Reviews for Our Dreams Which Haunt
goldie031 chapter 41 . 5/19
this might be the most unusual way to do a review but here we go lets hope this works and if not ill give it to u on discord: : / / docs . google document / d / 1unHIDm_miVG -5bTgHmM6qdBAy OzIl54rsw7auIl _ f8 / edit ? usp sharing
AuroraMiri25 chapter 42 . 4/30
At time of writing this, you've got 179 reviews and I just had to make it 180! Congrats Laney, I don't know you well and haven't read this fic but I'm so proud of you for completing a writing project of such scope and you deserve all the congratulations! I did give you a child for TFM and, whether he's accepted or not, I look forward to getting more into your verse and being along for the journey as a reader! I'm hoping I have time eventually to read this but in the meantime I'll be looking forward to tfm! Once again, great job!
FlawlessCatastrophe chapter 41 . 4/29
dream:
- “My name is Alila Perwane. I'm eighteen years old. I just won the Hunger Games.” Katniss moment
- “There were names on the tip of her tongue, there were people she was supposed to remember, but if she remembered, then…” damn she got name amnesia :sob:
- “I'm scared they won't mean anything even if I do wake up.” Oh fuuuuuck
- “And I don't know where to go from here.” It’s ok babe u and me we’ll figure it out
- “You did something similar in the Arena, a voice in the back of her head insisted. Don't you remember? You did it with-“ stoppp
- “This was Alila's first real clue that everything happening to her was real.

She… really won?” T_T idk why but this line hit me
- "I'm so sorry!" Estelle exclaimed, eyes widening. "I promise it really won't hurt too much?” AHAHAH SHE THINKS ALILA IS CRYING BC OF WHAT SHE SAID LMAO
- "What about Justus?" Uhhh… what about him.?
- "I… yeah. Yeah, I promise." Estelle sounds very sure
- “Her eyes welled up with frustrated tears, and all she could do was wave a hand helplessly.” I can’t imagine what this feels like I’m so upset
- “The doctors here are pretty close to miracle workers - they fixed your ribs, after all - but some things… some things are beyond their capabilities." I literally think the Capitol does this on purpose, they don’t fix what needs fixing most so their victors always leave the games more broken than when they came in
- “(In the end, she was too afraid to ask. Asking meant knowing, and Alila wasn't ready to know much of anything.)” ur so valid
- "I'm not exactly here for a visit," Leon said, grinning over at Alila. "And besides, I couldn't let you ruin the fun of the Games recap! It's too soon to spoil all of the secrets the Games still have to offer." Bruhh u r literally kokichi and Willy wonka in a 35 yr old Korean man’s body
- "Now, I want everyone out so I can speak to our newest Victor alone." This man is literally so dramatic there is no one else in that room besides estelle
- “He took the chair Estelle had just occupied, spinning it around so he could sit in it backwards and rest his arms on the back of the chair.” Actually a queer
- and he was fr eavesdropping on their convo the whole fucking time LOL :sob:
- "Don't worry about it!" he said in a tone that told Alila she should very much be worried.” The epilogue is a comedy and Leon’s running a one man show
- "It's my first year, so I'm making it up as I go.” I feel that
- “They're still trying to figure out how to get her body out of there without collapsing the entire structure." Ok that is Fucking horrifying. I cant believe she’s still in there.
- "Congratulations on your win," he said, flashing her a bright smile and a wink. "It was well deserved." Im going to commit a hate crime
- “Maybe in the end she still managed to lose.” Noooo don’t think like that sexyyy

remembrance:
- “Her nose was straighter than it had been even before it got hit twice in the Arena.” wtf they straight up changed her face
- estelle is such a real one
- “It rang in her ears, but Crush didn't stop. She wouldn't stop.” cant stop wont stop disease
- "What happened to Makani, what Crush did, Phaedra… god, even Kano." FUCK T_T KANO…
- “No one wanted a fresh Victor to lose their mind on the stage in front of Panem.” i would though!
- "I want to see how many of my siblings can fit in my house for a sleepover," Alila replied after mulling things over for a moment.” hiiffukck….
- "Congrats Alila!" they yelled, voices overlapping. It was almost like they were all trying to outdo each other, and she could see quite a few flailing limbs as they tried to get her attention. "We missed you!" stop this is the fucking sweetest
- "I'm sure you've been curious about what all happened in that Arena." Itara grinned, her eyes glimmering with something that Alila didn't quite trust.” absolutely not u sicko
- “Leon quietly preened at that, making Alila resist the urge to roll her eyes.” god fuck off
- "Honestly? No. I may not have known him for long, but that's just the kind of person he was. A good one." indeed… god justus deserved better…
- everyone did…
- thats literally my only takeaway from odwh: everyone deserved better
- "Absolutely," she lied, unable to come up with a better response.” atta girl thats my gaslighting girlboss
- “the young boy from Three and his friends, each of them full of life in a way they never would be again.” now why did u have to go and do that
- “Though it was clear that Crush wouldn't have hurt Makani, Alila still wished that she'd called for help. Anything to prevent the future that was now inevitable.” seriously…
- “But even on day three, it already looked like Makani's fate was sealed. Her own likeness had been crudely carved into stone and positioned for her to see. Alila only knew one person that could do that.” hhnggh…
- “She flinched with every hit even after the cannon fired, her foot in particular pulsing with pain.” holy shit she fr has crush trauma now
- “Shai was almost asking for it, deliberately egging Kano on despite being at a clear disadvantage throughout their fight. He never faltered, acting as if he was perfectly in control.” WHATM I SAYING?! POWER BOTTOM BEHAVIOR!
- “Not even death could truly shake someone like Shai Kingston.
But it could certainly shake Kano.” and shake him, it did!
- “Even if Crush was still playing the role of someone who cared, it made Alila sick to see her lead Makani down into the darkness, far away from where she and Justus were.” im gonna throw up
- “From the soft sniffles in the audience, this had been a rough death for many.” oh hush
- “The abject fear on Makani's face was clear to everyone but Crush herself, and Alila felt ill. She wanted to look away, but she'd promised to herself that she'd find out exactly what happened to Makani.” I literally feel physically sick all over again
- “She just… god, she wished Makani was here.” a fucking men
- “watched as something almost resembling peace came across Crush's features in the instant between life and death.” starts crying
- “(It was heavy, but Alila still felt as if it was hollow. Hollow just like her. Hollow like her win. Would it ever be more?)” :(
- “She hoped that someday she'd think differently.” i hope so too man

Home:
- "More siblings. I didn't recognize some of their faces in the video." LMAOOO?
- “Alila was close to a stranger in her own home, but that felt… okay. Everything was still right with the world. It wasn't as if everything had fallen apart since she left.” ;; im glad
- “Alila squeezed her eyes shut tightly, letting herself accept the love she wasn't sure that she deserved, holding all of her siblings as tightly as she could.” nature is healing

confidant:
- “She already knew who it was - after all, there was only one person she'd spent the last week avoiding.” wow slick
- “Though they appeared completely spotless, she doubted they'd ever truly be clean of blood. Just like her.” deep
- "Oh," she said lamely. "I… if I had known that was in there, I would've gotten it to you sooner." HFHFHF
- “(She pretended like she didn't notice him putting a scrap of paper in his pocket as well.)” well, yeah. Thay gave u one job
- "I have you, don't I?" PRECISELY
- "It's like… everyone wants me to be proud, but I don't know that I am. I don't know how to be." the imposter syndrome hits hard
- “Silence was their shared language, and it said enough.” ;;;;;

moonlight:
- “Another night where everything was so fresh that Alila could still feel her body breaking, she could hear her ribs cracking, she could see everything falling apart right in front of her.” that was fucking raw
- “She wanted to be frustrated by her own inadequacy, unable to match up with the image in her head, but… it would take time.” im so proud of u for still trying
- “If Estelle ever noticed her window open, ever saw her dancing in the moonlight, she'd make sure to drop by for breakfast the next day. “ holy shit i really do believe in estelle supremacy
- “Alila knew that love could come in all kinds of forms, and this was one of them. Nothing ever truly needed to be said.” i fux w their dynamic heavy

haven:
- "They want to take care of you for once. Can you blame them?" whahahhf.f….
- “Estelle flushed, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear - a sign that she'd been caught red handed. "I take a lot of notes," she admitted.” AHAHHAH NEERDDD
- “Styxia's all up in arms over Phaedra and the prophecy.” LMAOOOOO oooooooooooooo (curls up into a ball)
- “Boone doesn't seem to know what to do with himself." i am of the opinion that he should fuck right off and die
- “Maybe it's because he was the only kill she couldn't seem to justify to herself.” cant justify killing justus LOL
- i hope asteria and alila talk one day

recital:
- “She couldn't bring herself to train anymore.” wholly understandable
- “Even after months, they still felt right in her hands, as though she'd never set them down at all.” hngghh…
- “And when Alila stopped, chest heaving from mild exertion, she realized that for the first time in a long time, she'd been able to lose herself in the art of dance again. She wasn't focused on her own stumbling steps or her reflection in the mirror. She was just… dancing.” FUUUCK yes….

nightfall:
- "I am," she heard distantly. "Thee, April, Lacey, Quinton, Prestige, Gloria, and Velvet… I think that's all?" jesus christ
- “She still asked herself why she left them (because she loved training), but then she reminded herself why she came back (because she loved them more).” broooo…
- "You still using your counting siblings strategy?" LMAOOO
- "No," she said, surprising herself with the answer. "In a way, I feel lucky to learn how to do something I love twice." thats a lovely way to feel about it

Change:
- “Sometimes, her younger siblings would help her out in the garden and have to help her back inside when she started trembling at the sight of a small stone.” jesus fuck that entire paragraph made me tinkle
- "Mimi?" she blurted out before she could stop herself, eyes locking on the figure of her old rival.” OH SHIT? THROWBACK!
- “I'm glad it was you because… well, I don't know that I could've done the same." takes emotional maturity to admit that
- “Mimi just laughed at the mention of her full name, not rising to the bait. "I could say the same. You've changed." this is an excellent exchange
- you are being awfully nice to alila im sussed out
- “Mimi grinned - truly grinned. She accepted Alila's hand, shaking it once. "I never thought I'd see the day." YEAHHHH LEts FUCKING GOOOO
- "Are you offering a fight?" Alila asked, blinking in surprise.
"Only if you want one." u guys r a little gay
- “And, for the first time in a long time, Alila truly laughed.” AWH… :heart:

remnants:
- "We always knew Twelve would be first," Alila muttered, adjusting her own slate grey dress and trying to pretend like she didn't recognize it as the same shade of the stones that- that-” ouuhuhhh… ouhuuhhhh…..
- "They want me to bring back souvenirs," she said absently. "I'm not even sure where to begin with that." ummm… i brought u guys some rocks…!
- “She had to fight to keep her gaze off of a man leaning on his son for support, Crush's face above them. Alila assumed they were her father and brother.” stop my heart is clenching
- “But no matter how hard she looked, neither of them held any malice in their eyes for her. In fact, more than anything, they just looked tired. Defeated.” god ouch
- district twelve moment
- "Don't apologize," he said, cutting her off.” GJKAKFAKHGKH
- “This boy was taller than Crush had been, and likely even stronger, but he didn't carry himself in the same way. If Alila had to guess, he seemed almost… gentle.” clamor is so lovely
- "I actually…" He rubbed the back of his neck, letting out a frustrated sigh as if he couldn't find the right words either. "Thank you." LOL
- “Alila blinked rapidly, not expecting that at all. "You're… thanking me?" he isn’t exactly eloquent either!
- “He shrugged. "It's all I've got. And for the record, I'm sorry about what happened to your friend. She didn't deserve to be caught up in Crush's delusions." she did not :((((
- "The only thing Dad has left now is me. Hopefully we can get out of the mountains, find someplace new. Somewhere that doesn't remind us of everything else." wouldn’t that be a feat
- “After all, there was no one to stand for either tribute.” holy fuck i didn’t even think about that. Literally no one is gonna remember the d9 kids
- “The father of Jack in Eight cried through her whole speech, making her stumble on a few of the words.” FUCK :heartbroken: NOT THE CARMICHAEL DILF…
- “No one stood for him either, which for whatever reason made her lips twist into a frown.” what the Fuck?
- “She hadn't seen Makani outside of her dreams in so long that it shocked her, and she nearly stammered to a halt at the beginning of her speech.” hnggh…
- “She tried to search him out when it was all over, but as soon as she got near, he turned on his heel and walked away. Alila tried not to feel hurt by that, knowing it was likely that he just needed space, but she wondered if he thought the same things she did.” its very likely
- “He couldn't stop staring at her heart monitor. It was as if he willed it to keep going out of sheer desperation, but she couldn't hold out forever." pink in the night by mitski starts playing
- “She'd never seen the ocean before. Alila wasn't sure that she'd ever seen anything that big and expansive in her life. She stumbled onto the beach, nearly toppling over as the sand beneath her feet shifted.” wait not to sound like a cheesy old white lady but this shit beautiful fr
- "Partly," she admitted, before taking a bag out of her pocket. "But this is also the best place I know where you can get thirty or so souvenirs for your family without having to spend a dime." and we are all about saving money
- "That's fine," Alila said, kicking off her shoes and throwing them out of the way of the encroaching water. "I just want to feel it." BANGER LINE
- "Kahlia," Estelle said in surprise, looking at something over Alila's shoulder. "I didn't expect to see you out here." oh shit?!
- "Very well. We were… close friends," she said, mouth twisting as if the words hurt her to say.” laugh out loud
- "Don't," Kahlia said sharply, but not unkindly. "She knew what she was signing up for just as much as you did." BUT I STILL DONT KNOW /WHY/ SHE DID…
- "Can I paint you?" Kahlia asked suddenly, pulling the canvas out from under her arm. "I've been trying to capture things that remind me of her. It's the only way inspiration strikes these days." at least u r an artist that is actually normal
- “To her surprise, Phaedra's side was completely empty. Whatever prophecy had chosen her had abandoned her, and evidently, so did the people of Two.” that sucks but actually it doesn’t fuck them ppl cos she has justus and justus is the realest
- “Any one of them deserved to see their brother again, and Alila herself had taken that from them.” but u have more siblings its like pemdas /j
- “She couldn't bring herself to approach the family afterwards. As soon as her speech was done, the youngest collapsed into sobs that rang throughout the open space, and Alila had to look away, as if that would give them some fraction of privacy.” :(

eidolon:
- “He was practically vibrating as he nodded. "I've been getting things together for next year. We're still a few months out, and there's a lot to do, but I'm feeling good." ew stop
- “He was certainly a strange man, but objectively good at his job, even if she hated everything he did.” LMAOOO
- "You saw her more in those final days," he said without looking at her. "I want to know more about my sister." kkffuguugg…. Ummmm….
- “He just hummed, staring resolutely at the skyline. "Didn't seem to want to talk to me when it mattered." what r u fuckin mad?
- “Then, more quietly, he muttered, "She would've chosen anyone but herself." its completely true too
- well actually would she have saved shai
- ehh… maybe?
- anyway im not entertaining that dumbass hypothetical anymore
- "I wish she would've let me choose her," Alila said, sniffling quietly.” ok ow
- "I was avoiding you," he acknowledged, a fond smile crossing his face as he saw the shell. "And you can keep that." first; lmao, and second; :pleading:
- “As long as they kept talking, kept sharing stories, then Makani would never truly be gone.” good

memories:
- oh this section boutta buss isnt it
- “They were never perfect parents - far from it - but they cared in their own way.” do yall want a prize or
- “Kaia bitterly weeps for the loss of her second friend, wondering if her own words led to Eleanor's death.” sadge
- “Despite his actions in the Arena, there are still those who can look back fondly on Shai Kingston.” PLESAE AHAHAH
- “They know that wherever he ended up, it's not as if he ever truly lost. He found his own way to win.” they know hes a rat
- “Lyre Arledge, ever the bitter woman, laughs as Kano meets his demise.” what the everloving fuck is wrong with this woman
- “A victim of circumstance, she says with a laugh as she downs another drink. She doesn't stop to consider her own part to play in his demise. She doesn't stop to think that she could ever be at fault from the ruin that now surrounded her.” absolute bitch she really went “thats what he gets for being a homo”
- “She doesn't stop to think that only in death could Kano truly be free of the weight of expectations, his tempestuous heart peaceful at last.” ok this line gave me mad neil from dead poets society vibes, kano would kin him
- “But even as she tells herself that, she realizes, rifling through folders in her mind, that she's never seen Merix smile like that before.” im weak
- “She sees her friend everywhere - in the cool mist from the sea, in the gentle curl of a wave, in the flowers along the edge of the beach.” thats gorgeous
- “He never goes back to the place where he used to watch the stars with Nash. He doesn't think he could bear it. But every day, as he walks home, he looks up to the stars. And every day, he thinks they get a little bit brighter.” i am upset
- “There is no one left to remember Lilith Beherit.” bruh
- “In the end, she was finally found.” beautiful
- thetis should die
- “He feels a pain so acutely in his heart that he thinks he might follow her shortly, and it's only through Almira's stubbornness to be by his side that he's still here.” NO… STAY ALIVE FOR THE MILF…
- both hands by david bazan is a good track for this “reminiscing” section
- “There's one piece he can't bring himself to get rid of. He holds it now, feeling the sharp edges of the marble bite at his skin. When they were children, this was the Crush doll. Now it's the only thing he really has left of her.” holy shit dont tell me he’s keeping that, i feel distraught
- “Even now, he can't say for sure if he misses her. Their relationship had always been more complicated than that.” i could probably ramble about this for fucking ever – it wasn’t love, but now that she’s gone, he’s a little emptier. he’s no worse for wear, but significantly less… tethered. The hole has been replaced with a dense blanket of ambivalence.
- “He's spent so long resenting her that he's not quite sure what to do now that she's gone.” i don’t blame u not even a little
- i feel so bad i did this to him
- “Deep down, he knows that he was right, that Crush will always be with him no matter how much he doesn't want that to be true. But for once, that doesn't weigh on him. Clamor can finally move on, can finally have his own chance at life.” A FUCKINNN MENNNNN
- “Boone never should've thought he'd get lucky twice.” yeah u fuckin dickhead
- “So he sits on the floor next to her and offers the only thing he can: I'm sorry.” wow parents apologize challenge FR? NOT CLICKBAIT?
- “The loss may always feel fresh. It may fade. But regardless, there are those who will always remember. They learn. They grow
FlawlessCatastrophe chapter 40 . 4/26
Jutsus:
- "It would be a disservice to Phaedra's memory if he gave up so fast, if he let her death mean nothing in the end." thats fair
- justus built different i woulda just sat there and gave up gg
- "But no matter what happened, Justus would fight until the end. He wouldn't let himself be pushed around anymore." king shit i hope u feel good about yourself at the end whatever u do :((

Crush:
- "Will it ever be enough?" absolutely not
- "All that came to mind was as concrete as seafoam." damn
- "Without a second thought, she ripped the old gauze off, barely flinching as the dried blood tried to keep it glued to her skin. She frowned at the clear hole in her hand, which was beginning to bleed again." fucking gnarly…
- "Crush didn't need her body to hold up for an eternity, but she expected it to stay together long enough for her to finish, for her to reclaim her muse. It had to." actual chills what is your damage
- "Two, right? Yes, that was it." peas
- "Crush didn't want to consider that more faces were slipping away from her, that one of her points of pride was becoming foreign to her as well. She didn't know what to do if she lost this as well." IT SO FUCKED UP
- "(This couldn't be the end. She wouldn't let it be.)" haha bestieee i got news 3
- "As long as Crush could get her hands on Alila, she'd get everything she'd ever wanted." i fucking hate it here soooo much

jack:
- "If she could outwit Twelve before, she could do it again" ill be praying
- "Between two Careers and Twelve, she was easily the weakest physically, so she hoped they'd at least been taken down a peg or two over the course of the Games." everyone except u and justus is pretty significantly harmed! pretty cool!
"(Part of her feared she was only willing to try because it was almost too late.)" ouwwww...

alila
- "Has everything been worth it?" U HAVE TO BELIEVE THE ANSWER IS YES!
- "She hoped he'd at least gotten to say goodbye, even if she hadn't gotten the chance to do the same with Makani." fuck man
- "Crush, on the other hand, had always been a loner." if only u knew everything
- "I'll win, just like I always said I was going to. I'll win, and then… I'll find out what happened to you." oh god
- ;;;jbnvnkvnnv c.c...c.c.c.

justus
- "Even though his one kill had been manufactured by Shai, it still didn't sit right with him." it better start sitting right real soon!
- everyone is so fucking trauamtized holy shitv
- "There was a flash out of the corner of his eye, and Justus whirled around to see dark hair disappearing around a corner." fhshnanfhfhh
- "This girl wasn't as tall as Crush, and she didn't have Alila's normally braided hairstyle, so he was following Jack." oh all the remaining girls have dark hair thats kinda swag
- "There was a wall in the way, one that certainly hadn't been there before, and Justus now felt as if he was being herded." my balls just dropped
- "(Maybe he was more of them than he was of himself.)" ouhh... ouihhh...
- "This particular room had the same larger than life feeling that the church did, but it was full of machinery." thats fucking TOUGH JUST TURN AROUND JUTSUTS JUST LEAVE PELASE LETS JUST GO
- im shitting myself thats so scary BATTLE TO THE DEATH IN A FACTORY TYPETROOM WITH MACHINES THAT CAN FUCKING BRRBHAJHFHHRRJ YOUR HEAD? ARE YALL TRYNA GET THE KOKICHI SPECIAL?

alila:
- "Her only choice was to keep moving despite the slow progress, to keep searching in the hopes that something would turn up." bae im so scared for u
- "Alila raised an eyebrow as she saw a set of double doors standing wide open in the middle of the next hallway." i hate it here so much i literally have never hated it here more
- "She loved her siblings more than anything, but Alila had always appreciated the peace and quiet. Now, however, all the silence did was make her stomach turn and remind her of her true loneliness." oh god i hate what everything has become
- "Judging almost solely based on the empty canvas leaning against the wall, Alila wondered if it was some kind of decrepit art studio." bruh... Bruh...
- "I see you in my dreams, the object of my desire. I fall apart at the seams, for you I will never acquire." okay bars
- Alila went with her gut feeling.

They were hiding something." girl AND UR GONNA TOCUB IT?
- "It was very clearly unfinished and rough around the edges, but she would've recognized those features anywhere.

"Makani?" (manny voice) hoooooly
- "The only response she got was a rock exploding against the wall mere inches from her face." ujhgngngn,,,,
- imYELPING

jack
- "She had no idea what Twelve was up to right now, but she felt pretty confident in the assumption that shield beat rock any day." LMAOOOO
- "(So in the end, could Jack be proud of herself?)" i want u to be gorl
- i hate it here i like everyone so much
- i dont want anyone to die
- "Or perhaps they were just clearing the stage for whatever Twelve and One were doing, but Jack didn't know why that would be the case." bestieee if only u knewww
- "Jack wanted to insist that she'd only ever promised to try, but Eleanor had always possessed an incredible amount of faith in her that Jack never fully understood.

Maybe she was beginning to." awh... awh man... dont make me feel things
- "There had been more than a few "work accidents" involving falls, enough for Jack to know that her plan was bordering on reckless." girl frankly id be shitting
- "She'd almost expected Jack to show mercy, but Jack didn't know if she believed in mercy anymore." :(((((((((( man... Man…
- "If she was honest with herself, there was so much left that she wanted to do." and i support you so fucking hard you dont need a grand reason to live you just have to want it
- "His hand spasmed, and he dropped his sword over the side of the railing." hello?! HLLOO?!
- "Jack yanked her knife away and retreated immediately, watching as his sword fell straight into machinery exactly as she'd intended." wholly fuckign hsit my guy
- jack you ... you... Wow

crush:
- "Finally, after all this time, Crush had Alila right where she wanted her." i am mpancking
- "But now, Crush could find worth in the unpolished stone before her. Alila was still undeserving of her attention in most ways, but now… now Crush could see a glimmer of potential in her. That was all she needed." haha i guess you can say shes a... diamond in the rough?
- maybe its not the time
- "It was only further proof that Crush deserved Makani more, that she had been Makani's true savior." oh ym god
- crush is gonna die so hard while she's rattling off the reasons she "deserves" makani more than alila
- "And that's why it wasn't fair that Alila still held the one truth that Crush didn't." opelalse...
- "Alila took a moment to answer, almost taken aback by Crush's statement. "I don't… give who back?" i would be shitting here also
- "A hand in hers, featherlight. The gentle pressure of a hand on her shoulder. The soft sound of music from an orchestra. Crush could remember it all, just not the part that mattered most. She peered down at Makani, trying desperately to see her face, but there was nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing—" this is so overwhelmingr
- i am actually so overwhelemd
- this is high tensiona s fuck
- "Crush snapped, gripping a shard of marble in her hand so tightly that she felt it puncture her skin." neurotic little meow meow
- "Alila frowned deeper, staring down at something in front of her, something that Crush couldn't see. "But I didn't… Makani…?" WHAT R U LOOKING AT?
- oh my god she got alila in the thigh where lilith's knife wound was
- "Don't say her fucking name," Crush warned, grabbing another rock out of her bag. "Just… just give her back to me." seek help
- well actully thats kind of too late
- "Do… do you know what happened to Makani?" thats actually the last strawdude
- "The walls were trembling again. As hard as Crush tried, she couldn't pick up everything. She couldn't put the pieces back together. A shove and then she was on the other side, and Makani wasn't, and Makani Makani Makani Makani Makani Makani-" lpelase...
- "There was a strange object inches from Crush's foot that she didn't recognize, but she kicked it away as soon as she saw Alila reach for it." what the FUck?
- "It wasn't my fault," Crush insisted, her hands beginning to tremble. "It wasn't- it wasn't my fault. I couldn't stop it." tremble... oh man...
- "I couldn't reach her. But you can help me reach her now." fucking haunting
- "But… she's gone, there's nothing any of us can do about that now," Alila insisted, gingerly getting to her feet." oh... if only all the people in the room thought like you…
- "I have to remember," she muttered under her breath." what is more cryptic
- "I could… help…?" Alila offered, gaze darting around. She appeared unsure, nearly frantic, and her mouth opened as if to say something else, but something in Crush's mind snapped into place." fuck fuck fuck
- "Crush grinned.

Finally." iMM
- "No," Crush whispered, watching the color drain from Alila's face. "I'm taking back what's mine." hooknjjjjjgjjggjjgjggjgj
- "And with every bit of force she could muster, she slammed a stone straight into Alila's ribcage." .g
- .FFVVVVVVVVVVVVVV
- i m literally just rubbign my face
- what jsuit happened
- that didnt happen right
- oh my fucking god
- say syike rn?
- the grin.
- alila is actually fuckign dead
- i hate it here
- thats... whoa
- THE FIRST ONE OUT OF THE FOUR TOO
- i cant process thiws im just gona keep going

justus:
- if he still has the shield i guess he can decapitate her with it
- "You want to talk about fair? Next time, sign up for another game." literally
- "As soon as the thought popped into his head, everything clicked into place. Justus was almost ashamed that he hadn't thought of it before." what, push her off?
- "Her eyes darted around the area, searching for a way out of her current predicament, but the only thing the rafters held for her was a long way down." fuck
- "I'm sorry," he said softly before driving her own knife into her chest." youuhch]
- "And then, in the seconds between life and death, Jack gave him half of a grin. "I'm not." hooooolyly yshit?
- "He sucked in a ragged gasp as pain shot through his abdomen, and Justus glanced down to see a knife hilt deep in his stomach. He distantly heard the sound of a cannon, and for a moment he wondered if it was for him, but he registered Jack's body crumpled on the floor." goddamn... shes out..,.. what a legend…
- "I can't die like this. I can't meet Phaedra, not yet. I haven't proven myself worthy.

I have so much left to do." ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; hfnfnfhhh...

Alila:
- "She'd never faced this kind of torment before, and Alila just wanted it to end." baby i cant believe this
- smooches alila forever
- "Crush, who was turning her into dust? Makani, who she never got to say goodbye to?" that was raw as fuck
- "She'd poured all of her focus into this singular goal, and now it was slipping out of her fingers like sand. Now it was too late for her to try anything else." god what eh fuck im so unbeleivably emo
- "(Maybe Makani could show her the ocean.)" STOP WITHT HIS STOP SHOWING PEOPLE STARS AND STOP SHOWING PEOPLE THE OCEAN I DON T WANT OT
- I DONT WANT TO BE UPSET ANYMORE!
- "Justus?" she groaned weakly." YOINK?
- "She gritted her teeth, begging her body to work with her instead of against her, and finally managed to grab her fan." HIOOOEEEE SHIITTT
- "For Makani." GOES ABSOLUTELY BATHSIT HONSANNEEEE
- "So with every ounce of strength Alila possessed in her body, she lunged forward just enough to drive the blade of her fan into Crush's throat." jJHHJJHHJHJHJHJHJH
- "Crush turned to see Makani as alive as ever, her gentle, radiant smile making her feel as though everything could be okay again. She stared in awe at the perfection before her, taking a step forward before realizing she couldn't." youre going to hell woman
- "No! she tried to scream. Not now, not when I've finally gotten everything!" ;;;;;;;; its time.
- "Makani stepped closer, keeping the gentle smile on her face. For the first time in her life, Crush felt close to weeping - out of sheer desperation, out of frustration, out of anger… she couldn't tell.

But she was so tired." plight of an artist, i suppose
- "But what if I become nothing! I can't fade, I can't become dust! I can't afford to rest!" god this hits
- "I was so close, she whispered over and over again. I was so close and now I'll never reach it at all." why am i catually crying
- youre right it isnt fair sorry kid but thats just how it is
- "A gentle hand squeezed hers, and Crush looked back up into the face of her muse, taking in the face she loved so much. The perfection she'd once craved hadn't faded at all, and Crush knew that despite how hard she tried, she would never be able to capture that perfection. It was just as fleeting as her inspiration, but that didn't make her efforts meaningless." hffgggh...\
- "It's okay to rest.

And so she let go, willing to follow her inspiration into the dark for the last time." look at u go bitch... u crazy motherfucker...

Alila:
- "Alila collapsed as soon as the cannon sounded, her broken foot unable to handle her own weight. She barely managed to catch herself against the other table to keep from jarring her ribs, groaning weakly." this is a justus dub
- she must be in so much pain
- "But that's not who you are, is it?"

"I… no." absolutely not an arculeo NEVER makes it easy for himself
- "I don't think I will be either," he admitted before lifting up enough of his shirt for her to see the gaping wound in his stomach." oh fuck i literally forgot about that
- "Despite herself, Alila laughed until a particularly painful twinge in her ribs turned the sound into a harsh cough. "Look at us," she muttered. "Some finalists we are." hm. this is percect
- "Thank you," Justus said, extending a hand. "For everything."

And despite herself, despite the situation, Alila smiled and shook his hand. "It's been an honor, Justus Arculeo." shit man

Justus:
- "He didn't even have the strength to carry his shield anymore. Justus tried lunging forward with the knife, but Alila batted it away. He was able to fend off her similar attack without any issues." its a melancholy final battle
- "He didn't know anymore.

He didn't know when he began to cry." bitch aahahhaha same
- "You could never disappoint me, she whispered, guiding his movements as if they were training again. Nothing you choose could ever disappoint me." dude what they have
- "Despite his fear, he knew Phaedra would be there with him every step of the way. They could make it through this together as well.

They would be together until the end." not the third time dude im running out of eye water
- "With every word, she tried to convince herself that it was the truth, that she had somehow managed to earn this, but the words rang false in her own ears. Where was she supposed to go from here? No matter how hard she tried, her hands would always be stained red." bestie... bestie...
- "After all, there's nothing as frightening as a dream come true." what an incredible line to end the chapter with. tell me. how long have you known you wanted to do it like that.

- "But just because Justus could win didn't mean he wanted to." and hes litereally right
- "No matter how hard she tried, her hands would always be stained red." umm... its her color 3

Gg alila im fucking thrilled with how this turnedout

Epilogue thoughts incoming sometime o7
goldie031 chapter 40 . 4/24
Ok. here we go. I can already tell that there is no way im going to be able to ever phrase all of my thoughts on this finale into words; there’s just so much joy and gratitude in my heart from the last however-many-days its been since the finale went up. Because my god i cant remember the last time i was this happy about something on fanfic ever. She did it! My sweet baby angel did it! She fucking won! Im still kind of in disbelief honestly even though i know we’ve been talking about alila nonstop. I know i have said so many times how much i love this story and how every chapter you keep getting better, but this chapter really just was the perfect bow on such a great fic, and not just because alila won; it was just such a genuinely good finale i absolutely adored reading it even when you wanted to give me a heart attack.

I absolutely adored this finale setup. These little lead in sections that set up the essential questions of the finale were so well done. Because all of these questions do apply to all of the kids - what do they have left? Will it ever be enough? What do they want? Has everything been worth it? They don’t know - and some of them wont ever get the chance, which is the saddest part. I love how we got this small moment of respite (ha) for each of these kids before we move into the chaos of the finale itself. Very nice touch.

OK so we have two separate combat sequences, justus v jack and alila v crush. I liked these pairings - i think alila v crush was the one we were all kinda excited to see and it uh. Definitely had me more on edge! So i’ll start by talking about jack vs justus first. One of the things you said to me in dms was that the angle for these two was strategist vs strategist and i think that really came through here. I love how you had each of them outsmart the other at points, how they were able to maneuver through the factory, how Eleanor’s voice came through one final time… it was just so good. Jack’s last pov was so great, with how determined she was to find a way out of it and how she managed to outsmart him - only for justus to then come around and outsmart her right back. But of course she had to do one last thing to him - that moment where justus was like “she appeared to be completely weaponless” and then we see the knife come and stab him in the gut was such a great touch. I feel like in this finale Alila owes a debt to jack, in her own way - justus could have gotten her so easily if not for this wound. Big yikes. I’ve said about jack before that i think she would have made a great 2016 victor, and her connections to d8 interested me, but i definitely think her time ended here. I loved her story, and so appreciated that she wounded justus so alila could win. That was a very nice touch.

And then the Alila Crush series. Dear god this freaked me out so bad on first read. So fucking badly. It’s scary when arguably the deadliest tribute in the arena has it out for your child. The parallels in the first section to makani discovering crush’s studio in the basement were really eerie - i think it picked them up on like the third read but it was such a whoa moment to be like… is alila really going to end up in the same position as makani… yikes. The way you portrayed crush in these scenes was also really good bc it was her slowly going even more insane and losing even more of the plot to the point where she really fucked alila up but good at the end. Reading that alila section where crush almost got her really got me the second time around because dear god she was so fucking close to dying there. I went back to read that leon pov in merix’s intro chapter where it said that alila would have trouble against many fighting styles and its lowkey true - even if crush hadn’t gotten her down that bad i really think that without justus she would have struggled to get back up. And that foot… yeesh. And then all of a sudden there is justus, keeping her safe, protecting her from crush - and she gets to avenge makani’s death (even though i dont think that was entirely crush’s fault but yeah it feels like an avenging kill) by putting that fan right in crush’s throat. What a powerful moment where you just… it hit me hard idk it still hits me hard. For Phaedra / For Makani…

One of the things i love about this chapter is how all the kids got perfect send off moments. And thats so true for crush. This scene where she was just there ready to follow makani… chills. Jut. it was so powerful to see her finally be ready to give up - and, more importantly, finally ready to see makani again :pleading: finally, in her last moments, the image comes back to her clearly. And i might not love makrush (crush scares me ok) but it’s what crush deserved here. A last moment of peace. Idk what i can thank her for (i have stuff to thank jack and justus for i feel like i need to find something)... maybe for being so focused on alila she didn’t see justus coming? For giving you ammo for a healing and growing arc? Idk. but she definitely did a lot for the story and ill always appreciate your portrayal of her.

And then we have this final moment. Justus, the hero, who kept alila safe, who is literally the reason she won in so many ways; alila, a specter, who by all accounts should be dead at that moment. I love how there was this like breath of air before they get into that last fight - if you can even call it a fight - where they’re just like. Look at us. How did we get here. It feels like a perfect final two, bringing together everything theyve been through in the arena - from her going into house arrest to their strange bonding to this. And they shook hands and i just… god i loved it so much.

Then the fight… and then the line that signaled the moment i knew she was going to win: where you said, “But just because Justus could win didn’t mean he wanted to.” Sure, it wasn’t official till a bit later, but as soon as his heart wasn’t in it, i knew. I just could tell. When we talked about Phaedra’s death you said to me, “in the end, there's a choice. the games or justus. they cannot both exist. and she will always choose justus.” And i think it’s the same for justus here too. Yes she made the choice first but fundamentally he chose phaedra. Unbound by death, he chose to be with her. And i think that was the right choice for him - just as character-defining as phaedra’s, just as poignant and powerful, just as right. Justus died knowing he saved the person who would go on to win and… i think there’s something to be said about that because if alila knows what’s good for her, she’ll appreciate that as soon as she can find a way to breathe. Thank you, justus, for letting me have a victor and for being such a light to this story. I dont know if i can call you among my favorite characters ever, but you were a joy to read and to watch develop, both with phaedra and on your own.

And of course, our victor (god i still cant believe im writing that word about my child). What a special, special gift you’ve given me, laney. I never expected my sweet little fan girl to crawl her way up into my heart the way she did. From the makani best friends arc to the absolute panic! at the bloodbath to the slow but steady climb to victory,,, every single moment in the fic just made me fall in love with her more and more to the point where i could barely bear the thought of her dying because i knew how bad it would hurt. And now i dont have to :pleading: alila gets to be here with me forever. As awesome as it was for ashira to win, and as special as barlen was to me, there’s something about seeing one of my favorite kids (though she’s probably jumped above jared and iggy now to the #1 spot lets be real) win my favorite syot that just… i cant even put into words how amazing this has been and how grateful and lucky i feel to have her (and you, laney :plead:) I know her next year or so is going to hurt a lot and there are going to be painful moments but there’s gonna be a light at the end of the tunnel, bb. Things get better and im here every step of the way for you. God… im just so happy…

Thank you so much for this finale, laney. I’ll cherish it for a very, very long time. And i cannot wait to see what you do with her next.
ladyqueerfoot chapter 40 . 4/14
L:ANEYYY ITS Tim TOE TALK ABIYT UR FINALE

that was so good i loved betaing it i cant believe teagan won THIS WHOLE THING WAS SO GOOD JUST LIKE THE WHOLE FIC

FIRST OF ALL CONGRATS AL;ILA U SEXY VIXEN I THOT U WERE GONNA DIE BUT UIM GLAD U DIDNT

JACKS and jhustucs fight was really good for a sec i thot jack was gonna kill him because shes smart and u know she sorta did kill him but like later im glad she got the last query that was so feminism and slay of her i enjoyed jack but she had to die eventually

CRUSH... did not have to die

the whole interaction between her and alila was awkward asf i love crush aher arc has been so good brooke really made such a bagina cunt slay character and i love herzrrrr i love crush and the scene with her and makani wrecked me it hit me in the duck and balls and cock and boobs and i was so so saddddd god i adore crush and also i throat justus was dead but he wasnt and he helped but at what cost

iu think crush should've win yes

THE FINAL TWO OF JUSTUS AND ALILKA? yeah that was good shit u said they will be friends except NOPE! alilkas foot got crushed good luck dancing now bitch! \*sputs on her* ahaha alila is a good girl THAT ENDING WAS SO SAD I MISS PHAEDRA AND SO DOES JYUSTUSc

alila was such a good victor for such a good fi yeah laney this fic is so good im so glad u wrote it i love merix and makanai and everyone but teagan especially i love leon i want to rail him do u think he likes anal anyway... this fic was so good laney u are so good at writing and crush zing is ao cool i miss her so much already she is so good

so is alila... and tHEE i know bitches be like ew alila family but no i love my mans thee i mithe ss him so much alila is gonna be so sad congrats goldie what if she dies... i loved pj they were so sweet

the way u structured the finale was hot i loved it i loved the whole fuckingf thing like good job laney
Ripple237 chapter 38 . 4/2
Thay: I did really like this opening with all the lies. Very sexy and very cool, I like the stylization. It's giving death flags so hopefully Thay finally fucking dies this chapter.

Crush: "Why did you go where I could not follow?" is such simple but super fucking raw line. Crush povs never disappoint I'm obsessed with the faces eluding her and trying to find something that is out of reach forevermore. Hmmm what you looking at over there crush? Also is she on a fucking beach somehow I fucking missed that. Is there a whole ass beach in the house or she is just fucking losing it now.

Jack: Oh my god the mental image of Crush covered in blood coming down the hallway. Fucking immaculate. Poor Jack, she got mixed up with two of the most dangerous out district ladies. Can she survive a second encounter? I bet she can. THIS IS LITERALLY A HORROR MOVIE I LOVE IT SO FUCKING MUCH. Another absolutely incredibly cinematic scene involving Crush. We fucking love to see it yes we do. I love that Jack is like fuck luck I dont need luck, I can rely on myself as I always have. Damn Jack is so unbothered by everything. She literally just killed herself and went ok well that's not my problem and left. Wtf is wrong with her. Miss gurl is it is not normal to not panic upon killing a double of urself. Anyways I am AMAZED that she was able to get out of that situation. She was able to kill a clone of herself and somehow stay quiet enough to evade Crush. damn. If crush was in top form I don't think Jack would have made it out of there. She keeps slipping out of everyone's grasp it is definitely impressive but I do hope something actually gives her a challenge soon because despite her being in a lot of danger, she seems to always get out of it relatively unscathed.

Crush: Yes girl gives us everything with your supreme gay breakdown! I hope it continues and you cause more problems! yasss slayyy

Lilith: Oh this hit a little different Im not gonna lie. Her on the balcony, remembering LMN and wishing that they were there again, mad that Thay and Alila would get to sit and talk like that and she's all alone. I fucking feel her. She should kill both of them right now. Oh my god if that actually happened I think I would lose it, it would be so sexy. But alas, it will not be so. Ok this is making me hella emo. Some of these internal ruminations...I am so fucking sad wtf...NO NOT THIS LAST PART AT THE END. HOLY FUCK? This has gotta be one of the saddest passages in the story just from a style perspective alone...my god. Learned helplessness...this is so fucking tragic for her. You really did wonders with Lilith by the end, she ended up being so much more interesting than I ever gave her credit for earlier in the story and even in the Games. I've lost the way... pleek

Alila: Not destiny, get the d-word outta this pov right now so help me god. Also yes Alila coming full circle with sacrificing logic for Thay and for her brother. Yeah she's gonna win. Anyway, LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOOOO. FINALLY. IT HAS BEEN SO FUCKING LONG. the catharsis I feel rn. Ugh. Rip to Alila Im not gonna be sad about cardboard. God this was so sexy of Lilith thank you queen you did it. Anyways pretty sure Alila will kill her now ): This is sad. This is what I mean about Alila, she's in the middle of so much action and has so many connections to a lot of the character. There is no way she doesn't win lol. Also "No one comes between my family" ok you just met him get the fuck yourself Im so sick of this fucking angst. Sorry I think I'd rather have Jack win over Alila at this point :/

Lilith: A weapon...a tool...no way out...them encouraging her to run. I'm so fucking sick. NOT THEM TEACHING HER HOW TO BE STRONG. No...the last of LMN. Hey I know I said I was over Lilith but maybe she can win as a treat haha. The stars really were beautiful...fuck you. Wtf. This was so fucking sad Im sick. LMN stay having sad ass deaths. They were all doomed it is so fucking sad Im ill Im sick...this truly is a nightmare.

Alila: I forgot she had Makani's shell...pleek. Yes more of this more of Makani no more thee (: It is actually crazy how quickly my opinion has changed up on Alila. I think I just personally dislike her sibling storyline so much that I no longer am a huge fan (haha fan) and I actually would be happier with a Jack win. that being said I still feel like Alila is going to win very clearly so I guess I should put on my clown shoes for letting myself get titled. oops.

Anyways, The Crush and Lilith stuff was truly fantastic, I ate that shit up. The Lilith povs were fucking incredible, you are so damn talented it's actually insane and I do be jealous af. My opinion on Lilith has shifted drastically and I guess that's the tragedy of the games, you don't realize how much you're gonna miss them until they're gone. Also Thay is finally dead. REJOICE. I can stop being a massive toxic bitch now! Um I think that's all for tonight, very nervous for Phaedra death next chapter but I'm sure it will be very good, albeit heart destroying

Day 11
5 Tributes Remain
Ripple237 chapter 37 . 4/2
Crush: Ah yes! Hello Crush my beloved I hope your breakdown is going well, mine is too xoxo. Ooooo Makani's features all become blurry like water. This is such a fascinating development for her :eyes: God this is such a beautiful breakdown which is really fucked up to say, but like the writing is so good and flowy and I am just eating it the fuck up. Also hello parenthesis! It seems as thought you are also one of Crush's intrusive thoughts because you are zooming all over this pov. "a memory washed up, faded by the tides of the ocean" now this is delicious. It's wild because it's like she sculpted a spectacular kingdom of sand castles and sand sculptures, but the tide came in and destroyed all of them, leaving some nasty formless matter behind. It's such a good metaphor god Crush POVs literally never disappoint I am so fucking obsessed with her. Ok so I have no specific thoughts for this last part of the POV because it was just so beautifully fucked up. The reds, the auburn, her thinking she killed Justus instead of Nash. It's a prosopagnosia moment! What a fucking genius direction to take her character and her breakdown in. Everything about it is just so beautifully fucked up and it's easily my favorite arc in the story other than my own kids. Crush is just built so different and I just...I just love reading about her. It's always so fucking good man. Ur writing is just so immaculate and I know I say this literally every Crush pov but I think this is just such a masterful character arc and it has some of the beautiful and smart writing I've ever read in any medium period.

Alila: A sense of trust you say? This smells of an emotional finale face off methinks. You ain't slick I see you setting this up and ur so gross for that. Oh look it's Thay! Quick, I have to pretend I give a shit about him and Alila! Just kidding that is way too hard because I do not care. When will he fucking die. And thus Justus and Alila split up. I have a feeling they will meet up again for the finale. Yeah so hmmm Alila decided to stick with Thay. Ms girl... I really do love Alila but it's so hard to root for someone who keeps cripples herself for PlotDeviceD9MSiblingBotBuiltInStorylineBlandPleaseDieSoonImBegging.

Lilith: Every chapter I'm like "yeah this is the one where she dies" and she keeps fucking kicking. Good for her I guess. Lost in the forest moment...children of the forest moment...:hee: pain..so much pain. I don't have too many specific comments but this was a really good POV and I loved all the nightmare stuff coming into full focus. Also the bit about her feeling like she abandoned her friends when everyone else had abandoned her back in D9, and now she is alone all over again. I know I said this before, but she's GOTTA die next chapter, like for sure. Miss girl is running out of time to die before everyone else. Anyways it is really impressive just how much you were able to get out of Lilith by the endgame, ur talent is as bright as the stars ahaha.

Thay: sigh. Sorry I know I've been really fucking mean about everything involving him and I know I'm a bitchy whore but also no My tits are fat I do what I want. I did like this conversation, I thought it was written objectively very well. Like objectively there really isn't anything wrong with this part of the story, it's mostly just my own silly little brain who could not be less invested in Thay or Thee. I hope they both die so the promise is broken. That would be fun at least. But Alila is for sure winning so I guess Thay will get what he wants after all.

Jack: I love that Imperia was so utterly ineffective against Jack. I had a feeling Jack would be the perfect match for her because despite the incident with her dad's voice, she's pretty sturdy compared to a lot of the tributes in this arena. Not having a specific really bad traumatic event probably helped with that LMAO. Oh shit...hi Eleanor. Wow it has been a hot second. Oh yes this reminds me of my prediction of Jack making the finale, because she could have a confrontation with Thay and/or Crush and it would be really interesting. But I always knew she was gonna be in the finale and I am still very sure she will be. Ah, her resolve has been strengthened! This is one of the rare instances where a clone actually helps the tribute instead of fucking with them. Jack has a reason to win, Alila and Thay also have a reason to win. Lilith is gonna die next chapter (if she doesn't Im going getting into a clown car and driving to hell) and then ofc we have PJ but they have not made an appearance yet this chapter. Anyways this just further solidifies Jack and Alila as the most likely victors, I'm still very sure it's Alila though.

Justus: Oh boy, if everyone gets a POV this chapter...that means PJ is last. I feel fear. God yeah it must feel so fucking frustrating to being helpless to find your partner because the god of the arena has a specific beef with an incorporeal concept. OH MY GOD NOT THE RINGGG. I'm sick. I'm so sick. At one point I do think Justus had a solid chance to win and (while I am biased) I do think his post-Games potential was the most compelling, he just is in limbo and I feel like he's for sure out of the running which makes me sad.

Phaedra: Ah yes...PvP...it is time. This is something I have been thinking about ever since I knew about the clones and I knew it was coming, I just didn't know when. Let's get into this shit. No it's the way I didn't THINK about the importance of water to the Styxians and Phaedra basically being in a river. I cannot BELIEVE I missed that holy shit that his huge brain...also this line about dust...sheeeeeesh. So fucking good. Crush and Phaedra consistently have my favorite POVs in the story, they are just so fucking good so fucking good so fucking good. It's a shame they are both doomed. "Why not try for one final performance" Im sick Im ill Im diseased... and not her wishing she could tell him sorry...no...:pleek: Also not the fresh clothes being laid out for her. Leon makes me so fucking sick. OOOOOOOOOO Im so gross I started making little cat noises and rubbed my hands together when the golden warrior appears. God this is so fucking good. Are you a god or are you human just like the rest of us? Tune in at 11! THE HINT OF COLDNESS. I FUCKING YOU SEE WITH THAT SHIT. MHMMMMM. And so the fight begins. Yes...an eternal stalemate...how deliciously fucked up. I've always said that the only person that could kill Phaedra was Phaedra. So let's see how this goes. Oh it is so fascinating that it is in fact her humanity that made her seem so invincible. Oh this is fascinating. You'd think a machine designed to be perfect in every way would be unbeatable because of its artificial precision, but that's incorrect. Phaedra's right. The thing that made her seem so god-like was her humanity? It's such an interesting paradox, and I do love my paradoxes. Language changes on a dime and sure machines can use language, but the range and ability to make language into anything is what makes it so uniquely human, it has nuances that no machine could ever truly capture. And of course, Phaedra is quite fluent in this language. OH SHITTT. The stakes are so fucking high. Her fucking FINGERS are gone sheeeeeesh. Major injury here, that's pretty fucking bad. I don't think any other career has lost any limbs or digits yet...yikes. AHH that ending. Wow. This fight was a series of moves and countermoves and it wasn't very long because both fighters are so skilled that each attack they make is devastating. There are no little blows here, every single attack as devastating. I loved how Phaedra used her shield in this fight. Her shield is the part of the fighting style that makes her a little more unique for a career and it was focusing on that defense that saved her life. But of course, the shield can also be used an offensive tactic in a pinch, and that's exactly what happened here. Wow. I loved that last move she did with the shield and then grappling her and finishing her off. It was so fucking good man, holy shit. I am frothing at the mouth. This is the first thing that has surprised me in a hot minute because I thought for sure that Phaedra would die to her clone and Justus would show up but neither of those things happened because Justus is still roaming around and Phaedra did successfully defeat her clone. What an absolute banger of a pov. Delicious, truly delcious. Crush, Lilith, and Phaedra's POVs were so good but Crush and Phaedra's were my favorites of course. Your Phaedra fights have been so good, in fact all of her POVs have just been so good. You've written her so perfectly and I am not ready to see her die in approximately 2 chapters because I am not delusional and I know she is dying before the finale. And I am not ready.
FlawlessCatastrophe chapter 38 . 4/1
thay:
- “Alila was lying to him.” Yeah well it doesn’t take a genius
- “Thay could see it all over her face every time she danced around his questions.” Haha danced I get it cos alilas a dancer ha
- "Better." Lie.

"You look better than last night." Lie.” Liar
- “He didn't understand her, not really, but he got the feeling she was rather lost at the moment as well.” in the games u find connection in the most strange of places I suppose
- “Even though he was the one blood related to Thee, it didn't seem fair that Alila was trying so hard to get him home when she's the one that had been there for Thee in recent years.” :(( yeah …
- So much fuckign cap
- “Alila had told him that it didn't look like it was in danger of getting infected, but Thay wasn't stupid enough to believe that lie even for a minute. This arrow had been in his leg for well over a day now, holding his wound open.” God ew
- “Thay hesitated, looking down at his leg. "Is Thee… happy?" Psychic violence
- "Mostly," Alila said honestly. "Some days are hard, but… we take care of him."

And that was enough for Thay to know what he had to do.” Bruh bruh bruh bruh
- "Can you grab me something to eat?" Thay asked, pointing towards his own belongings.” Alila why would you ignore such a suspect question and immediate off topic follow up
- “Alila frowned slightly at the quick change in conversation, but she went to rifle through his bag anyway.” U DID IT ANYWAY
- “He gave her half of a smile before nodding and making his way back over to her. "Yeah. I'm fine." Ur a shitty fuckin liar

crush:
- “Crush could see the faces even in her sleep.” Man shut the fuck up man
- “After all, there was one she still couldn't hear the voice of, the only one that mattered. And Crush could not go into the dark without hearing her once more.” Im seething rn coping molding
- Why r u built like this it makes me so upset
- “She felt the sudden urge to bash it open, to see if she could find another fragment of what she was searching for, but Crush knew it would be a futile endeavor.” YEAH WELL ITS NEVER STOPPED U FROM DOING OTHER CRAZY SHIT!?
- “After taking out the boy yesterday, Crush knew there truly was only one way for her to reclaim her muse.” Ohhhh my god
- “She had to take, to constantly force those rocks to give back. It was the only way for her to get what she wanted.” I am hating it here an incredible amount
- “Liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar.” R U KIDDING ME LANEY
- psychic damage
- “But as soon as the thought crossed her mind, it terrified her more than anything. If she returned home now, she'd never be anything more than her father.” yeah precisely
- “Makani, where did you go? Why did you go where I cannot follow? Will I ever be able to see your face again?” Oh this reminds me of a song I have to play. Now
- “Crush could never capture the exact shade of Makani's hair in stone” have u considered maybe cos it’s stone
- “Crush had never necessarily considered autumn in Twelve to be beautiful, but she reflected on it in a new light now. If she closed her eyes and let herself be swept away from the shore, she could feel the crunch of a leaf under her foot and the slightest chill in the air.” The song feels very This though
- “Come back! Crush wanted to cry out. Why did you leave me?” Cos ur a nasty freak hoe
- “Whether that was Alila or another tribute… Crush would take any opportunity presented to her.

It was the only thing she could do.” WHAT THE FUUUUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT !,!?
- don’t fucking touch alila I would be actually so upset

jack:
- “Jack had been hoping to keep to herself for a while, but it seemed the Arena had other plans for her.” oh joy
- “It all started going wrong when a bloodstained figure appeared at the end of the hall she was in.” H UHHH.?.?.?.?.?.
- “She spent a few precious seconds paralyzed by the sight - who in the Arena could've died in such a horrific way to get that much blood on their killer?” THIS SIS SCRUSH?3?3?;?;?;;;?;?
- “The room she found herself in was almost completely bare, the only furniture being a small nightstand and a bed without any sheets. There didn't seem to be any other way out.” THE ODWH ARENA IS SOF UCOINN GLIMJNAL IMM REALLY PEEING RN
- “She tried to think of who was around that size - there weren't any other distinguishing characteristics visible - but Jack hadn't exactly spent much time paying attention to the other tributes before the Games began.” Jesus fuck
- “The two most recent kills were the Five boy and the Four girl, so maybe one of them?” Oh god she really was a key player in both of those this is so bad
- “That didn't matter right now. If it truly was Twelve, then Jack had to find a way out of this and fast.” jACK! RUN!)!
- On God, In All My Years Of SYOT Reading, I can’t think of anyone who rivals The unparalleled horror of Crush written by U
- “Her heart was beating loud enough that she was surprised Twelve didn't already know she was there.” shhcbendhwhdjwjnfebeBABSWBSBSBEHE
- “Before Jack could talk herself out of it, she stepped into the hall, gaze fixed on the next open doorway. Twelve was busy looking at something else - Jack had no idea what - so she managed to creep up to the next doorway and duck inside.” GORLRBOS?
- “She placed a hand on the wall to catch herself before she fell, but even the slightest noises seemed to echo loudly in her ears. She was frozen, horrified that she was about to be found out.” NO
- THIS CANT BE JACKS LAST POV RIGHT? RIGHT? I WOULD REALLY HATE IT. THE WHOLE GAMES BUILDING JACK GIVING HER SWAG ASS CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT ONLY FOR HER LAST POV TO BE OF HER REDUCED TO A PRIMAL FEELING OF ABSOLUTE FEAR? I WOULD LOVE IT NARRATIVELY BUT NO IF U KIBN WOULDNT I WANT JAKC TO BE ALIVE DUDE
- “Jack let out a surprised yelp as a rock shattered above her head, whipping her head around to see that Twelve had finally spotted her.” STTOTPPPP
- “Somewhere where she could use her surroundings to her advantage, just like with Six.” THIS POV IS REALLY LONG SO SOME MAJOR SHIT US GOING SWN
- “And every time she blinked, Eleanor's ruined body lingered behind her eyelids. Jack was terrified that she could meet the same fate soon enough.” Dude. Dude. Dude
- “That was fine. Jack didn't need luck to make it far in life. She'd do everything on her own if that's what was demanded of her.” Ur such a fucking baddie bro
- “Jack sensed a presence behind her and spun around, knife drawn, only to find herself aiming a knife at her own throat.” WTF
- NOW?
- “When Jack tilted her head to read the labels, several of them read stone, but a few others read mirror shards and one just read drawings.” Where am I. What’s my name
- “Within seconds, its throat had been slit” she wasted NO time
- “That would have to do. Jack just needed this body double to serve as a distraction long enough for her to slip out.” WHOA….. UR BRAIN IS HUGE MAMI…..
- in all honesty though . if crush dies i simply won’t know what to do with myself. I know I have been campaigning for her death but i am not prepared to face the reality that is very likely impending
- “By this point, she was a little less worried about being quiet and a lot more worried about getting the hell out of there.” Unhhh purr
- “Jack may have survived another encounter, but it was only because she got lucky and managed to run. Sooner or later, her luck might begin to catch up to her.” U didn’t get lucky bro u manufactured the conditions of ur own survival i call that trickle down economics or something

crush:
- “No matter how hard she tried, Crush couldn't get the rocks to listen to her again. She'd done everything she thought they wanted, and yet… and yet…” wahhhhhhhh cry more
- “Crush had only been torn from her brief reverie when she saw the glint of metal sticking out from under the girl's skin.

Was she… tricked? How was this happening at all? What did it mean?” Hff…
- “Crush had a hard time making sense of anything anymore.” Brain cells left the chat
- well….. actually…. Has crush encountered ANY clones at all…?
- im racking my brain the only clones Shes met are the ones she created of makani
- this is fucked
- baby’s first clone encounter I GUESS
- “The perfection she so desperately craved was so far away that it was nearly unattainable now. One wrong hit and she'd fall apart completely.” Sooner than u think!
- “She'd never let anything slip through her fingers again.” Ah….. Ah…
- I am very very surprised neither crush nor Jack died from that near encounter

lilith:
- “So maybe that's why even now, when she could finally take steps to forge her own path, she didn't know what else to do.” ;;;; ah lilith,,,,, I have grown soft
- “She had her crossbow by her side, knees tucked close to her chest, occasionally peeking over the railing to watch what was happening below. Thay and One were chatting on and off, seeming almost at ease with each other.” I think it’s bye thay time
- “It didn't seem right for Thay to find even a fragment of that when Lilith had lost everything because of him.” girl huh? ur can’t possibly blame him for merix and nashs deaths too
- “More than anything, she wanted to see the stars with them. Just once more.” Haha well
- “Nash's apathy terrified her more than she wanted to admit. Lilith would rather he outright hate her. At least that meant he still cared on some level.” Damn that shit hurted
- “One more. Lilith was so close to her own nightmare being over. And yet…

You can stop now, Merix whispered to her, his fingers ghosting over her cheek.” DUDE
- ;;;;;;;im pretty upset
- poor lilith she can’t fucking reconcile her mission because of the people she loves. Loved
- “A single tear slid down Lilith's face as her finger tightened on the trigger. "I've lost the way." Fuck man
- "It's too late for me. It always was." ooooooooouuhhhhhhhhhh

alila:
- “Thay was acting strangely.” That’s just how he is
- “And right now, Thay definitely had something on his mind.” Something on his mind something in his leg it’s pretty sharp ngl
- “At least Thee would be happy when this was all said and done, right? He'd finally have a piece of his own family back, the one thing the Perwanes had never been able to do for him. Would he be happy?” idk, phone a friend or something!
- “Alila laughed to herself quietly. Maybe it was destiny.” Shut up
- “If her two greatest passions were pitted against each other… well, Alila only had one choice. And she knew that no matter what happened, she'd never regret that choice.” The issue is UR NOT WVEN GIVIJG UR FAMILY A CHOICE! WACKASS MF
- “Something slammed into her shoulder, and Alila let out an undignified yelp as she crumpled to the ground.” BroooooOOOIVUGUUVUVVOIBOB
- “her blood ran cold as her eyes trained on the arrow sticking out of his stomach” yeah it is fucking over
- “It was a miracle he was even standing at this point. Alila could see it was taking all of his energy to remain on his feet, gently swaying back and forth. He seemed almost peaceful.” Ah
- "It's the end of the line for me," he croaked out, giving her half of a smile. "You'll take better care of him than me I ever could." Holy shit man
- “Another shot cut her off before she could finish, slicing straight through the middle of Thay's throat. The sound of a cannon rang out before he even hit the floor, before Alila could even process what had happened.” Rubs eyes wow
- now it all rests on alila
- “The girl was making her way down from the balcony, giving Alila a terrified look that made her bristle. What did Lilith have to fear?” well her missions done and escape is closer than she ever knew it to be. it’s a lot to lose
- or maybe not. i don’t know if it’s something she wants now that there’s nothing left for her but u can’t help but hold on
- “No one came in between Alila and her family.” Shes such a force to be reckoned with
- sighs dreamily

lilith:
- “The tears were constant now, flowing down her face without stopping. Lilith couldn't remember the last time she'd truly, genuinely cried.” was it worth it?
- “She'd quickly realized her crossbow was too cumbersome and tossed it aside.” Bro?
- “No one ever told her what to do when the hunter became the prey.” OHH… OH THAT WAS A BANGER LINE…
- I definitely think it’s the end of Nine
- “You made me like this! Lilith wanted to scream, turning on Annie. I wouldn't be like this if it wasn't for you!” she’s right it’s everyone’s fault, but ultimately your burden; u can blame anyone u want but you’ll still have to cope
- liliths tragedy I suppose
- “If Annie had taught her how to be brave, then Nash and Merix had taught Lilith how to truly be strong. She knew neither of them would give up, not yet, so she wouldn't either.” I WONT GIVE UP IF YOU DONT GIVE UP [STARTS WAILING]
- “She stabbed wildly with her bolt, trying to catch some of One's skin, trying desperately to fend off her own death. All she could see was red, red, red, so much so that it flooded her vision. And then-“ dude everytjingnjust feels so fucking raw in this pov so far fucking pheonekmanl
- “She wandered farther into the clearing, gaze fixed up at the sky. One hand covered her mouth, a tiny whimper coming out.” Bro
- “The sky was filled with stars like nothing she'd ever seen before. They shone brightly, winking down at her, promising her things she'd never been brave enough to consider. A choked sob came out, and Lilith collapsed to her knees in the soft grass, letting herself bathe in the light of the moon and the stars.

Just one more time, was all she'd asked for. Just let me see them once more.

For a fraction of a second, Lilith Beherit was untouchable.

The stars really were beautiful.” I have to quote the whole thing im sevrrely distraught right now. They really were beautiful. They are huh! Holy shit man. So I guess it was worth it. I’m really glad dude. Lilith deserved better

alila:
- “Alila panted quietly, shoving the body off of her.” Now we’re fucking back in hell again huh
- “Now that her anger was seeping out of her body, so was the adrenaline, and she was becoming nothing more than a shell.” U and crush have that in common
- “Five left.” Head in hands
- “Alila had been angry, but Lilith had been nearly animalistic, clawing at her skin. It had taken too long for Alila to register the fear in the other girl's eyes, but by then it had been too late.” Massive career moment
- “This hadn't been a calculated kill, one that had to be done. It was nothing more than revenge. An emotional kill.” Well if u justify it using the lens that uve been using to justify weighing thays life over your own, now that he’s out of the picture all of these deaths HAVE to be done to get back home. for thee
- “Alila limped down the hall, a fresh wound on her thigh stinging with every movement.” Thigh AND shoulder. That’s gnarly
- “Perhaps she was more injured than she knew.” Rest baby girl
- “But for now, she let herself rest, content with a shell and the distant sound of the ocean.” T_T

Compiling my liveblogging together in a review brings bcak hroriffic memories this chapter was so good but so painful i reall wsh i sdidnt have eyes

brooky wooky out
FlawlessCatastrophe chapter 39 . 4/1
39
Not the definition of destiny at the top of the chapter fuck off

phaedra:
- “She never bothered to consider what it could mean for Phaedra.” yeah cos thetis is a piece of shit mom
- “It was. It was more than enough, in fact.” like, WAY TO MUCH!
- “None seemed brave enough to approach. Phaedra hoped that someday they would.” pain
- “For better or for worse, the final chapters were already being written.” well phaedra death confirmed :help:

Justus:
- “In a way, he'd prefer it if his father told him the truth - that Justus was half a step from being worthless in his own father's eyes. Maybe that would be kinder.” let him be free :((
- “The success and status of his family would always come before any individual's happiness.” boone and thetis have severe issues “my children are tools by which i vicariously by” complex fuck you
- oh my god the fairytale parallels
- “One could argue that what defines any good story is the ending. But a good ending can only be determined by what comes before.” and this is about the be the most painful ending of all time

justus pt 2 electric boogaloo:
- “while he assumed Alila was doing her best to keep him alive, Justus knew it was almost definitely a lost cause.” real LOL
- whoever orchestrated the notes is a fucking bitch. I know its u leon. asshat
- “And that's what led him down his current train of thought: this was inevitably going to be some kind of trap.” ben affleck yeah…
- “And though he'd always had faith in both of them, he never quite considered what would happen when the end arrived.” didn’t let urself think about it ur brain was protecting u from what could be a bad time
- “That didn't matter. Not right now. All that mattered was Phaedra, and Justus wanted to make her proud more than anything.” did u consider that maybe she wouldn’t want to be alive if it meant losing u
- “A scrap of paper sat there waiting for him, and when he knelt to pick it up, he saw that it read, almost there!” hfhfff…

Phaedra:
- “Somehow, Phaedra knew deep in her heart that it was already over.” how about shut the fuck up
- “Part of her wanted to theorize about who could be left, but it didn't particularly matter to Phaedra. Only Justus did.” y’all want each other to be alive but that just means y’all will DEFINITELY see the other get brutally murdered do y’all get that
- “She hoped she wouldn't meet her end alone too.” but it makes sense. The fundamental human desire for… company :(
- “None were terribly deep, but the one on her calf ached enough that she walked with a limp, unable to put too much pressure on it.” its not looking good sharty
- “After all, it was her own visage painted across every open surface. As she looked around, she could see stained glass depicting events from her own life.” FUCK no my guy
- “She knew it was supposed to be beautiful, but Phaedra was strangely numb.” power to u id be throwing up and shit
- “Once upon a time…” NOT A FAIRYTALE
- "A church," Phaedra muttered bitterly. "You must think you're clever." this was such a vivid line
- “It was of her victory.” ouhhhh,,, fhhuuggngg,,,,
- “Across from her was Justus, his golden hair unusually dull, as if the life was being drained out of him. His eyes were still on her, so full of light and trust despite the spear she was driving through his chest. Phaedra assumed it went straight through his heart, but that particular piece was missing, as if still waiting on something.” SHUT UPPP SHUT SUP SHUT UP SHUT UP
- "He's not." The clone took a step closer, and Phaedra immediately aimed her spear at him again. He didn't seem to react to that in the slightest, fixing her with a look that she knew all too well, but this time it made her skin crawl. "But I am." NOOOO THATS SO FUCKED UPPPP
- “All he'll ever do is prevent you from reaching your full potential." full potential this full potential that man ur just full of shit :pensive:
- “then why have your only accomplishments come about when you were separated from him?” because leon orchestrated that shit? Duh?
- "Then you shouldn't have entered the Games at all." i mean its true but also :( that’s not her fault man…
- “A hand carefully caressed her cheek, and despite herself, Phaedra leaned into the touch. It was familiar, and if she closed her eyes, she could almost pretend…” girl ;;;;;;;
- “In a fairy tale, there was always an ending. Phaedra so distinctly remembered the words and they lived happily ever after scrawled across the page. She'd happily consume any book that contained that phrase.” dude T_T
- “She knew it wasn't truly him, but in that moment she didn't care. She could pretend, one last time.” shut up she is so lonely i am so sad
- “If the last thing she saw was the face of the man she loved, then Phaedra could make peace with her own fate.” GIRL ITS NOT EVEN THE REAL ONE. IST NOT. DONT TELL M E U? U? HELO? U R JOKING APRIL FOOLS RIGHT
- “And if her death now gave him a chance to keep living, then she'd sacrifice herself for him.” WHAT TEH FUCK ARE TOU TALKING ABOUT?
- “She'd forge her own path, even if this was the ending it led to. Nothing could take this away from her.” NOOOOOO. NO! NOOOO! OH GOD NO. ur lying. Ur joshing me rn! UR literally yanking my chain! Jiggling my jiglets!

- “At a distance, no one could tell that this particular star was beginning to die. It takes years for a star to die. Millenia.” ouhhh i am hating it here
- B”ut once the process of dying has begun, it cannot be stopped, only slowed. This was an inevitable outcome despite her new chance at life.” ;;;;;;
- “And, somehow, isn't that in itself a beautiful thing?” nah man im upset

Justus:
- “He was too late.” boo u literally cant blame urself u literally cant
- “She opened her eyes with a soft gasp, instantly focusing her attention on him. Phaedra gave him a soft smile. "You found me. I knew you would." THIS IS LITERALLY THE WORST! IM AHVING THE WOEST TIME!
- "An Arculeo never goes back on his word." fuck dude fuck
- "Unbound by death, remember?" i am so sad
- "I… I have to stop the bleeding," he muttered quietly” my heart broke at muttered quietly hes already resolved he knows she’s going
- "No… Phaedra, we… we were going to make it together." and then what mf?
- "I don't know how," he whispered. "Not without you." i am actually tearing up nahhh man nahhh u aint gon catch me do some gay shit like cry
- “We were never made for happy endings.” man the thought just registered why the fuck everyone bleeding out in a church i hate it i hate it
- "You can't leave me, I can't follow you." ouuhghhhhhohihhhhhh im like TT just like TT
- "Still here," Phaedra managed to mumble, and Justus's eyes flashed open again.” SHES TRYING SO HARD TO STAY FOR JUSTUS JUST SO THEY CAN SPEAK ONE LAST TIME IM SO BJKKBNNNNN
- “But all he wanted was her, and she couldn't give that to him anymore.” this is not a funny april fools prank
- "It's finally fall again," she whispered faintly, eyes trained on something beyond Justus.” bangs head into table until it cracks open
- FUCK. FUUUCKKCKKKKKK!
- “She didn't hear it.” head in hands
- its not too late to boycott odwh i can suck my tears back in my eyes i can ctrl z until its okay again i can
- …..,...m, ;;;;;;

- now what made u feel compelled to talk about all the ways this couldve gone if one thing was changed are you shtiting me rn? Forget rubbing salt in the wound u r flooding my raw insides with tajin and lime bro
- “And in the final moments of Phaedra Nikostratos, she knew that this was her real destiny. To die as she lived, loving one Justus Arculeo.” i am not happy but im so glad she lived her truth. the real girlbossing was the loving jutsus arculeo we did along the way

Mhghhhghhggghh
Theres no point in the chart anymore i like everyone except crush thats literally it

brooky wooky out!
goldie031 chapter 39 . 4/1
ok. i don't know if i even have the words for this chapter. you've heard me sing its praises in dms and on discord but i'm going to try to see if i can put into more words just how good it is because holy shit if this isn't the best death i've seen on ffn in a long time, if not ever. it was perfect. legitimately perfect.

first of all, i adore the tone of the chapter. for just this moment, our focus is on these two characters, who played a huge role in so much of the story. they might not have driven the plot the way shai or thay or merix did, but they shaped it in so many ways, their love defining so much of the Career pack. and yet they stand on their own toom, their individual traits complementing each other's so perfectly. how each feels inadequate without the other, how they each in a way feel like they've failed the other. it's the perfect, tragic love story that could never have ended happily - because only one could ever survive.

and that's what makes this so perfect, what makes phaedra's choice so perfect. because (as you fed to me in dms but what makes so much fucking sense in retrospect) when choosing between whatever vague destiny was determined for her and forging her own path, phaedra chose to forge her own path. she chose justus. in a way, this moment is not just her death but her choosing her life. in no other moment was phaedra ever able to do what she really wanted. and there's something so poetic about how phaedra is, at long last, able to make her own choices, even when it's that last gasp of a star before her death.

i dont have to say that justus's reaction was painful; i think we all kinda knew that was gonna happen. honestly i didn't even think you'd let them reunite but i'm glad you did even if it ravaged all of our mental. the way phaedra sacrificed it all for him contrasted to the way justus stayed strong until she died... brings tears to my eyes even thinking about it now. everything has built to this moment in the games and it's what they deserve - and im glad it hurts now so justus has a chance in the finale. plus, just like phaedra said - infinite in life *and unbound by death.* she's still going to be with him, for as long as he has the chance to live.

so what do i think as we get this close to the finale? i dont know. i still dont know. theres a ton of questions in my head - can justus really fight on without phaedra? will jack's intelligence be enough to carry her through? how about crush's brutality, or alila's skill? these four finalists, brought there on four different merits but each with such potential after the fic is over. i can't even begin to predict how this will end - and i think that's what makes it scariest for me. but i could not be more honored that my daughter fits into this equation, and more confident that the ending she gets will be the one she deserves.

what a fantastic chapter. what a privilege to read this fic. such fucking good work
goldie031 chapter 38 . 3/27
reviewing right away lets do this

the setup of this first pov was so so great. i love how clearly you establish that this is just complete and utter mutual distrust between the two under the veil of trust. because thay and alila do have the same goal - but in a way, they're both more interested in seeing the other one achieve it. i just found it so sweet how thay gave thee his ring just... :hee: he was your little plot device but he also meant a lot to me and i think this was just the right way to end his story.

now we move on to a concerning jack and crush sequence. i call this concerning because nobody died. really it might have been nice for one of them to go down here just because i feel like anybody getting caught in the crossfire of this would be bad but. anyway. ive mentioned this in your dms before but i love how you're using more and more metaphors with crush. she's just so fucking unhinged but like im enjoying it? sort of, it's like when you watch a car crash, that vibe. i am Very Scared of the finale because she has a reason to attack literally every single person left and i Dont Like That At All. because honestly - how do you take down someone whose weapon is Hit Thing With Big Rock Really Fucking Hard?

now that i wrote that i dont know if its actually that hard while she is in the proces of Hit Thing With Big Rock but i will pretend i do not see it

meanwhile, our favorite little genius jack is back up to her old tricks. this girl just. such a girlboss /pos. i love how she's able to logic her way out of situations; she's like a far superior version of imperia. i thinks it's interesting how she's kind of taken on that role now that imperia is gone, and i think she's doing it far better. imperia did so much of what she did for her ego; jack is doing it for her family, in a lot of ways, and i really like that better. i do still go back and fotth on jack's endgame but i liked this very much.

and yeah yet again crush is concerning.

OK this lilith section gave me so much stress the first time i read it when you were like "yeah she's targeting the one girl first" and i went laney the fuck you on about. help me. but in all seriousness what you have done with lilith these last few chapters has been downright breathtaking. something about her clicked and clicked so *perfectly*. i love how you brought the ghosts back for her as she's still debating what path to go down. you did so much more with lilith than i think anyone else coudl have and i simply,,, adore her thank u.

and this alila section jesus fuck. the way she is also so willing to give up and then thay is like "no the fuck you're not and SAVES HER?" for context - i have been operating for months under the assumption that you were gonna pit thay and alila against each other in an only one can leave situation. so to be here where that is not going to happen has dramatically changed my perspective on alila's future. im still worried for my girl but in a different font. and the way she just gets so enraged feels so fucking *right* god that was so GOOD.

and then the lilith section! god! fantastic! i just you keep getting better with every pov you write. The line about how "what do you do when the hunter becomes the prey" was so fucking good. the tool reference! was so perfect! and then the moment at the end where she bursts into the clearing and sees the stars nearly got me on first read i just. fucking hell laney this was so fucking good i cant even.

and now alila. having a bad time. i just... ;-; babe please keep pushing. i really hate that youre using shell and ocean metaphors with alila now bc it links her to crush and i dun like that bc crush scary. but im sure thee will be proud if you come home to him! you can do it! right?

im gonna wait to do my victor prediction shpiel till after next chapter but. seriously. what a fucking banger this fic has been i dont want it to end ;-; amazing work
Ripple237 chapter 36 . 3/26
Lilith: ...This is making me really emo right off the bat. She didn't know what having friends would like...even if she was wrong he would be touched by her sentiment...Im so fucking sick. Ah yes...she is thinking of leaving. Seiren was right. I bet he's watching right now too...pleek. I understand why she feels that way though, I don't think they're ever going to be able to recover from losing Merix. I don't think any of us are. Pleek...her holding onto the hope that the Nash she knew would come back. Hope moment. This is really sad. "Theres not a we anymore" stop...im cry. "It was nice being your friend" what the fuck? Not that last line...pleek. So much pleeking this pov. This is officially the end of LMN. I don't think they'll survive to see each other again, or if they do, one of them will die right after they see each other. Most likely Nash, he's basically dead already.

Phaedra: Every Phaedra pov has made me so terrified. Oh shit a sponsor gift (maybe?)! Yeah ): all she is good for is a good fight. Also the water makes me nervous! God this whole gauntlet is literally designed to exhaust her and take her out, probably designed so that she dies at the very end of the gauntlet right before meeting up with Justus again. I know that the Games aren't far, but having to go through what's basically a dungeon designed just for you is super fucked up and it's just killing you slowly. Leon as a gamemaker functions through invasive tactics and specially designed personal attacks, but this just feels like another level entirely. This mans is so fucking bitter about destiny it's actually do pathetic. I would say get therapy but I'd rather him just khs so we would all be spared of him and his measly his little slug-like existence that can hardly be called "life." Anyways, "if that was Phaedra's destiny, maybe she didn't want it" SHEEEESH we are getting back to those hard hitting uh oh what is my destiny questions! I hate it but it really is so good! Oh no... the FE...I feel fear. This shit is about to make me so fucking emo. She was sorry before she even pushed him. The little I'm sorry. Phaedra was good at running. Im fucking sick. So many good lines in this section but why must you hurt me in this way...pleek. Before the fall...the rings...I am making so may processing noises rn I don't know how to handle it. This shit is so fucking sad. Why are all of Phaedra's POVs so fucking gooddddd. And why do she and Justus have to be doomed. Fuck. It's so tragic but also so beautiful in a way because of the sentiment of the rings but god...it is just. So fucking sad man. What we were thinking when we made these characters? I did not consider the consequences of my actions and now it is far too late to take them back. But I don't think I would take them back honestly, as fucked up as it is. Their story is just so good despite how tragic it is, but within the tragedy there is a whisper of humanity and something beautiful, and aren't those the best kind?

Alila: OOOOOOf. These openings lines. Dreams and nightmare moments. Wow them shits were bangers, what a way to open a POV. Oh this is the Remembrance POV right? Hol up where is my Spotify. ok moosic is playing. Yeah wow...the reality has really punched her in the face. She has realized that no one really win the Hunger Games, and that she will always love her brother more than the Games. Does that mean she would rather die than be forced to kill Thay? I don't know. I don't know...hm. Not like having another sister...pleek. ): This conversation is making me sad. Miss girl is grieving and grieving hard. Yeah logic do be going out the window in these moments ): She really said you should trust me because I didn't want to kill the most dangerous person in the arena because he's my brother uwu. Miss with that girl. But she's grieving and it's all coming out of her at once so yeah...shit is fucking rough as fuck. Losing Makani is such a huge blow. This shit sucks so fucking bad oh my godd. THIS DIALOGUE IS SO FUCKING GOOD OH MY GOD? What a BUSSIN Conversation holy shit. good fucking shit right here. I audibly went oof multiple times and I was so fucking immersed goddam. For some reason Alila's soft "oh" made me tear up...what the fuck. She really wasn't prepared for the games, but no one really is. This is just a particularly brutal example of it. Alila is just a person that really values bonds (makes sense because of her family) and the games is built to break all those bonds, this one in particular because Leon is such a fucking whore. An ominous ending for sure...yikes. Justus and alila in the finale would be very sad. Alila wins that easy though if it came to a serious fight. Maybe everyone will just kill each other and Jack wins or something. Anyways this pov was so fucking god, this dialogue was fucking superb. So many good lines and so fucking immersive. Alila once again proving that her storyline is victor worthy.

Thay: ugh. anyways. LMAO Thay really said yeah Idk why Lilith is following but I can worry about that later. Also, friends? yeah whatever. God he is so fucking annoying. Oooooo theaters are so fucking liminal, especially empty ones. Awaiting some kind of show huh? Fascinating. Ok but why is this scene just Thanos and Scarlet Witch. "You took everything from me" "I dont even know who you are" pleeeeek. Oh is THAY dEAD? I doubt it. That would be too fucking easy. There's no way, he's still got Jack and Alila shit to do later, probably in the finale or maybe sooner. oh well. Next time

Lilith: ...oh my god? This is fucking nasty. I can hear it in my head...ew. Crush is fucking crazy. Anyways yeah I knew Nash was probably gonna die this chapter so I am not surprised but I did not expect Crush to be the one that did it...damn. Her body count is fucking GROWING. Oh my god it was way worse than I thought...I thought it was just his head. CRUSH WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU? Ummm. yeah never I have I went from feeling ok with a death to suddenly being VERY upset. I was like ok Nash is dead, yeah saw that coming. But then...the description of what crush did to him, him calling out and apologizing to Merix, Lilith trying to comfort him, the stars, the hand that didn't squeeze back. What. the. fuck. Now I understand why everyone was so upset. WHAT THE FUCK? Lilith is putting on an entire clown fit rn. Goes to kill thay, fails and goes to save Nash, fails. Thay has now escaped and she is back to square 1 and now Nash is dead. oop. She was too late for both of them. Well...good luck charlie? That was probably the most brutal death after Jude (in terms of physical wounds, Makani takes the cake for psychic damage). Well. Yikes. I guess depressed Lilith is gonna go after Thay again and she'll probably die. LMN is really just...so fucking sad.

I feel like we're so low now that a tribute chart hardly matters anymore and my feelings are so conflicted so I'm just gonna do a ranking excluding PJ because they're my children and I love them

1. Crush: you are so fucking mentally ill and terrible and just downright demonic but you are such an incredible character. Um. I hesitated to put you this high because of what just went down but I gotta respect the grind. What a horrific but amazing character.
2. Alila: I do be loving Alila very very muchly, she is so neat. She has a lot of plot connections which is very cool because I love her and Makani and Justus but I do not care about her siblings that much and that is the one thing that drags her down just a tiny bit for me.
3. Lilith: miss gurl is dead like next chapter or something, if not the next one then the next next one. she is sometimes very cool and she has her moments but she doesn't serve much more of a purpose without LMN and Thay will outlive her because he has connections to Alila and Jack so that means Lilith dead very soon. I've already written her off anyway. This chapter did make me emo for her, she definitely has her moments for sure. Actually on second thought...yeah she is now going in my number 3 spot because she is at least more entertaining than jack is.
4. Jack: Jack has always been in a weird spot for me because there are times where I'm like she is neat and then I'm like ok but she's like just kinda there compared to some of the other kids. Originally I had her as my number 3 favorite but I think Lilith's moments this chapter definitely made her move up a notch
5. Thay: thaynos

Day 9
7 Tributes Remain
Ripple237 chapter 35 . 3/26
Thee: Yes I figured Thee would be having an absolutely miserable time! Very interesting about the dynamics in the family caused by Alila's actions in the Games. Hehehe house arrest Alila is so fun. I love the little detail of everyone sobering up as soon as Alila as put into danger by Phaedra. Phaedra scary and everyone knows it. It's definitely interesting that thee feels like it's him that is in the arena with Alila during all those tense moments. I liked April's advice too, that was really neat. The other detail I liked was Lacey wanting to pull out of training because of the reality of the Games becomes all too real. It was neat getting a look into Alila's family when she's not around. Unfortunately I do not really care about Thee at all and he can cope seethe and mald for all I care.

Thetis: It's my favorite girlboss milf puthy hat slay! Oh this opening line and opening few paragraphs... so fucking good holy shit. I love all the shit about her being so fucking untalented and being destined for mediocrity. It's so flavorful. MHMMM I love shit man. She felt so aimless and useless and despite her distaste of religion, ended up getting pulled in anyway because of the comforting aura of being a part of something bigger. It is simply so fascinating. The section describing the bar and how she only needed one night was so fucking good. Something like sex or a man was only a means to end, something to further her own goals and her own standing. "She never even gave it a name" fucking chilling line right here. I know we joke but this is so fucked up and it is actually horrifying how far Thetis was willing to go to achieve her own ends. Her pregnancy and her child were merely currency for her. And it was "worthless" god it's so fucking good holyyyy. Also loved how you didn't reveal it wasn't Phaedra until the last second. sick ass reveal and we love to see it yes we do. And then her trying again. I love that Phaedra's father is nameless, a nobody. Like it's not some talented person Thetis slept with, it's just some random guy. And somehow, the child of prophecy that Thetis literally threatened to be proclaimed ended up being a prodigy anyway. You could call it destiny. Oh and her answer to the question was so good. This was such a banger pov I fucking loved it mhmmmmmmm this format is so sexy I am so glad I got to hear from this miserable woman.

Boone: Oh lovely it's time for another terrible parent! Ah yes, the expectations that career parents have for their kids. It's so fucked, it's really so fucked. Justus just wanted to have fun with his sisters but Boone started setting up this image of he wanted his son to be and it is so sad and also WAY too real, this kinda shit happens in families all the time. It happened to me. Also I took psychic damage when the bunny thing came back (: personally triggering thank you so much! Boone is actually so much like my dad fr it's a little horrifying! God, him literally forcing his sister out of his life because he didn't want her to warn him about the dangers and the price that comes with the games...it's so fucking sick and twisted it's nastyyyy. Also the dichotomy between him and Phaedra. Justus completely flops to expectation and feels like shit and Phaedra surpasses expectation but is set up so high that anything less is a failure deserving of death. They're such fascinating characters and you've just done them so beautifully. Another banger pov. Yes I'm biased af but also all the drama that comes with families and careers is so fascinating, especially parental relationships. I have been so fed this chapter mhmmmmm.

Seiren: Not this opening line...pleek. This is gonna be really fucking sad. I am excited though, I was hoping Nash would make top 8 just for this. No...not that jacket again...pleek. Also hi Allegra ! Yes give me detective analysis. Yes I have to agree that Lilith will leave soon. She and Thay will probably face off and she'll probably die because idk what else her character would have to do outliving Thay, especially when Thay still has connections to both Alila and Jack. So...bye lilith! Also yeah Phaedra do be nerfing herself but it's also leon nerfing her because he's a punk bitch who needs therapy! Get well soon you failed abortion blood fart clot ! Anyways, this was really sad, especially the end. Confessions in secret, words left unsaid. Pleek.

Francis: real sad dilf hours time! I'm very interested for this POV since most of Jack's character revolves around angst with her dad. Not him already mourning her...fuck. Yeah this is very sad. I like that we're getting a more nuanced look into their family dynamic since we experienced things through Jack's eyes and naturally they are colored by her own feelings. Yeah it's super fucked up and invasive that whole hearing his own words. Leon is such a whore that must feel so fucking invasive, especially for people who like to stay private. That is just so fucked up and gross *kills leon* Jack angst always makes me surprised because I go "wow that was sad" but then I go back to liking her but liking her in all lowercase.

Annie: This was a neat little section about Lilith as a child. "Little nightmare" I fucking see you with that shit mhmmm. I liked this pov more than I thought but D9 makes no sense to me and I hate it more every time the word cardeennawl or oceanspray appears

?: Yes I have to agree about it being gross how invasive leon is. It's really fucking awful. Um that's really all I have to say about this pov I deeply apologize. I do not care about D9, I do not care about Thay, and I do not care about the oceansprays. I hope Thay dies soon I am getting so tired

Clamor: YESSSS. Finally. Noah offense but I really needed this. Lilith and Thay can fucking die I am getting so fucking sick of them and this just reminded me of how little I care about them. Lilith only got interesting with LMN and Thay was never interesting. Anyways, onto Clamor! "Kindness could be preyed upon" "are you worried?" "Not for crush" HOLY FUCKING SHITTT THIS IS FUCKING BUSSIN. Clamor ): This is really sad. I felt bad for him in Crush's intro but it just hits different hearing things from his POV. How much work he did for the family and trying to support his father, how fucking bitter he is about his own sister. HE DIDNT KNOW IF HE WANTED HER BACK. SHEEEEEESH. This shit is fucking bussin oh my fucking goddddd. Oof this ending. Wow. I just fucking love Crush and her family and her whole thing. It's just such a brilliant thing and god, you and Brooke really captured lightning in a bottle with this character. She is fucking horrific and stunning and god I just love everything about her. Her family, her backstory, her delusion, everything has been so fucking neat and it is all SO compelling and so cinematic and I just cannot say enough good things about it. It just feels so well thought out and it feels so fucking dynamic and it just feels so brilliant. It also helps when you compare this to D9 which is just an absolute mess. Sorry I know I've been mean to D9 really bad during this chapter but...reading all these povs really put into perspective what I love and what I don't love. but fr the talent jumped out in the pov I fucking adore this shit my god

Anyways this was a great idea and the formatting was so sexy. Nobody is doing it like you, ur just built a little different. My favorite POVs were easily Clamor, Thetis, and Boone. I liked Seiren's and some of Francis's. Annie's and Thee's had some interesting things but not as sexy as the others. Oh and there's an 8th one but we're not gonna talk about that one teehee
ladyqueerfoot chapter 37 . 3/22
ugh.

hi...

right so like crush ive been there with unrequited love and what not, but i cant say ive ever had the urge to kill a random white man. usually my urges to kill white men come from the white men themselves they're not just collateral damage to my lesbiangst. HOWEVER! it is neat that she is losing all of the faces she remembered. okay maybe neat isnt the right word because that kinda sucks but like... alzheimers arc is sorta a vibe idk?

alila walking into the theatre like "is this fucking play about us?" yes. unfortunately leon is insane. actually, for me it is quite fortunate because i can fix him i swear. okay when the sword stabbed thay i was so confused like WHOS SWORD IS IT? cause i thought phaedra was the sword bitch and justus was the spear bitch but im also an idiot so... anyway these two separating made me kinda sad. ik they fucking hated each other the whole time, but they didnt at the end. anyway... shit is intense

THIS LILITH POV! WHAT THE ACTUAL FACTUAL FUCK? no because deadass laney u ate that shit. lilith is such an underrated legend, like maybe i am biased because she is merix's buddy, but she is simply THE MOMENT! and like i cannot even emphasize how fucking big baller this was of her. she made me so fucking sad, just the whole thing abt annie calling her little nightmare and then this fic being called our DREAMS which haunt. idk idk kinda sus... wait but let me talk about my favorite part of the chapter it's this line

(Maybe, after a lifetime of people leaving her behind, Lilith wanted to be the one to make the first move. Just to see if it would hurt less.)

(It didn't.)

LIKE WTF? U HAVE GOT TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME? my jaw is still on the ground from this shit and i still have goosebumps asf. good lord she hurts so much and like that is just such a succinct way to sum up her arc thus far and just GAHH i have goosebumps again from thinking about it i fucking adore lilith bye

thee is really the most popular bitch in this fic and he doesnt even go here. good for him tbh. thay's pov was pretty inch resting because um? THAYLILA ALLIANCE? he really is plot devising so hard ever since will said that i have decided he is so right. like god he is carrying rn and idk how he does his whole thing of always running, like girl u have everyones arcs on ur back. well he isnt running now at least bc he has alila, so good for the rat ig? this is so interesting, esp because like... phaedra is less of a threat now so maybe they can 360noscope her ? maybe thay will die soon. he annoys me less

for once we had an interaction between the gals and the clones that was not fucking horrific. i forgot norrie existed so tysm for the reminder. anyway jack you sure did kill somebody, and i really thought it was hot of u so dont even sweat it queen. you did a great job. interesting seeing that only some of what imperia said got to her even tho imperia really thot she snapped with everything she said. of everyone alive rn tho i struggle to see where jacks arc is going. she has been so fun to have around but sometimes tributes die when they are killed. idk who'd kill her at this point but u can tell me

y'know what justus? im frustrated too. you've been looking so hard for phaedra and she simply is not there. thats so stressful. and now u see ur finances ring on the ground? yeah ur so valid for being scared shitless. fuck a bitch named cardiff all my homies hate cardiff even his name is fucking stupid we get it ur a car but ur not even a dilf. he is going on a treasure hunt where the treasure is a wap (wet ass phaedra) good for him. this will not end well. idk what's gonna happen but i won't like it these straight people have grown on me sm remember when i was like boo too much pj now i want more

this was deadass so tragic of phaedra. leon, ur a real cuck for this one, but also nice work! phaedra fighting against everything shes supposed to be was actually insane and like she won but literally at what cost? the fight was written very well btw u did the words nicely and the images were very good too and rip to phaedra's fingies. god this whole thing was so sad... maybe no more destiny after all :((( i luv her i hope she sees her mans soon only for them to die for the plot. when i was reading this i thought phaedra was gonna die for real but the fact she didnt actually scares me shitless

this sure was a chapter! i cant believe we're so close to the finale dude. i am... horrified as to how all of this shit is going to wrap up, but i am looking like a whore literally this fic is so fucking good. it is just so wildly fun reading this shit with my dead kids and not knowing what the fuck is going to happen next yet also being incredibly invested. i will safe soft on main for later but just... nice cock (fic)

okay bye
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