|Reviews for The Aerysil|
| Silvestria chapter 5 . 10/17/2003
Oh do update the sequal soon!
| Silvestria chapter 4 . 10/17/2003
Then they realised that they had to go through in single file, or else they wouldn’t fit.
~~Ha. Ha. Ha ha ha! :)
‘Creoso,’ it read, ‘chil-Ilúva.’
~~Isn't that Welsh? Hmm.
Haha! Brilliant. Amusing. Witty.
| Silvestria chapter 3 . 10/17/2003
Lol! Hilarious. You've captured the LotR mood... then pulled it apart. Lovely. Liked the Phantom of the Opera touch. Very, very nice.
| Mostly Harmless chapter 1 . 8/10/2003
I think you have a good idea about imagery, but the problem that first presents itself in your writing is that you overload on it. What ends up happening is that you sacrifice readability because of excess description. You can really lose readers this way. It's wonderful to paint a picture with words, but not at the expense of reader interest and pacing. Another problem is evident in the first paragraph. YOu set the scene here, but it reads like a laundry list.
Additionally, cliches sneak in ("The Sun hung low" and "She was a creature of light and dark.") Now, these phrases aren't cliches in the same sense as something like "sick as a dog," but they are just as troublesome in that they mimick poetry but fall short in effectiveness because they're overused and a wee bit trite.
Of course, this is only the prologue and it could be much improved in chapter two. I'll take a look-see...
| Guest chapter 1 . 7/6/2003
Just curious as to how elves and men could meet Legolas and Gimli when men aren't allowed in Valinor?