|Reviews for Two Men, Once Force|
| Fireminer chapter 10 . 7/11/2013
A great story! Love the characters, especially Yazan and Nanai (a psycho bitch live to revenge). Hope that some day you will resume this!
P/S: Ridden's kill count isn't higher than Char. Maybe on a level with Shin Masuraga.
| anonymous chapter 1 . 8/8/2007
This story is really ,Yuu,Sanders,and Johnny Ridden.I hope you write more soon.
| Zelinko chapter 1 . 10/7/2005
Having Yazan on your side can be an asset and a pain at the same time. He's as vicious as a hyena but is stubborn and at times insubordinate but he's the kinda guy you want backing you up!
| Ario chapter 10 . 12/4/2003
Great story so far!Please put what's wrong with Bright sometime soon I am a really big Bright I'm begging you!Anyway update soon.
| OdetoJoy chapter 10 . 10/28/2003
*sigh* Are you even reading the reviews? Your fic still randomly switches between past and present tense, it's really annoying. At some point in the fic you put a your where a you're is supposed to be. At another point you didn't separate quotes and action.
"Simple miscalculation? He shook and slammed his fist down onto the table. The look in his eyes was obviously one of immense fury for the loss of comrades. We lost about 4 ships!"
It should be:
"Simple miscalculation?" He...comrades. "We lost about 4 ships!"
You really need to liven things up with the fic, it's all dialogue. I don't mean liven it up withen explosions, but give some character action or something.
| SulliMike23 chapter 10 . 10/28/2003
Oh boy...this ain't good. Keep going man.
| Joe Chip chapter 9 . 10/20/2003
Overall I really like this story. However, there are some problems. I agree with Ode_to_Joy and ShadowCell, listen to their advice. You really need to work on your spelling and grammar. Please use spell check or have someone proofread your work. Other than that great job. I especially like your plot and the way you work in lots of UC characters from the different series, even little known ones.
| OdetoJoy chapter 9 . 9/29/2003
You have gotten better, but there's still room for improvement. You are still switching from past to present tense, you need to stop it, just choose one and go with it. As for the battles: you've improved here, too, but you still need to spice things up. The battles come off a bit bland with the lack of detail and explanation. As for saving Phillip, you shouldn't have. It shows the cruelty of war and would be a good way to drive Yuu over the edge with EXAM. You cannot allow Jill and Phillip to have a relationship, one must die, that's the way war is.
| IgnitedFluffy chapter 9 . 9/28/2003
This is really, really, good. keep it up or I'll tear you apart!
| SulliMike23 chapter 9 . 9/28/2003
Whoa, that was intense! I'm glad Phillip is Ok. Keep it coming!
| ShadowCell chapter 8 . 8/29/2003
Well, it's gotten a little better...
1. Nanai had a sort of Newtype reaction, and I'm assuming it was at the moment the microwave bomb went off. I guess that makes sense, since she's got Newtype powers of her own, or so I've heard. So I guess that works...on a related note, what exactly is a microwave bomb and how does it work? I am morbidly curious.
2. Why would the Black Dream fry 30 million people even though Londo Bell met their demands? What's there to gain? Even Basque Om's on-the-surface pointless gassing and demolition crusades towards the end of Zeta Gundam had a point—they were a show of force, meant to scare the colonies and keep them from supporting the AEUG.
3. Seeing Yazan trying to calm down Yu when they learned of the Black Dream's attack was pretty good, but you've really got to flesh out all these characters more. Describe them, what they're doing, wearing, seeing, thinking, hearing, describe the world they're in. Yazan's psuedo-change-of-heart was pretty well-done too.
4. More than ever I'd like to see a new faction work its way in. Now that you've described the Black Dream's forces, it's coming off as a gang or a small terrorist group. Londo Bell is the best of the best, and underequipped and understaffed as they may be, it makes no sense that they should have so much trouble with such a small force. This is only six ships and a handful of mobile suits, and to the best of my knowledge, the Rewloola hasn't been able to restock on pilots and Geara Dogas. It would make a lot more sense for a far bigger organization to be pulling some strings here, or at least have a hand in all this.
5. The detail level improved a bit, but even more would be all the better. Describe the setting, be detailed and thorough, paint a vivid picture—the reader is trying to picture this in his or her head, and while it's good to allow the reader some degree of freedom in that respect, you're supposed to do a lot of the describing.
6. PLEASE have separations between your scenes. There were a few, but they weren't there all the time, and it's very annoying. I don't know why you only put separators between certain scenes and not all of them, but please include separators for every scene change.
| SulliMike23 chapter 8 . 8/29/2003
Hurry up, Yuu! I don't think Sanders is liking Nanai's doings. Keep writing.
| OdetoJoy chapter 7 . 8/5/2003
Well, you certainly have changed your writing style, and I'm not sure if it's for the better. You seem to be slacking off and putting less detail into the fic. The battle sequences are barebones, more summaries of battles than actual battles. You seem to be relying totally on dialogue to progress your fic now. You don't give any idea as to what the characters are thinking, feeling, or having doubts about. You started this fic strong, and I hope you can finish as such.
| YazanUC0087 chapter 1 . 8/4/2003
Great work so far. At least I'm not the only person who thinks Yazan could have survived the stupid ZZ treatment he was given. I like the idea of the Nimbus clones and bring Terry back into the story. You write for Yazan almost perfectly (comeing from a die hard Yazan fan), especialy the part on how he only fights for the money.
| djb21212 chapter 7 . 8/4/2003
Now it's getting better. To stop the Neo-Zeon's use of EXAM, Yuu has to once again pilot the Blue Destiny. I hope you continue this. This fic is fantastic. Update soon!