel emotions. I get the feeling that if Liana is a player in the rest of the series, we’ll keep getting mentions of Piper. 7/10
Alabastor: I really didn’t care for Alabastor. In general I don’t like characters who are just mean and manipulative, and something about this taking the form of a 12-year-old just really rubbed me the wrong way. I also still don’t understand his beef with Etta? I feel like that was a little glossed over? Anyway, shame about his dad, but I don’t think that’s enough to excuse him being a shitty awful little kid. 1/10
Dephra: Dephra was the other meme of the story, along with Bell. I do agree that some of the hate towards her might have been a bit unwarranted but Christ I really hated her. All she did was whine and cry and then wonder why no one wanted to ally with the weakest tribute in the Games. Also, she lived in the single worst District in Panem and her biggest hardship in life was the time that she burnt her finger cooking an egg? She gets Vietnam War flashbacks to burning her finger on a pot? Although I will say that eating literally all of the food on the train while she was sleeping and not saving any for her was a huge dick move on Pith and the nameless mentor’s parts, and I probably would have cried too (especially if I had just woken up). But soft boiled eggs are gross and I will not be taking constructive criticism on this statement. 3/10
Pith: I don’t remember too much about Pith other than him being a simp for Alarico, which was sweet, and eating all of Dephra’s food, which was less sweet. It was no surprise to me that he died in the bloodbath, and I can’t really say that I wish we saw more of him. His confession to Alarico about liking him was wholesome though. 4/10
Etta: I agree with Laney that I really liked Etta and I wish we had seen more of her before she died. I thought that her learning at training by reading rather than by doing was a really interesting take, and I would have loved to see how that worked out for her while she was in the arena. It kind of brings in the Dolores Umbridge energy of whether or not learning theory is sufficient if you’re being thrown into practice (it’s not). 7/10
Morgan: I honestly think that Morgan and Piper could have lasted quite a while if it wasn’t for Alabastor’s ass. He was pretty spunky, and seemed pretty charming as well. He’s not like the other 13-year-olds. 5/10
| Ripple237 chapter 46 . 9/28/2020
Liana: OOOOO this was so good. Honestly your long POVS so are stunning and I think they really benefit from your writing style. I got pretty much everything I wanted when it came to post-Games trauma. It was all great stuff. The little details about everything that was going on, it was just all really great. I loved seeing the recap of the Games and Liana's perspective of it, reflecting on Edison and her kills. I loved that she thought about Edison again. That was really sweet and the line about her wishing she would have had restraint again was very sexy. I loved Sapphira glaring at Liana at the crowning. That is a very her thing to do. She do be loving the spotlight. Mhmmm yes victory tour time. I love when there are victory tours in syots because it seems like a lot of the time people don't do them. Her adopting Edison's cats was so sweet and anything lil plot line that perfectly tied together with her winning. Also Pascal being dead? We still love to see it. And the create instead of destroy thing is so effing good because that was exactly where I was hoping her character would do it. It was the perfect way to move forward from something that was just an interesting quirk to actually a significant traumatic element for her character. Really really great stuff. The robotic mice is also great because it ties back to her dissection of brent. This is all just very good stuff. Also the way I gasped when she interacted with Piper's siblings. Hmmmm the trauma. I love seeing a bit of the effects the tributes' families suffer after the Games. That is always something that I've been interested to see. This was such a great POV and a fantastic goodbye to Liana before the TIME SKIPPPPPP
Snow: OOOO YESS. FINALLY EVIL SNOW. This was everything I've been wanting from him. I loved how he snapped at the lesbians and how it was very clear to him and no one else how it was an act of rebellion. So so so much. I love it very much. also Liana being head of mutations? Inch resting and in character for her. I guess it's something to keep her busy but it must weigh on her that she's designing things that just kill more kids. In a way, she's still doing the same things as she was in the arena. She must be a very sad individual. Also I loved the tie-ins to the 50th Games. Not the final D1 girl being named Milan lmaoooo. Anyways Haymitch murked her. I loved the of course it's the boy from 12 line and it was just a great set up into DT. It's hard to say goodbye to APU but we are moving on up and I'm so excited for all the sexy subplot that is gonna happen next.
| FlawlessCatastrophe chapter 46 . 9/28/2020
all right i know i am going to shed tears. ever since winning liana's just really lost a piece of herself, stuck in a everlooping yet stagnant cycle of self-loathing. :(( baby girl... i just wanna give her a hug. she's so horrified by the shit happening on the screen but can't show weakness in front of the capitolites. that would be the end of her. i miss edison and i'm sure she does in her own small way; yes bitch adopt those cats! PLEASE ITS ALL I'VE EVER NEEDED! i think my favorite part of this starting pov was when she was thinking about the way she killed eros; yeah, he did help her on that boat, and she just pushed him without mercy. survival do be like that. i really like that kind of internal monologue and through your writing her regret and her dread just pours out without stopping. it's incredible- liana taylor shatters into a million pieces. she'll eventually glue them together, but not without missing one crucial shard.
goddamn that was heart-wrenching. she wants to say sorry but she'll never be forgiven no matter how much she wishes she could take it back. it was cool to see a snippet of how the sanderson family was affected by her actions; how existential that must feel. i liked seeing the brother's and the sister's contrasting reactions to liana's rather poor apology. i'm really sad about the fact that liana doesn't feel as close to her family as she used to, like it makes sense but damn it hurts. she's isolating herself because she doesn't think she deserves good things anymore, and she's essentially living her life in reparations at this point, reparations to everyone who's ever had the ill fortune of interacting with her. "i hope i can be lucky." oh man that gave me chills deadass. ;-; she doesn't think she deserves it but she still really, really wants to be at peace. man fuck victors are so tragic i can't take this shit anymore
fuck coryo snow all my homies hate coryo snow. i stan lucien though he's giving me smug bastard bitch vibes in this one. looks like clem and lys are going on the CHOPPING BLOCK! this little pov was fun to read especially after DT LMAOO ik chronologically we were supposed to get to this one first, but sometimes backtracking do be sexy. context is always so fun to unlock as a bonus. the function of this pov is really good as an "ending... but is it?" type beat; since you're doing another installment, it works great as a teaser into dt ! woohoo hype yes bb hhRNRGHH i've said it before and i'll say it again but dt brainrot
wow this acknowledgement really put it into perspective holy shit. we really did reconnect in the middle of apu thats so fuckin :'((( oh god now i'm emo... #headgamemakerwives5ever
Farewell to you, A Perfect Union, the Second Installment in the Songbird's Preamble; Fanfiction User LadyQueerFoot, our journey has not yet ceased. I am eagerly awaiting future installments.
| adoxographyy chapter 1 . 9/27/2020
Well I was a ghost reader this whole time until I finally created an account, lol. Anyways, awesome end! I’m just gonna review my fav tributes-
Eros- ooohh I legit went from neutral with you to hating you to loving you to disliking you to being neutral again. you were pretty stupid at points but hella sweet so I give you that, your dynamic with Moira and fila making me like you again. lol.
Fila- it is truly a devotion to you that I wrote a review for you given my autocorrect keeps correcting your name to either “file” or “fill”. anyways darling you were absolutely terrific.
Moira- okay I knew you were never gonna be victor, you were too messed up by Lana for that (and the fact I hate Lana is probs because of this lol), but you were just soooo cool and ik you were ‘t that popular with other readers but I loved you lol
Liana- another case of bad autocorrect that I endure for your sake, queen! i loved how you did so well despite being from a poorer district but I’ll never forgive you for dissecting piper.
Lana- where do i even start with our villain? seriously girl the Ishmael stuff gave me chills. i hated you and loved you but killing Moira, like wtf? Yes it’s the hunger games but the poor girl’s been through so much!
marcel- ohhhhh marcel. By far one of my favs. you did not deserve any of the shit you went through. you and Teresa were awesome friends but at least you’re together now I guess?
Saf- srsly what’s up with my autocorrect? yes your death was sad but that doesn’t mean your name is too. (The cringe.) I never fully vibes with you but once you allied with piper you stood out more. love you
Piper- okay, wow. just saying if marcel or moira didn’t win in my fantasy version of this it would be you. just saying I’m a horse girl too, I feel you.
Also I want to submit for the next SYOT but I don’t have discord. Anyone have any answers of where I could post my bio?
| laney chapter 45 . 9/26/2020
hello apu! i think i will just get right into it today. tonight we our topic of discussion is... characters! I will discuss everyone I think because I simply will not talk much about the ones I didn't care about.
Eros - hello! you were a wild ride for me. I went from being just okay with you to loving you to just being okay again to loving you in the end. You really grew on me in the early part of the Games, your dynamic with Fila and the holy trinity as a whole (as well as being the one to start the "down with Lana" campaign) made me fall in love with you, and then you proceeded to be a dumbass for the last few days of the Games. In the end though, you owned up to it, and I'm really glad you got to end on such a positive note. It was satisfying to see your character end like that because it really did make me sad. I am glad that you were the last career standing though, because you were such a flawed Career and you were always fascinating to hear from. You wanted to dream big, you just didn't make it where you wanted to.
Fila - She also grew on me! Not as much as Eros, but she did. I started out very meh on her, but I think it's partially because Sapphira was still on my mind. Once I settled into her as a character and saw her go into the arena, I liked her a lot more. She was always so sweet with Eros, and I think they had the best district partner dynamic easily. They were like siblings, real family to each other and it was so heartwarming. Kinda tragic that Moira got cut out but meh. But Fila? I liked her journey. I like that her predicted placement slowly got to her head even though she kept trying to downplay it. I think that's part of what led to her deciding to take Lana one on one, in another famously stupid move of apu. hers made more sense for her character though? She thought she could take Lana and be the hero. Alas, she was wrong. It be like that sometimes, girl! I'm glad you evolved into more than just running and chocolate milk girl though, I really enjoyed having you around and it hurt to see you leave.
Bell - well, it's no secret that i loved him. Bell was an interesting character because people either seemed to love him and what he brought to the table or they thought he was too much and uhh didn't like what he brought. But I loved him! He was a CHARACTER. (also i am still enchanted by his fc) He was really entertaining to watch, and I think he became more of a real person as we got closer to the Games. He said fuck you to Micah, which I always appreciate. His umm escapades with Lana cracked me up every time I had to hear about them. He just brought a lot of life and entertainment to the pre-games portion and while I'm not sure how well he would've done in the actual Games, I know I definitely missed him.
Moira - this one was a miss for me. I simply never vibed with her. Sucks that she turned into the third wheel of the holy trinity though. Her pov where Lana almost fully manipulated her into doing the ritual of returning was easily her strongest pov and one of your strongest sections of apu entirely. I may not have liked her much, but her choosing to keep on living in the end only to be pushed anyway was very powerful.
Edison - I also really miss cat boy! I feel like Edison had the most powerful pre-Games arc. He was set up for a lot, but then he died early on. I'm not terribly surprised actually, I think he was an example of how the Games mess people up and they don't get the chance to do great things. He had a lot of potential! I'm glad you portrayed him as more than just a bloodbath (and that he made it past the bloodbath). Maybe Liana will feed the d3 cats sometimes.
Liana - is there truly anything more I could say here? She was done so well. I really don't have anything bad to say about her. We dipped into her dark side that I always knew was there, and it definitely got me a little scared. I thought she'd turn to the dark side and flame out, but you brought her back and showed that it's just how she copes. I just... love so much about her. I feel like I just talked about her so I don't have much that's new to say except... Thank you so much. I really like seeing Victors that deal with the darker side of being a Victor, so I hope to see a bit of that in Liana as she comes realize what all she did before growing into her new role and thriving. I just think there's so much possibility there and I'm glad she gets to be explored like this. The way her pov this chapter was lowkey the star of the entire chapter... queen shit. Can't believe I have two redheaded 15 year old Victors now. Thank you again!
Kingston - so while i wasn't a big fan of you as a person, I loved seeing inside your head because boy did Lana love messing around in there. I'm glad you started pulling away from her, but alas it was too late. I'm just sad you never got to surprise anyone to death in the arena. Have fun with Elizabeth!
Lana - UGH one of the stars of the show. I'll never get over her. Also, I'll stand by the fact that I love her death more than I love the idea of her being Victor. I think Will's tributes thus far being a human turned goddess and a goddess turned human is so beautiful. Lana's last pov is probably still THE best scene in this story (closely followed by Liana's pov here and Moira's last pov) because of how everything unfolded for her. She turned human and no I'll never shut up about it. You took Will's creation and truly made her come alive. Lana would occasionally seem like a very fake villain, mainly in a holy trinity pov, but then her intentions would be revealed in her own pov and holy shit she's just playing mind games. She's just fucking with you guys and you can't even see it. Even though other tributes (hehe Liana) took two of those kills, she did the rest and would've taken out the others if she'd been given the chance. She was incredibly powerful without feeling overly so. I'm still in awe of how well she was portrayed, she was really amazing and it showed in every one of her povs how much you loved her and how well you understood her character. She is missed for sure. Long live the white whale, or so they say.
Clancy - yet another one that I warmed up to later on! I am still unbelievably shook that he went out so early. I really thought he'd make it to the finale, which is why I didn't like him that much in the beginning. I felt like him and Ares were overpowering in the pre-games section, and I still think he should've outlasted her but I like how they ended up taking each other out. He was quite the oddball, pretty quirky and I loved hearing his wack conspiracy theories. Definitely a unique tribute. I genuinely think I would've liked him better if it wasn't for Ares. Also if it wasn't for how overpowering I thought he was. In the Games I liked him more though, too bad he died on day 3 or something. I do miss you Clancy!
Ares - I don't miss you. I really didn't like you. There's not much to say here because I don't like being mean. I didn't like her backstory. I didn't like her relationship with Clancy because she was always really mean to him and I don't dig that. The parasite thing does suck for her I guess. Her death was cool though I liked seeing Clancy come back.
Camber - had to go look up who this bitch is again. He agender and wanted to be a doctor. Also... clares 3rd wheel? Bloodbath death made me feel a surprising amount.
Sperry - The only other kid I would've wanted for Victor! Going into the Games I thought there was a very strong possibility it would be her, but she made a few bad decisions in the Games and I became less sure. Our relationship also bounced from love to like between chapters. Her backstory hit hard, I remember being shocked reading it the first time and then remembering that this story was rated M and you could do that. She had a lot of tragic stuff in her past and I truly am sad that she won't have a positive effect on district 6 like she wanted. Again, I think she would've been too good for the future of district 6. But ultimately... her decisions were not her friend and she paid the price for them after she killed Teresa. I liked Sperry's povs though, I liked how they were always interesting even though it was just her. Again, you did a lot with loners this time around and it's really impressive. I'll miss Sperry.
Palmer - I did not like nature man. I don't remember much else about him.
Marcel - Marcel hon! I've been all over the like/love spectrum with you as well. I was REALLY digging your character in the beginning and then you kinda faded for a while. It be like that sometimes, I wish you'd gotten a little more screentime in the middle there because you were hella cool. I thought your alliance with Teresa was something special. She helped you out a lot and I liked seeing her impact on the rest of your part of the Games. You were a fun character to follow and I liked seeing your Victor drive start to shine near the end. As soon as you started doing it for yourself... I got chills, man. Also once Edison was gone this duo brought the tears for me. Marcel had some hard hitting moments. She will also for sure be missed. Rip to the fact that she let Teresa die though.
Challis - I also had to remember who you were. You were a fraternity brother. Respect for helping out Edison. Maybe you also did pranks or something idk.
Teresa - QUEEN! Her intro was POWERFUL and wow she was a lot. She also violently reminded me that apu was rated m. Good for her! She deserved the entire world and you said no 3 miss carriage and die. Which, first of all, rude. She made me feel a lot, especially with the whole miscarriage thing. That was certainly unique and broke my heart. Again, her and Marcel consistently made me feel shit. I'm actually running out of words to say here but I really loved Teresa and I miss her presence in the story. So it was neat to see her come back for Marcel a few times. I really just wish the best for her. She went through a whole lot in the arena. I'm just glad she was ultimately able to make a friend. Ugh this was a queen right here.
Alarico - I think I would've liked you if it weren't for the fact that I hated your backstory. Thanks for being so cool with Edison I know he appreciated that.
Saffron - I was always pretty meh on you! In the beginning, you relationship with Piper helped you out a lot. Then you guys sat around for a few days and it was cute but then you didn't do anything and it bummed me out. Remember Rey though? I kinda wanted more from that the Avox thing was neato. Anyway rip Saffron she was meat shield for Lana. Truly an honor.
Alabastor - I hated your little ass. I wanted to try but you made it so hard.
Piper - Hey hon! Can I just apologize again that you got partially dissected? You were a sweetheart though that just got screwed over by alliances. First you were a babysitter which wasn't fair to you, but I liked your arc as you discovered you didn't give a shit about those stupid kids! That was very fun. Fuck them kids. And then Saffron! I will never get over the world ethereal being used when referring to Piper because it made me feel things every time. Hmm. Maybe I just want someone to call *me* ethereal. Oh anyway. I liked seeing you grow a bit as Saf was taken out of the equation, then you took the pegasus ride of doom and umm buzz buzz snip snip i'm so sorry. You were pretty normal though, which was nice to see in this story.
Pith - You were most average boy to ever average! Made me kinda sad. You didn't do too much. You had a crush on Alarico but it just made me distinctly uncomfortable. Mainly because it was not reciprocated. Just made me uncomfy. But you were really sweet and also deserved better. You were very under the radar the whole time, so it wasn't surprising to see you go, but there were no hard feelings at all.
Dephra - Everyone was SO mean to you and it makes me sad. Really sad. Everyone shat on you in the story and out of it. You kinda brought it upon yourself when you ran around asking for allies on day one but I mean... I dunno I enjoyed her. I really ended up enjoying your free day pov that was charming and really made me feel for you. I'm kinda shook that it did so, but it helped me confirm the idea that you deserved better.
Morgan - rip lil 13 year old boy. You were mean to Etta and I didn't like it. also you had mommy issues which isn't special here. Please don't be a leech on Piper she didn't deserve that.
Etta - I actually really liked her. Like... a lot. I'm genuinely sad she was a bb because I think she could've done more. She was a lil book nerd girl and that me i love her. Fuck Alabastor for killing her. What the fuck he twelve. Etta was a real sweetheart tho.
Hmm... I loved all the dialogue in this story, it always feels genuine and it isn't forced, but some of your greatest moments were in their heads. The characters felt very unique and taking a peek at how they worked and the way they thought never felt disappointing. You had a wide range of characters and could capture them all so well. Your range of writing is so wonderful though, I could laugh out loud and cry in the same chapter. You literally evoke so much emotion from me? Disgusting I'm getting real on main again. There's a difference in quality even from the beginning of apu to the end. It's been so amazing to see the growth of this story, and I'm only sad I couldn't be there from the beginning of wtp as well. I'm glad I managed to catch this though, because it really was amazing and apu deserves all the love, as do you.
| Ripple chapter 45 . 9/26/2020
Etta: I actually was very into Etta. She was kinda cool for a D12 girl and I appreciated her backstory and POVs. She did not deserve to be done so dirty by Alabastor like that. Deserved better.
Morgan: weird child with mommy issues. Next.
Ok so that’s all the characters! I’m gonna move on to actual overall story things now! That’s fun
Plot: Overall the Plot had vast improvements from WTP. The story moved along at a good pace and was spaced out very nicely. I’m gonna divide talking about it because I have things to say
Intros: Linds these intros…chef’s kiss. These intros were really fantastic. I felt like every single intro did a great job at introducing the essence of the character. I had a great time meeting the cast and the intros were so much better than WTP. The writing had evolved so much and so fast that it was just a joy to read these intros. Each intro really captured the characters and I liked that a lot.
Pre-Games: This portion of the story was also really great, if maybe a little long. Adding the extra free day chapters allowed for more characterization but it made the pre-Games drag on a bit too long. I enjoyed all the chapters though. The characters interacting in training was great and the train rides were also really fantastic. The Pascal arc was a wild ride and it was really well done. I’m so glad that he’s dead. There were a lot of great character moments here and it was great to see you slow done and focus on characters that weren’t really your favs. Your writing style really came into its own and I was very impressed. The Saf Avox plot didn’t really go anywhere and it was very compelling so I was sad to see it not go anywhere. If something is set up and then doesn’t pay off, then it kinda sticks out as a weird mangled sore thumb. The rest was really great though. Favorite moments included Dephra’s day out, the Trio bonding, and Lana and Bell just fucking all the time.
Games: The Intros and Pre-Games were really wonderful and the Games started out REALLY STRONG. The Bloodbath was literally the best syot bloodbath I’ve ever read. I was very impressed by the way everything was handled and the deaths and set-up was just…everything. So good. I loved that you were taking time to slow down a bit by having no-death chapters to really focus on the characters. However, the middle to the end of the Games was a bit lackluster. The majority of the tributes did nothing. Literally nothing. If it wasn’t for Liana doing things and Lana spicing the careers up, the Games would have been exceptionally boring and uneventful. Ares and Clancy sat there and then Ares killed Clancy. That was something I guess. Saf and Piper had a cool flying horse moment but then they literally just sat on a beach for the WHOLE GAMES. The careers didn’t do any hunting and just stayed on the ship the whole time. The only reason those parts were interesting was because of Lana so thank god for her. Liana was doing cool stuff but everyone else…was just talking and standing around. Slowing down and taking your time is great but just be careful to get to the point where the majority of you characters aren’t doing anything. You had a fucking AMAZING arena and I wish the tributes had interacted with it more. There were a lot of great moments in the Games though. Everything with Liana was wonderful and Lana enacting her evil plots was a joy. The feast was awesome and Saf’s head being used as a shield is a notable moment. The miscarriage was horrific but awesome and there were a lot of cool moments in the Games and the writing was great for all those moments. There were just huge gaps of time where certain characters were doing nothing and it got to the point where the only person I could see winning the Games was Liana but no one else did anything.
Setting: This arena…STUNNING. It was a great idea and the throwback to BSS was really great. The maze in the center was awesome and I loved the dynamic terrain. The ship was really cool and the rocky mountains were excellent. The map you made too was so cool and added a fun element of visualization and it was just simply so fun. There were a lot of really cool areas and mutts. Brent, Scylla, and the Pegasus were all really great mutts. It was a really great Arena idea. I wish the tributes had been able to interact with it a bit more than they did because you improved SO MUCHHH from WTP. In WTP, the characters seemed to be in a void and the arena just wasn’t around. You got astronomically better with setting description. I was really able to visualize the places in the arena and what the tributes were doing. This was probably your biggest improvement and it did wonders for the overall story. Seeing you get better at balancing dialogue and description was great. You really have improved so much and the setting was so damn good throughout. Fantastic job.
Character Arcs: You really improved a lot with your character work in this story. Pretty much everyone in the cast felt that actual people for the most part. You did a great job with Lana and her characterization throughout and it was just what I had imagined for her. The way you were able to slowly build up her character and backstory was really masterful. The ending to Liana’s arc was really great as well. She was rather static for the whole games so seeing her let loose made all her dead stares and lack of emotion all worth it. When Piper wasn’t with her allies, she was also really great. Marcel really came into her own when she wasn’t with Teresa. Fila’s growing anger at Lana was great and Eros’s diminishing stability was great. Eros ended up in a great place and I loved how you ended his arc. You really did a wonderful job with the actual writing of all the characters in their internal thoughts. A vast improvement over WTP. However, there were times when characters became cliches and stereotypes or just felt like nothing. Piper is a big example of this but I already covered that. While you’ve improved dramatically at character work, I think you’d benefit from really getting more into the characters and their specific personality as well as making sure they don’t get eclipsed when put in an alliance. Everyone was really dynamic but as soon they went into an alliance (Marcel, Piper) they just sorta became blank slates.
Dialogue: As usual the dialogue was stellar. Your dialogue has always been really great and it got even better. There were a lot of great exchanges and banter, notably the exchanges between Lana and everyone and the exchanges between Clancy and Ares. There were a couple moments were the dialogue was very up front and not subtle at all though. The most notable places I’m thinking are during Saf’s intro and the final convo between Marcel and Sperry. It didn’t feel like it could be a real exchange between two people considering the emotional charge behind the situations. Overall you did a wonderful job and had a lot of really fun memorable dialogue moments.
Things to watch out for: Ok, this all comes from a place of love. You’ve improved so much from WTP so there’s a lot less critiques to give but there were some things I noticed that I think you should be aware so DT can just snatch wigs no cap. So first off, I know other people have said this already but I’m gonna bring it up again: there was a pretty big issue of tributes just acting so unrealistically stupid. The whole Trio plan to split up to take down Lana was just…it didn’t make any sense at all. There was no way just bad decision-making would lead to what happened. I won’t go into all of it again because most people have already mentioned why it made no sense. Moira allowing herself to be tied down, Eros leaving, Fila agreeing to one on one…it was just way too unbelievable. I think you could have accomplished what you wanted to without making the tributes so stupid. This also goes for Sperry and Marcel. One of my biggest pet peeves in syots is characters acting stupid for no believable reason. I said this for PR too, I would recommend slowing down and trying to think through logical courses of action for the character. That’s what I try to do. The other thing I noticed was how there was a lack of detail and clarity when certain things were happening. This happened especially when action was going on. In the finale, I’m thinking about the moment when Marcel throws the poison at Sperry and all we understand is that she dropped the Sperry and turned to run. What else happened? How did Sperry react? Did the poison have an impact on her face? There were a lot of little moments like this in the story. I know you yourself know everything that happens, but we the readers don’t know unless you tell us in detail. I would slow down and make sure that the action you’re writing is making sense. I mentioned this before, but I’ll bring it up again briefly. You did a great job slowing down with the character and having quiet moments, but it came at the cost of there being long periods of time where characters did nothing. These periods of nothingness made a lot of the character less interesting and less developed and it resulted in only a few characters being super compelling and therefore it made the Victor pretty predictable (Liana was the only person in the finale who actually had agency during the majority of the Games). Also, be careful to not let alliances eclipse characters. You proved in the intros that you can brilliantly write dynamic characters when they stand on their own, but sometimes these characters suffered when being in an alliance. I would be careful and make sure that the characters are staying true to themselves in the alliance and work on balancing their personalities so both the characters build off of each other rather than diminish each other. Conflict in alliances is a great way to continue characterization and sometimes it makes the bonds even stronger. In terms of critiques that’s pretty much it. It seems a lot more than it seems. Overall this story was really amazing and most of the issues are things that aren’t that big that will just make your writing really go the extra mile to become more special than it already is, and it’s pretty special already.
Final thoughts: Once again, this comes from a place of love. You have improved SO MUCH and I’m very proud of all the changes you made since WTP. There is a very noticeable difference in quality of writing and the fact that you’re able to keep up that quality while writing at the speed you do? Amazing. I have no idea how you do it. No one is doing like you are. The way you were able to come up with so much content in the story for this final word count, it’s just so impressive. I’m very jealous. It’s been amazing to see both your writing and popularity sky rocket. You’ve quickly become insanely popular and it’s been kinda weird to see you climb the “ranks” in the syot community. I’m so happy for you and I’m every excited for DT. I know that it’s just going to be even better because you’re just improving every day and I trust you with my characters and I just…can’t wait. When you end up becoming a full out syot super star, I hope you don’t forget me! DT is gonna be so great and I’m so excited for the sexy subplot. This story has really been so damn wonderful to read and it was such a great experience.
| Ripple237 chapter 45 . 9/26/2020
Marcel: This was a really great POV. I felt like I finally vibed with Marcel as a character in this POV. I loved her internal thoughts and her thought process as she ran threw the remaining tributes in her head. I liked all the stuff about Teresa a lot and then of course…the fight with Sperry. I liked the kind of stare off between the two before Marcel threw her poison vial. Ok so I reread this final section a ton because I was confused about what happened. Marcel said she had a few vials of poison and that they would be enough to distract Sperry, but what did the poison even do? Did it just do nothing but stun Sperry? If that’s the case then just throwing a rock would have done the job just as well. Sperry just turned to run and Marcel stabbed her so the poison didn’t really come into play at all. It was a bit anticlimactic for this battle. I did like the final conversation though. A classic case of misunderstanding that ultimately had tragic consequences. I liked how you ended up making it less of a revenge thing and more a tragic thing. It wasn’t a bad end for Sperry and I had a feeling she would die in this conflict. Rip girl.
Eros: Oooo I really liked the writing in this one. A lot of really solid lines. Once again I feel Eros became more of a character in this final POV which I really liked. I loved that he reflected on his huge mistakes and that is affected him deeply, because it really was his stupidity that got most of the careers killed. Oop Marcel is dead. Wow that really fast. I liked it though. Not every death in the Hunger Games is over the top or symbolic. A lot of the deaths are just quick and come out of nowhere. So I did kinda like this death. Marcel was never really a match for Eros and Liana. She had a lot of spirit but it was her time to go. I loved the stuff with Eros coming up the volcano and coming face to face with Liana. This was such a great moment and I loved all his thoughts that he was having as he was leveling the spear at her. Really great moment. I could really picture this scene happening and I very much enjoyed it. At this point I knew what was gonna happen because there was no way Eros was winning. And then Liana dropped a bombshell, literally. Well rip Eros. I’ll talk about Eros more later.
Liana: YESSS GO OFF. SHE REALLY DID THAT. I’m so proud of her. I was rooting for her since the intros and thought she had a good shot at winning and was rooting for her the whole way. I have excellent taste what can I say. I’m really proud of her. CONGRATS LANEY YOU DESERVE IT. Ok first off I love that you did the recovery stuff afterward. It seems like a lot of syots skip over that part so I loved seeing that element. I also like that Liana actually got hurt. Victors get out unscathed too many times in syots and I’m just like…no. Haymitch’s intestines were hanging out of him, Peeta lost his leg, Chaff lost an arm, Porter had a serious spinal injury…it just makes sense for the Victor to be injured in some way so mad props for that. Ooooo I like that we’re starting to see the progression of the crowning and the highlight reel. Not only does this make since because of Sapphira’s impact but it furthers what Snow was trying to do with making the Games something more of a spectacle than some weird sacrifice thing. It’s honestly so genius. Love it. OK THANK YOU FOR THIS MOMENT. I was begging, starving, HOPING that we’d actually see Liana feel something in regard to her actions and this moment made it all worth it. The Piper death was absolutely brutal and it does seem that the Capitol liked it. I liked that Liana was so disturbed by watching it. It made total sense that in the moment she didn’t feel regret but actually seeing herself do it was what triggered it. Really great stuff. Woo and the moment she started crying? Wow I’m crying. This was really excellent writing and I think this POV was one of your absolute best. It felt like this could totally be in an actual published hunger games book. I’m very impressed in the choices and style you went with for this POV. It was raw, realistic, and emotional and I have absolutely no criticism, only praise. It was a great way to end the finale. A section like this would usually come in an epilogue but I really liked the change of the format. While the finale itself was rather short, I actually enjoyed this whole final scene much more than the actual finale. Wow. So fucking good. Anyways congrats to Liana! I’m so damn proud of her for pulling it out! She was the best choice to win and I’m so glad she took it home. It’s really the only result that I would’ve been satisfied with and I am more than satisfied.
Ok so, like WTP, I am gonna do a moderately in-depth review and critique of this story as a whole. This story was such a vast improvement over WTP and there’s so many good things to say and praises to sing, but there are some minor critiques I have that I think will be valuable to you when writing Domestic Tranquility. If the quality of your writing just keeps exponentially increasing, DT is gonna be absolutely insane. So first thing I’m gonna do is a brief overview of the standout characters and my thoughts on them and what they added to the story.
Eros: Oh Eros. What a journey you’ve had. When I first met Eros in the intros I wasn’t too impressed. He sort of seemed like a character that was “made to be liked” and one that would make a pretty obvious victor. However, I LOVED that he had flaws. Him being the weakest career was great to see and his vulnerability that grew throughout the story was great. He really shined in the Pre-Games with Moira and Fila, and his banter with Sapphira was a welcome and fun surprise. As we moved into the Games though, Eros lost all his brain cells. He quickly descended into making one of the stupidest decisions I’ve ever seen in a syot. It was…wow. At that point, no matter how much I liked Eros, I just couldn’t “rationalize” rooting for him anymore. Everyone makes mistakes, but if your mistakes directly get both of your best friends killed…yikes sir. I did like that he was the last career standing and I liked his interactions with Lana. His final POV was really great and him reflecting back on his mistakes almost made his incredible foolishness worth it. He makes for a great runner up and I’m glad we got him in this story.
Fila: Another character who started off a bit meh for me. I kinda thought she was gonna be a pretty typical career but I liked her gradual development. Her initial dislike of Sapphira and her hatred of Lana was really fun. It was cool seeing her open up to Sapphira and I loved that she was sort of an Alpha, but too reserved to really be a true Alpha. She was really smart and likable for the majority of the story and like Eros, she sort of fell off in the Games. But, she didn’t really fall off until Eros proposed leaving. Before that in the Games, I really liked her. I loved her resolution to take out Lana as soon as possible. Unfortunately the perfect moment never came and her own desire to kill Lana eventually got her killed. Fila was so effing stupid here. Even with Eros gone, she and Moira, both trained careers, could have EASILY killed Lana and then game over. But Fila had hubris I guess. I wish we had gotten more set-up of that side of Fila’s character because it sort of came out of no where and I think it might’ve worked if it had been set up.
Moira: Moira started off super strong for me. I was interested in her since the blog dropped and her intro made me a Moira stan. After that she sorta faded for me. She was eclipsed by Eros and Fila and I LOVE that you addressed that in Games, about how she felt like a third wheel. And then she let herself get tied up by Lana. Fucking stupid. Moira what on EARTH were you thinking. I don’t really want to waste time talking about the Trio being stupid again so I’m just gonna move on. I loved Lana’s torment of Lana in the latter half of the Games. Forcing her to kill Saf and then almost convincing her to kill herself…so good. I’m glad that Moira had enough agency to stand up to Lana at the last minute but by then it was simply too late. She had a wonderful death.
Bell: I liked his antics at first, but I got real sick of him real fast. He was very one note and was just sort of an adult cartoon character. I’m glad Lana killed him in the BB because simply…no.
Liana: THERE SHE IS! Our Victor Queen! Wow. I loved Liana since the very start of the story. Her intro was absolutely one of my favorite intros ever and I enjoyed reading her a great deal. She was my top pick to win right from the get go and I’m glad my wish came true. Liana took a bit of a back seat in the pre-Games but that was ok. She spent her time keeping her head down and taking notes, which I applaud. And then the Games happened. She made all the write decisions. She found herself being bored but knew she had to make the right choices to live. And live she did. Nearly all the characters in the Games did nothing, except for Liana. While everyone was sitting around doing nothing in the woods, in the mountains, on a ship, or on a beach, Liana was vibing and getting shit done. She used the tools the Gamemakers had placed and was able to make food. She was kidnapped by the Career pack which should have meant certain death but she managed to get out of it with smarts and luck and took down the career base and a career in the process. She killed Brent and used him to make a weapon that in turn killed Piper. Her quirky dissection element was really fun and it was just fun for a while. And then Piper happened. A new element of darkness quickly spread over her character and I was almost questioning whether I should root for her anymore. I was concerned with her lack of development throughout the story but everything worked itself out. Her explosion of emotion after she won was so wonderful to read. She was so laser-focused in the arena so it was great to see her widen her scope and see all the things that she did and feel the things she pushed down. She is an absolutely wonderful Victor and I just can’t get enough of her. I am looking forward to seeing what part she plays in DT. Pascal is dead and now she’s the Mentor! It makes me very happy that she was the one to mentor Wiress and Betee to victory and I can’t wait to see them potentially interact in DT. Easily the most deserving winner and we love to see it. Congrats to Laney for joining the Preamble Victors Club as well as the 2 Victors in 2020 club!
Edison: Edison was an underrated joy. I’ll keep this brief but just know that he was a really fun quicky character and his death was funny but also sad. The restraint Liana showed in not dissecting him was also very nice. I hope someone feeds his cats.
Lana: Oh boy. Hello miss Lotus. I am simply in love with you. There’s so much to say but I’ll try to brief since I said most of my thoughts on her in her death chapter review. Ok. So Lana was a character that just spawned randomly out of nothing. I was looking through my sub ideas and I had a list of subs to potentially sub to APU and Lana wasn’t even on there. She was very last minute and spontaneous but I’m so glad she was. When I got the idea all of a sudden, she just came pouring out of me. I think I came up with her shortly after I went to Portland to visit my grandparents and I think the beach had a subtle but profound effect on me. Lana was the longest sub I ever made and I’m so proud of her and everything I came up with for her. She is simply a lot. I had also never made a villain before and she was a beautiful foray into that territory. I loved her so much. Her name, her personality, her backstory. She really came to life in your writing. She started off as a mystery, and a compelling one. It was great seeing her assert dominance over the careers in the pre-Games and make them uncomfortable. Bell was in opposition to her so she singled him out, fucked him, and made her to injure him a bit to kill him easily in the Bloodbath. And her plan worked to perfection. Everyone was scared of her and despite them all knowing that she needed to go down, no one took action. She had everyone running scared, despite being at a disadvantage the whole time. It was wonderful. It was also great writing from a tension perspective to jump back and forth between the careers and seeing all the intrigue. Not even the audience knew what Lana was thinking and it was great to keep us guessing. She was really the only thing that made the careers anything interesting since they basically did nothing for the entirety of the Games. What she did to Kingston…brilliant. Wearing him down to that point where he was hypnotized was very big brain. She successfully was able to dismantle the careers and kill all but 2 of them (which were killed by Liana). I loved your portrayal of her so much. Her death and her final POV was one of the best pieces of writing you’ve ever done and I’m so glad that I got to read it.
Kingston: Kingston was pretty cool. His whole hypnotizing arc was really cool and it was fun to see him almost break out of the hold on her. It made him a lot more of a character than just a blank Lana lap dog. Good stuff.
Ares: I said this before, her backstory did not work for this story. She felt like a WTP reject that made her way into APU. I really liked her at the start and for some of the story. In the Games, I was over her and Clancy. I was never invested in them and despite you writing great interactions between them, I was not feeling it. But that is simply a me thing. I think she really overstayed her welcome in the story and should have died a lot sooner than she did.
Clancy: Clancy was a character I thought was a lock for the finale. His death was very surprising. I really liked Clancy at the start and his specific quirk was really creative and fun. As the story went on he felt very one note and I wasn’t feeling him as much anymore. He did sort of seem like the tribute that would be an easy victor for the story so that was maybe why I was a little turned off by him. His early death was probably the biggest shock of the whole story so I tip my hat to him for that.
Sperry: Oh Sperry. She was really a great character. Her backstory was kind of crazy but it felt believable and it made her very sympathetic as a character. Seeing her go through withdrawals in the pre-Games was really well done and I thought she would have made a great Victor. In the Games though, she ended up not doing much. Finding the dagger under the sand was clever of her, but then she used the dagger. I have no idea WHY she would walk on up to someone to get allies and see a girl covered in blood and then instead of running anyway, decided to engage in combat against TWO PEOPLE. But it was fine because Marcel decided to be dumbass and let the girl who just had a miscarriage fight. So of course Sperry killed Teresa and ultimately accomplish nothing. In fact it eventually led to her death. I liked the connection and final confrontation between her and Marcel, even if it was pretty anticlimactic. Rip Sperry.
Camber: tbh I don’t remember anything about him other than him liking science and being agender. Yikes. I think he was with Ares and Clancy for a hot second. He was pretty forgettable so not much to say here.
Marcel: Hey girl. Marcel had a intro and a great creative concept. She was really great in her intros but as soon as we hit pre Games she sort of fell off a bit. This was largely because she allied with Teresa. I don’t think this alliance really worked. Both of them dragged each other down as characters and they both lost a lot of the charm they had in the intros. It was a bit sad to see. Marcel pretty much did nothing for the whole story and then let Teresa die. Yikes girl. Lot’s of tributes being stupid. It was nice seeing Marcel embrace the poison aspect of her name even if it was a bit convenient for her to get poison at the feast. It was nice seeing her kill Sperry. Her death did come out of nowhere but I liked that because it made sense. Not everything has to be a spectacle. Rip.
Palmer: Who? I think he hated his mom for no reason and was a hypocritical bitch? Yeah
Teresa: Oh Teresa. What a high-concept character. She was insanely clever as a concept and I really loved her a lot. However after the intros, she lost some of her charm. I wasn’t that into her anymore and some of it had to do with the weird chemistry between her and Marcel. And then there was the miscarriage storyline. Wow. This was something else. I’ve never seen anything like this before in a syot and the miscarriage chapter was brutal and horrific and it really went there. It was walking the line and it almost crossed it. I was impressed with the writing and it was very hard to read, in a good way. Her death was kinda stupid though. She deserved a better end then the combined efforts of Marcel and Sperry being dumbasses.
Challis: I remember liking Challis at the start of the story for some reason. However he joined the fraternity and he was mean to Dephra so he can choke.
Saf: Saf was something I guess. Her intro bothered me because it didn’t make sense in canon and she was just kinda…boring? She reminded me a lot of Summer so that didn’t really help. The stuff about the avox was REALLY clever and I was actually interested in it but that plot thread went no where so like…what was the point of it all. Saf kinda completely fell off when she linked up with Piper and kinda like Marcel/Teresa, they brought each other down. Saf definitely should have died sooner than she did but her death was so awesome. Being used as a shield used Eros’s arrows? That was the first thing she did the in the whole Games! Good for her.
Alarico: I think he was D9 right? Yeah. Good riddance lmaoo his backstory was messy and was lore breaking. Glad Lana killed him.
Piper: Oh Piper. Piper was a really great example of how to do a “normal” tribute write. She was normal but was incredibly compelling. I liked her early. However, she was quickly put on the struggle bus by her alliances. Once she teamed up with Morgan and Alabastor, her character was completely demolished. She was resorted to “mom” stereotype which has a history of being problematic and common in female characters so it was kind of disheartening to see, especially to such a vibrant character. When her “children” died I was so happy. Piper was herself again for a hot minute but then Saf showed up and she became another stereotype, this time it was nothing but wlw yearning. I usually eat that shit up, but not if it reduces the characters to nothing. Piper felt like a lesbian cardboard cut out and did nothing for the whole games. She finally was herself again after Saf died but by then it didn’t matter. Her fate was sealed. And boy was her death brutal. I liked her death, it was the second thing in the story that made me genuinely uncomfortable. It was very sad. Rip Piper, you were sorta done dirty.
Alabastor: This mans….no. I have no idea what was going on with him and Etta and he was just a mess of a character who was incredibly triggering to me so simply…no.
Dephra: honestly robbed. I felt so bad for her. She was treated as nothing but a meme and shat on by pretty much everyone. I feel like she wasn’t as bad as everyone said she was and was kinda bullied in the story. It was not very fun to read and the whole thing made me feel very sad. Her being bullied by the Fraternity was the nail in coffin. I just felt so bad for her. Her capitol day POV was actually one of my favs so at least she had that. I’m sorry to her and her submitter than everyone was bullying her. She didn’t deserve it.
Pith: I think I liked Pith. He seemed like he had potential as a character. It didn’t really go anywhere though and it made sense for him to go in the bloodbath. I thought he was backstory had some interesting elements.
Etta: I actually was very into Etta. She was k
| Mykindleisawesome chapter 45 . 9/26/2020
okay so. i'm here after reading the finale. so this won't be exactly like my normal reviews but it'll have the same format and shit as i look at it differently. shit i... this was so very good, i'll say that right now. not even just because of who won, but how it all played out and the formatting and- well, everything. going into this, i was pretty sure marcel would take out sperry (even though i thought sperry was also a pretty likely contender for victor) but i never thought the end would be eros vs liana. just because i thought the volcano would go off sooner haha. but going into this i just want to say that i love you and this entire chapter was a truly amazing finale.
Marcel - i was a little surprised to see her first! I thought we'd get a Marcel pov, but idk, maybe I expected a Sperry one first? Marcel makes sense though the more I think about it. She's the one that had real emotions attached to this Sperry/Marcel showdown and I'm glad we got to explore that side of it. I liked how Marcel was feeling in the beginning. After her nightmare being interrupted by Teresa, she's feeling a lot more secure and I can tell. "She was worthy" and it all comes back to this. She's been through quite a bit in the arena, but more like what Eros has been through. She made a choice that ended in her ally dying and she's done some struggling with her own emotions. But here... she's recognizing that she *is* worthy and I'm glad she got that moment. She's very determined to go after Sperry, and I like her conflicting emotions here because while she has a lot to lose, she also doesn't have Teresa by her side anymore. "a slight smell of smog in the air" hmmm is that what that is though? i like how you're already dropping hints about what is to come later in the chapter. I like how Sperry and Marcel kinda dance around each other. You can tell that neither of them really want this, but they know it's expected of them. Marcel just wants to avenge Teresa, and by killing Sperry she can justify it, and Sperry knows that she fucked up by killing Teresa because now Marcel is after her. She'll have to fight back and defend herself. I like how the tension can be cut with a dagger instead of a knife and how Sperry's daggers still has some blood on it. Teresa's death is still fresh in both of their minds. This whole scene is hard because they just... don't want to do this but they feel like they have to. Their reluctance is so abundantly clear and it's painful. "her sad disposition more prominent than before" I think this is where I really knew Sperry was going to lose the battle. Even though Marcel is doing this for herself and not Teresa, there's still part of her that sees Teresa's demise and it propels her forward. Sperry has had a few hard days in the arena and she didn't ever have anyone. Marcel can still see Teresa and hear her voice and I love how strong their relationship was. How strong it is now. They were true friends and it's hard to get one of those in the Games. And it brings tears to my eyes even now that Sperry just wanted to say she was sorry, that she thought Teresa was dangerous, and she didn't know. How could she have known? I like how Marcel asked herself that, but she realized she couldn't allow herself to think about it now if she wanted to get to the end. A very strong final pov from her.
Eros - i was surprised to see one from him! I kinda thought we'd get the three girls but miss the Eros pov and we'd see him as a big scary Career instead of the more nervous one that he is. Of course, he's a bit more full of himself right now, but still. "As a cannon sang a song of death" wow we are starting off strong aren't we? I kinda missed that line before but... I love it. I like how he's fixated on his spear for a bit, and yeah, he hasn't killed anyone since the bloodbath. (camber? challis? ... i don't remember) He can justify himself by saying it's a necessary evil to get home. You can tell it's something he longs for in his povs, he wants to win and be one of the greats and to go home and live his life. He's still deep in his self hate mode, not a good place to be, but like Marcel, he has someone's voice to bring him out of it. I love the paragraph after Fila tells him he's not selfish, though. He's so incredibly self aware in that moment. He *has* been selfish and there were many, many paths he could've taken that would've led to a different end, but he played it safe. Only safe for himself, though. That's why he's the last Career standing. But then he turns it around again and says if there's any time to be selfish, it's now. As long as he can get through the end, he can fix himself later. It's hard to see Marcel feeling the consequences of killing Sperry, especially now that she knows Sperry didn't know anything about what was happening with Teresa and only saw a threat, but it's harder to see her go. I've always found it fascinating to see Eros give in to the Career side of himself though. He's very much a different kind of Career because he's not brutal and he doesn't want to be and he's made many, many mistakes. I did find it fascinating that Eros is the one that helped Liana with her box getting off the ship and now they're in the final two together. Would she have been fine without his help? Probably, but even they have a bit of a connection now due to their interaction in the arena. It really hit hard when he imagined his parents begging him not to join them in heaven, but he's still so confident in how easy this will be. He hasn't even questioned why this is the place where they're ending the Games. And then... it all sinks in. This whole last section is so fascinating to read. You've been able to capture their train of thought so well in apu and this is honestly a great example. She made it to the end for a reason and he's just as vulnerable as her atop the volcano. "both boxes of potential and one of them would forever be shut in just a matter of moments" mmmm that was good. there are so many things about the Games that are so tragic and these children will never get to grow old. There's no telling what they would've become and that sentence captured that idea perfectly. Someone's story is almost over. I love that in the end, Eros was scared of what might happen, but he was also scared of himself. It was an incredibly somber way for his character to go out, but impactful nonetheless.
Liana - oh did i hope for this day. I was incredibly hopeful that she'd get this mega pov because there was so much potential for her in it. Whoever won apu, I knew their story would be much more somber and possibly darker than sapphira's when she won wtp. The entire first little chunk of Liana's pov is brilliant because we know what happened but we're waiting for it to hit Liana... but she's confused. She's a child. She's gone about these Games in her own head, shutting things away when she knows she can't handle what they mean. It was just... incredibly sad to see her wonder what happened to her and how she got there. I love her looking in the mirror and being almost unable to recognize herself, that's always such a startling consequence of the Games. Her glasses are gone, so I'm assuming she doesn't need them anymore. She looks... at peace, and I don't think that'll last too long. Right now, with that description, I'm definitely getting the sweet part of her sweet but psycho. Ohhh I love her brief flashback where she mentions Eros's blue eyes and for some reason... idk I can just picture his eyes being startling against the dark and red surroundings. I'm not surprised she didn't make it out with uhhh a few burns, which definitely explains why she looks *so* different. Lysistrata is umm disturbingly chill about it. I like that we're seeing a different side of this duo through Liana's eyes though as she tries to figure out what happened to her. Aww she misses her glasses too! I like how they fixed her vision and she's disappointed because her glasses brought her comfort. It's a cool contrast to see. Plus she keeps forgetting that they're not there and tries to push them up anyway. But... here it is. I know it's coming. She's about to see... well, probably the dissection. I'm already heartbroken because I know what's coming, but she doesn't. She genuinely doesn't remember and Lysistrata and Clemensia are so excited... I do find it interesting that the Capitol liked it. "This wasn't a science experiment; this was real life" i think this line repeats and boy does it HURT. She hasn't even seen it all yet and she's already trying to put the pieces together but she won't figure it out fast enough. "She saw things that made her wonder if she was even worthy of being alive to watch it" this line HURT. that shit HURTED. that one made me start crying a bit it just... oh hon. Plus through that section as she's watching, she's slowly getting herself to remember that the person she's watching is her. And she called herself a monster and she's realizing that she did that, even if she can't remember it and even if she doesn't want it to be her. I just... fuck this shit hurts. "For the first time in her whole life, Liana Taylor cried." UGH. That was... wow. That hit hard too. It really hurts to see her descent like this, but it all makes sense for her character. I just... hate what you've done to her because it makes me sad but it makes sense too and you've done it well. My heart is quite literally broken for her. I like the emphasis on "Liana didn't *think*" because... idk she's a character that thinks and she's done things that she thinks are out of character for herself and she's lost right now. "but she felt guilty taking love from people when she wasn't even worthy of being liked" okay so maybe i did a bit of skimming the first time around but you're hitting me right where it hurts as i go back through this. Liana is going to be a much different Victor than Sapphira because she still has a lot of growing to do. I think she'll have a big arc following her Games as she figures herself out again. There's just... so much potential with her and oh fuck yeah this hurts again.
4. Sperry - I was a little surprised to see you go first! But also... I think it was the most fitting for Marcel to kill you. You could've been a great Victor. You had a terrible, awful backstory and you would've done so much good. I really liked being in your head though, you had a lot going for you, but you made a mistake going after Teresa and Marcel and killing Teresa. I'm glad it caught up with you, but I was very sad to see you go. Above all, you deserved so much better than this. You were a devastating tribute to watch because I always hoped for better but I knew it was unlikely you'd get what you deserved. It was great to watch you go through this journey though, and I wish you'd been able to find a friend. You had the most drive out of everyone, and I think that's why it hurts so much to see you go. At least nothing bad can happen to you where you are now.
3. Marcel - ughhh Marcel! I really loved you! In a story full of sex related backstories, yours was one of the more unique ones! We only found out last chapter how truly tragic your origin was, but you've provided some of the harder-hitting moments of the story for me. You and Teresa formed such a great bond that hurt when it was shattered, but Teresa kept coming back to be a ray of hope for you. That broke my heart every time, too. You loved each other, which is rare to see in the Hunger Games. Friendships often aren't real, but yours was. She had a lot to overcomer, like Sperry, but she was always more subtle about it (until last chapter). I'm so glad she got her revenge for Teresa, even though it seemed to weigh heavily on her in her final moments. She also deserves nothing but the best (really all of them do), and I know she'll be reunited with Teresa soon. It was so great to have her as a character, I really loved hearing from her.
2. Eros - just shy of the crown! You got a little cocky in the end, but all you wanted was to join Sapphira's constellation and... well, I can't blame you. I really loved you up to the end. I know I've given you some crap about your decisions, but can you blame me? You literally can't you acknowledged them here. You're impulsive and self-destructive and those are traits that ultimately made themselves *very* clear. I'm glad you became self aware though, and that you made it to the end because your final pov made me feel a lot as well. You did a lot of reflection (which was hella impressive given the circumstances) and I think you would've been better if you won. But... you didn't. You lost a lot along the way as well. Your relationship with Fila was one of the bright points of the story. Like the Fuck Men duo, you guys became real friends. You loved each other deeply and that's why it hurt so much to see her go.
1. Liana - WOW LOOK AT HER GO! SHE DID IT! HOLY SHIT! okay so. this is my fucking CHILD for anyone who reads reviews. i am SO ecstatic that i can love her with my whole heart now that dying in the hunger games is not an option. Liana here was born from my mind one day as I stared at one of my anatomy textbooks... and we all know what happened next. She came here! Turned into this! I'll probably go into some parts of her more in my next review but... She took out two Careers! She outwitted all of her fellow tributes! Her brain was ALWAYS her biggest weapon and while the rest of her was underestimated, she always found a way to overcome. She was one of the more proactive tributes as well, going out and getting shit done while others were sitting on their ass. Plus... I LOVE HER MIND? I LOVE BEING IN IT. Can't believe I've written whole paragraphs about her making pasta simply because she was SO funny while doing so. Looking back, I see how she started separating herself from what was happening around her (genius?) and how it all comes to a head RIGHT HERE as she finally cries. Her journey is one that appears to be nowhere near over (I personally can think of several things for her to do, but I made her haha), and I know she's safe in your hands! I love her so, so much, and she 100% earned this. I'm very glad I can say that now without feeling bad! Her pov this chapter hurt *so* much, but you're right: it was absolutely the way to go. You've gotten into her head so well and I'm glad you love her as well. Be nice to her! But not too nice, since this IS Panem we're talking about.
hmm, now what next... let's take care of business first! this is finale review part 1! technically i could be done, but i wanted to get my chapter thoughts out now before i go into overview mode. i'm not sure what i'll be talking about quite yet, but it'll be an overview of apu! i'm not going to go *too* hard, but i'll discuss some of my favorite characters and some of our more intense apu moments and... well, i'll find out when i write it! optimistically speaking, it'll also come out tonight. it might not though! there's always the chance i'll get distracted and it'll come out later. but as for this apu finale, it really was amazing. Parts of it really gave off day 9 vibes just because of how well you got into everyone's heads. It was a truly epic finale, I don't think I have any critiques about the way it was done or how everyone met their end. (or didn't muahaha) I keep being unable to find the words to properly express myself! It's just been so good and wow I can't believe this wild, wild ride is over. I literally cannot thank you enough, the sheer quality AND quantity of content that you put out is amazing. I'm blown away every time. Cheers to apu! What a way to go out. (oh - and i also like to think we've become good friends ;) it's been great talking to you!)
| Tia-ghostreader chapter 45 . 9/26/2020
So I’ve been a ghost reader this whole story and don’t even have an account but literally this was awesome. I was rooting for Moira, Marcel, or Liana the whole story and Liana’s win was legit amazing.
Sperry- I never really vibed with you but the last few POVs made me understand you more and you were definitely one of the purest of the tributes at the end of the day.
Marcel- ohhhhh Marcel. Your dynamic with Teresa made me cry several times and your death as well. You didn’t deserve any of the hell you went through.
Eros- well this has been a journey. I went from neutral with you, to liking you, to hating you, to despising you to being neutral again. Playing into lana’s hands was def idiotic but i’ll miss you all the same
Liana- Ah, my queen! your analytical sense just won me over and I still can’t get that part where Edison went, “things weren’t looking too hot for her” well now you’re a victor. Miss Liana Taylor congrats on killing a Career.
| cartierscrown chapter 45 . 9/26/2020
i just want to say congratu-fuckin-lations qween. the end of apu is here and the start of a new era has begun. i raise my glass to u linds, this was an amazing journey and i am so proud of you! apu was truly spectacular and i can't wait for what dt has for us. 3 liana was truly a queen that i did not expect to win but she did. she was an amazing choice now that i see it and am so very happy that the little girl from 3 did it! i am crying for everyone that i thought would have won, they may be gone but never forgotten... rest in peace to the fallen!