|Reviews for The Masadoom and Company|
| Kasienda chapter 9 . 1/26/2013
To be honest, I tried to read this story a year or so ago and I didn't get past the first chapter. Humor is not usually my genre of choice, but yours always had such good reviews. The premise was ridiculous and the character interactions lack any kind of depth.
I picked it up again, well yesterday, thinking that I had never read it at all. As I went through the first chapter I remembered it and knew that I had read the first part. But I was struck by something I didn't notice the first time around. The premise WAS ridiculous! And the character interactions had NO depth at all, but YOU had and maintained such a delightful and witty tone - in the narration and description I mean that I thought maybe it could really go somewhere! I mean, first chapters are the hardest to write (my first chapter in my own story is probably also the weakest) that I felt compelled to give it more of a chance so I kept going.
And it got better and better. In chapter two and three there was at least one line that I had to read out to my husband (also a Chrono Trigger fan) as being rather clever or just amazingly well described. I think one of them was something like "Marle entered with all the subtlety of a circus" or something like that. It was in chapter four when I actually started laughing at regular intervals.
I think what really turned it around was the broadcasts. Initially, the broadcasts were separate from the plot of the story. Funny and ridiculous things happened but they had no connection with anything really. I found myself wanting to skim over them. The first broadcast I was actually interested in was the Political Satire one because it was interconnected and relevant to the events happening in the story. And the documentary, while not really weaved into the plot, was compelling as well because it was exploring our beloved characters as well as providing actual parody of the events in the game. The storm chase was masterfully woven into the events of the story. And the chem demo too, but in a different way. Here, you described and emphasized the events in the broadcast that were the most relevant - namely the relationship between Frog & Magus and Magus & Lucca. You portray the rivalry between Frog and Magus and Frog's motivation for ruining it without ever actually directly telling us.
Anyway, this is getting ridiculously long. I just wanted to say that you have improved immensely and I wanted to point out what it was that was making that work just in case you were not explicitly aware. Good luck on the next chapter! Even if it takes a few years I'm sure it'll be worth it.
PS. I am a little confused. Did Magus win that little internal struggle with himself at the end? Or is he now the villain? I couldn't tell...
| likikoari chapter 9 . 11/17/2012
can you please put alfador in to an up coming episode? i mean come on you can't have an awesome overpowered sorcerer and him not have a car right. I also wasn't the biggest fan of how with the magus X lucca relationship it was alot like you kept casting flare then casting water before the fire could spread! very frustrating but good story so far!
| Frozen Flame chapter 9 . 10/31/2012
u never ceased to make me laugh i must say im impressed.u got some serious talent for writing although whenever u update make sure u it would be disappointing if a fine story such as this is to be left incomplete
| Kyle chapter 6 . 1/23/2012
How about a Time Receiver that lets people in different time periods receive Lucca Vision so if it's 8pm in thy real world it shalt be 8pm in 600AD. Which Frog can tuneth the picture device to LNN in thy present time frame.
The TR would be using a high frequncy gamma ray beam set to the correct modulation to form a temporary worm hole connected to the amplifer.
Anybody who has a camera can use a gate to the specific time period to start broadcast.
The more power that is boosted the longer the worm hole is active but too much power will overload the worm hole and shut it down.
Oops sorry for all that technological mumbo jumbo.
| Kyle chapter 5 . 1/21/2012
Hi. That's pretty funny that anthill thing you had and suddenly they all died! LOL Too funny and my favorite quote from Marle is: "But Mr. Doom Sickle's hungry, isn't he? I've got some energy bars with me." and the other one about missing breakfest. :p
However some of your words of usage are a bit off like this sentence here: "Crono pivoted back on his feet to avoid Robo's metal fist. Suddenly, the back of his shoe caught on something.".
I may be just a poor peasant on this site but the word Pivot actually has more to do with the concept/mechanics of levers then verb usage.
The pivot is the force like a rock that you plce to balance the lever in just the right spot. The hard word is Falcrum but pivot works just as good.
Here is how I'd write that same sentence.
"Crono back on his feet to avoid Robo's metal fist. Suddenly the heel of his shoe caugh on something"
Also it just dawned on me that there really is no *back* to the shoe. There is the sole on the bottom and there is the heel but there is really no *back* unless you are referring to the heel which you should use the correct title.
I hope I haven't overstepped my boundaries since it is quite daunting to read that part but fear not. The rest of the chapter is as Tony the Tiger would say: ! and remember. this is a tool worthy of me!
| Kyle chapter 3 . 1/21/2012
So did Lucca or Magus won the board game of Wormholes and Rockets? It was never really defined but I am going to assume Lucca won due to Magus going back fifty spaces in that wormhole towards the final stretch.
| Kyle chapter 2 . 1/21/2012
Frog says: "I know not how thou hath (pulled it off) but thou art a good writer for a litetrature of humor without evil from thy tounge that is so prevalent on this site unfortunately.
Ayla says: Story good. Humor funny.
Magus says: I can't believed I ruined the chapter I promised to not do!
Marle says: Where's my role in this?
Lucca says: I loved my part in this chapter! he he.
Chrono said: Please make actual monsters in the next chapter instead of making me look like a fool!
| Kyle chapter 1 . 1/21/2012
I was going to make a suggestion to have Magus eventually soften up later but I see you have most of the fic already done so never mind me.
I enjoyed the interaction of the characters and was the live broadcast done in Lucca's house?
From what it looks like I imagine the TV set to have the old fashioned tubes that need to be warmed up and that will mean Lucca has to build a shop that sells those TV tubes as tubes were not expensive to buy for most people.
Now for the constructive criticism part you mentioned on the authors note: Your toilet humor threw everything off and I hope you find a way for it to not ruin her reputation and ruin Magus's.
| Anon chapter 9 . 9/11/2011
Wonderfully written, and more than a little hot in the last chapter... looking forward to the next installment!
| varee chapter 2 . 6/4/2011
never laughed this much.. I still feel tears streaming off my face. Robo and Frog were simply amazing! their comments, so in character, and this sarcasm..
but the Robo's comment
If only my prince would come! Ah, fair lord from afar, if only to look upon your comely face, if only for an instant!"
"I would consider speaking in full and complete sentences,"
was the one which made me fall off my chair.
this chapter was awesome. though I prefer more mature novels, this might be one of glorious exceptions of that rule ]
| Crystal114 chapter 9 . 5/29/2011
Yaaay you updated! So much has happened in one chapter... I enjoy this lots
| that one little guy chapter 2 . 5/22/2011
Oh my goodness. I'm sorry I discovered this eight years too late, because it is glorious.
| Gamestlink chapter 1 . 5/22/2011
This is great!
This is the first fic I've read to have Magus and Frog fight in a humours way.
Loving the toilet humor.
| Mary chapter 9 . 5/21/2011
I am so glad you updated, this was a great chapter! Well worth the wait!
| Violet Kagome chapter 8 . 4/23/2011
Loved it! Update soon!