|Reviews for Pretty Cure Heroz|
| joeyjoestar40 chapter 1 . 7/22
Alright, I hope you can take some constructive criticism, because there is a little bit to go over.
First and foremost, grammar I noticed a number of grammatical errors in this chapter, it was enough to pull me out of the story and that can severely cripple any immersion that a reader has in a story. So please even if it's a pain, go back over your writing once or twice, better yet you can get an editor or a program like I used called Grammarly.
Secondly I want you to think about the principle of Chekov's Gun. Before you write a sentence think about a couple of things. "Is this going to matter to the plot, will this help immerse my reader, am I going to use this later?" Sure information is important, but what that information conveys is more so.
Third, and by God everyone including me has made this mistake when starting out. Show vs. Tell. This principle is what separates the men and the boys as far as authors go. In general you want to stick to 3 things as a narrator when writing in third person. Only tell what the character does, says, and thinks (for the last one keep in mind you want to show the audience internal thoughts as a dialog). Emotions, feelings, and personality should be expressed through the 3 categories above. Do not state a feeling or emotion let the reader figure it out through description of action, expression, and tone of a character.
Now if you haven't blown off this review as hate I would be happy to help you out with these things just shot me a dm and I'll try my best to improve your writing.
| johannvanguard chapter 9 . 7/6
I like that Hayato planned to have a fun day at the Tomorrow Land amusement park with Naomi and Yuki, but she also had to take care of her baby brother Takao. It's too bad Hayato couldn't tell her moms about her plans with her friends. Though Naomi and Yuki went on some rides, too bad Hayato had to watch Takao. While Naomi decided to watch Takao so Hayato can go on some rides, Naomi really shouldn't have got distracted by the clown. It was terrible that Takao went missing and then a Tainted, a creepy clown monster, caused havoc in the amusement park. Thank goodness the Pretty Cures stopped the Tainted, but Hayato felt guilty and worried for Takao. Luckily Hayato's moms found him, and Hayato learned a lesson about honesty. For the next chapter, I wonder if something will happen to Naomi.
| GuardianAngel1234567 chapter 9 . 7/5
Hey! Show Naomi's family next chapter. You know...
| johannvanguard chapter 8 . 6/14
I like that Naomi, Yuki, and Hayato hung out at the new ice-cream store called Icy Paradise. I wasn't expecting for Yuki to be distracted and to leave when she tasted the ice-cream. It's understandable that Yuki was distracted because Icy Paradise's success took away her family's customers for their ice-cream store. With Yuki's brother refusing to come out and help for some reason, Naomi was clever to create an idea for Pretty Cure popsicles that got back customers for the Korri's ice-cream store. Lodestone turning Favio, the Icy Paradise owner, into an ice-cream Tainted was clever. The Pretty Cure Heroz, which is a great team name, worked well together to defeat the Tainted. Yuki's brother coming out only to save their parents was surprising. Good to see that everything worked out in the end for the girls. For the next chapter, I wonder what the girls will do next.
| johannvanguard chapter 7 . 5/12
Though this chapter was short, it was still great. Lodestone was a tough match for the Pretty Cures, but good thing they were saved by the police siren. The origin of Doctor, the Pretty Cure changers, and Doctor Cure was great. Though Yuki didn't like that Doctor kept the info about Lodestone and the monsters, called Tainted, a secret from the girls. Luckily Naomi defused the tension and the girls are focused on becoming stronger to fight Lodestone again. For the next chapter, I wonder what kind of Tainted might the Pretty Cures fight next.
| johannvanguard chapter 6 . 3/21
Nice beginning with Hayato's personal life, especially with her two moms. I like that Naomi, Yuki, and Hayato spent some time together, even at a manga and hobby shop. Hayato was right to turn into Cure Dash in order to stop the thief who stole an the elderly woman's wallet. Though I do agree with Doctor and Yuki that Hayato took it too far with hurting the thief's hand. I'm glad Hayato's talk with her friend Mr. Tanaka put things into perspective for her. Cure Dash came back at the right time to help Cure Power and Cure Freeze against a muscular monster, who was the thief turned into a monster by Lodestone. The Pretty Cures did well working together and using their united attack to defeat the monster and turn him back to normal. That was a surprising ending when the enemy Lodestone appeared before the heroines. For the next chapter, I wonder how the Pretty Cures will do against Lodestone.
| johannvanguard chapter 5 . 2/15
It looks like the police task force is still scanning for Precure energy for VP Shoko. Naomi mistaking Hayato for a boy, and getting surprised when Hayato and Yuki cleared the misunderstanding was funny. I like that Naomi and Yuki decided to find out who was causing the accidents around Hayato. It was interesting that the culprit was Chiya Takamori, aka Cheetah and former star of the track team. After hearing from Hayato about Cheetah's tragic backstory and reason for being jealous of Hayato, it's nice that Naomi decided that Hayato and Cheetah should talk things out. Too bad the hooded man used Cheetah's jealousy to turn into a cheetah monster. With Cure Power and Cure Freeze unable to stop the cheetah monster, I'm glad Doctor showed up because the PreCure changers, two rings, reacted to Hayato and helped her become Cure Dash. The new hero Cure Dash's speed was amazing, and the group attack, PreCure Energy Blast, was incredible as it helped turned the cheetah monster back to normal. When Hayato learned Naomi and Yuki were the heroes, it's good that she decided to become a hero. The hooded man's name being Lodestone, him being a rock creature, having a magician ally named Charade, and his determination to deal with Pretty Cure were spectacular. It looks like VP Shoko was grudge against Doctor, who might be a woman named Serena. I like that there might be some other Pretty Cures somewhere in the story. For the next chapter, I wonder how Cure Dash will adjust to the team.
| johannvanguard chapter 4 . 2/9
Yuki's life at home looked pretty nice. Naomi was funny for trying many times to convince Yuki to become Cure Freeze again, but failed to do so. It was nice of Doctor to give Yuki her PreCure Changer in case she changed her mind. Cure Power had a tough time fighting the flaming skull monster. Good thing Yuki decided to become Cure Freeze to help her out. Both Pretty Cure girls did well working together to defeat the monster and turn back into a man. Yuki made the right choice of staying as Cure Freeze for good to help out her friend. I like that Yuki stood up to May and her lackeys, and got them to stop bothering Naomi. For the next chapter, I wonder how Naomi and Yuki will help the girl on the running team.
| Matt22152 chapter 4 . 2/8
So it's the yellow lightning bolt, Cure Speed up next right?
| johannvanguard chapter 3 . 1/19
Naomi was really excited for her first day of school, and she did great with defending her classmate Yuki from the bullies May, Aki, and Natsuki. Even with warning from her classmates, including Yuji, Naomi did an honorable act of becoming the bullies' maid so they wouldn't bully Yuki. Good thing Yuki helped out Naomi near the end when she saw how tired Naomi was. Things got worse when a girl named Keiko, bullied by May and her group, was turned into a water monster by the hooded guy, and Cure Power's attack were no good against it. Yuki did the right thing to get May to safety from the fight, which made the second Pretty Cure changer on the Doctor react to her. I'm glad Yuki decided to accept the bow-shaped Pretty Cure changer and became Cure Freeze, who helped Cure Power to defeat the water monster and save Keiko. That was surprising of Yuki deciding not to become a superhero. For the next chapter, I wonder how Naomi will convince Yuki to become Cure Freeze again.
| GuardianAngel1234567 chapter 1 . 1/13
Aww. She has one amazing grandpa.
| Matt22152 chapter 2 . 1/10
This is actually really cool. Now I'm not super into PreCure but I do like some of the series' so I'm looking forward to finding more Heroz. Just one question will the number of PreCure be only three, five, or even six?
| johannvanguard chapter 2 . 1/10
That was an interesting start with a mysterious named Shoko, who is also a vice president, inspecting the fight at Market Street for Precure energy. Good to see that Naomi enjoyed being the hero Cure Power, and she was contacted by the bystander from before to meet him. I'm glad Naomi got through the short questioning from the two guards from SuperTech's Public Security Forces. It's interesting that Naomi and the bystander, named Doctor, went through the sewer to a cool science lab to talk. Naomi learning about the Cure Energy, Cure Bracelet, negative energy, and the supervillain monster was great. Cure Power, with help from Doctor, did fantastic with stopping the hostage crisis at the harbor. It looks like VP Shoko has plans to use Cure Power for her Precure energy. For the next chapter, I wonder who Naomi will meet at her new school.
| johannvanguard chapter 1 . 1/3
Cool start with a scientist escaping with something important from a burning building. Naomi and her mother moving to the amazing city Megatropolis was great. While exploring the city, it was shocking that Naomi went to stop a thief from getting away. Too bad the jewelry store employee felt terrible about the robbery, and then a hooded figure did something to him. When Naomi caught up to the thief, it was insane that a rock monster showed up to cause trouble. Naomi wanting to save the thief from the rubble was noble, especially went it made the bracelet in the bystander's suitcase react. I'm glad the bystander gave it to Naomi, which let her transform in the hero Cure Power. The fight between Cure Power and the rock monster was awesome. It's cool that Cure Power won and it was shocking that the rock monster was the jewelry store employee. Looks like things are becoming interesting for Naomi. I think there are four Marvel and DC comics references in this chapter. For the next chapter, I wonder what or who will Cure Power fight next.