Reviews for Kahs-wan Ritual
LORETTA MIDCAP chapter 20 . 6/13
THANKS FOR THE CHAPTER. POOR AVARAK BELIEVING HE IS A FAILURE. THIS IS A GOOD DETAILED STORY OF THIS TIME IN THEIR LIFE,I THINK YOU DID A JOB WELL DONE. THANK YOU.
RobertBruceScott chapter 20 . 6/8
Okay - the bit with the biscuits is brilliant - love the flustered vulcan... And T'Vish's intervention.

The whacking and whomping provide a nice, rhythmic counterpoint in the prose that should be remarked on. As a musician, I appreciate prose that isn't just a collection of sentences, but has some sort of alliterative flow.

As you get further into what it means to be vulcan, you might (if you haven't already) want to look into Mindfulness - which seems to me to be the cutting edge of blending western and eastern contemplative and logic traditions. In Mindfulness meditation, the meditator does not seek to avoid distracting thoughts, but to be aware of them and simply notice them as they arise without indulging them. This actually seems to be the difference between T'Sel and T'Vish. It also seems to be what is holding Avarak back. He's indulging in his distractions and regretting that he is distracted. Even his planning at the end is an indulgence in distraction instead of using the opportunity to focus on the experience.

Thanks! rbs
Solasnagreine chapter 19 . 5/28
Thank you, Loretta :-) I'm not sure how I-chle will react. Hopefully there is a book called 'How to introduce wild sehalts to domesticated sehlats.' or something like that!
LORETTA chapter 19 . 5/28
THANKS FOR THE NEW CHAPTER, THO I WAS WONDERING ABOUT A PET BEING IN THE PICTURE. WHAT WILL HAPPEN WHEN THEY COMPLETE AND SHOW UP TOGETHER.
Kehlan chapter 19 . 5/27
Nice building of tension in this chapter, I hope that Avarak is safe, although his "little one" will look after him... he's going to regret that choice of name soon, I think...
And reassuring to know the Vulcans do check on the children, even if the children aren't aware of it.
RobertBruceScott chapter 19 . 5/27
The description of Pi-veh leading Avarak to the den is really vivid. I like the way the animal teaches the vulcan to follow it - very much the way dogs train humans.

Having Avarak speak his thoughts to Pi-veh is also a great storytelling device that any reader who has ever had a pet can relate to.

Thanks! rbs
RobertBruceScott chapter 18 . 5/12
I love the image of Betsy the horse lifting Peter away... BoJack style (BoJane? BoBetsy?) I also love the cowbells and the haystack turning into coals...

You definitely pushed the dream-like surrealism - this is the fun part of writing - and storytelling.

Thanks! rbs
Solasnagreine chapter 17 . 4/16
Thank you all for your reviews. It's much appreciated ʕ •ᴥ•ʔ
LORETTA chapter 17 . 4/16
READ IT ALL THE WAY THROUGH AND WHEN I GOT HERE I WAS LOOKING FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER. THIS IS A GOOD STORY AND I LOOK FORWARD TOWARD THE UP-DATE. THANKS, AND UNTIL NEXT TIME.
Kehlan chapter 17 . 4/13
You do present a number of challenges... Did I tell you just how much I love T'Vish? Her relationship with Mimi is beautifully portrayed and she has such wisdom and understanding, as well as a very dry sense of humour (much as she'd probably deny it).
I really feel for Avarak having to deal with his emotions regarding the very adult themes of life, death and killing. However, T'Vish does provide a relatable explanation as to why this testing, which seems such a cruel and severe thing to do to a young child, is actually necessary and we see this playing out in Avarak's thoughts.
RobertBruceScott chapter 17 . 4/11
Very interesting development in the physiology of the ritual as well as the tie-in to pon-farr.

Avarak's musing on his emotional reaction to killing the sehlat pup is a really nice device for teasing out the key element in the story.

I've remarked before that this sort of story is exactly what sci-fi is for.

Thanks! rbs
Kehlan chapter 16 . 3/28
You take us on a real, emotional journey with Avarak, who grows and develops so much in this chapter. There is a loss of innocence that is inevitable as children grow up, demonstrated here by Avarak learning that he is capable of killing and having to decide if it is the right thing to do. In complete contrast, there is so much humour with the little cub, who I suspect has named himself, lol.
RobertBruceScott chapter 16 . 3/27
Like baby Spock, the cub just jumps off the page - very lively writing!

At this point we're seeing Avarak wrestling with emotions - relatively mild ones compared to what the average human experiences on a daily basis. Which leads me to wonder whether this process is based on epiphany or biology - or a combination. Looking forward to seeing how that plays out.

This story does get at the heart of what it means to be vulcan. Humanity is really defined by social interaction and our emotions and logic are very highly socially regulated. Vulcans, in this tale, are far more solitary, introspective creatures.

Thanks! rbs
RobertBruceScott chapter 15 . 3/12
Really nice moment with Sordd at the end of this chapter. I also enjoyed the open with Avarak's difficulty meditating. The meat of this story is starting to take shape.

The one lesson from STH I can pass on - don't be in a hurry to get the next few chapters out. Write them and let them sit and then come back to them. You're going to have new insights and you don't want to miss the story opportunities those insights will bring. They will make the difference between a good story and a great story.

Thanks! rbs
RobertBruceScott chapter 14 . 3/6
I'm interested in which experiences will change Avarak at a biological - almost genetic level so that he gains control over the raging beast and does not transform into the ultra aggressive baboon vulcan. And how that works. Is there a chemical component? Is it driven by something living in the desert? It is in part product of a mantra or other discipline?

Is it something that has been happening to Avarak that he is at the moment largely unaware of?

Thanks! rbs
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