Reviews for Legends Of The Heart
Amelia chapter 34 . 8/21/2010
I agree with heath 999. The further I read into the story, the more I realise how Mary Sue-ish your character is.

Her character bio mentioning about her being sweet and fun-loving as well as her good-natured behaviours is actually all right. However, the moment I arrived at her Pokemon list, I immediately spotted that something wasn't right.

I think when you wrote this story, you were influenced by the game slightly too much (because in the game, you could capture all those legendaries and travel around with them without risking yourself getting attacked over and over again). I don't think it's possible to do so in the 'real' Pokemon world. Just like what heath 999 said, legendaries aren't Pidgeys.

Your character Karania could still be...erm...saved, I believe. Give her a not-so-perfect side or two. Don't make her rely on everyone so much. After all, if she's really the Girl of Legend, she should be able to at least protect herself from those bandits who kept hunting her down. The way you portray her now is as if she needs everyone to protect her all the time. Instead of that, how about making them work as a team? Don't let Karania be the victim all the time. I honestly felt a pang of sympathy pain when I read how much she went through.

I believe Karania could be a beautiful, adorable character if you give her some space to be free without all those attributes of being such legend.

Good luck in your future writings! I hope this could be useful.

-Amelia xx

PS: I apologise in advance if anything I wrote here accidentally hurt your feeling.
heath 999 chapter 34 . 9/6/2008
Back to where my brain belongs...

A while ago I realized you were, to put it gently, a Mary Sue author.

You need to stop focusing on yourself so much. It doesn't matter if you're mean, cruel and vindictive once in a while, it actually makes the plot more interesting.

Legendaries aren't Pidgeys, you don't get all of them and you don't travel around with them as your team, you'll get slaughtered. Or kidnapped over and over and over...

Maybe that's why you get kidnapped so much...

anyway, back to my mini rant... There's a reason so many stories are good, Matt Morwell's: Against All Odds is one of the best fanfics I ever read.

It has great flow, a smooth storyline and it focuses on one char a lot, but a lot happens to him, not just: "Oh he's sick, he's in the hospital, he's been kidnapped, or anything like that."

People lose, they get mad, they get revenge, they have people lose against them. That's life.

There is no perfect human being out there, only robots are that. Learn character development amongst other things.

Oh yeah... It'd take me five minutes of fighting to take down your team, without me using six or having one faint.

Celibi and Mew: Houndoom

Entei and Raikou:Any ground pokemon or rock

Suicune: Any electric

Articuno: Houndoom or electric.

That's my five cents.
Caroline-Mudkip chapter 33 . 10/12/2006
Aww Lance and Karania are getting married! How sweet.

I like this shipping. Maybe we should call it Mastershipping lol
Quilava Lover chapter 34 . 9/23/2006
Good story, Karania! I really, really love this story! Please continue!
Nick Johnson chapter 1 . 3/24/2006
I have five things to ask you. 1. What is the plot of this fanfic? 2. Where or when does it take place? Either one may change throughout this fic. 3. Just how old is everyone in the fanfic? 4. What was going on when this fanfic started? 5. Any certain time or place it was at in the Prologue? Be sure to write back with five answers.
Mal J chapter 34 . 5/6/2005
Arghith, I can't remember the last time I reviewed.

Oh! I know! Now! XD Kidding. Great to see another chapter from you. Good news for you: I've began a prolouge for OC, and it should be up rather soon... ::throws candy at you and runs off::
Minty-Fivestar chapter 33 . 2/5/2005
(smacks herself) So sorry I forgot to review this... I'm really behind on my fanfic reading... (sighs)

...Anyways, nice chapter. Though, I helped write it, so I really shouldn't be critiquing on it, should I? (laughs)

Two little problems I noticed, though. At the beginning, the part where Lance explains that he first met Karania at the Lake of Rage is missing. It just jumps from Sam asking where he met her, to Lance saying he stole a Team Rocket uniform. Might want to take a look at that. Also, towards the end, most of the text is all in italics. Check that out, too.

Anyways, nice job! Until next time!

-Samantha McPhoenix (aka Pichu*Star)
Minty-Fivestar chapter 32 . 1/6/2005
_ Yay! New chapter!

This is working out, isn't it?

Let's keep it up! Hope I can help you out once again in the next chapter!

Talk to you... now, I guess! (We're IMing! )

-Samantha McPhoenix (aka Pichu*Star)
Minty-Fivestar chapter 31 . 1/1/2005
Yay! It's up now!

It was a pleasure helping you write this chapter! Hopefully I'll be able to do just as good a job helping you with the next one! (blushes)

Karania is rescued, but will she be ok? I guess that's what we'll have to figure out! (laughs) Keep up the great work, all right? See ya later!

-Samantha McPhoenix (aka Pichu*Star)
ST Pika chapter 30 . 6/6/2004
Starting to get intense here, look forward to reading more chapters...
Yugi Muto chapter 16 . 5/20/2004
This is a great story so far. Good job, Edgar and Karania.
Yugi Muto-
Staarbit chapter 30 . 5/12/2004
I like this story, add next part soon.
Minty-Fivestar chapter 30 . 5/9/2004
Yays, an update at last. I liked how you named all the chapters, that'll help poor little me out lots...
A bit short, but this explains why Maxie is now working so hard to take good care of Karania. Rather creepy, if you ask me... o_O
Keep up the good work, see ya later!
-Samantha McPhoenix, Pokemon League Grand Master (aka Pichu*Star)
MoonlitMeowth chapter 30 . 5/8/2004
Hewwo again. . Interesting chapter. What's everyone gonna DO? Well, I suppose I'll just have to keep on reading to find out! _ See ya! .
Mal J chapter 30 . 5/8/2004
Uh oh. Looks like both Karania and Edgar are in trouble.
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